CPTSD, possible tw*
I'm in the middle of a bad CPTSD episode. It's like a fog that hijacks the brain. It creates suicidall ideation thoughts out of nowhere. I'm tired. I'm sad. I feel alone. Distractions don't work. I've been doing this way too long. Triggers come from unexpected places. I hate those former friends who are gossipping untruths about me. I guess they are perfect with no trauma. Wish I was perfect like them * sarcasm.
Is it possible to ever get well and get past some seriously cr*ppy trauma inflicted on me as a child and then as an adult. I feel defective and stupid. How did I get here?
ABB 😓
@amiableBlackberry92 I hear you on the focus. Fortunately most of the things that keep me busy don't require much thought
That's great that you're not allergic to berries anymore! There's blueberry bushes here too. I used to not be a big fan of them but it's different when you can pick them off your own bushes and eat them lol
Herbs! That's one thing I haven't grown much of. Rosemary and lavender smell so nice! Comforting. There is some mint growing but that doesn't require much attention thank God lol but I use it to make tea. I love the crisp smell
Ew slugs! It is like doing battle against the creepy crawlies. They can really do alot of damage to plants. Last year here it was aphids and this stupid while mildew. But I think I've got the stuff I need to keep it at bay. I hope anyway lol
Oh gosh lilacs smell so wonderful! I've never seen yellow ones other than online they're really pretty. It would be nice if they did bloom all summer. They smell so nice!
My favorite flowers are toad lilies - well I like all lilies tbh and a bunch of different ones. I try to get something I don't have each spring. But iris's are a close second lol
@mytwistedsoul
I love Irises, I should plant some! I did a lily painting once. It was abstract, I sold it .
Herbs are easy to grow thats what I like about them and they are usually bug free/repellant in some way. I do find plants are my friends in a way. Theres no threat.
I am getting together with my adult daughter this afternoon. She happens to have a rare day off. Our relationship has improved because I have some boundaries now and she's matured. So I have a friend today lolol.
Are you having a good day? Are you doing hobbies still? I know I go on and off with mine. Depends on where my state of mind is at.
Best
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 Planting iris's sounds like a really nice spring project. There's so many beautiful colors of them and they smell so nice! Wow you paint! And sold a painting! That's really awesome! Do you get to paint often?
@mytwistedsoul
I spend alot of time painting and I've created probably over 1000 canvases. I have sold alot of them but I have also gifted alot of them to different situations. I love reading art history. I like to know how famous artists lived, created paints, and why they painted. I find it so interesting and see that alot of famous artists had serious challenges to overcome in their lives. Its inspiring to see that they did overcome big challenges and produced such amazing work. Some of the challenges they encountered inspired their careers in art.
Sometimes I am not motivated to pursue my hobbies too. I guess I just need a break and am waiting for inspiration. LOL.
I do have a nice time with my adult kids. They are both good productive secure people who treat other people well and love animals. I really did a great job breaking the cycle of abuse with my kids and making them feel important and above all else loved. They were never afraid to come home and felt like their home was a sanctuary . I gave them the things I didn't get .
Do you have pets or kids?
No pressure to answer any of my questions. I understand this is read by others.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 Oh wow! You said you painted - lol - I thought a handful of canvases! That's definitely more than a handful! That so cool though! It would be interesting to learn why they painted. They were amazing artists. Alot of them world renowned. They each had their own styles and interests. For some reason this made me think of the story A Dog of Flanders. The short of it is that a young painter wants to see two Reubens paintings. Sad ending though
@mytwistedsoul
Thx yes it was a challenge raising good kids. But Love is the key .....
I dream about creating a masterpiece or two. LOL. My son really appreciates my art he has quite a few pieces and had them framed which makes me so happy because when I am gone he will have a piece of me always.
Animals are absolutely by far the best! I love all of them. You have a regular farm going there all you need now is a goat lolololol. You could create goats milk soap or cheese as a hobby LOLOL. I hear they are like dogs. I keep my house pet free so I can care for my kids pets when they are on vacation. That way I don't end up with more than I can handle. We have a few neighboring cats that are very friendly and visit here when we are in the garden. Curiosity lol.
