Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Wednesday 21st February 2018
Good morning lovelies!
Today, I'd like to bring us to experiments as a topic :) Weird right? Well let me explain before I totally lose you!
In a lab, we come up with a hypothesis. If these reactants come together, we should get this product! When talking about physics, we focus on how things work, function, and how to calculate that. In botany, we try to make plants grow better and focus on how plants function. In biology, we study animals and how they adapt overtime. In meteorology, we study weather and their patterns and causes. There ain't no party like a science party. 🎉🎊
Alright now you're probably asking "what the heck is this weirdo going on about??? <.<||" Lemme tell ya!
Our lives and feelings are similar to daily experiments. We put things in, expecting a certain outcome, and sometimes the outcome we expect doesn't happen. Maybe we got sick one day and our day was bad because of it. Maybe you know you feel sad today so you take a day off but feel stressed. This doesn't mean it's your fault however! Sometimes, experiments don't happen as planned and that can sometimes be bad or good! The important part is to keep trying.
For me personally, I know at night, I feel relatively sad. So I usually get something sweet, a bubble bath, and relaxing music because I know it works for me. But when I'm testing, I sometimes become extremely stressed by time or the need to keep an A. While I don't have a surefire solution, I do what I can and keep trying new things to help destress until I find something that helps me slow down and breathe a bit! Before bed, I used to have nightmares and cry a lot so I started working on ways to clear my mind before bed and relax so I don't go to sleep carrying all of the day's stresses. I know me best so sometimes, doing little "experiments" can prove effective or not effective but either way, I can identify my needs, strengths, weaknesses, and changes overtime to I work with those!
So here are my questions for today:
1: What are some ways that you destress or relax that work for you?
2: Could you try something new?
3: Do you know of any "emotional patterns" that you have?
4: How is your day? :)
Hope everyone has a pleasant day! 🌻🍯🌻
@TheHoneyDoll
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@TheHoneyDoll
My way of de-stressing is to watch cartoons or spend time with my friends or family.
My pattern is that my self loathing kicks in when I think Im bothering people or that Ive done something wrong and Ill hate myself for a few hours or the whole day (which is whats happening today).
I dont know any new ways of dealing with my issues right now. I cant enjoy any cartoons at the moment and all my friends are busy and my dad is at work.
I just feel so worthless, I dont deserve my family or friends I have such a good life and I feel stupid for feeling this way when I know other people have it so much worse.
@CartoonDarling
It's nice to hear that you de-stress by watching cartoons, and spending time with family and friends. I'm sorry that you are going through a self loathing episode. I understand how it feels to self loathe, to completely hate yourself.
It's good to remember you are not worthless and that you deserve to have family and friends. That inner critic is just trying to overwhelm you with negative self talk. If you feel that you have been bothering someone, or that you have done something wrong, then it's time to show yourself some self compassion and forgive yourself. Let yourself of the hook, you are a good person. You have suffered too and deserve compassion. What can you do today to treat yourself? do you have favourite song you can listen to? Snack you can eat? I'm sending hugs your way💗💗💗
@Amandisa16
Im feeling a bit better now one of my favorite songs is Praying by Kesha because its about rising above your abusers and healing something I hope to accomplish one day. My favorite snacks are generally KitKat chocolates 🍫I snacked on a few of them too. Thanks for the kind words and support.💛
@CartoonDarling
I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better. I don't think I have heard that Kesha song. I will have a listen later on, sounds like a "survivors anthem" . Good on you👍 for treating yourself to some Kit Kat. My fave snack too!
@TheHoneyDoll I like your experimental method 
1: What are some ways that you destress or relax that work for you?
Listening to music can help sometimes but I like drawing and if I can mix that up with kind of make believe then it takes my mind away from anything. Reading can help but if I have too much anxiety then it is really difficult to keep my attention on it.
2: Could you try something new?
I started, with mommy, recently to start swimming and I really like it. I normal give myself a shake because it gets all the pain and energy out but with swimming it helps with both things. Plus I kind of have to do lots of movement to get warm. Walking the doggy that lives next door is similar to that but she normally is the boss on walkies.
3: Do you know of any "emotional patterns" that you have?
I do not think so but I am not good at emotions to be honest. I know grumpy is often the main one but at the moment my emotions change really fast and then I am not sure which one I have and why I have it. I am working on that though.
4: How is your day? :)
Kind of ok, I got up really early because of a bad dream but I did get back to sleep in the end. I think that the morning is going well so far. I have therapy later which is niether good or bad just confusing. I normally fall asleep either before we finish or after. Still I am drawing and being in a magical word right now so I am weirdly happy but very tired.
@AmalieAnne
Hi Amalie😁, music, drawing and reading are all great ways to de-stress and unwind. I have not been swimming for years, used to really enjoy it.
You said that your emotions change really quickly. It's great that you are trying to work on your emotions. Sorry to hear that you had a bad dream, nightmares can be distressing. I hope you have a good therapy session today, and that you get some much needed rest💗
@Amandisa16 Maybe you can go swimming again? Reading has always been good, well stories. I used to have them on disks so you put them in and there is a person reading them. I guess that is those audio books... I am a bit all mixed up, therapy does that. I need an earlier bedtime. Emotions are a pain but not sure if I would be better off without them. But emotional regulation I think it is called, that would be better.
hi. Sorry not been around. Things are not great. Still trying. Can see everyone elese is too. Sending safe hugs if ok. tc
@inventiveOrange1
Sorry that things are not great at the moment, but good on you for persevering👍. Sending safe hugs back to you💗💗💗
@Amandisa16 thanks. Much appreciated. Hope you are doing ok.
