My Diary place
Not sure who will read it or if anyone wants to, so I guess it is for me. I can put things here when I need to and if you are reading this remember it is just the ramblings of me. So I will put things here and it will not get in anyone elses way.
@AmalieAnne
Hey there, thank you for the live in frozen yogurt factory, Ava is a happy girl 😀 but i have a bit of a cold so feeling sick.
Why don't u ask mom if you can get your own dog, then it can sleep with you and watch tv etc with you all the time?
What dog would u get if u were allowed?
I'm glad you're getting better kiddo.
My boss bought me a new aircon to put in my new office so I'm feeling happy about that, got so much work to do though so will go and try catch up tomorrow.
Have you ever had a braai?
Have you eaten biltong?
Have you eaten lemon meringue?
Those are some of my favourite things
Some homework 4 u..... Have you heard of a rain spider?....
It's a friendly spider (i hope) that crawls down the wall to the bottomish when it's going to rain and goes back up when it's not. They are quite accurate a lot of the time, quite fascinating things. I don't know what it's real name is.
The hen... There is this henthat likes to hang out in the parking lot outside the one shop in our town. It was perched under one of the trolleys the one time, then it walks around the parking, not a care in the word, no one seems to bother her and she just does her thing. The otherday i saw her walking on the pavement which is across the road from the shop, it was like she was coming from wherever her home is back to do her shopping in the parking, it was just so funny, like fascinating funny not haha funny, she doesn't seem afraid of much.... Come to think of it i haven't seen her for awhile...hmmm maybe the owners fixed the place she was getting out...
Hugs Ames
@Avaray
Oh no *Sounds the Bells* Avaray has the lurgies keep away. I will send an army of spider to give you hugs, not really 
I think I have solved the heat problem and climate change maybe, all we need are some spacesuits. Do you know NASAs or the ESA email address? They must not be that expensive, maybe second hand ones or ones they just have left over. Take your antibiotics and get better soon, I think you get broken more than me and I ran into a door not so long ago. If we could paint them as well that could be fun.
Some animals can be dangerous, as well as some humans but hopefully (and I think I am right) most humans are safe. Unless they have the lurgies of course, then we need to keep our distance for awhile. Three doggies and two budgies is nice, they have someone to play with. The doggies with each other and budgies together, not sure if they mix or not. A long time ago I had two stick insects, they maybe died, kind of not sure. They are very good at pretending to be sticks and you cannot really play with them. Any who, feel better soon *hugs you in my Spacesuit* one cannot be too careful.
@AmalieAnne
Hey earth to astronaut Ames ... You can come back Avaray is feeling a lot better, I sorted those germs out.
I held a chameleon before there little padded feet are too cute but also a bit weird to feel them wrap around your finger/hand.
And I signed up for my next exam..write in May . Did i tell you that already 😕 my brain has been stressed and taking flu meds so you'll have to forgive me if i did xxx
I was brave i watched the monkeys at my son's school I took some photos so are so mischievous!
Hugs kiddo
And i held this strange stick creature that almost looks like a scorpion but is not at all like one
@Avaray I am glad that you are feeling better and kicked the germs bottoms (they do not have them but you kicked them anyway). It is good that you are going to do your next exam in May, you know if your hand still hurts you can ask to do it by talking. See how you are though but I have always had the option of talking rather than writing so it is recorded or having someone write for me. I am dyslexic so I guess that is why I get those options but you could if you hand will hurt you. You were very brave and thank you for the pictures. I like those monkeys but they look could be trouble… the chameleon looks so sweet but the stick insect I looked it up and is called Extatosoma tiaratum. It says All adults have glands under that spray a colourless toffee like odour which is pleasant to humans and they cannot bite or sting you. I would still prefer to hold the little chameleon though 
oh.. is it someone's birthday soon?
@Avaray You are still the birthday girl in Canada It was only -4 today so that is kind of warm, only three pairs of gloves, ten coats and all of my socks/tights. Almost kept me warm. It is good you are making progress with your hand and it will take time to get all better, even though you could still pick me up with both hands, your getting better hand will be ready for monkey battle soon. Still, please do not use me to strengthen hand, Amalies do not like that 
On one of the occasions I broke something it just took time and it is not like you are ready to ring the bells. *bells bells bells of Notre Dame* Get the extra time for your exam and remember it is just an antiquated method of testing if you know something. Not sure what P.O.E. is I ask google and he said Path of Exile or Power over Ethernet either way it does not help! I do not know what those mean.
