Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Sunday, 11 March 2018
Hello everyone,
I hope that your day is going well. As I read through the posts on yesterday, I was so impressed with the way everyone works by the open expression of emotion and willingness to support one another. I have always had a tremendous appreciation for this community. The unique experiences we have all had allow us to come together and find the common ground so we may help one another heal.
I wanted to focus on some of the other ways we have found to take care of ourselves. What are some of the things that you have found helpful to find a little bit of serenity when things seem chaotic? How do you stay present or simply relax? Do you use imagery, go for a run, spend time at your favorite hiking trail or park?
One very important part of my process that remains in place to this day is to find a way to smile. It may be through watching a good show on Netflix, playing with my puppy, finding a bit of live music to enjoy or simply doing something kind for someone else.
I hope that each of you will find something special to do for yourself today. Just take a moment to breathe deeply, feel yourself relax and let go of the stress that comes with some of the challenging times you have faced during the week. Allowing yourself to rejuvenate is a gift that allows you to keep moving forward on moment at a time.
Let's see how many ideas we can find to share with one another today so we can continue to be positive, strong and find the courage to heal together.
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@Compassionatelistener108
Hi comp, I like to spend time on (i call it my cliff though its not really) to get clarity and ground. I also have found extreme hiking with music blaring helpful as of late.. Thought i'd share a gif of my calming spot,, hope it helps others find a little peace.
I feel very down and dark at the moment, want to retreat completely, i don't know how to keep pushing when everything feels too intense and i don't feel worthy of anything, bad coping mechanisms only added excess guilt, journaling didn't help because i felt disobedient for writing such things.. i feel like im hindering others, feel like such a burden.. negative critic is on her A game tonight and she is refusing to shut up.. Will go hide now, but hope others enjoy the gif and can find some peace from it.. If it wasn't night here i would go and rest there for a little while.. Hope you are well comp 
@calmLake1999
Hi Calm,
It is an absolutely glorious place. Thank you for sharing it will all of us. I believe I was lost in the moment just watching it for a while 
I am sorry that this day finds you in a difficult place. I find myself wishing that I could help you with the inner critic that seems to have a need to be heard today. Sometimes all of those things that we were told are internalized and we have a difficult time breaking away from them. In my experience, it was always the most challenging when I was moving too quickly or just about to deal with something that I was told should be a secret.
I will be thinking of you today as you try to work with her. Perhaps she will give you a respite from those old coping mechanisms and just allow you to breathe and imagine her as a protector who just needs to learn some other ways of working through things. I wish you the very best. Please know that I will be here today if you need anything or just want to vent.
Safe hugs
@Compassionatelistener108
I think might be a combination or moving too quickly and facing the many secrets, things i've always thought insignificant are building up and reminding me that none of it is normal, which is where negative critic pops in to tell me i deserved it all, that i need to keep quiet, that i am not worthy of anything better, etc...
I am trying so so hard to not push any further but it feels like it is all just being thrown at me, like i need to face it now,, its too overwhelming though, has me wanting to hide, has me wanting to run from it.. I don't know i'm kinda lost and overwhelmed and feeling hopeless about things
I'm glad you liked the picture it is very soothing,, i love just being there and watching the waves, for just a little while everything around me stops for just a little while,, hiking along that area is great too all with huge steep hills that burn the muscles but is rewarding when i make it to the top.. *hugs back* thank you
@calmLake1999
Calm,
Thank you for the reply. Your thoughts were stated wonderfully. I trust your feelings about how you need to pace yourself implicitly. You are absolutely correct in the fact that sometimes it is simply time to get things out into the open. Many times it seems like things fall into place just like they were meant to unfold in a certain way.
You are in my thoughts as you move through this time. I hope that you will be back at your beautiful place very soon losing yourself in nature. It is so healing and that deep blue is simply stunning.
Be well and let us know how we can support you💛🌻
@Compassionatelistener108
Thanks comp.. Freaking out so much now have an appointment soon and don't want to go. I know I need to but just want to retreat. Surely im not worth the psychs time..
@calmLake1999
Hi Calm,
I can only imagine what you are feeling right now. It is so hard to find the courage and energy to go to an appointment that we feel is going to be especially challenging.
I promise you when I was going so many years ago, I had to begin getting ready two hours before my appointment. Trust me, it wasnt so I could be dressed perfectly or do my makeup or hair. Looking back on it, I am not certain I gave myself enough time 🧐 Lets see there were the disappearing keys, single shoes and socks, walking into a room multiple times and suddenly forgetting why I was pacing... you understand the point I am trying to make.
I have to admit that some of the most difficult sessions to prepare for were also some of the most valuable.
