CPTSD, possible tw*
I'm in the middle of a bad CPTSD episode. It's like a fog that hijacks the brain. It creates suicidall ideation thoughts out of nowhere. I'm tired. I'm sad. I feel alone. Distractions don't work. I've been doing this way too long. Triggers come from unexpected places. I hate those former friends who are gossipping untruths about me. I guess they are perfect with no trauma. Wish I was perfect like them * sarcasm.
Is it possible to ever get well and get past some seriously cr*ppy trauma inflicted on me as a child and then as an adult. I feel defective and stupid. How did I get here?
ABB 😓
@amiableBlackberry92 I guess I can say they bring out my gooey too lol. There's just something about animals. I feel more comfortable with them than I ever do with people. Maybe because animals don't hide their intentions? They're upfront with their feelings
Oh gosh! I never even gave it a thought that you were staying at their house. I just assumed she was at your house. That would have contributed to not being able to sleep. It's hard to sleep somewhere that isn't your place and in your own bed. I hope you got a really good night sleep 😊 I bet the pool was nice though - especially with the heat
You like to collect rocks? That's so cool! You would love it here - there's a lot of rocks. Most are sand stone but sometimes you can find big chunks of quartz. Those are really neat and some have these flakes or specks of mica I guess it is? They sparkle
Do worry stones help? There's worry dolls here lol. You're supposed to tell them your worries and then place them under your pillow but idk lol. Knowing my luck they're probably little voodoo dolls and I've cursed myself lol
I remember you said about your spouse - how is he doing? How are you doing with his diagnosis? Unfortunately you're right the cptsd/ptsd makes dealing things 100 times harder. Our coping skills are so horribly limited or nonexistent . I'm glad that therapy helps. You're always welcome to talk about anything that's bothering you here too. I'm always happy to listen ❤️
It is pretty peaceful here. Sometimes I take it for granted I think and forget to be grateful for what is here - too focused on what isn't here
Yay! I was hoping you didn't mind the pictures. It's nice to be able to share them with you. Tbh the babies will probably visit a lot. The bigger one seem to stick around more. I think they know it's safe here 😊
I hope you have a wonderful weekend and hopefully the heat lets up. It supposed to storm here and cool down a little - fingers crossed lol
* I wrote you a novel* 😅 sorry about that!
Sending some good and peaceful vibes back ❤️
@amiableBlackberry92 Hey you ❤️ How are you? It's been a while since I checked in with you. Time gets away from me lately 😕
@mytwistedsoul
I've been busy. Helping spouse through some medical procedures.
I finished a painting and
Got together with a friend.
The weather's been pretty hot here plus some days of torrential rain.
I hope your doing ok.
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 That sounds really tough - I hope he's doing ok. I'm glad you've been able to do some painting and could get together with your friend.
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you.
He has cancer
It's a lot to deal with
I will paint a lot today , my way of coping I guess.
I hope you get a break in depression soon. I understand it though sometimes you just have to wait these things out.
Sending safe hugs 🤗
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 It is a lot to take in. I'm so sorry you're both going through this. I hope they caught it early ❤️
Enjoy your time painting. It probably gives you something else to focus on?
Take good care of yourself ok? ❤️
@amiableBlackberry92 You're in someone's thoughts tonight
*Sending you good vibes* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
thank you my friend. Been very busy .....
catching your good thoughts and vibes
appreciate you
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Hey you ❤️ Still sending you good vibes. How are things with your husband? If you don't mind my asking ok course ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Hi there, sorry been busy. HIs situation has some complicated other things going on . He has more than one problem. They need to figure out what the second thing is.
I am meeting a friend today and this will be good for me. My heads pounding over these issues .
I have started another painting and Its really helping me get thru it all.
How are you doing. ? Hows the garden at your place ?
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 No sorries necessary ok? There's never any obligation or time limit to reply ❤️
I’m finding that education on this subject help’s somewhat; I’m listening to this audiobook titled “The Body Keeps Score” that I think is worth listening to
@redPomegranate8764
Yes Red,
this is an excellent book and I love audiobooks because I have focus and concentration issues. My body kept the score I have a painful condition thats been affecting me for 6+ years. But I am improving with help.
Thanks for responding and I wish you well on your journey to healing.
ABB
Thanks, likewise friend
@amiableBlackberry92 I owe you the biggest apology. I've done a horrible job at keeping in touch with you. I am so very sorry Berry. I hope you can forgive me. I started to write you a few months ago but never finished it. I feel as though I abandoned you in a time when you needed support the most and I understand if you're angry and upset with me. I am truly sorry 💜
How are things? I know you and your husband were dealing with his cancer diagnosis and you and your family had lost a fur baby. Both are so incredibly hard to go though