Seeing a psychologist or therapist (or other name) can be difficult, I think I do it differently then most people. Unless you have a cuddle before you start, then do some painting and then my garden. But it makes me tired, so you are right it must be emotional and difficult although I would not use those words. Just keep going if it is helping you, it helps me a lot. Even though S. (my psychologist/therapist) is sometimes sneaky and she gets my mouth saying things I do not know I am saying. She also knows French in case I accidentally forget English, see sneaky! Any how, you are in bed, a WHOLE year older hehe and hopefully it is raining. I am going to try to stay awake until my bedtime, it can be difficult and I have to stay away from more mommy cuddles because then I will just fall asleep Be good *hugs*
@Avaray
It is written in the UN charter on human rights section 145, subsection 12, point 14 says that chocolate must be eaten for breakfast on your birthday. I checked, could not believe it was in there but there is no point you looking up, I have already looked so.. err.. take my word for it. It was very nice of your daughter to make you a cake. I would have to call the fire department first if I did that just in case. Kind of still learning how to cook without burning the house down. So, did you have a nice birthday? Maybe some wine or something.
It is warmish today as well but then the weekend I will be frozen once again. I think oldies like it better when it is cooler at nights so you can sleep and are not so grumpy during the day. How cold does it get for you in the winter? Trust me if the heating was not on here, I would have to be defrosted in the summer. Not sure why you do not go the Spanish way and have an afternoon sleep when it is hot. Not sure how that would work during the winter though. You can always share my blanket, I have lots
My psychologist is very sneaky, I might mix some Spanish in was well but mostly speak English and French. She speaks very good Amalie which is kind of a weird language itself. As for words coming out, maybe you should start painting and then your brain would forget about the words coming out. It also helps when you are not sure when what the words are or if things do not have words to explain things. It is good that you trust your psychologist and maybe ask the monkeys to see if they will let you to their hideout. Or maybe go at the end of the day, so he can go home and you can have a little sleep. It is ok to get nervous because you are (painting and) talking about bad things which are not nice. Do you mean sometimes you wonder what your psychologist is thinking? If so, then just ask silly.
So, your portfolio of evidence is coursework and then you have an exam. Exams are kind of pointless because they do not measure things really but you sometimes have no choice in the matter. It is kind of weird though because I would do some coursework and then get feedback so I know how to improve it and what I was good at. You should have your coursework by now, so get to it oldie lady! At once Ok have a nice weekend first and then start working.
@Avaray Sometimes I talk in three languages using words and different structures interchangeable when I am tired but wow... that medicine must be strong. I got you are falling asleep and you started studying.. stoll, formr and stsrted are not words Miss Avaray 'formr my poe' is an amazing thing to say if you want to confuse someone, I like it. *hugs* I hope you get some sleep and awaken refreshed, ready to enjoy the day or has your people say formr my poe stoll. Maybe an earlier bedtime for you is necessary and it is good you have started studying
@AmalieAnne
My bible snd beginning of bible journaling, ran out of washi tape
Hugs Ames
@Avaray
Firstly, Sgzmj xnt. My Granddad was a very famous spy during the second war which was kind of the reason he got caught so quickly. Sorry, Granddad told me that joke yesterday and I thought it was really funny. Hopefully you got some rest over the weekend and some sleep, plus no one jumping on you to wake you up. Oldies you get worn out so quickly. My weekend has involved lots of things but annoying my bestest friend was at the top of the list as it normally is I find myself in a place of trying to be honest but at the same time not waiting to take anything away from you. God (in the Catholic monotheist sense did not write the bible) and it was written post-scripted mostly in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek then translated into Latin, losing parts and then in vulgar languages which explains why there are other 200.000 versions of Christianity. I do not say things to upset you, to cause you doubt or uncertainly or as I said before to take anything away from you.
So, I will talk of a peculiar individual called Father Benedict, the most content person I have ever meet in my life which was frustrating if I am honest. He like to sit in the courtyard in the shade watching the fountain while the birds were feeding on the seeds put out there for them, the same courtyard that I had Sunday school in for too long because it was a place I often got into trouble. He also has distinction of being one of the few members of the clergy I did not want to, try to or actually managed to kick. He could see my frustration and I caught him smiling at me one day after an ‘outburst of sheer lacking indigence of the bible. So, I did something I knew I should not do, I was not very good at walking at the time but I gathered my legs as bests as I could with the intention of confronting this man, to demand an explanation. I do not remember what I felt but it must have anger because being a shy introverted person I confronted a man 10 times my size, of many years of existence who was wearing symbol of ‘God. I blurted out some words but to be honest I do not remember what I manged to say or what caused the outburst but he replied [I am translating badly here], ‘I was smiling because you were right. I lost all anger in that moment along with it my ability to stand, I still remember hitting my arm and it hurting a lot and all the blood rushing to my face in embarrassment.