Wildlife is so amazing. I have seen some here even though we are in a spot with alot of homes. I've seen deer, racoons, possum, coyotes, and fox. The wildlife seems to adapt even though man is taking over their space.
I am off to do something with my daughter today she has a day off. She has alot of anxiety due to an autoimmune condition and sometimes I have trouble dealing with it depending on how I am doing on that day. I am hoping today is a good day . The weather is trying to warm up but struggling it seems.
I hope its warmer where you are so you can spend time in your 🌸garden and watching birds. 💟
@amiableBlackberry92 I think it's really awesome that your son has some of your work. It is really nice that pieces of you will live on for a long time after you're gone. Which hopefully will be many years from now
It's funny you mentioned goats lol. There was one at the feed mill last year that was really tempting but it was a boy goat
Do you get to let sit often? It would be kind of nice to have them around with out having it be a constant year round thing. I know there are days here with the animals that some days it feels like too much
It's amazing at what the wildlife can adapt to. Even in big cities there's hawks and foxes and they seem to thrive there
I hope it was a good day with your daughter and that neither one of you was plagued by anxiety too much
The weather has been staying nice and I actually got a few things planted already. Peas and sugar peas. They are hardier and can put up with a frost if it's not too heavy. The strawberry plants are really starting to flower now!
@mytwistedsoul
Animals are the best. I have been working in the garden and its starting to get really nice finally. Afew kitties in my n-hood stopped in to see what I was doing in the garden. Love that.
Daughter was full of anxiety the day I went to her place, It was stressful and I did the best I could . I left after a few hours. I had all the kids here for dinner over the weekend and that was really better for me. daughter /hub and son/wife. I like to see them spending time together and bonding. They are all such nice adults. The food was plenty and well liked. I was happy to be with them.
I will try to cook for them again soon.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 Aww it's always nice getting those furry visitors like that! I'm glad you got a chance to work in the garden. It's peaceful work
@mytwistedsoul
Happy Birthday Twisted!!
I hope your doing something special for yourself -
Its a good weather streak here and I am taking advantage of outdoor time. Im glad your enjoying the woods with all its glorious greenery. I look forward to things growing here soon.
I hope your day is wonderful
best
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 Aww thank you! I spent the day outside. It was sunny and warm. The birds were singing. The woods are really greening up so quick! It's nice to see 😊
@mytwistedsoul
I am so glad you had a nice birthday!
I spent alot of time outdoors and in my garden. I love this weather, its perfect for planting and moving things around in my yard. I see buds on the lilac bushes and the maple trees. I feel like I was able to stay pretty busy this week doing things outdoors. I do love watching the birds, as I was eating lunch they were hanging out in my birdbath LOL.
I wish I could "hold" this feeling for the times when I am having PTSD episodes.
Best
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Thank you 😊 I'm glad you've been able to work outside. I think it's wonderful to be able to keep busy. It's like it's calming for the mind and to see things grow and bloom is just amazing. Taking seeds and bulbs and having them grow into things we can enjoy
@mytwistedsoul
My kiddos stopped in here last night. They seem to know instinctively when I need to see them. The weather continues to be nice here. I am spending time putting my feet on the earth. It seems to be a good way for me to connect to nature. Barefoot.
Its more seasonal temps here so I will cook a nice dinner. I haven't been cooking its been too hot. Time to create in the kitchen .....
I am enjoying a break from the ptsd rollercoaster at the moment. It feels so nice when I'm not all twisted up and in pain inside. People without trauma are so lucky to feel this kind of calm inside. I find that if I stay in my zone here I don't have so many triggers. I try to push myself to go out and I know this is good for me. I did visit with a friend yesterday at a coffee place. I can't say I loved it but I did it.
I hope you have a peaceful weekend.
