CPTSD, possible tw*
I'm in the middle of a bad CPTSD episode. It's like a fog that hijacks the brain. It creates suicidall ideation thoughts out of nowhere. I'm tired. I'm sad. I feel alone. Distractions don't work. I've been doing this way too long. Triggers come from unexpected places. I hate those former friends who are gossipping untruths about me. I guess they are perfect with no trauma. Wish I was perfect like them * sarcasm.
Is it possible to ever get well and get past some seriously cr*ppy trauma inflicted on me as a child and then as an adult. I feel defective and stupid. How did I get here?
ABB 😓
Glad you are doing better - I'm hoping trauma survivors can start having regular chats - you can improve things as far as triggers go.
For me one thing that helped was identifying triggers and then looking for something harmless containing that trigger that I could remap with. As I continued making that alternate trigger stronger the original didn't hit me as hard - the hard part is that when you start out you have so many triggers that cascade with each other and it can grab you so hard that it's hard to just identify the trigger without triggering again
I now have a *lot* of likes from movies and TV shows and songs competing with the bad stuff when a trigger goes off - it helps
@IndigoWhisper
thank you for these encouraging words, its so helpful to know others are here and trying to connect with other trauma survivors. Triggers are so tough because you just don't always know when they are going to hit you. I am better than when I first came to 7cups due to the awesome supporters here. I don't feel so alone when chatting with other like minded people.
thanks so much
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Hello,
I also have CPTSD and am in active therapy. I have found that confronting the trauma and memories and allowing ourselves to feel the feelings we weren't allowed to feel as abused children has helped me be more at peace. I am also learning to reparent myself with empathy and compassion
@futureLPCmpd
Hi there future,
Yes therapy is so incredibly helpful and informative. I too am able to try to reparent myself somewhat. Therapy has taught me so much.
I wish you healing and peace,
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 You get anxious when you have to go out too? I get anxious all the time when I have to go out. I hate it. Doesn't matter where I'm going. I'm sorry you have to deal with it too. I don't know how to stop it tbh. I ground and do breath work but its there anyway. I think maybe making connections is easier if you're involved with something? Here the library has small classes on things - like flower arrangements or they have a movie night. And book clubs. Maybe you could find something art related? Then you're doing something you enjoy and it's kind of in a smaller controlled group? I've been looking into a few things here like that but haven't found anything that really interests me at the moment lol and then of course I'd have to find the courage to actually go 😅
I'm glad you have those nice memories with your kids to look back on. Someone I used to know often talked about taking a mental snapshot of good moments to look back on during rough times ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Exactly, I have to get the courage up to participate. And there's not too much happening near me. I would have to be having a really good day or I'd chicken out. I do go to a small gym here and there's not many ppl there usually . I try to go a few days a week and I have been doing that. But I'm all tense in there and on alert which I just can't stop doing. I know it's perfectly fine there I've been going for a few years now but it doesn't matter I'm on alert anytime I'm in public. I always thought this behavior was normal but most ppl don't do the red alert thing. What's it like to live without fear.?
ABB 💜🤗
@amiableBlackberry92 Sounds alot like here. Not much happening and to make plans in another town or something would need to be a good day here too lol - because I would chicken out. I'd probably do it on the way to wherever anyway
@mytwistedsoul
Thx twisted, yes today is beautiful weather here and that helps a lot. I'm feeding peonies and pulling weeds. The little neighbor cat is visiting, I like her. I made a sweet dessert for a neighbor who has a bunch of kids. Kindness is catchy right ...
I am enjoying the smell of the lilacs here they are so beautiful. I planted many types probably 20+ years ago so they are big and have lots of flowers. I love flowers that are low maintenance lol.
I have doggie sitting tonight as they are doing a fundraiser function and she needs to be walked ☺️. My favorite.
I hope the weather is great for you too my friend.
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 Peonies are wonderful! Just planted some last year but they're pretty you so they don't have many blooms yet. Lilacs are wonderful too. It must smell so nice right now with them blooming. There's only one here but it's only a few years old too
@mytwistedsoul
Yes we need rain here too. Its dry and windy. Hoping for some tomorrow.
