Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
crimsonTalker6672
3,021 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 48 Compassion hearts176 Forum posts187 Forum upvotes297 Current upvotes297 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 9, 2017
Recent forum posts
PTSD Diary
Trauma Support / by crimsonTalker6672
Last post
 March 24th, 2023
...See more So its day 2 on my journey after being diagnosed with PTSD. I had traumatic experiences as a child, the big one being losing my Mum & after that my Dad was in a series of toxic relationships where I feared for my life. It's 10:22 & I haven't done much in the way of work yet, but I will. I am getting used to what triggers me & trying to challenge the thoughts! My Dad seems to think that I am his advisor & counsellor & have been since I was 11. He asked for my advice on a situation on Monday & I said I don't know. He hasn't spoken to me since then. I forgot to mention we work together so speaking is a daily occurence. Whenever I see something that's from around 2008 it makes me want to go back there & relive the past 10 years, all of which have been a blur! I have meditated & I am going to get on with my work in the most professional way. Just for today I will be strong.
Diagnosed with PTSD yesterday!
Trauma Support / by crimsonTalker6672
Last post
 November 8th, 2017
...See more I'm going to tell my story so I will put a trigger warning on this! I lost my Mum in 2004 & have been subject to emotional abuse since then. My Dad has had several toxic relationships which have taken a toll on me & I've feared for my life several times. We work together & I think I constantly get triggered by reminders of the trauma. I don't know if this is because of the situation or because its my Dad. I am constantly stressed. I wake up in the morning feeling anxious, this anxious feeling sometimes goes away but it can last for months. I feel bad because its nothing to do with Hannah, its just me. I zone out A LOT. I listen to music and fantasize about how I want my life to be as though it cant be positive. I do this most days & feel guilty about it. I really struggle to focus on my work & feel guilty when I fall behind. I find routines hard to maintain & struggle to consistently do positive things in my life! I will go to the gym for a month and then just stop. I will ghost people for no apparent reason. When I drink I feel deeply upset & lash out. I feel low a lot of the time, although I never feel the temptation to self-harm. I get road rage over slight things & this can bother me all day. In some ways I preferred being driven or getting the bus. I find it hard to trust people & always feel as though another disaster is on the way. I feel as though nothing is permanent in my life & things could just suddenly change one day. I think this is why I find it hard to actually build a future that I want & am not a bystander in. In spite of everything that has gone on I still love my Dad & want to build a business with him. I think that my triggers could pop up anywhere & the key to shutting the door on my PTSD is dealing with the issues relative to my Dad, not running away from them. I am terrified of arguments & where they can lead. I then never argue or stand up for myself because Im scared of the consequences. I never have panic attacks or get really upset, I just feel low & numb. Its hard to describe. I feel as though I havent had a good nights sleep in years! I dont feel safe in my own home even though it is my safe space.
Search more from @crimsonTalker6672
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
25 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Chief Chat Honest Voice Strong Start Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community Collaborator First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified ADHD Social Anxiety Bullying Teammate Forum Friend Meaghan's Heart Support Key Strong Bond I
Report an issue