Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Wednesday 28th February 2018
Good day loves!
Sorry for the late post ^^|||
Today I'm going to address something that means a lot to our community: not pouring out of an empty cup.
When we try to give when we have nothing, we won't be able to give to our fullest potential and we even risk becoming empty, tired, and eventually breaking down. So the question is, how do we refill our cups?
My go to for that question is rest, rest, rest. I burn incense, take a hot bath, take time away from work or other people, and do my best to just make time for myself. So the questions of the day are:
1. What drains your cup?
2. What fills your cup?
3. How has your day been going? 
I hope everyone is having a pleasant day! I can't wait to hear from you all!
1. being sociable, not eating, insomnia, too much switching/dissociating
2. creating things, like handmade cards or art
3. feeling sore, got a bad migraine for 3 days now. Glad I managed 3 meals today even if dinner was granola lol. I made a card for my sis and bought myself some gouache tubes.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Hi Life, it can be draining when we have to socialise, particularly when we are not in the mood for it. Not eating, insomnia too much switching/dissociation, can all "drain our cup".
I find it really interesting that you fill your cup by creating things. I thinkaArts and rafts can be very theraupeutic, I used to paint and found that this really relaxed me. Maybe I should do this more!
Sorry to hear that you are feeling sore and have been suffering with migraines. When I was younger I had problems with my eyes and ended up having these horrible headaches 24/7. It has given me some insight, into how debilitating migraines must be for migraine sufferers . Well done for for eating 3 meals today, making the card for your sister and buying yourself some gouache tubes
@TheHoneyDoll
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⛺❤️
@TheHoneyDoll
1. What drains your cup?
Life.
2. What fills your cup?
Life.
3. How has your day been going?
I need to do dishes. Ran out of cups.☕
⛺❤️🐢
@melliotm
Hi melliotm, yea it's interested how on one day life can invigorate us and "fill our cup". Then by the next day, life can feel so draining. I hope you are having a good day today, and that life is "filling your cup". If today is not a good day, I hope that tomorrow will be a better brighter day for you. You have just reminded me, I need to do the dishes too!!
Thanks, @Amandisa16 -- doing my best to manage. Trying to refrain from judgement or self criticism, just let today be what it is while certain challenging feelings pass through. Running low on spoons as well.
To quote from an old Ned's Atomic Dustbin song:
"this piece of mind is keeping
to itself, if only sleeping.
regard it, freeze it, jar it
assign it all to healing.
And all I ask of myself
is that I hold together"
@melliotm
I'm pleased that you are practising some "self compassion" . As you said "just let today be what it is", I know that it's difficult when the inner critic is "attacking". Good on you, for fighting back with some self compassion. I hope you find some spoons!
Update: I did the dishes. 😎☕🥄
@TheHoneyDoll
Hi
1) life's struggles
2) things I like to do and giving back
3) ain't doing so well but ate something so good for dinner
@sensitiveShade5337
HI Shade yes our daily struggles can drain us of our energy, but there are things that we can do to fill our cups again. You said that you like to fill your cup by doing things that you enjoy and giving back. What sort of things do you like to do Shade?
Sorry to hear that you are not doing well, hope that things improve for you as the day goes on!
@Amandisa16
I like riding my bike, shopping therapy, petting cats and dogs, talking with people and meeting new and many more
1. Thoughts and lack of sleep
2. Writing poetry
3. I'm feeling empty today.
@RedHawk6547
Hi Red, yes thoughts or even thinking too much can be draining. Not getting enough sleep can lead to an empty cup too. When I have not had enough sleep I tend to become emotional, weary, and slightly anxious. Creativety seems to be a theme in this thread in terms of "cup filling". How do you feel after you have written a poem? do you feel invigorated, a sense of relief/release?
@TheHoneyDoll
1. Therapy(can be either 1 or 2 depending), dealing with people, testing/university work, C-PTSD flashbacks or obsessive thoughts about situations old and current, my situation at hand can be straight up draining.
