Beginning trauma exposure therapy - 22 years later
Hi 7 Cuppers :),
I’m Bee. I joined 7 cups for anxiety support awhile ago, but I’m new to the Trauma Support community because I wasn't ready to be here.
But that has changed! I’ve had times of severe anxiety and depression my entire life, and then survived trauma 22 years ago. I was diagnosed with PTSD at that time, but did not receive appropriate treatment. I was lucky to have wonderful therapists since then, but was not honest about my trauma.
Now, much, much later, I’m going through some health issues. I really started physically struggling after an Epstein Barr Virus (Mononucleosis) infection almost 3 yrs ago. Four months ago I decided to take a medical leave, invest in my health and to deal with my trauma for the first time. I knew seeking help for my physical symptoms but keeping my trauma private, would keep me trapped. So I was (finally) honest with my Drs about my struggles, got some clarifying physical diagnoses, am on new medication, and am in Trauma specific treatment.
In my therapy we are about to begin Exposure therapy... holy crap. I am terrified! 22 years later, here I go!
I am planning on returning to work soon, part-time at first. I am anxious about participating in this very challenging exposure therapy when I’m already feeling physically depleted, and then on top of it, go to work ( argh social anxiety! covid anxiety!) and be expected to perform, problem solve, be a leader?
My next appointment with my therapist is in 2 days...She won’t pressure me if I’m not ready, but I don’t want to live with such fear, shame and guilt anymore. I deserve better. I lived 22 years carrying weight I’m ready to put down.