He then told me a story which I listened to, sitting on the floor with my arm hurting but not willing to admit it was really hurting. To retell the story would be somewhat difficult because I do not remember parts of it plus it was in my version of Spanish which perhaps worrying, I am noticing is more different than the Spanish that is spoken outside the area of Spain I am from. Still, his conclusion was that I already had everything I actually required (I am assumed at the time it was my anger but later not so much but it is part of it) and suggested perhaps with subtlety that the bible was not really of any use to me. The second part of that is the most difficult thing to explain but when your brain makes everything into colours enabling me to see connections few can see, there is some kind of unknown force connecting me to everything else, even to you. Thanks to your toothbrush song I know what you look like and as long as you are talking, I could find you in a crowd. I do not need some unhelpful words when I have something much more beautiful.
I might be wrong, so you will have to be the judge here if I am making any sense. Avaray everything in my soul tells me what you are looking for is what I have, a parent, someone to protect you, to have absolute trust, the comforted from self-doubt, unconditional love, for someone to be perfect past the point of being human, someone that would have prevented certain things from happening or to make them go away easier, to make them better when they were discovered. Now I am neither content nor an old man called Father Benedict but I have that person she is called person mommy and you have it too, she is called Avaray. Neither are you are perfect but I am one for allowing a level of discrepancy in such matters. In the words [sort of] of Father Benedict, Avaray you have everything you require you just do not know it yet. Yea… I do not for a minute think you will buy that! Please be kind and look around at the connects you have with others. If I were Freud, I would be smoking my cigar and saying in my Austrian accent ‘My dear Avaray, you cannot be a child again. I would say to Freud do you think that the cigar kind of is like a boy part considering your [his] obsessions! Any who, you have won the battle and now it is time to stop fighting. You have conducted yourself with nothing but compassion with me. You have what to me is an amazing connection with your daughter who might at times be angry at you or do stupid stuff but will always love you. You have expressed the ability to correct mistakes you make. You express guilt about your son but you value the difference such as I do in an uncomplicated manner. You are the parent, you not only protected yourself to the best of your ability but are a protector. You have unconditional love in your life, you are perfect enough for me. You confront self-doubt such as your willingness to start studying again. I trust you. Life has four seasons and your have not yet got to summer.
Without taking anything from you. I do not need to refer to a bible, a collection of post-scripted stories to know where the answers are. On matters which your mention, I already know the answers. Of course, I have more questions as you do. Still, I believe one day you will be sitting in the shade watching the birds feed on seeds content in peace maybe even smiling at a stubborn short girl who sees the world differently and is angry enough to express it with no regard to getting into trouble. Waiting for her to gather her legs and to confront you. Now that is worthy beautiful goal and it holds no battlefields. Now you have to be the judge here on what I say but Avaray in my vision of your future, sitting in the shade although it might be difficult, my final words are these GO DO IT BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN.
@Avaray Hey I am not a cheeky chop, I am a cheeky monkey lady! As I said I did not want to take anything from you and that was meant but promise me one thing. Try to be at contented peace with yourself in this world before you die. To be honest I do not know what comes next, maybe it is Heaven but I would settle for an awfully good adventure. I will try the same but as for how Father Benedict did it, sadly he died some years ago when we lived in France. Every year I light a candle in his name around Christmas to remember him in the place near the place he loved so much. In a sense it holds a connection to me and that annoying old man. How dare he be so content? See he annoys me even now 
I think I read this somewhere we are the sum of people who we have interacted with, so he is somehow imprinted on me. He was content because he was, it can be that simple, I think. As for bible study at least you and your daughter have something special there, that is really special relationship and I love who you are.
Soon I leave for therapy but you made me think of something, about your hands. When I pick up the violin and play something I know, my brain does not think about what my fingers and hands are doing it they just remember. So perhaps let your hands speak they might have something important to say. Clearly you have never seen to Spanish people in an argument, hands are all over the place. Still, therapy or counselling no matter which you call it is a place that you are allowed to do such things. So, experiment by letting them talk even if you feel a little bit silly. That fact you see thing in a cartoon way is interesting because I cannot think of how that works. At school I often get told off even now because I will start laughing because of images in my mind doing weird stuff. If I can do really embarrassing stuff all the time, at therapy you are in a safe place for your hands well. I would suggest handstands to stop your face going red but wait until your hand is better.