I had a busy day and now doing some cooking. Trying to stay as busy as I can . Some sales type person came to my door selling something -Ugh I absolutely do not like this practise. I shooed them away because I was in the middle of cooking. Normally I dont answer but the door was open so I had no choice. People have services done in this neighborhood and then the service people start knocking on doors . It makes me jumpy and now I want to jump in my car and go someplace so I'm not home when this person comes back . Seriously not interested. Seems like they can't take no for an answer.
I am trying to get some things done here- because I've been struggling I haven't been doing the cleaning cooking thing. I actually feel like doing these chores today.
I hope your having a rainbow after the rain today
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm glad that no sales or service people come here. Not many are brave enough to navigate the lane. I like it lol. If people come here they were either invited or they're lost lol
You're not alone on the whole cleaning and cooking thing. The house has the whole - there appears to have been a struggle thing going on. I've been trying to get organized but it's not working. When I have the time to work on things I don't have any motivation - when I have the motivation - I don't have the time. I hope you were able to get the things done you wanted to
No rainbow but the weather warmed back up again
I hope you had a nice weekend ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
The weekend was 50/50 in a lot of ways. I did manage a few chores.
My daughter came by for a visit and we had a lot of laughs . That was fun. She had her dog with her too.
I did some gardening which I love. I like digging in the dirt lol.
I did notice I was using angry mode to keep depression at bay. I don't normally do this but once in awhile it creeps in. I can't always control it . I found an audiobook and listened to that to distract myself.
I'm glad the weather improved at you place.
Today is nice and sunny here ....
I hope you have a good day 💜☺️
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm glad your daughter was able to come to visit! And brought a dog with! :) Some good laughs sounds like a really nice way to spend time together
@mytwistedsoul
Possible TW disassociation references.........
I understand the disassociation. I too have experienced this. Its a weird feeling being outside your self. I did it as a kid and as a student in the classroom and awful things happened during these episodes. Later I did it during a difficult birthing of my first kiddo. I don't think its something we can control. PPl dont understand it unless they experience it. I also did it at my job when I was being targeted and harrassed . Its such a powerless position to be in . I also did it during an assault I experienced. I remember looking down at myself from above and not really understanding what was happening. In therapy I have learned that it is a self protection. Because I am protected at home without too much exposure as of the last couple years to traumatic events as of late I haven't done this in awhile. Although I can see some future events coming up that may trigger an episode.
In the last couple days the doom of depression had me in its grip but today I met with a close friend for a celebration of hers. I didn't want to go but I forced myself out and I did pretty well I think. There were ppl around alot of them -I had to change my seat in order to see the room well. I feel better after getting out and seeing other ppl.- This human contact thing is a love hate relationship for me. Oh the challenges of my lifes journey.
Good news: 🎉One of my kids informed me that their chickens hatched some newbies. I am so excited to see them. I should live on a farm I just love animals of any kind. They bring me the most joy other than my kids.
I am so glad your finding joy in mowing. It is something we appreciate living in cold climate areas, lolol.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 It is something that's hard to control and it is done to protect us. They say to try grounding but it's harder than people think. I'm sorry it's something you struggle with too. I hope that you can keep yourself present with whatever future event that's coming up. I know it can be so scary
@mytwistedsoul
Sounds like you love chickens as much as I do ...They are so fun to watch and yes they follow you like a puppy sometimes. They instinctually know when to go in to the coop at dusk and climb up high for safety. I might drive to their place to see the new little ones tonight. It will get me out with other humans lol.
I got a nice card from my friend thanking me for attending her get together. She makes me feel wanted. I like that. Someone likes being with me even though I don't easily fit in. I am not skilled at socializing. I can smile and fake it for a few minutes but long hours I struggle with.
I am enjoying the nice weather here and I have been diligent about staying busy with chores, cooking, laundry, gym, gardening. I do paint alot but I am on and off with it . I am currently doing a pretty detailed Van Gogh replica. I love his work because it is so unique and challenging. I do my own creations but I use his as practice to see if I can do it. Even though I dont have any formal training ppl do love my work. I guess theres no rules in art and ppl love what they love. No one admired or bought Van Goghs work until much later after his passing. Now it is worth a fortune and reverred by millions of ppl. I think thats a piece of why I love his work so much, his story is so sad. I can relate so well to him. I wish I could have seen him painting in real life. That would be so amazing.
