My Diary place

@AmalieAnne

Hey Ames xx

It's ok ... There's stuff that's happening by me too and well... At the moment I'm in my disconnect numb zone and

Sometimes things just need to be in that protect space so that somehow one can try prevent the pain somehow from being worse than

It already is... And sometimes, it feels too much anyway, and sometimes it doesn't seem real and sometimes one just is too tired to use words and sometimes the words can't even find the way to your mouth (hard to explain that one)

and sometimes one needs to do what one needs to to feel they can get through the stuff as "whole" as possible...

I don't need you to tell me kiddo... Only if you want to of course, because then I do want to hear when/if you want to... Just know either way I'm

Thinking of you and really want you to find that wholeness somehow in your life that you deserve xx

Well done on the exam!! Proud of you x

Ummm... The rope thing... He has 2 already a stuffed toy thing, socks... And anything else piranha can get hold of... Big sigh..

He even grabs my hand bag or anything that those little chompers can get hold of and especially if he knows he's been naughty and has something you want

He holds on with those little pearly White's and clamps his mouth shut, then i have to try open those chompers to rescue the item he has, he's just a ball of mischief! And yes we love the little guy anyway😄😂

He could be the spacesuit problem... Hmmm...

Still battling with chest/temp, but a lot better then the weekend and I can breathe a lot better and the meds dr gave me are starting to work again. I'm a tough Ava... I'll get there

Anyhow Amazing Ames .... Keep well my little friend... Hugs 💜

@Avaray

Hello,

I of course have found a solution to three of your problems because I like odd weird things, so of course when I come across them, I write them down. In 1925 Hugo Gernsback invented ‘The Isolator, which was designed to help someone study, it consists metal helmet which I believe can be extended into a suit of sorts. According to Monsieur Gernsback it stopped all noise and limited your visual field in order for you to be able to study without distraction, I mean other than the massive helmet you have to wear of course. Now if this made into a suit it will help you study, stop naughty puppy teeth from getting you and also keep the germs in or out. I will put the link below but I am at least 90% sure that the problem of this invention, supplying oxygen is just a minor thing that can be sorted out.

https://www.thevintagenews.com/2015/12/22/the-isolator-an-invention-from-1925-designed-to-improve-work-productivity/

I am not sure you get the same numb feelings that I do but with help I start at my toes and kind of see how they are doing and wiggle them around. Then move to rest of my foot and keep going, it kind of helps. In grown up language I guess that would be connecting your body or grounding, I guess. Also, I hope that you are feeling better but you still have to stay in the isolator until further notice unless the oxygen problem needs a fixing. The thing that I am not sharing is a bit better for now, so at least for now I feel better by it. Sometimes I just need to watch Blue Planet one and two, then tell the killer whales off for being mean. Other than that I keep falling asleep but I am hoping that is growing tall sleep. Any who *hugs*, Be good and if your exam is soon then I hope it goes well.

Ame

@AmalieAnne

Hi kiddo

I was liking the 3 in one purpose suit thing... Untill i saw it.... Did i mention I'm a tad claustrophobic 😳☺

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better for now... Xx

I postponed my exam until next year, thought it was a self care action and not a failure action, because my stress levels ftom certain things are "through the roof" so i postponed... That helped take some of the pressure of things off a bit.

I don't know how to explain the numb feeling, psychologist says it's a type of de-realisation thing, it's like you almost take a sidestep away from the reality of life to cope with the extreme things that go on.

He gave me a recording of taking deep breaths to help calm the anxiety when it peaks.

The brain is a complicated but interesting thing, how it throws in things to help you try and cope, unfortunately what is meant to be a help for a short time to help one through a time period, can sometimes be a bad thing when it becomes a coping mechanism and used on a more permanent basis.

Anyhow... Some amazing person with a name beginning with A.. Is turning a year older soon...

Are you doing something special for your birthday?