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm glad your kids stopped into visit. That must be a nice surprise 😊
@mytwistedsoul
I did have a good day with my friend, we walked in her neighborhood and she made me lunch. We had fun catching up. We have similar interests and we worked together -we have that in common too. Shes alot of fun and is kind and doesn't gossip. We discussed how difficult it is to make friends at this stage -shes divorced , grown kids. Shes a smart lady too has a masters . We made plans to get together more often...
Your garden sounds like its doing well. Theres nothing like growing and eating your own fresh vegies. Something extra sweet about that.
My son is going to do some travelling this summer and I am going to have his dog for about a week. Shes an amazing and smart girl. He has her well trained so she listens and is not difficult. Shes a lovebug and I will get some new toys for her for that week. I really look forward to having her she is an excellent therapy for me ...lol
Hope your day is full of growing things and beautiful weather...
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 The garden is doing really well. I couldn't agree more. It's nice going out and picking your own fruits and vegetables. I know what was used to fertilize and keep the bugs away. None of it gmo or bioengineered lol
@mytwistedsoul
Today was pretty cool here too. I didn't love the wind. I have my sons dog today and am walking her and enjoying her company. I love dogs so much.
I am hoping its warmer here tomorrow.
I am working on a book and have been typing it into my laptop. I had written some in a notebook awhile back and decided to come back to it -its kind of an on and off again thing. Its a young adult type story. Maybe some day others can read it ..IDK I am not a professional writer, its just a dream I have to publish something before I leave earth.
I've been painting alot too. I am doing my own interpretation of a famous painting. Its good practice for me and I think I'm still finding my style even though I've painted so so many paintings .
You seem like your having a good week outdoors ...
ABB💟😊
@amiableBlackberry92 There's nothings better than the company of a good dog in my opinion!
@mytwistedsoul
I would love nothing better than to be published and my art to be appreciated in a bigger circle. I have sold some of it locally. If I can share my art privately here it would feel safer. I don't want to be recognized here by people in my area. Privacy is everything to me. It is powerful to be private.
Sometime if one of us becomes a listener I can share with you.
The weather here is also unpredictable lol. the next few days look rainy and gloomy. Not my favorite.
I spent alot of time yesterday clearing bittersweet from my garden ugh. its so pervasive. I propagated some plants too. I was trying to stay busy in nature. I can feel a ptsd episode coming on. Its one of those physical things I can't control I just have to ride it out until it passes. I used to be in ptsd 24/7 so this is an improvement. lol. if you can call it that. Its just a dark sad place to be stuck. I will work on my canvas today to try to shake it....nothing works but I try anyway.
7cups helps me not to feel so alone in it.
I appreciate your support twisted.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92
I’m sorry you are going through a rough time. I can relate to your situation. It’s scary when your brain feels foggy. I just started having this worse and zone out for several minutes or into a flashback. I’m still trying to find ways to cope with this.
I also had the suicidal thoughts in the past. You’re not alone in this. When I felt like this, I would try to seek professional help and remember that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes. You are important! Right now things may seem like they may not get better, but in time, you’ll start to feel better. It would help for me to think of one thing I am grateful for and one thing to look forward to each day.
I hope this helps.
@PurpleElephant01
Thank you for your heartfelt words and encouragement. It so appreciated. I'm sorry you relate to this situation. Your so right about being grateful it really helps. 7cups and the ppl here are so helpful and understanding.
Its nice to know I'm not alone and your kindness helps so much. Taking the time to respond to me is wonderful to me...
Best ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I figured I'd reply down here. The reply limit is so frustrating
I can understand wanting to be private about what you share. That fear of the wrong people knowing too much about us. Especially if you've sold things locally. There's always a fear of sharing too much
We had a pretty big storm come through on Saturday. The wind was amazing and now it's been dropping into the 30's at night
I keep busy alot too trying to keep things at bay. If I'm busy - I don't think. It sucks not being able to stop it and it's always lurking. Sometimes working on things helps me find a calmness for awhile but then it hits me later at night
How are you today? I hope things have calmed down for you and you can find that feeling of peace again *offers safe hugs* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
The weather here has been cool and rainy. I am immersing myself in painting it seems to take me out of my head. I do have friend date later this week. Sometimes when I am doing these dates with friends I have so much trouble enjoying myself. Makes sense? I feel like I need to do these things for my mental health so I go no matter what. I am also concerned that if I don't foster these small things I won't have them when I do need them and can enjoy them. I don't want to isolate myself and cause myself more suffering.
