My Diary place

PREAMBLE: Although there is still debate around her actions and how they were reported, nothing suggests giving up including to the final days of the war. I have used the term ‘a Jew this is a reflection of the time period; her religion or faith is not relevant to me so I focused on her being amazing as much as she was.

Brave Women of History - Recha Sternbuch (Part 2)
It was perhaps the first time in modernity that Europe could have said to be relatively stable, but the first half of the 20th century threw away the progress of elegant and gentile Victorian societies. Industry had developed, the middle classes grown and the legal system of protection at long last in motion. Surely after the Great War, it could only improve. Sadly, and perhaps with some predictability, the political and ideological upheaval combined with the lack of clean water, food and many other resources marked those who could be blamed with little resistance. Worse, it was not only the scapegoating, but the indifference itself that would become very dangerous. Spain would go through a civil war and both Italy and Germany turned toward ideological fascism as a guard against Bolshevism. Recha Sternbuch would never show such indifference in fact, she believed that nothing was beyond her abilities. Both as a woman and a ‘Jew. Living in Switzerland, it was a relatively safe place to be in the late 1930s and early 1940s. Neutrality was indifference though and Recha showed little patience for it, she acted. From the very early days of Nazi power she illegally helped people into Switzerland.

She started with independent missions to rescue people using her own money, she went into Nazi controlled Germany and Austria, she brought illegal Swiss visas which enabled people to enter Switzerland. Once they were in Switzerland she took them to her home. She continued her mission, working with Dr Coole to cultivate connections with other consulates and embassies. Anyone that sympathized with her cause, including the man who would later become Pope John XXIII became an asset. The ‘Sternbuch Network grew and allowed tens of hundreds of people who were Jewish to flee central and eastern Europe. By the spring of 1939 her actions had been noted and she was arrested by the Swiss authorities, she refused to give names and spent two weeks in jail. As a testament to her work 3 years later all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence and the district attorney handed her 100 Swiss Francs toward her rescue efforts.

Shortly after the legal difficulties had ended, she heard of a family caught by the Gestapo on the wrong side of Lake Constance. In what would now be her typical behaviour, she once again crossed into Germany and confronted the soldiers with both her passport and a demand that she would take the family with her. A soldier noting that she was also Jewish did little to dampen her, replying ‘Wherever you send them youll send me with them. She was not blind to the facts and knew that places like Auschwitz were all too real. Recha must have been impressive, the German solider dismissed them and 30 minutes later they were safe back in Switzerland. That, however, was not the end to her risky behaviour. As the war was coming to an end and with the Nazis knowing they would lose, she asked the former President of the Swiss Government to broker a deal with Heinrich Himmler, Himmler agreed to send 1200 people by train to Switzerland to show good faith. Himmler saw the chance to not only gain resources from the allies but also political favour after the war. The allied governments did not see that paying the Nazis for Jewish people was a good idea, rather a quick end to the war would be. Recha thought differently so she went to Berlin and attempted to negotiate with Himmler directly. For a Jewish Woman to travel to Germany and talk with the man who orchestrated the Final Solution made Recha Sternbuch quite something. It was agreed that another 2000 people would be released until Hitler stopped it, those 2000 and others like Rechas parents all died in the final weeks of the war.

Perhaps we should not see Reach as brave rather someone never thought of indifference as acceptable. Never thinking that saving one person was too small or not enough. Through her actions and those of the network she saved thousands of refugees who resettled around the world. Those that were rescued thought of her as a surrogate parent, a mother and she became family to those that lost their own. She died in 1971 aged 66.

[Photo from the Schenkolewski Collection, KHEC. Of Recha Sternbuch with Rabbi Eliezer Silver, 1946]

I am still learning about using paint

The Asrai Fairy is one of the oldest and most respected fairies of them all, not to mention the wisest. They live in oceans and sea haunting generations of sailors and fisherman. These rare creatures only come to the surface once a century at night since they will die if exposed to sunlight. Asrias are the true fairies of the sea, mermaids and Nixies are either outcasts who were acting in an un-Asrai way or Asrais in the final years of life.

They are often thought of a shy and timid but they are thoughtful, sometimes taking years to make a simply decision like what to have for lunch. Seaweed is their typical lunch though and to be honest no one knows what else they like to eat and drink. There typical size is about 20cms tall, reports of them being much taller are incorrect. Rather the humans at those times were squashed in size without them even Knowing.

As all fairies they have the ability to shapeshift but normally they are colourful and will change colours depending on the part of the sea they find themselves in. Normally though they have blue faces but little other information is known about them.

Hallucinations and Illusions
If you ever want to be normal, sorry, but that is an impossible demand and you should cease from wanting it. Further to this, normality while in action might be of comfort as it is to me and so many others, it is completely boring. Still, if you insist, then of course I will indulge in such normality despite its rather obnoxious and obtuseness. Since the beginning of humanity, whenever that is, we have had an ability to dream, some a little, some not a lot. These are not those day dreams or in fact the conscious and deliberate dreams that develop ourselves into the next stage of reality. Between awake and asleep there exists a special reality, one of which is unique and despite having no evidence to support such assertions, it is a place meant for explorations and I am most certainly someone who has trekked this reality. Of course, I know you know that I am talking of dreams. Not produced by your mind as you know it, rather the mind that does not know you. If it knew you then you would certainly be a bore.