Eish.. it almost time for me to go, it 14:35 hours DRILL SERGEANT! Get to your school work and *enter sports metaphor here*. Sports are not for me, take football why do they not just decide who is the best and then it is over with. Eish… these people! It is my time for therapy hopefully I will survive but one cannot be too sure of such things. *hugs*
@AmalieAnne
Yeah I have taught you a word from South Africa, eish..... It has a way of just expressing things.
TOP DEFINITION
A South African word derived from Xhosa, now used in all languages within South Africa and some neighbouring countries.
Eish is one of the reasons South Africa is so great, it can express anything from excitement to horror.
@Avaray
Hey lady who you calling a cheeky monkey, you cheeky chop. Only joking I looked at the link for Eish and is kind of means everything excited, horrified, angry and happy. Eish... that is a lot of meanings for one word. Therapy went ok for me, some talking and then some painting, other things and then kind of got tired so I fell asleep. That is kind of normal though but I am not sure what goes through my therapists mind normally I just ask though, it is simple that way. That is why I said let your hands do some talking because talking is sometimes too difficult, I do not know the words or I do not want to say them. We use paint but your hands could be saying something important, you said you trusted your therapist so make that eishing leap.
You seem to have worse luck than me, bitten by a monkey and hit by a cricket ball. Eish lady what you been up to! Although it is kind of creepy your son fell over because I did on Monday not badly just hurt a little but is kind of better. Kind of ruined some tights though but I hope that you son gets better soon with an additional owww. Most of the time I have been able to get out of sports because reasons but I played rounders before. If someone throws a ball at me, I move to avoid being hit by the ball, then get mad at someone throwing a ball at me. I did once throw the bat thing but luckily for everyone else it was heavy and I cannot throw. Your daughter likes football? I guess it is good to play sports cannot think of a single reason but if she is likes it then good. I will get good at stairs first then maybe sports (or not). I am told by papa I support Real Madrid, I think that one is football. Eish who knows!
I once saw a perfect picture of a rainbow, a beautiful circle. I think that you will be ok with studying just go through it one day at a time and forget about what tomorrows work is. If you get stuck just move on or give yourself a good shake. I can combine random words and language structures when I talk more so when I am tired. I think that is a sign we need a little sleep so you are correct, silly brains need sleep. Oliver Sacks (I think) describes how when some people, maybe even himself but I am not sure, close one eye the world become two-dimensional. That must be really weird but I guess they would consider thinking in cartoons or colours a little weird themselves. Any who, I do not think you would squash a horse but have a nice weekend oldie.
@Avaray No no no... you cannot plead the 5th or section 7, you will tell me lady or I will raspberry your tummy until I cannot raspberry anymore *looks mean* Thank you for the video kind of made me cry but good memories rather than bad ones.
@Avaray You need to be careful Avaray or your tummy will be getting it! Speak or the raspberrying will never stop. It was a good cry, I can tell she was really happy after lots of practice that she got it right. That is a good feeling andshe is dancing around Without her teacher having to throw things at her. So happy memories.
@Avaray EISH... what was going through your mind and your friends mind when you decide to pick on the ruby team? They can run and do that thing when they get a person to get the ball. Sports not my thing as you might be able to tell. Although I kind of want to tell you off for stealing their clothes which is naughtiness to the highest degree, to be honest I am kind of impressed. You are such a bad influence on me!! As for the cave it is only when you are are an oldie when you think about all those things like getting trapped. You were exploring, I once climbed down a well and got told off but I was exploring as well. Still, that is what an explorer does me thinks. I read this account of a lady who husband died (they were both kind of really really old) but they used to do cave diving. The lady decide that she would not give up and went by herself but she got lost and could not find the guide rope. After she panicked because of the whole running out of air thing she felt her husband taking her to the rope. She found the rope and followed it out. So she got out and was not harmed in any way. Not sure why I am telling you that... maybe I found in interesting is all. Maybe it is because you said you have grown wiser with age just remember sometimes you have to be silly 
or do something crazy like going into a cave because it can be fun (and scary).
Merry Christmas, thank you to The Amazing Rarely Charlie, The Loving Lovable Avaray, The Political Renegade Kite. Moitrois I hope that school is going ok for you. Also, to Jane (the main one), KLM3278, Bee and anyone who I have forgotten or reads this. Thank you support and have a nice Christmas.
@pinkSailboat9801 Sometimes strong, sometimes not so much. Happy holidays/christmas to you 