I feel like I've lost so much that I deserve thats good. I try to give myself the good in this life the best I can even if it is scary. Makes sense? I was robbed of my "Best Life". I have this sense of OMG I'm running out of time and alot of my best years are gone and I can't get them back. I long for really good things I missed. I am stubborn and I don't give up easily but sometimes I think I just need to let things happen they way they are meant to.
Have you felt this way , do you try to get what you missed? are you sad like I am because you missed out. Do you feel like "Hey I should have got that or this or this experience". Why didn't I ?
Struggling in this episode of my lifes experience
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 I think it makes a lot of sense tbh. Like we make plans in the moment - a good moment but when the time comes it's hard to follow through. Anxiety spikes because - what if? What if I get triggered? What if I start to dissociate? What if I have a panic attack? It is good to get out and if you're with a friend - they're like a safe person. Isolation sucks. I do it too much and it's gotten worse lately
@mytwistedsoul
I just came from a Dr appt and of course started crying in there. Dr knows my past history so shes completely understanding. I'm just going through a rough patch. Episodes can be so debilitating ugh. I am sorry you relate to this ...why do ppl have kids when they are not good and don't like kids. ?
I am going to meet my friend maybe being around her it will snap me out of it.
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 *offers safe hugs* ❤️I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. It hits out of no where it seems. Or maybe it just builds up slowly over the days we think are good? Maybe we'll never really know
@mytwistedsoul
Thx twisted, I do feel somewhat better today . My friend interaction helped. I am staying busy in the garden and dog sitting for one of my kids . I love dogs, they are therapy all by themselves.
I will walk her alot today and do a few chores here.
I hope your having a nice day in your world. Maybe outdoors or working in your garden.
Thanks for supporting me and hugs are always welcome.
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm glad being with your friend helped and that your working in the garden. And hanging out puppy sitting is the best. Dogs make the best listeners and they're just great to hug and pet. They help alot when we're stressed. Plus it's nice to have someone to walk with who doesn't talk all the time lol
@mytwistedsoul
Hi Twisted, I went out with a different friend today . We had a nice day because the sun was out and it was fairly warm. We made a couple of solid dates for the future weeks. One of the dates is an art museum lol. She knows I love art. I will probably have alot of anxiety that day but I need to push myself and try to find some enjoyment . Usually museums are big and fairly quiet so I think it will be ok. I feel good about this friendship. Shes smart and doesn't gossip which is super important to me. I am looking forward to our next adventure.
How was your day? , I hope you were able to find a little enjoyment. I see the weather here is not going to be so great in the next 10 days so I am looking for some indoor projects to keep busy with.
ABB💟🌸
@amiableBlackberry92 That's great! I'm glad you had a good time with your friend. I think it's really awesome that you made some plans for later dates. And an art museum! That will be so cool! Maybe being there with your friend you'll be able to just keep your focus on her and the art? I know public places are hard though. I have a hard time just grocery shopping 😅
@mytwistedsoul
I think I figured some thing out. A trigger I was unaware of . Some things take me a while to become aware of. Today was rough.
I hope your well
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I've been growing through episode too today. You're not alone and I don't want you to ever feel that way. Please hold on. I think we might be able to have everything someday.
@amiableBlackberry92 air hug. I am sorry to hear that. Triggers is hard to avoid sometimes because it comes from anywhere. I also dislike other gossip me, and It really not good. I hope you can happy in the future.
@littleBarry177
Thanks for responding to my post. I really appreciate the support. Im glad to know so many understand..