Hugs Ames... 💜

https://i.imgur.com/aYk0MUW.png

@AmalieAnne

@Avaray Hashtag adorable (I forgot what the hashtag thing is)

@Avaray

Hello,

Now the Isolator might be a little bit of a tight fit but since you live in the upside-down part of the world and you are approaching summer. What if I added air conditioning? That would be better. Even so, I hope that Benji has allowed you to keep some of your fingers and toes. I get the pressure bit from the exams but really you do not have to call it a ‘failure action. Self-care is important and sometimes you have to say ***scream*** not today, go away! Plus walking upside-down must hurt your head a bit, I know handstands can sometimes give me a headache.

As for the anxiety tape, is it mean of me that I would want to shout BOO at certain point? I guess it would be less funny in real life than in my head. Derealisation, I kind of get it, perhaps. Like day dreaming but more than that. Perhaps you just need to keep trying to tell your brain that it does not have to do it anymore. Brains can be troublesome even at the best of times. Any who, I went to school and that made me tired. As for my birthday, it is kind of scary I am going to be really old, even though to be honest I do not feel really old. I am not sure what will happen for my birthday but I trust no-one!

I kind of know what I was getting but not sure if that has changed. So, I have right now a couple of things to do while or whilst I am still 15 and young enough to do them. Soon I will be an oldie and that will not improve my grumpiness, that I have no doubt. Byes for now experiment 5411754.. err I mean Avaray,

Ame

@AmalieAnne

Happy birthday Ames

Hope you have an amazing day and a wonderful year ahead

Sending love and hugs xx

@AmalieAnne

@AmalieAnne

@AmalieAnne

@Avaray Thank you, it is my birthday on Friday so I will not look until then

@Avaray YAY I am minutes away from being 16!!! Then me be an oldie (kind of)

@AmalieAnne

Hey oldie 😃

Ummmm ... I sorry I had the date wrong, I had it on my calendar but have changed it to the 29th (Is that the correct date?😳😁

Did you have a lovely birthday? What did you do and did you guess your present right?

Hugs Ames

Ps I'll probably still call you kiddo cause I'm always older than you 😄💕

@Avaray I do not quite feel like an oldie yet, maybe a junior oldie? You did get the date wrong last year, you silly. It is 29th November and mommy says around 13:34 give or take, Spanish time which made it 6:34am here. I jumped on the mommybeast after I tripped over the computer cable but I got my birthday hug and kiss without being eaten. I did have a very nice birthday and on Saturday we went indoor skydiving, I screamed a lot and it was scary but it was kind of fun. You can still call me kiddo senior oldie

@AmalieAnne

He kiddo

That sounds amazing, and scary at the same time, i kind of got that image from the currebt charley and the chocolate factory if when they drabk the soda and the gas inside it made them float up in this tube type thing. Feeling weightless must be amazing. I almost went parachuting once, when i was still young but they sold the business or something like that so didn't end up going, when thinking back i could never do that now....eish what was i thinking I'm afraid of hights 😳😂

I'm glad you didn't get eaten, especially on your birthday!!!

Are you on holiday break? My winkles are now so they come to work with me as i don't have babysitters.

Starting my studying again this weekend, and woke up to no electricity as someone stole the wiring in the one substation at just after 3 this morning, so the electricians will start working on it after 7 this morning and they don't know how long it will take.

So might need to move our food out our freezer to somewhere where the electricity is still on so it doesn't go off, the joys

Anyhow kiddo, ive been awake since about 5 this morning and now much eyes are getting heavy so I'm going to try catch a few more zzzzz,s 😴

Hugs amazing Ames 💜🌹🌹🌹🌹

@Avaray Hello oldie Avaray,

I hope they got the electricity sorted out quickly and did not have to put any food in the bin. Of course in that situation I would help by eating any ice cream since it is.. the most going off food! I saw something about where you live online but it got blocked before I could read it, which is kind of a good thing but I hope you are not affected by it. Not really sure what it is though! It is really cold here so you could just put the food outside but if you posted me your ice cream, I fear it would be melted long before it got here.

I went to school today, then I had a sleep on the way home. Maybe you could try that, have a little extra sleep. It helps with learning new things. My last school day is on the 16th December so not long to go, not that I mind going to school really. Quite often I go to mommy school (her work) which I kind of like if I am honest. I just have to stay away from the new people who can be scary. They most likely are not scary just not very good with new people, well oldies who are new. Why do you call them winkles? Also, is Benji ok?