Ok rambling about art I do that lololol.
sending you hugs and good vibes my friend,
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 I do love chickens! 😊 All the ones here have names and they know their names lol. My favorite is a little off white ameraucana named Hedwig. She will sit and talk with me lol. When they were younger they used to try to eat my shoe laces. 😂 I miss not being able to let them roam the yard. I hope you got to see them and maybe hold a few balls of fluff 😊
That's so nice that your friend sent you a thank you card! Gosh it's the little things ya know? To feel wanted and accepted. I know what you mean able being able to fake it for short periods of time
I think it's great that you paint. I think you're right - you don't need any formal training. How you paint is what makes your works of art unique. Tbh I don't know much about art and painting but I definitely admire that people who have the talent. I don't know much about Van Gogh - just bits and pieces of his story. I know he had mental health issues and I think everyone knows about his ear. He did create amazing works of art. It would have been amazing to sit and watch him paint! Feel free to ramble about art all you want! I usually look up things online to learn a little more about them 😊
Sending good vibes and hugs to you too! ❤️❤️
@mytwistedsoul
I was able to see the peeps. The older ones know me because I go there often and bring berries. They love berries. LOL. I love that you have ones that know their names. They really are smart and not "just a chicken". They do get to free range on occasion when they can be supervised.
I have many books about Van Gogh and his life with alot of insight into his work and how he was inspired. Also about his battle with mental illness-such a huge challenge at that time with no real meds or proper therapy and care. He spent alot of time in asylums. I have alot of admiration for him and his ability to overcome challenges long enough to paint so many beautiful paintings. I think ppl were afraid of him because he was erratic. But his brother Theo believed in him and helped pay for his apartments and painting supplies so he could paint without worrying about working . He inspires me and my art pursuits.
Today is a beautiful sunny day here. I have enjoyed this so much today. I would have liked to do more but because its a holiday weekend its just too busy with too many ppl out there. It just sends my anxiety through the roof . It is easier to stay home. I know I need to get out more but its such a challenge. I am immersed in audio books at the moment. I think I am addicted. Is this a problem?? probably since its pretty much all I have been doing lately ....
I tend to get onto something or other and I get so immersed I am not interested in any human contact. I know its not good for me but ppl are so consistently disappointing and scary. Sometimes I cry at the end of a story that really hits me in the heart.
I hope your having good weather and are finding some enjoyment this weekend.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 They do like berries! The ones here love bugs. Which kind of eww but they love them and they're good for them to have. So let's ignore the eww factor lol. I sprout seeds for them too which is a two for one deal for me. I like watching things grow and the chickens benefit from them 🙂
@mytwistedsoul
So Van Gogh's sister in law, Jo, is the one we can credit with saving his work after he passed and preserved the letters he wrote to his brother. She is the one that believed in his art so much we all get to enjoy it many decades later. There is a great great nephew, Lieuwe Van Gogh, who is an artist in current times and he looks like Vincent which I find incredible ! His work is very different but very well received at his first gallery. He sold all of them! How amazing. Hes young 31 I think. It would be such an honor to view his work in Amsterdam or better yet meet him. I can dream right?!
Sounds like you're enjoying the season very much and the peace that goes with it.
I did go see the peeps again -I can't resist they are just so cute peeping around the pen following mom hen.
Peace vibes sent to you my friend.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 It's amazing and so wonderful that she had the foresight to save his work and the letters to his brother. I looked up Lieuwe Van Gogh and holy cow the resemblance is amazing. His work is definitely different but it's still pretty amazing that he's got his great great uncles talent. Gosh it would be amazing to be able to see his work in person. Maybe with alittle luck he'll have a showing somewhere closer to you that you could go see ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
I have been at one of my kiddos homes caring for their doggie and chickens so they could have a weekend get away. I am back home now. I was researching how childhood trauma affects adult relationships trying to find some insight into my inability to connect and securely attach. I want to fix myself so I can feel connected and not so alone in the world. I silently rail against these stolen abilities - I am looking for tips into ways I can be better in relationships. I try to let ppl in but I fail miserably. I just do not trust ppl with my feelings. I am afraid I will leave earth someday unconnected and alone. I have ppl in my life but I still feel alone. My sister says the same thing and shes also been trying for decades to connect but alas she is alone. The damage is so profound I dont think its something that can be fixed. We humans are supposed to be shown young how to get along securely attach and be healthy. The baby chicks are getting better attention than I ever did young. Sadly I move through this life feeling incredibly disconnected. Its almost like I am defective or something.