While in that place I am most assured we connect to other entities, that however is not the topic of discussion today. I fear I must tell you of Dr Hammond and the invasion into his conscious mind by this very [dream] reality. Yes, though some say he descended into madness, the very term for beyond the limits of normality whatever that is! He at first thought that one of his clocks was talking to him and as time grew faster, the ticking of the hands started to tell him things. Do not eat that or Have some wine. This could be destructive ahhh we cry, it could be, so that means in some way it could not break down our dear doctor. Eventually he put clocks into every room and they did, as for now they always had, told him what to do. The doctor was experiencing being trapped between the reality which I assume we are all in and being invaded by other entities in the dream place that rather wanted to take care of him by its nature.

Dr Hammond had two options he could let the invading world take over this mind or he could embrace it as a mother embraces her newly born child. This was not to foster madness rather he knows, as I think we all do, that no such things exist in normality. We are in a real sense somewhat insane, some of us do not like to admit our abnormality. The good doctor was not boring because of how he decided to act, the clocks clearly were not talking to him as I would talk to you. There was more, as most things are, they were him. This mind being in such stress, the mind of intellect knew it had to survive so it hatched a plan of genius. He, his mind that is not our good doctor, sent his thoughts outwards into the clocks. It was neither the clocks or madness when the clocks told him what to do. It was his rational mind and thank god for such things.

Doctor Hammond was rational and for one, I am best pleased of this final news. In relation to my own madness, I do not confess such genius, far from it. Though on more than one occasion I have looked at photographs and seen people moving in them. As they were in it that so brief time, including pictures of myself. This might be far from normal, but it is more wonderful that those who would just see a static image. That would normally but and of course be, so very boring. Our minds are far from being deceived so raise your glass to our dear doctors contented mind. Far from Doctor Maudsleys talk of use dreaming with our eye open, we dream with our minds and we act with our heart. They are and always be the two most reasoned parts of us all.

Ame

One girl

In a French mood or something

Life of OCD, of control and the learning of letting go.

Of Life and Habit
Many eminent physiologists have in their own turn concluded that the stability of our mortal bodies must contain things which must not change. If we are too warm, if our respirations be lacking or nutrition be missing, then all cells would be in chaos. In short, good doctor, we exist only because of the habit of our bodies. An odd conclusion to start with I know still, Dr Haldane throws the demands that we throw upon cells, they are required to meet all the disturbances imposed upon them as such they must operate in the essential point of normality. A cell is thus at the same time demanding while being expecting. Perish the thought my own body without much, if any, effort from myself having already solved the problem of balance. It knows better than I, how to walk through the middle rather than at its edges.

Of economy of nature
There is a quote which I will list below that makes more sense than I ever could. Now a switch to my narrative if that pleases the court. Nature is a bitch, there I have said it and it cannot be taken back. Nature has on more than one occasion attempted to take my life and will attempt a great deal more before I will concede to it. Lets not be fooled while it can bring intense beauty it does so only through symbiosis. The struggle for existence through competition might be matters of biology, but would it not be foolish of me to include thoughts and ideas in much the same manner? In our minds the distinction between reciprocal and non-reciprocal leaves a scarred battlefield. While disdain is often critical, the thoughts & ideas have to be reciprocal for their survival, perhaps if I go so far to say for my own.
Life is that which feels and knows and wills, that for which values exist and which itself exists as a value Dr. R. M. Maclver

Of Rules in the Game
Now I have misled you, I must inform you the economy of nature while fickle, symbiosis can only exist in cooperation, rather than it being a fight to a bloody death, it must be negotiated. While the rules might consist of notions like wholesome, independence or interdependence what is required is a marketplace of thought. To which worries, fears are sold in exchanged more comforting notions like love and other stuff which has fallen from my mind at this moment. Each time the unbalance occurs, we must return back to the marketplace, but of all things that must be caught and never let go is symbiogenesis. Now my Russian is awfully non-existent, but the botanist Konstantin Mereschkowski coined the term and it has been used in the application of Endosymbiotic theory which is truly beautiful. In order to explain, let me tell you a short but nice story.

Of the first Story
A long time ago, in a far off land. There was an Humon but not a very good one because she could not do much, always being too tired and rather grumpy. This Humon could not do much because well, no matter how much tummy yummy she ate; she still could not sum up the energy to do much. It was not her fault, but rather the way she was made. Then one day she got infected by a very little creature, that invaded her cells from head to toes. Many, many years after this little creature would be named mitochondria, which is a rubbish name if you ask me. Still, the mitochondria allowed the Humons cells to work better by producing energy from the nutrients around it. The Humon was then only grumpy some of the time and the most successful species to have ever existed was born. Yes, Humons like you, that can do all sorts of magical stuff because symbiosis found its way to our biology we could create art and telescopes. In our heads it is very much the same, but as far as I know we have not named our invader yet. The end, off to sleep monkey.