I will have to read Charlie and the chocolate factory again, I think you are talking about the end bit where he goes up with his granddad but I lost the context. Any who, the lady send it helped to scream which I did and she was right ** I have to try to stay awake until bedtime and I am slowly falling asleep so I better go annoy someone *hugs* be good,

Ame

@AmalieAnne

Hey kiddo

Last day of school for you today!!!!

Hope you enjoy yor holidays. Have you put up your Christmas tree yet?

My winkles have, and hand made a lot of colorful decorations to hang on the walls.

I call them winkles short for kiddy winkles

Benji is doing fine still a bundle of energy and loves to get wet, he will even come in the bathroom and put his feet over the edge of the bath so that the spray from the shower wets him.

The people that sold him to us sent us a video clip of one of the other pups that they kept and it was barking at itself in the mirror, we played it to Benji and he wanted to bark at it also and couldn't quite work out why this dog was barking from my phone, I wonder what it was saying in it's bark.

Hmmm going to your mom's work sounds interesting, maybe you could book me in there so i can escape from everything for a bit.

Do you think they would let a South African in there... I would be very quite and behave, well most of the time.... Sigh

When I first went to therapy sessions and Psych to get meds I was so worried they were going to "admit" me, but they didn't, now i feel so safe seeing my psychologist, i wanted to take the nice comfortable couch with the cushions on home because that's my safe place, however although he said he didn't need it during he holidays he also didn't offer to help me load it onto my car!! but it's just abit of a joke between us, me saying, without actually saying, that I feel safe there and i will miss going to speak about things with him even though it's hard to do so.

And the psychiatrist.... Well he's a real sweety pie and well quite a lot older then even this oldie...so I reckonned I could outrun him if he even thought of "locking" me away.

But I'm not overly worried about that now... Somedays i think... Yes please admit me so i can escape from everything..... Eish!! maybe i need to really plan to try get away on a bit of a holiday.... What do you think?

Yes sleep is so important for physical and mental things, my brain doesn't always switch off if I'm worried or stressed so i stay up passed midnight at those times and then have to be up early, not a good combo.

Ok summary..

Avaray needs a vacation and to get more sleep

😘

You doing better now Ames..?

Some updates on Benji

Do not let those innocent pooch eyes fool you ... It's mischief covered in fur! And he sleeps in the most weirdest positions.

Hugs Ames xx

@Avaray

Wow Benji got really big really fast, he is so cute with lovely ears. He is now a teen doggy with kind eyes, even though perhaps a little bit naughty which I like. Rather than going walkies with Molly, I have been had some walkies with Papa (mommy

@Avaray

Hey there x

I'm glad you're with your grandparents for Christmas, i know how much you love them xx

The heat not nice i much prefer the cold we are up to 35 and higher some days you almost Don't know what to do with yourself.

You must have a lovely holiday kiddo, day by day is sometimes the only way to do things otherwise it can all feel too much. So that's ok ... Hugs.

Have a wonderful Christmas Ames

And again remember you're amazing Ames... And not taking any protests on that... Cause you are an amazing caring beautiful person kiddo.

Hugs and have a wonderful time away

Hugs Ames 💜💜🌹🌹🌹🌹

@Avaray

I do love them a lot, I am still in Spain with them, for the moment I have a bottle but no message as yet. That most likely does not make any sense. I hope that it has cooled down a bit for you but last year you had a pool, so maybe you and Benji can share it to cool off. You might not want him in there with you but well.. he is now family so you kind of have no choice I had a nice Christmas, I like giving people gifts rather than getting them. I hope you had a nice Christmas? Since my The UK seems to be very very stupid and run by a bunch of fools idiots charlatans who lack compassion and the essence of what it is to be human. Granny and Granddad made a donation in my name so that people can have food to eat. Sorry.. I get angry about that! But that gift made me happy and hopefully helped people. The the hell is wrong with people!!! Any who, I kind of having mixed up emotion, as you might be able to tell. So.. *hugs* I have been sleeping really weird, it is just past 22:00 hours (10pm) I am slowly falling asleep.