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
You aren't defective. You are perfect the way you are and you matter so much!
I also have c ptsd and am having a set back. I was doing so well. It wasn't perfect but I felt as healed as possible. Now, I'm having a set back and its very frustrating.
But I know I'll get through this and so will you. We are both strong, fierce, and courageous!
I'm currently working on a path on here that has to do with courage. I'm hoping it will help me work through my ptsd flare up. Maybe it could help you too.
@BorahaeAndHappiness
I understand the ups and downs of cPTSD . So frustrating . Some days are just more difficult than others. I have to say I have improved. Support here on 7 cups is incredibly helpful. Its so nice to hear from others who also share these same struggles.
The courage growth path sounds like a good one. I am currently working on mmmmm can't remember just now, trauma brains don't remember things sometimes. But I do like the growth paths they can keep me moving forward instead of dwelling on the past.
Thank you for your kind support it is so appreciated.
Best to you
always
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Oh no! I'm sorry to hear today was rough. And discovering new triggers is never fun. Sometimes it's like the conditions have to be just right and pow there's a trigger you didn't know you had. I hope it's something you can work through ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
It has something to do with the dark gloomy weather, It brings back the times we kids were trapped inside the house of terrible which triggers stress and anxiety. I remember my sister trying to help us but she was only 8-9 and could only do so much. Its taken me years to see this trigger - I could never figure out what was going on inside me on these kind of days. I just always think I'm a freak and don't fit in with ppl and I am defective. I have so many supressed memories. I can see how really unhappy I was just under the surface of my fake persona. ( for most of my life). What a waste huh?
I want to do so much I want to connect so badly I want to go places do things, things I have been robbed of doing. I get panicky about running out of time because I am so slow..... to heal.
I could start crying but I don't because when I do I can't stop for such a long long time and my ppl here can't handle this kind of pain ..... seriously why? I just don't understand -I have potential Im a good person I have love to give. I have gifts to share -my paintings.
I'm sorry I am rambling on on on
forgive me
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 There's nothing to forgive ok? ❤️ You can let these things out here. Here there's nothing anyone has to really handle - here we can share because many have been through similar things
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you for your kind supportive words. Today I am sad because I really wish I had a person, a friend, someone who gets me. Some one other than therapist to call on and say hey I need a hug and a non judgemental ear, one who doesn't gossip and understands my anxiety and trust issues. Someone I can connect with.. My sibs are the ones who really understand because they were there but we don't support each other -its like we can't- we trigger each other . Plus theres our individual trauma fall out. It is different for each of us because we each played out a different role depending on our label ..... One of us is the black sheep, one golden child, one the rebel, I'm not sure where I fit in to this fall out. I feel sad for all of it.
I so appreciate having you here to listen to me because I see that you understand....
thx
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 It makes sense that you and your siblings wouldn't be able to support each other. Which sucks because like you said - they understand because they were there. You each had your individual traumas but then there was the traumas that involved you all together. You were probably pitted against each other. I imagine that now as adults there's probably a lot of defensiveness and maybe some justifying and excuses made? And in some cases maybe even some denial? That would be very triggering
@mytwistedsoul
Thx for supporting me here. You don't feel anonamous to me. I can't spell lol. I am still struggling , I think its alot about how I feel I deserve everything that was stolen from me, and I'm not talking about material stuff either. I was researching roles children play in a narcissitic environment. I tried so hard to be perfect so I didn't attract any negative attention. ( it didn't matter )The label doesn't fit me but its called Hero role. My sister was the rebel. I chatted with her today, we talked about that empty pain in our heart/soul. Its that love we didn't get -it still haunts. We cried on the phone together. We talked about the inability to connect. Our brothers were pitted against eachother in their roles as blacksheep and golden boy -they still don't get along.
I guess this ptsd episode is just going to last longer than the last one. So annoying. It keeps me from doing things in my life.