Of two ways of knowing
This may upset you because it will bring up the conflict from above further down the page. Hold tight and pray for brighter skies. From understanding Dr Russel, the fruit tree or plants act in a way of beauty, in order that the seeds to be spread out its employees those that like sweet fruit. Such creatures will then eat the yummy fruit while unknowingly seeds will join in, having passed through the body, the seeds arrive at a different outlet with an amount of fertilizer [I word it with more caution than most]. Dr Wallace on the other hand, prefers more somewhat argumentative position in which the struggle for existence is seen as a death fight. It could be said he did not like fruit, but the truth is he could not see symbiosis. The bloody fruit intended to be devoured, but this has little to do with the bloody cooperation of two living things rather it is accidental. Its all going tudie, in pain and screaming. Dr Wallace is not a content man; some might say he required an earlier bedtime.

Of the conclusion
Le progrès de la science ne dèpend pas seulement de la decouverte des faits nouveaux, mais est en realite du a leur interpretation correcte. Said someone, I forgot to write their name down. In English it means [roughly] the progress of science does not depend on new facts, but more importantly the correct interpretation of them. Of the things I have known through my own experience of them and the mental worlds of others, the negative is greatly outnumbered by the good. That is something which I need to remember, but more important there is no such thing as a crime of thought. I can look back at things and change them to empower me rather than to scare me, this is impossible if symbiosis is not there. I am lucky that it is. A good shake can often change my perspective; it does not change the facts but it can make me more powerful in the past. This might be the method of also dealing with that OCD and letting go. While I still need to work out it exacting method it will be something like to match my body and the world around me to create more cooperative self-talk. Albeit not all that easy but at least it has been shown to be possible.

From the 10th August until not sure but I think sometime in September we are visiting granny and granddad, going to one of the best places in the world with them (and mommy of course). Then to see grandpapa (gru'papa) and grandmama (gru'mama) hopefully visit lots of amazing places I love with them. I am happy, little bit scared but excited. I might have a cry with all my grandparents.. feels like forever I have seen them (ok kind of crying a little now). I am going to show off how tallness though

No one will understand this and I expect that.

Watching a Play Through a Letter Box

Doubt – walking through the events in your mind is a great deal of unsureness about what is about to happen. Still, with each moving toward the next moment, the solid ideas are being played with force, it can provide you with a hopeful way of stepping forward. To be unsure in knowing what is to happen but knowing that this march towards it is familiar and safe. It will at least be something that can be done, tell yourself that, you can do it. The sure and certain pattern is the strength you must hold on to.

Sadness – It forewarns that it is coming, the pattern slows and develops sometimes in hope, a hope that will show you how to be sad rather than get rid of it. As the light fills around you and the strings vibrate your heart, as they always do. A strong urge to not feel is met by the urge to destroy this, the most powerful of all sadness. It moves from movement to movement, it moves from tears of one to the next. It tells you that those tears are fine and that at the worst moment, of all the moments because of better & greater things that have happened. If these are the tears of the past, they are of the future but little is wrong with that.

Happiness – this tells that happenings can be found in the small often random places that were there all along. The softness reminding you that while battles might be the normal, other moments of such things can be.

Internal Fear – The fear inside is worse than that outside, inside the monsters are real and scarier, it is a battle with your mind, that often you are more likely to fall. You are confronted with a maze of horror and fear, to be lost would mean fear is overwhelming, to not enter the maze is to mean the fear has won. It will remind you from time to time of both the fear but also the chance of escape. To face this is to know that you are ready. It is the insects crawling all over your body. It is facing the needles in your arms. It is feeling the pain that was made numb at the time. This is not a game, it is scary and if you are to win then you have to feel all of it. To know it, to understand it, to tell it no more. It beats as fast as your heart, it surrounds you, it chases you, RUN. It in the end not you must die. As it changes its tactics, you must change yours until all is beaten to silence.

External Fear – it greets you as a friend, it does not feel scary at all and the tones are of comfort. It is not trying to scare you because you know that this fear is not made worse by your mind. It is intertwined with sadness, like it is in your heart. Still, soon it demands more than you perhaps could cope with but know now that this is not a new fear but rather than unwanted friend of past meetings.

Brave – This is Rome, this is more than you have seen and through the battle it kept your heart strong. Great and Noble buildings of thoughts rise from the ground, testaments to bravery are displayed, this is the glory and might. This is grander beyond dream. It could include a different sort of battle, one which you never expected to fight. As the pace gets faster, as your heart grows stronger, know that it is you that need to calm it. This could be your home just; it would rather be silly to do battle with anything here. This is the place of being where you need to be. The sword is to no longer fight with but as a reminder than the battle has been fought. Let the warmth of the sun touch your face, let it warm your soul, allow it to feel good. This is where home could be and it would be a glorious home.

Home – now we are home, it can be complex or simple. It does not need much but it can include more if you like. We sit with others of kind, we know that this place now in our hearts is content, as we are. More journeys are possible or perhaps a rest from the bad weather has set ourselves to just be here from now on. Among friends, among ourselves.

Playlist - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpp2EEfTfo&list=PLeYqO16rIKaXuobUzQKfLXYad6Rjl7AIF