@inventiveOrange1 Safe hugs, Orange ⛺❤️ x
@melliotm tx melli. Needed that fort. Have a sick hubby n been up with his coughing. Safe hugs. How are you doing?
@inventiveOrange1
I am so happy you decided to check in. I am sorry you are going through such a difficult and challenging experience. I truly hope that you know we miss you and are with you every step of the way.
I hope these feelings will subside for you soon. You are doing your very best and that is all you can ask of yourself.
Much love and safe hugs 💛🌻
@Compassionatelistener108 thanks listener. I know you have had some tough times too recently and the community here is with you as you process it.
I have five weeks to try and survive to a date which i deeply dont want to see. Moving on is impossible and the pressure to do so increases from family daily.
Hard to fight the self hate and let go. Trying.
Safe hugs back.
I was so excited for my date today. Here is it 8 hours later. . . Sigh I got stood up. Why can't I find a decent guy?
@Rebekahwriter13
I am so sorry. It hurts when people do such things but I genuinely believe there is someone out there who will treat you with love and respect. Unless he has a stellar reason, he wasnt the one for you.
Most people who would do that are simply letting you know that a better person is out there waiting just for you. You will find him 💛
@Compassionatelistener108
Thank you but why does it hurt so much?
1. I destress or relax by coloring or dancing to music and cleaning.
2. I could try focusing on self improment such as practicing my spanish or getting better at typing to feel better and proud of myself.
3. An Emotional pattern I have is fear of losing someone or people i care about then clinging to much.
4. My day started off pretty rough waking early to a horrid and upsetting dream. I went to work were a customer wrongly assumed aloud that I must just hang out all morning at work, plus a bit tired of people not showing up to shifts at work daily. I was able to enjoy a warm cup of tea as it is very cold and have a better evening.
Everything feels so surreal at the moment,, feel so guilty for feeling a little relieved. Apprehensive about appointment, wanting to just hide in a corner and cry, scream whatever.. But im in shock and unable to feel much right now :(
@calmLake1999
I am so sorry, Calm. I cannot imagine how frustrated you must be feeling. I hope things will turn around soon for you. We are here if you need to vent or just talk about day to day things.
I tend to believe in the people we need the most at any given time will enter our lives in one way or another. It happened for me just getting to know the people in our trauma community. A beautiful reminder that we are never truly alone.
Please stay in touch, Calm. Let us know how everything is progressing 💛
@Compassionatelistener108
Thanks comp.. I am sitting in waiting room freaking out right now.. Just to much has Benn happening right now. Found out last night that one of my abusers is dead died over the seeking and I feel guilty for feeling a little relieved because I know his family must be hurting.. Its just frustrating and Im still in complete shock
de-stressing for me is tricky when I am in a self-loathing fit.
ironically when I am not feeling self-loathing I can destress more easily. That is really ironic. When I am in a self-loathing mood due to the nature of my traumatic experiences I simply can't destress; all I can do is try really hard to be safe. sometimes that means just being still. I apologize if I am triggering anyone right now.
at this point I usually call my mentor and check in. He's an expert at PTSD and he knows that when I'm in a place like this I need to de-stress. He told me I do need to try something new. I need to defy that negative programming inside me and try something new. Self-compassion is a new thing. That's new.
my emotional pattern is I get angry and scared and I feel like a child again when I'm stressed or triggered. I was trying to do a project tonight and I felt like a retard again. My roommate told me to take some deep breaths and take a break and all I felt like doing was the opposite work harder and hold my breath. Again I apologize if I'm triggering anyone. This is really hard.
the reason I can't even post on this thread is because I am seeing other posts on here that are similar I don't feel like I'm all alone.
I guess this whole post describes how my day went. I have to test myself I have to keep living but it's really hard. I can't believe that traumatic experiences and abuse can have such a hold on our minds that interferes with our functioning this way. It's been really breaking my heart.
Carol
@helpfulHuman4993
Hi helpful, yes it can be difficult to de-stress when are in self loathing mode. However, I am pleased that you have someone that can support you during these times.
Self compassion is one of my favourite topics! It is a powerful weapon againt self loathing. For example if you met another individual that had suffered identicle traumatic experiences /events to you how would you treat them? I believe that you would have compassion on them, so much compassion that you could not condemn them. You deserve the same measure of compassion
. Thank you for sharing how your day has been, and I'm sorry that it has been such a difficult day for you. Please don't give up hope, traumatic experiences can affect our lives but there is always hope for recovery. You will recover, it might take time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes i feel i dont deserve to be on this thread and hence dont post here alot. I feel i have learned to minimize my experiances becuase i have had family who would do that to me when i needed them the most. When they heard about a situation in which my safety was severely threatened the one who was old enough to do something sat by and watched. Later on when my other family members heard what happened no one really seemed conserned and even said it was my fault. I cant even talk to the person who did this to me and it is my own brother!
@Compassion21
Hey there deary! I appreciate seeing you check in here. You are more than welcome to be here and we are happy to have you so whenever you need us, don't hesitate to post! <3
I am very sorry your family treated you that way. I understand how painful it can be to lose the ones we want to be able to rely on. You're a very strong person and despite their own faults, you are worth value, care, and kindness. Normal families would never treat another family member like that.
I hope you're okay and that your day is going well! We are happy to have you here!