I'm afraid I've been reading alot to escape and I know I'm not helping myself running but I can't help myself lately.
thankfully I have ppl here at 7cups -your all very important to me, you are my trusted go to ppl.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 You're welcome ❤️ I've read those roles. Some sources talk about how there's just a few roles and then others talk about 12 of them. Some of them put the hero and the golden child together. But with you - it's wasn't that your parents thought you could do no wrong. You tried to do everything right in hopes that you wouldn't get in trouble. You probably worked hard in school and got good grades? Kept your room near and tidy?
The empty feeling. The lack of parental love. Acceptance. To just hear that they're proud. To be hugged. To be smiled at with affection
I'm the scapegoat. Not just by my parents but everyone. Aunts - uncles - cousins
Some episode do seem to last longer than others. Sometimes we get out of one and fall into another. It's like trying to navigate a mine field
We all have little things we do to distract ourselves - things that bring us a little comfort. Reading is alot healthier than some other coping methods. Try not to get down on yourself for losing yourself in a book ok?
I'm glad you're here - you're important to me too Berry ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Thanks for saying those words of wisdom. These messages are like a lifeline during rough times. I'm sorry that you were the scapegoat. Your not here, your a good friend and listener here.
True about reading I suppose I could be do activities that are a lot less productive.
💜ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 The sun was out for a little today. It was nice to feel it. The weather here lately has been moody. Mostly rainy with a few snow flakes thrown in here and there - ugh
I hope that the sun is shining in your part of the world and today is a better day ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
A tiny bit of sun here today. But there is no sun in my head today. I have a dyiing family member and 2 terrible siblings. I won't give details but lets just say there is no justice in my world. No justice at all. I am broken up about the circumstances and I can barely function. I am trying very hard to just soldier on but its eating me up inside. I am unable to speak about the situation its so heinous. What is wrong with ppl ? I lose more faith in humans every day . I pray that someone comes into my life who is a genuine decent human. I have you here and a few others here but I need a person in the real .....
I can't share what is happening with my adult children because I don't want them to lose hope . I think I have lost all hope at this point.
I feel sick ...
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm sorry for the delayed reply. Tbh I'm in somewhat of a similar situation. The days have been sunny but inside is nothing but darkness. There's someone in my life that is also dying. I honestly don't know how to handle it. It's hard to find hope when the cards seem stacked against us
@mytwistedsoul
Its ok, I understand your struggle. Sounds like we have similar struggles. We can't always be upbeat when facing such struggles. At least we support each other here.
The sun is finally out here and tbh it helps me somewhat. Sitting in the sun really feels so nice on my skin.
I was blessed with a visit from one of my kids yesterday. He is such a genuine person. He is caring and sweet. He lifted my spirit. I am so fortunate to have such amazing adult children. It reminds me of the one amazing thing I did with my life. I spent alot of time showing how important they are and its made them really good ppl. I showed them the importance of volunteering for your neighbor and being gentle with kids and pets and nature. They are the most important piece of my life.
Thank God I have them they keep me going forward.
I'm sending positive, loving, and caring vibes to you my friend...
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I think the most important thing you showed them was love and acceptance. They knew they were loved. You did an amazing job with them when they were younger. You're doing an amazing job still - because you still protect them. That is wonderful and amazing in my opinion
I'm so glad your son visited and helped lift your spirits and I'm glad the sun was out to help. I know warm sunny days help me too at times. Feeling the sunshine and listening to the birds sing brings alittle joy to the days
I want you to know - I know you said you can't share with your kids and you don't want to give details but I wanted to tell you that your welcome to share here but there's absolutely no pressure to ok? Sometimes the sharing helps but sometimes it also makes it more real too
*Hugs* Thank you for all the good vibes - I'm sending some back to you ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you for your incredibly kind offer. I am embarassed by my sibs behavior but I am not surprised by it. They are the product of one of the worst possible childhood experiences. I guess I hoped they would be honorable but its not possible. Honor for anything is not in their wheelhouse. They are narcissists.