@AmalieAnne

Hey Aimes x

You have a very caring heart, that's why you get mad when you see bad things, unjust things xx

I'm glad you're still with your Grandparents. You would have to explain to dear old Avaray about the message in the bottle... Did you send one out to sea, or is that a reference to tje movie?

Been so busy at work, I have to work longer hours at work now so it's very tiring, and then write exam in 17 days, so I'm trying to balance that all out between being a mom and wife etc.

Pooch is getting so adorable, he is not as "chewy" as he used to be and enjoys running around the garden playing with our ridgeback. Our fox terrior has a girlfriend now so he goes and stands with his head almost against the wall which separates our neighbors yard and ours and just stares at the small hole. He is so funny, almost like a statue staring (with his one eye...he only has one left...)

We have been getting nice rain here, an answer to prayer, and the dams are filling up.

But we had a storm with hail quite a while back and it made holes in the blow up rim part that holds it up.... Now we don't have one anymore...big sigh.

But Avaray has not melted in the heat, one extra advantage about work is that my office has aircon, and when i travel my car has an aircon.

But up to a few days ago it has been 35 and some days higher.

But I'm thinking we will get an earlier colder winter. I prefer the cold.

Anyhow dear Aimes, i should be sleeping it's just gone 3 in the morning, woke up about an hour and a half ago and couldn't go back to sleep.. Big sigh...

So hopefully I'll get some zzzzz's soon.

Goodnight kiddo 💕

@AmalieAnne

@AmalieAnne

Hmmmmm.... Always getting into things and getting muddy or greasy... Don't let that innocent look fool you... It's mischief.... My adorable.

I don't know if you watched the movie, i think it's called airbud? But the one labby pup is always getting dirty... Well B is the same 😄

But he is a sweety pie.

@Avaray

Hello,

Well the truth is that Benji is very cute & adorable so he can kind of get away with a lot plus doggies tend to be a little bit naughty some of the time. Even the best-behaved doggy will at times be very naughty. It is nice that your other doggy kind of has a friend like that. Why do you have to work longer hours? Do not forget you also have to be an Avaray as well, so you kind of have to make time for that. Kind of one of the benefits of me being the youngest (although I am almost 17) is that I get more attention, even though mommy kind of misses my brother and sister. They are doing their own things; she still will tell them off and worry about them. I hope that your exam goes well and your poll is broken or the dam? I hope that you did your rain dance correctly so you get just the right amount of rain. Certainly, hope you do not melt, that would be messy and difficult to clean up. I think you are in the middle of summer now, so with a little hope it will not be that hot for much longer or come to Canada because it is really cold. Particularly, if you have spent a few weeks in Spain, it feels really cold. Perhaps until the summer is over you can sleep in the car? I am still adjusting to being back here, both the weather but the people and the time travel. It is kind of getting back to some sort of normal slowly. The message in a bottle is from books, if you get stranded on an island you can put a message in a bottle and throw it into the sea. Even if it does not get you rescued, you can write a message. So, I have the bottle but perhaps I won

@AmalieAnne

Hey Aimes x

Avarays brain feels fried😳😂😬😆😪

Exam next week and sooooo much still to study.

Huge sigh.

I'm also the youngest and my brother stays about a 4 to 5 hour drive away he's only about 2 years older then me. But we only see each other maybe twice a year.

Sorry not too talkative, took sleeping m e d s and been studying ...eish... Double eish.

Keep well and hope u are doing ok amazing Aimes.

Will let you know how it goes.

💕

@Avaray

Hello,

Goodluck with your exam, hopefully your brain will behave and you will be fine. I guess we are both the little sister eish! I do not mind my brother so much because he is not so bosy but my sister is very bosy (even though I love her). I am not sure how you could not see your brother for so long, I write letters to most people and when brave enough use the phone. Still, they write back and at least sisters handwriting is better than my brothers. Any who, the exam will go well and then maybe have a fun day of doing things that you like. Then sadly I think you will be studying again. *hugs*

Ame

@AmalieAnne

Hugs x

@Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray

I think I have got my dates correct, so...

@Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray

@AmalieAnne

Hey Ames thanks soooo much for my birthday picture, it's special and I love it 💜💜💜

My exam.... Well I tend to be a bit slow so I needed to finish 4 sections in 3 and a half hours 2 questions took me 3 hours and only had half an hour to finish, I then got brain freeze and almost gave up because my time had almost run out but pushed through that place and managed to scrawl down a few things before I had to stop, so I didn't finish, I think I may have passed but not with good marks this time.

The night before I was trying to study and finish assignments and the electricity went out so I had to study by candle light and cell phone torch. Aaaaaaahhh!!

The electricity was out from the Monday untill Thursday, I learnt how to steam iron my daughters school clothes over a pot of boiling water that was on our little gas stove we have, I thought I was kind of clever for working that out.

It was a cable fault they were battling to fix, not stolen cables this time, cause that also happens at times.

How you doing that side of the world 🌎?

How come doctors (well the ones here ) have such bad hand writing I don't know how the Pharmacists can read what they are meant to give you. But they seem to get it right😅

Any how kiddo

Thank you again for my lovely picture, it was a nice surprise... 💜

@Avaray

You are welcome and happy birthday; I hope you had a nice birthday. With exams you normally get some marks if you write just a few things for each question even if you do not then write more. There is a saying which I cannot remember but it means write something for each answer because it is easy to get a few marks but more difficult to get a lot of marks. So at least you wrote something down but do not worry too much. I know from mommy a lot of people do not kind of know that if you have 30 minutes a question you do not have to write down that much. Half an hour reading the questions and checking spelling, then 30 minutes for each question. If you have any time left then you can always go back. Wow... see I do listen to things without me knowing I am listening. Not sure why that went into my brain!

How is your arm now? I know that my hand really hurts after writing for a while, not sure if that is affecting when you do your exam. Stealing electricity cable is kind of a dangerous thing to do, you either have to be brave or a little bit stupid. Electricity is kind of witchcraft if you think about it but I hope now they fixed it; it will stay on. I prefer old fashioned way of ironing clothes, I put the iron which is made out of cast iron over the fire and when it gets hold enough use it. Honestly, I am not allowed to use the iron but you were being creative .

This side of the world is cold but the wolves have not eaten me yet. I am going away tonight/tomorrow and I will let you know how that goes. There is that virus thing going around but there normally is something but I hope things will go as planned. My brother is a medical doctor and he has quite bad handwriting, I think that is why my sister taught me to write. The medicine I get though goes through the internet so I think they just write it on the computer. I was reading this article about how almost all of the internet goes through cables under the sea and every three days a cable is broken. Kind of weird there are all these cables all other the place. Any who, I am going on now because I am kind of nervous. *hugs* Be good oldie

@AmalieAnne

Hey kiddo x

You back yet?

I'm glad the wolves didn't eat you..eish! 💜

You doing ok?

Hugs 🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌹🌹🌹🌹🌸🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺💐💐💐💐💐💐🌻🌻🌻

@Avaray Hello,

I got back last week and now I am not allowed to go to school, so under house arrest of sorts. Being a dirty European and all. Which is kind of making me grumpy a little. I hope that you are ok? When do you get your exam results? This virus is making people scared I guess, so make sure you are ok and if you know any old oldies look after them. We had the lady next door (Molly

Plus Molly and Benji can be put to work delivery things

@AmalieAnne

Hey Ames xx

I wrote further down (I just saw you post about your Grandfather xxxx, I'm sorry I know how much you love him)

Yes this virus is making people get fearful, and go a bit crazy storing stuff which is understandable but also sad because it makes it vwry hard for people who cannot afford to harder to get things as well.

I see our president has said certain items the essential things the shops are not allowed to increase the prices (only if it actually does increase from manufacturing etc) so that it remains affordable and they can be finded a large amount of miney if they are found doing so.

Thinking of you amazing Ames

Hugs my awesome friend.