2. Woo for incense, candles, a nice warm bath with essential oils. A good meal or treat. Connecting with my spirituality. Studying or doing something where I'm learning and show progress. Getting support. Playing with animals. Playing a video game or watching a movie(in doses, of course). Reading.
3. Today is a bit revolutionary for me. After some thought on it, I've decided to let go my two current therapists. One is a psych, the other for couples stuff. Things just weren't working schedule-wise and the most important thing is I wasn't getting much validation or support later on. It's as if they got bored or frustrated or something...can't really say. It degraded to a point where I felt like hiding situations because they deemed my bullying experiences and the fact I deal with social anxiety as only "partially" believed. As if I were some woman being diagnosed with hysteria back when Freud was around.
I've informed my SO of the fact I'm going to change them up. And now they want to offer a million "suggestions" on how I should do things or what I should do. My SO is not a safe person, not a supportive person... but as the situation stands I'm working my way out of the situation currently, and for the sake of finances and time I have to inform him of things. I'm having to shore myself up for things later tonight. Plan on being firm about my stance, I don't mind if it's about schedule conflicts or finances... but probably not. Looking forward to the day I work myself out of this agoraphobia/social anxiety stuff and can do these things and support myself on my own. That day will come. Guess this is practice for dealing with boundaries.
@CaloenasNicobarica Im so sorry you werent feeling supported in therapy! The last thing you need in therais to have someone questioning your experience of your own feelings 😞. If you felt bullied, then that was definitely your experience of whatever happened.
@purpleWest8143
Thanks for the validation, Purple! <3 It means a lot to me. After some consideration, I've made up my mind to ditch my therapist and seek someone who is more empathetic and validating. I already doubt myself enough and all that fun crap due to previous abuse/trauma type stuff. Don't need that from someone you pay to be supportive.
Hope you have a good rest of the day today! And a good week. <3
@CaloenasNicobarica yeah its tricky to figure stuff out when we have trauma backgrounds. All I know is that feelings are valid and real, no one can question that. I think The trick is in figuring out the why we feel a certain way. I hope you find someone who will be supportive for you 😘
This is contradictory but people empty my cups and they also fill it.
I could say it depends on the people, the type, their personality, or their level of emotional closeness to me but it really doesn't matter when my moods become the defining factor.
My day today was better because I was in proximity with someone who had and still have closeness with me. The only one person in proximity who I have relied on and has continuously reached out, but when convenient for herself. She has drained my cup before but she has also filled it. It never becomes full because of the type of arrangements she seeks.
@humorousBeing8966
Hi humorous, yes individuals can both fill your cup and empty them. Sometimes our friends/colleagues/ family members etc can be strong in some areas and weaker in others.
1. What drains your cup?
Constantly having to micromanage people older than me who cannot for the life of them seem to stay on top of their paperwork!
2. What fills your cup?
Hanging out in the work room with those same coworkers, because I really do love working with them even though they drive me crazy half the time! 😂
3. How has your day been going?
Today was pretty good! I gave blood today, and that took up a bit of my day at work today, so I ended up staying late to finish the auditing I do every other Wednesday. Then I went to the store and picked up some oatmeal and stuff I was out of. But Im at home now and Ive just been relaxing for a few hours. Like Im supposed to! Cuz I usually feel like crap the day after I give blood for some reason. Also, this is SO gonna bruise bad!! 🙃🤷🏼♀️
@BeeLeigh
Hi Bee, it's great that you love hanging out with your co-workers, despite the fact that they sometimes drive you crazy. We spend so much time at work. So it helps when we get on with our co-workers, suppose it makes the job more enjoyable. I'm glad that you had a good day, and spent some time relaxing. Well done for giving blood !