I discussed the situation with therapist and that helped somewhat. The whole situation just hit me so hard- like a truck. I am better today. I have another sibling -a sister and she is on the same page as me in this matter and she was just as devastated as I was. We agree there is no justice .
So I am suffering with a physical ailment due to all this which is something that does happen to me. I have been down and out and unable to do too much from the pain. I am slowly getting better but its just more suffering. The body keeps the score -truth .
Its days like these that make me feel more alone than ever. I know its partly my fault for not working on connections throughout my life. I didn't do this intentionally -I just blindly went through life and pushed ppl away. The ones I did let in hurt me -badly. ( I never could tell who was good and who was bad). I am a magnet for the bad apparently.
I re-read many times now the book, "The voice of Knowledge" by M. Ruiz and hes correct in the fact that we need to stop listening to the little voice in our heads telling us we aren't good enough and change the way we see ourselves. Then when we see ourselves as worthy of love it will find us. Thats really all I want is love and truth and connection. Why is it so hard to do this? ugh.
I guess I need to read that book again and again so I can stamp it onto my trauma brain. I learned in therapy that trauma causes the brain alot of trouble in retaining information.
Thank you for responding so reliably here -I enjoy your posts and they help alot.
I hope things are peaceful in your world today.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 The body does keep score - I totally agree with that. I'm sorry that you're struggling with pain. It just makes it worse when pain kicks in because then we don't even have the keep busy outlet
@mytwistedsoul
Thanks twisted, yes feeling a little better today . I am trying to get a few things done around the house and going to walk outdoors. So beautiful here today sunny pleasant temps.
Thx for the encouragement-sending positive vibes your way !
Best
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm glad you're feeling better. I hope you got to take a walk to enjoy the sun and nice temps! It's been nice here the past couple of days. Are you still puppy sitting? What kind of dog does your son have?
@mytwistedsoul
I am enjoying the weather, yes puppy sitting when ever they need me. Sons doggie is a yellow lab and a super fun pup. He is going on vaca over summer and I will take the dog for him. She will stay with me for a little over a week. Shes the best therapy.
Today I did talk to other humans and I am not giving up on my need for connections. I still have my triggers but none came to bother me today.
You sound good today too. I hope all is calm and peaceful in your world today. Sorry for my delayed response, I was taking a break from tech and just lounging around in nature .
I hope tomorrow has good vibes in it for both of us.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 Omgosh I love labs! They are such sweet dogs. There's someone I talk to her that got a black lab puppy a few months back and he sounds like a real sweetheart too. I'm so glad you get to puppy sit. They are really good therapists
@mytwistedsoul
Sounds like you have good connection to puppy love...lol
I did have a really nice mothers day. Saw both my kids and my son stayed a long time. I really enjoy hanging out with him he has such good energy and is so easy to be around. Hes so thoughtful always giving me something thoughtful and sweet. I am lucky to have such good adult kids. We had good food and fun conversation. If I had a friend that I felt the same way around it would be amazing. He is so relaxing to be with. Theres absolutely no conflicting emotions with him.
The weather being so great here right now is helping my hope meter . I always feel so much more hopeful in beautiful weather. It must be the vitamin D from the sun. Im spending alot of time outside lately and it feels good.
I appreciate the connection we share here on cups its very helpful and when I need to feel less alone I come here. thx
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92 I love dogs! They're just great all around lol
@mytwistedsoul
I am so glad your enjoying the outdoors. Its so healing. You are enjoying good weather which is the best !
I forced my self out and about today even though I was feeling some trepidation. I looked around at all the people bustling about doing what they do. I saw some faces that looked nice, some worried, some happy or determined in their tasks. I watched for awhile thinking, how do we make connections that are real and not a lie. ? Is it possible ?
I was thinking its too bad I didn't learn to interact the correct way when I was a kid. If I had I'd have lots of good friends at this point in my life. I wouldn't have so much fear of people.
I guess I am feeling alone today. Alone surrounded by people.
I just reflect on my visit from my kids and that always makes me smile . I am lucky to have them in my life.
ABB💟