Sorry for the depressing post.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 That sounds like a nice little get away for you too! I actually went somewhere this weekend to and while it wasn't horrible there's been a flood of emotions and internal conflict. I'm afraid to hope and afraid that sometimes people try to give me false hope. They mean well but it just makes it worse in the end
I do a lot of research too and I wish I knew the magic combination or winning number to how to make things better. I definitely know what you mean about not trusting people with your feelings. I've tried trusting people with my feelings and just got hurt worse. So I keep most of what I'm feeling to myself. Which is probably a good thing because I don't know what I feel most of the time anyway
We are supposed to be shown this stuff when we're young. We should be taught and shown so many things as we're growing up but the people that were in charge of those things failed us miserably. The fault is theirs but we're the ones stuck with the job of trying to fix it
It's ok to be depressed in here. I mean - I'm sorry that you are of course but you can come as you are here ok?
*Sending you hugs and strength* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
I'm glad you got to enjoy a weekend away too. These are big things for me. I want to go and try to live a little and maybe find some fun but wow it's so challenging.
Yesterday I got together with a longtime friend I see regularly. She knows so many people and has a ton of connections. She had a secure childhood. I feel happy she's got this advantage but it also makes me so sad that I don't have all the wonderful connections she's so fortunate to have. She's got a big family too. They are close. She's really lucky.
I want so badly to have what she does.... Connections. Real ones. She's able to work so she's got opportunities there too.
Why is it so difficult for me. ? 😔 .... Yes I know why, but what a challenge trying to break out of this situation.
Thanks for supporting my sad posts here. I don't want to bring anyone down this slope with me.
After yesterday's outing it's harder to get out of bed today.
Thx for sticking by me here it's so appreciated.
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 Its been so long I'm not sure if I've ever had fun. I mean I laugh and smile but its so fleeting. I know what you mean with your friend. I don't have any experience to draw from in real life but I see things on TV. *lame I know* but you see the closeness - the bonds. The people on there - I know they're just actors. But - idk it sounds stupid
@mytwistedsoul
I am also dealing with a nasty medical diagnosis that came in yesterday on my significant other. Life just keeps throwing difficult stuff my way. I also have a parent that is in hospice. I am not great at handling life's events for sure. I am trying I'm just not that great at it. Yesterday was just awful day. I was definitely in shut down- mmmm like a computer shut down .
Today I will try harder. I plan to get a gift card for my son's wife for her birthday. ( It's for a fav restaurant they go to) . Doing nice things for my kids and their spouses makes me happy. Getting the gift card , having to talk to people will be the hard part. Simple things others can do are so challenging for me.
There's a part of me that wants so badly to expand and live before it's too late. I understand why people go off the rails and do things that make no sense.
I hope you are having a peaceful day my friend 🤗.
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 Oh no *hugs* I'm sorry to hear about your SO. I hope everything is going to be ok. And a parent in hospice. That I can relate to all too much. I just started working on having some sort of relationship with my father not all that long ago. In april he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I'm having a hard time with it and it's triggered a few things
@mytwistedsoul
I was successful getting the gift card. I pushed myself but it worked.
I've been sleeping alot and I'm sure it's due to the SO situation and mom being in hospice. I'm stressed so I sleep more. I guess it's an escape.
I understand about your father situation. I've already been through that about 10 years ago and it was the worst possible situation. And siblings made it worse as they are also doing it now with mom. What a twisted up mess. Because of our childhood abuse we have damage some more than others and it's making it more difficult to get through this.
It's like that abuse is still haunting us and it's worse than ever. I always tell my sister dad's still got his hand around our throats from the grave. And the really hard part is that we love both of our parents even though they created the worst childhood adversity possible. Ugh!
I'm sorry you relate to all this. I understand the need for connections with people and the trepidation and then wanting to isolate. I so get it.
Good I have weekly therapy. I think I'll be going the rest of my life .... I'm still sifting through it all.
Tonight I get to dog sit and that will help distract me. She just helps keep my mind off all the messy stuff.
