PTSD Diary
So its day 2 on my journey after being diagnosed with PTSD.
I had traumatic experiences as a child, the big one being losing my Mum & after that my Dad was in a series of toxic relationships where I feared for my life.
It's 10:22 & I haven't done much in the way of work yet, but I will.
I am getting used to what triggers me & trying to challenge the thoughts!
My Dad seems to think that I am his advisor & counsellor & have been since I was 11. He asked for my advice on a situation on Monday & I said I don't know. He hasn't spoken to me since then.
I forgot to mention we work together so speaking is a daily occurence.
Whenever I see something that's from around 2008 it makes me want to go back there & relive the past 10 years, all of which have been a blur!
I have meditated & I am going to get on with my work in the most professional way.
Just for today I will be strong.
Feeling much better after a bout of illness. Sinusitis is not fun. Saunas do help & medication. Not made it to the gym which is frustrating.
Taking ownership of what I can is important. All the rest needs to not really matter. It's about decideing what is in my control & what isn't.
I seem to work better under pressure. If there is a time limit, it seems to work for me.
Feeling a lot better. Feeling in good spirits & back to myself in some ways.
Looking forward to Christmas with my family.
A lot of old issues were left untouched & as a result, they build up. I've been really down & anxious for such a long time that it became normal for me.
The serenity prayer is really important. One thing I heard the other day is that we shouldn't accept things sometimes. I think this is powerful. Step one of the 12 steps of recovery talks about surrendering to the powerlessness of addiction. I think this is only one side of it. I think there is another side to it. To move forward it's important to accept the addiction, but also completely reject the way of life that's been lived. There has to be a change. I've had it wrong. I've just accepted it. Not moved forward. Accepted things as they are instead of moving forward.
Happy new year!!
I'm looking forward to this year. Looking forward to implementing what I've learned & turning my life around.
I haven't been living life on life's terms. I've wanted the world to bend to me, rather than me adapting to the world.
I've started to use my phone a lot less & really feel better for it. I'm definitely a lot more focused. My screen time has been excessive since I joined *** in 2008. Cutting screen time right down gives me a lot more time & is beneficial for my mental health. I have spent an inordinate amount of time looking at other people lives. Social media gave me a false sense of belonging, which is dangerous. I may have few real life friends, but I have nearly 1000 *** friends. In reality, having a list of people on *** means very little.
On another note, the big realization I've had over Christmas is that I've believed that my life could get destroyed by trauma at any moment, so I've not planned for the future. It's not a healthy way to live. It is true that something bad could happen today, but it's not healthy for me to put my life on hold waiting for some unknown bad event to happen. Now is the time to focus on my life, my family, & my health. I accept that I have focused on other people rather than myself. That needs to change.
2023 is the year of health. Mental, physical, & financial.
Hope everyone had a peaceful end to the year & all the best for 2023. 😊
Checking in. It's been a while. ADHD centre have been in touch & hopefully I can be assessed this year, which is a win in my book. I will chase them up in August, as it will have been 12 months since my referral.
I can't sort out some of the ADHD issues without proper treatment, but I can sort out the feeling depressed that factors into my lack of productivity. I will do what I can & I need to turn my life around. Bad day today, lots of bad letters through the door. I can sort a lot of it out though, which is good.