Thanks @Amandisa16! I always feel so drained after giving blood (cuz like they literally drain you lol), but I have a rare blood type so I try to do it every now and then. And yeah, its pretty nice to have coworkers I actually like being around lol! 😊
Hello
I've not posted in a while. But I would like for someone to Please explain to me the meaning of a few words that I am being told My definition is wrong. abandonment thought meant to leave or forsake or stop taking care of. What is your definition?
JUDGING: To make an assumption of some type of something.
FACT: Something that actually happened.
So if I make a statement of a FACT, How does it become a JUDGMENT? FACTS ARE THE ONLY THING THAT A COURT HONORS.
My Coach sayes that it's judging and it is messing me up trying to make sense of what they are saying to me. I gave an example of a Mother leving her baby on a door step ABANDONING THE BABY. I was judging again But the fact that the mother left the baby on a door step and left to me means she abandoned the baby.
Can anyone explain what I am being told and help me with my faulty thinking that is causing me harm re their words.
I stated I only gave you fact statements to explain why I felt the way I did.
@scarletPear1945 Im not positive I understand the context totally but I think its sort of like this.... the fact would be that the mother placed the baby there. The judgement / assumption is that she abandoned the baby.
@purpleWest8143bandon means to leave
That is exactly what I was told. The way you described it. In my mind, I said because of the word Abandon meant to leave, That when the mother walked away she had indeed abandoned the baby. She said you don't know why the mother left the baby it could be many reasons. I understand that she could have a good reason for abandoning her child. But the fact was she left the baby and walked away which is the Fact. Her reasons don't matter. A court wants only facts not assumptions.
Thank you for helping me with this. I am still a bit confused, It helps to hear someone else's view
@scarletPear1945 as in theres an assumption that she placed the baby there to abandon it. One would have to assume to know the mothers intentions to come to that conclusion. I think that might be the reasoning behind this although I find it a really grey example and difficult to wrap my head around as well 😣
@purpleWest8143
Thank you, I have tried to make sense in my head too about this and I am confused about it.
I appreciate you trying to help me
@scarletPear1945 youre welcome ❤️ Im having trouble with this example as well because my thoughts also are of course it is abandoning no matter what the reason or intent might be. And I think most people would probably assume the same but technically, these are STILL assumptions and therefor technically judgements (whether they may be correct judgements or not isnt the question?).
Sorry to post this here I know this had nothing to do with the questions you asked
@scarletPear1945 IMO. If a mother left the baby, she had intent to abandon it. Whether for good or bad reasons. You would not leave a baby, with an intent that the situation would never change and tje mother would return and re accept the baby in the exact same condition as she left it. Hence abandonment. A criminal steals a car, gets chased by cops. Escapes, leaves car with no intent on reclaiming car. Abandoned vehicle. Also, car breaks down on secluded road. Driver says "car junk im not dealing with this" takes plates and vin off car and leaves. Car sits for weeks. Cops find car. No id. Car is abandoned and goes to scrap yard becoming tomorrows pepsi cans. Not sure exactly what you asked. But maybe these descriptions can help.
@PerfectStorm426
Thank you, that is how I felt about it. But was said that I have faulty thinking. I can not wrap my head around the meaning of the word. Which means to leave it does not matter her reason the fact was she walked away and abandoned the baby. I am stating what I saw the lady do. Then say I was judgmental about the lady. That was not a judgment it was a fact. Confused the heck out of me.
@scarletPear1945 don't be groomed into thinking a certain way. Sounds like this is what is happening. If anything, sounds like someone was being pretty judgemental of you. Maybe i am wrong too, but i think like you did. So am i judgemental? Nah i am me. And me is ok. You are ok too. Dont let people change your morals. Stand up for yourself. And definitely don't loose sleep over what someone calls you.
@PerfectStorm426
I appreciate you. Thanks
@scarletPear1945
Hi Scarlet I agree with everything that @purpleWest18143 and @PerfectStorm426 have said, they have both given great responses/answers
@Amandisa16
Thank you very much. That helps a great deal