Thanks for the hugs 🤗
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 Sleep sounds like a good escape. I wish I could do that. I'd probably end up sleeping my life away though
I'm sorry you understand this situation and that you're going through it again
It is a mess. I used to think it wouldn't bother me. I mean he was out of my life for so long. But then we started to try and rebuild - something. Now this. I don't know what to do with this
I used to think being an only child was bad. I used to think it would be great to have an older sibling but now being older I'm glad there was just me. They would have just turned us against each other. I'm so sorry you experienced that and that now - even though you're all grown it still causes so much pain and trouble
I hope you had a nice time puppy sitting 😊 I can't think of a better distraction ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
I think we try to make peace with the situation best we can. It's not an easy task for sure. And yes he did pit us against each other and it's still an issue after all these years. Our mom fit a childlike role in our family dynamic.
Being an only is good in the way you said . The only sibling I can have an ok relationship with is my sister. But because of her misdirected anger she's tough to be around....The brothers are just like our father unfortunately.
Hence feeling very much alone in the world some days.
Lately I'm feeling some deep profound sadness, it feels like grief, loss. I have a lot of loss to come to terms with.
So I'll try to make a new grateful list in my journal today and get outside in the sun a little.
I'd love to have one day a week where I felt light, joy, & happiness....
🤗
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 Peace seems impossible to find or make. I find a lot of times I just feel so angry. For the things he did - the childhood I never had and the life I don't think I'll ever have
@mytwistedsoul
Anger is such a tough emotion. I try to tell my sister that she's only hurting herself because dad's long gone. She has a level of anger akin to rage. Rage makes it difficult to see clearly.
I'm trying to resist the deep grief I feel but it just hangs on longer. Today I took SO to lunch and it was a little bit fun but I can feel that deep sadness just under the surface and it spoils these simple things . I was thinking that if his cancer gets him I'm really going to go down a dark path.
What's it like for people who have great experiences in their lives from the start and through their adulthood. Secure I suppose.
This is what my grateful list looks like:
Grateful: for my connections on cups, the sun, dogs cats chickens ...
Anyway I hope you are finding some peace today my friend 🤗
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 I am so sorry about your SO. I hope they caught it early. I'm so sorry that when I posted about my father I didn't add a content or trigger warning
@mytwistedsoul
No worries my friend you didn't trigger me at all. I feel safe chatting with you. I know you understand me. I'm sorry your anxiety is up. I completely understand that. I'm hopeful your father's procedure will go well.
Today was a unexpected busy day but I will write more later on.
ABB 💜
@mytwistedsoul
Yesterday I ended up busy with the doggie. I enjoyed spending time with her. We were in the garden and I was trying to tie up some fallen flowers and she thought it was a game. She was licking my face and getting excited . She makes things better for me for sure. They are going on vacation in a couple weeks and I will have her here full time that week. She is a light for sure. It will help me with my depressive episodes.
I hope your doing ok and the anxiety is better today. I pace when mine is up too. I am not sure if it helps but it feels like it does. Anxiety is so exhausting.
The weather isn't so good today so trying to stay busy cleaning cooking and laundry. Sometimes these mindless chores help to keep be from ruminating.
sending peaceful vibes your way
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 The perfect way to stay busy! A sweet energetic doggo 😊 I'm glad you get to puppy sit her. That week will be a lot of fun for you both!
Well he had the procedure and I guess they got the two nasties he had but had a horrible headache afterwards. But now other problems are popping up. I went to see him for fathers day. I don't remember any other ones and this one really wasn't that good but It felt important to see him. I mean it was nice to see him but not in the condition he's in
I hope the weather has improved for you. It hasn't been too bad here but we could really use some rain
It definitely does help to keep busy. I hope you're doing ok ❤️ sending some good vibes back
@mytwistedsoul
I am sorry about your father and the situation. I get it . It sound very stressful and your being an only has its challenges along with it. It was one of the toughest situations I have had to deal with . It was the worst possible ending and it was a week before fathers day that year. It was so traumatic and because we as a family had no emotional resilience what so ever it was a terrible fall out. One of my sibs was really horrible to the rest of us and accused us of terrible/bad/wrong care of our father. None of it truth but it was just like throwing fuel into a fire. The year following his passing I couldn't see color. My whole existence was in black and white . It was so weird.
Sorry about that rant. I have forgiven him -he did the best he knew how but it was just not good.
We have had too much rain here and alot of sun being blocked by smoke from wild fires . I did go to the garden center today and got some more flowers just for fun. We have a nice outdoor center and its huge so easy to look without dealing with too many people.