Xxx

@Avaray

Hello Lady of the Avaray,

The virus is kind of bad, I am under house arrest and now no more school until October. Granddad is running low on bear so he is being rationed by granny. I hope people stop being silly and just buy the things they need, no of this silly nonsense. It is good that your president that things are not allowed to increase in price. Did you have family day yesterday (Monday)? I hope you got that day off or send me the president so I can kick him. Mommy and me were making bread for the people on our street if they needed some. It was a lot of hard work and I got a lot of flour in my hair somehow. I hope that this people are good and this virus thing will be over soon. I kind of miss school and annoying my bestest friend. I do not want her to get used to it plus my teacher is having a baby, so I miss her as well because official God Sister and she is the bestest teacher. Any who, *spacesuit hugs*

Ame

@AmalieAnne

Hi Ames x

We are under lockdown for 21 days not allowed out our homes/yards unless for food or medical or unless your work is involved in making/selling food or essential services.

It feels like living in a dream and you're not waking up from it, but actually is real. I don't do the feeling of "being locked up" very well, i need to know that i need to have the "control of " getting out, so even though i can walk outside in my yard, oddly enough i have been having that same feeling of "been locked up" and not been in control of getting out. Sounds dumb but it messes with my head a bit.

I am so grateful for the medical people and law enforcement people etc for putting themselves in harms way to save people, but my heart also goes out to them because they must get scared at the same time because of this thing.

My parents manage a child care centre so they are all in lockdown with approximately 100 children and house mothers to look after the children. Not an easy thing.

Hope you are keeping well that side of the world xx and i think what you do helping others is a beautiful thing x

Look after yourself dear Ames... Always remember you are strong even though at times you might not feel like you are, you have a good caring heart and are a very talented artist xx. You are beautiful and amazing Ames. Not excepting any negative comeback on that... Cause that's the way I see you.

And of course you make Ava smile xx

Hugs Ames

@Avaray

Hello,

I have been under house arrest since I came back from Spain and most likely will be until... well hopefully soon we can be released back into the wild. It is scary that this virus is going to do very bad things but hopefully people who help others will do a better job than the idiots that run countries. My brother works in Rome, as a medical doctor, he said that more people are recovering that are getting sick. So, I am hoping that will be the same everywhere soon, so being under house arrest might not be bad. I have a checklist to so I try to be brave and use the phone, sometimes well.. a lot of the time I ask mommy. So, I know people are safe, some people are on two days because of sometimes me being grumpy or tired (or fear of being too annoying)! At least we and a lot of others are under house arrest.

I think people are going be bit crazy, I have not annoyed my bestest friends for so long now, she will be getting used to being unannoyed. Then it will be difficult to get away with being annoying!! I found a website of projects to do but it was for ‘Boys, but I think girls can do them better (apart from the outside stuff because I am an inside person). I have school work and two gardens/yards to play with Molly. Maybe because you have been busy you can see this as a holiday rather that being under house arrest. Plus, the risk of a monkey biting you is reduced significantly. To be honest the risk of me licking your ear or raspberrying your tummy is also reduced. So, you are a little bit safer from many things. To be honest I am going a bit blaah, even though I have school work and things.

I did not know that your mommy and daddy did that, which if you think about is amazing. With the 21 days hopefully, it will be ok for them to do something else. Mommy has said that she will pay for my brother and his girlfriend to go on holiday somewhere when it is safe. My brothers face needs to get better because of the protective things he has to wear and has been wearing for weeks now. Lots of good people are helping, not just doctors and nurses but lots of others. Also Thursday is mommys birthday so I have some things planned, with the help of Mollys mommy and my sister. So, on Thursday I will give mommy extra time in bed before me jumping on her. Maybe 8am? Or 8:30. Not decided yet.

*spacesuits hugs* Be good Lady Avavary

@Avaray Also you have a guitar so maybe get that out

@AmalieAnne

Hey kiddo xx

How you holding up that side of the world? Lockdown has been extended to the end of April. Ive managed to do some work from home via the internet so that helps.

It feels like such a strange world, almost unreal. I tend to live just almost in that unreal feel most times, that's how my mind has been able to deal with trauma and anxiety, and not really been able to connect properly with people, but this is similar but different also, if that makes any sense to you at all?

Are you and your family ok?

Oh yes, i can't remember if i told you but I passed my exam! Glad that one is over. Next one to come.

Spacesuit hugs and WiFi high fives my friend.

Love Avaray xx