I bought a bunch of toys for the doggie and yes it will be a fun week with her.
I seem to be out of the ptsd rollercoaster for the moment and I hope it lasts. I really like my self so much better when I am feeling emotionally better.
I send you hugs and peace your way.
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm sorry things went the way they did with your siblings. I can't even imagine. Talk about a bad situation being made worse. I don't have anyone fueling fires - I'm realizing I just don't have anyone. I'm alittle afraid that when the time comes I'm going to totally fall apart or just shut down completely
@mytwistedsoul
Sometimes in adverse situations we do shut down but then sometimes we just get through it then shut down. Its unpredictable in any given situation.
Your not completely alone you have 7cups such as it is. It is helpful to know we are not alone in these challenges. I am here. I understand the challenge of it all.
I went on a date with my bestie. We have many things in common and we have known each other for a long time. Our SO have the same kind of cancer. Our grandmothers had the same first name. She has 3 sibs like me in almost the exact age range. We worked together for awhile too. My middle name is her first name. We just have so many similarities its like the universe put us on the same path to help each other through this thing we call life. The only real difference is she had a secure normal childhood. But this is good for me because I learn so much from her on how to attempt to function with people. Shes a good example for me. I do wish we had more time to spend together but I take what she can give .
For decades she never knew my past because I never shared it with her until recent years. She said she would never guess because I have such a good front so to speak. I guess I am really good actress lol. ....Fake it till you can't any more right? I did for way too long. Now I am trying to be me the real me.
I guess I am doing ok this week so far, hopefully tomorrow is not too challenging. Going with SO to visit a friend of his. can you say Car anxiety? ugh I have a ton of it. But I am going to be brave and push myself out of my zone.
I will let you know how it goes -pray its better than I imagine.
I am sending you strength my friend.
Your strong and brave!
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm glad you got to spend time with your friend! It's kind of amazing how much you both have in common. She does sound like a good example - that there are good people out there - safe people. I'm glad you found each other 😊
@mytwistedsoul
Ugh I have to say the trip was so stressful. My anxiety is bad on these long rides. I had some fun but not enough to make it worth it. I think next time I'll stay home. I am exhausted.
I hope your having a good day my friend
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Oh no I'm sorry to hear that the trip was so stressful. I was hoping it wouldn't be too bad but I totally understand how long trips are. Lately I've been making some pretty long trips myself on the weekends. Anxiety mixed with dread *smh* interesting combination tbh. I hope you've done something to treat yourself though for going in the first place. Knowing it would cause you alot anxiety - You still tried it - that says alot you know? ❤️ I hope you can relax and unwind and that's it's a nice sunny day. It's raining here but we need it so I can't complain too much lol
@mytwistedsoul
It took me a couple days to get past that long drive. I did get a few things while I was there like fudge, a rose quartz neclace, a couple of sets of earrings for xmas gifts for the girls in my fam. I added a couple beach rocks to my garden. These things make me happy. I did take anxiety meds during the ride over but I think I needed a stronger dose. I know why people drink on airplanes lolol. Of course not in a car.
Anyway you sound like your hanging in there. Today was a decent weather day rain coming for tomorrow. I have been doing some sketching and other artistic things. Art just relaxes me so much. Crafting is fun too. Like art journaling. I will pretty much try any art type activity. I think I would like to make candles sometime.
I appreciate your support here its very important to me.
ABB💟🌸
@amiableBlackberry92 It usually takes me a few days to recover too. You would think that something as simple as going somewhere wouldn't be so hard. Sounds like you picked up some really nice gifts. Rose quartz is supposed to have healing properties and promote self love 😊 I wonder if they make a body suit out of it lol
@mytwistedsoul
I have alot of rose quartz LOL that is a great idea a body suit. I just kind of gravitate to rose quartz.
I just sketch with charcoal type pastels. I haven't put them to paint yet but I know Van Gogh sketched some of his paintings first. I am mostly just trying to improve my ability. I really would like to send a message to Lieuwe Van Gogh just to share my love of his Great great Uncles work and tell him how awesome it is that he too is a notable artist. Its great that he is able to enjoy some notoriety for his work currently unlike Vincent.
Anyway there I go talking art lol. I just ramble on and on. I am sure I lose peoples interest when I start going on about art and famous artists.
Yesterday I was productive and that feels great, today I am not so much -the weather is rainy. I did go with my daughter to a place she wanted to shop. She is great and understands my not wanting to interact with people too much. We had some enjoyment together.
Do you like puzzles? I want to get one because when I was young I loved them and I think they are relaxing. I am looking for a Van Gogh puzzle LOLOL.
I hope today is peaceful for you.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 Lieuwe Van Gogh might have a FB page you could leave a message on. He does have ***. I think it would be amazing if you could start a conversation with him. I did find this - https://therealvangogh.com/contact/ I don't mind that you talk about art here. I think it's fascinating tbh
@mytwistedsoul
Yes been busy here too. I am glad your enjoying the garden.
I am not on FB or any other forums. Just this one. Too much interaction for me. I am going to check out that link you sent me though. I am so excited about connecting with Lieuwe Van Gogh. I am like a little kid when it comes to art and any thing to do with it. LOL.
Today starts doggie care here at my house for 2 weeks. I will be busy with her for sure. Dogs are easier than babies though so I am ok with that .
Weather here this week is very unsettled and humid . Not my fav. Next week will be better.
I checked out Amazon for puzzles and there are quite a few.
I hope today is good to you 💟
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm not on FB either. I don't do Tw*tter or ***. This is the only place I socialize. Aww that's so cool I hope you're able to get in touch with him
I hope you have a lot of fun puppy sitting 😊 Dogs are so much fun and probably not as demanding as a baby is lol
Oh yeah the weather has been unsettled here too. Storms have been popping up and the humidity has been pretty bad but tbh I'm just glad it's not cold out
The deer here are driving me nuts lol. They keep jumping the fences to get into the garden. They nip the tops of the plants off. Even the stuff they supposedly don't eat. Guess it's tastier than anything they can find in the woods
I hope you have a lot of fun with your furry visitor . Maybe she could be a model to paint? You'd probably have to catch her while she's napping though 😊
I hope you both had a nice day ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
I've been busy with my furry friend. I am out of my usual routine .... I'm not used to having a dog full time. I definitely have trouble with taking on responsibility. I never had that before but I think it's over conscientiousness and PTSD makes it a lot more difficult. I'm having trouble sleeping. Anxiety! So annoying. It's not the dog it's me .
She can't go to a kennel she's too nervous so I will tough it out which is what I usually do.
Deer can be a bit of a menace for sure. I've had them here too on occasion. They love the holly bushes lol.
They must be very hungry!
I hope this week's treating you kindly.
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm sorry you're having trouble sleeping. Getting out of routine can really cause anxiety. Plus the added responsibility of taking care of her. Worry - worry about if something would go wrong. If she'd get hurt or sick. I worry about stuff like that all the time. Hopefully you're getting used to things and your anxiety has eased alittle and you're able to relax alittle
@mytwistedsoul
Things are calmer now that fireworks are done. I'm hanging in.
That's pretty awesome you have baby deer! Fawns are so full of energy and hope. I love that. Sorry they like to eat so much of your garden....
We are having a real hot spell here so I've been swimming a lot...
Have you assigned names to the deer, that's something I would do lolol. I have to name every animal that visits..
Best
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 We were lucky enough here to not have many fireworks. And I usually have music playing too so it covers any loud noises
@mytwistedsoul
OMG thats an awesome pic of the fawns. I love the woods and fence and your beautiful yard. It looks so peaceful. I would use similiar names too. I like to say cookie, Christmas, Precious, honey, lol....I am so silly when it comes to animals. They bring out the gooey in me. LOL.
Doggie loves the water yes. Its so hot here. The kids are now home and I am done dog sitting and I'm glad -so tiring for me. It is the responsibility of making sure everything goes smooth. I am not as strong as I used to be. Its going to be great to sleep at my home tonight. LOL.
The kids know I am a rock collector so they got a few for me from the place they visited. I like to use the smaller rocks as worry stones. I have alot to worry about. I have some new challenges I am facing. PTSD makes things alot harder to deal with ... Its why I continue therapy and I can say it helps me.
I am so glad you have such an amazing place to watch the wildlife. Your very lucky. Maybe the fawns will visit you every year and you can see them grow up into deer.
I like the pics you send me its like a little window into peace.
Sending good vibes
ABB💟