I really hope you will be able to go to your appointment. When you arrive, let the individual know what a struggle it was to make it and why. It will help you feel more secure about what you choose to share. It will also let your therapist know how to help guide you in a gentle manner.
As you can tell, I am the proverbial night owl. I can provide you with all of the support and encouragement you feel you need.
Oh, any therapist who has the privilege of supporting you through this process is fortunate. Watching you heal and playing a small part in that process is an honor. 💛🌻
Many safe hugs 💖💕
@Compassionatelistener108
Thank you for your support. I don't deserve it at the moment. My thoughts were disregarded during the appointment so I walked out. Trying hard not to shut down my account and retreat completely. I feel so unimportant now.
@Compassionatelistener108 I don't know if I really take care of myself in the ways that I should. Sure, I eat, but probably not often enough. When I'm stressed out I try to breathe, sometimes I find the outdoors relaxing, but mostly I try to lose myself in animes and books to make me feel better.
@FangsInsanity Those are alle great things to do Fangs
@FangsInsanity
Hi,
It sounds like you do things very well. We all feel like we could be doing some things better. I say this not to minimize your feelings in any way. At times we tend to be far too hard on ourselves. I will be the first to raise my hand 😕 I often have to step back and not allow my inner critic to take away the positive feelings of doing things that are good enough. I am not certain if you feel like perfection is a goal at times too.
So, allow me to congratulate you on where you are right now. 🌟
Be well this week and keep taking care of yourself 💛
Self care is difficult for me. It's intrinsically linked to my trauma. More self-care meant my abuser wasn't able to maintain the same control over me (which they needed to feel comfortable, powerful, in control). If I felt too good, I'd be more likely to challenge my abuser and the more I challenged, the more punishment I would receive to put me back in line. Things I enjoyed were ridiculed so I had to hide them. I learned that self-care meant more negative attention from my abuser, which meant more punishment and abuse. I had to hide my emotions from being expressed in my body eventually, too. My emotions were used against me as well. If I expressed happiness, I'd get, "What are you happy for? You don't have any reason to be happy!" She'd give me a list of both recent and historical personal failings and personal attacks about my appearance and character. So I learned not to express my emotions either. I held a blank face, which couldn't be interpreted one way or another, so that I could protect myself. My hygiene was only important because my abuser needed a clean child to parade around so that she could receive praise second-hand for having such a wonderful kid. It was never because I deserved to be clean. It was so she could have the praise. So now, outside of that environment, I struggle to motivate myself to maintain basic hygiene, besides that it's a societal expectation and that limits my ability to receive or offer bodily contact with others (such as offering a to someone crying).
So self-care, expressing my emotions, and taking care of my body is very difficult. I feel lack of motivation to do even the most basic of things because of depression. I fear I'll be punished if I express my emotions, so it's hard to cry, even though I know I'm in a safe place.
Upon the advice of my therapist, I'm trying to spend less time thinking and more time aware of my body and feeling my emotions. I'm watching less philosophy and critical thinking videos (despite how intellectually satisfying I find them) and spending less time reading non-fiction and mental health books. This has been a challenge. I'm watching more ASMR videos (which make my skin tingle, so I pay attention to my body) and more emotionally evocative videos, like animal rescue videos, which often make me cry. I'm asking myself how certain things make me feel so I can identify my emotions. I'm trying my best to allow them to be felt. It's very, very difficult. I'm also doing a childhood activity I genuinely enjoyed doing, now as an adult. I'm painting with water onto pages with cartoon animals printed onto them. The water on the brush activates the watercolour paint that's hidden in the printed sections of the page, thus making the colour appear on the page as if by magic. I'm trying to do the activity for the sake of finding it enjoyable and trying not to judge myself for it.
Edit: "besides that it's a societal expectation and that my lack of hygiene limits my ability to receive or offer bodily contact with others (such as offering a hug to someone crying).
@Zeraphim
Hi,
I read through your post several times as I really want to honor your words. You pointed out so many things that many of us struggle with currently or have struggled with in the past.
Even those things that seem simple to some can take a tremendous amount of courage for others. You are not alone in many of the daily challenges you face.
I admire you for working so hard on your feelings through changing many of the things that brought you comfort in the past. I know it would be very difficult for me to give up my nonfiction books alone. It does sound like you are becoming more aware of your feelings as well as the subtle (and bold) changes in your body.
It is a brave step in your path to healing. I believe it is one of the more difficult times as all of these things begin to come together. You are doing a tremendous job.
I am so sorry that these things were used in such a manner that you have to put these pieces together. Please do lean on people here if we can help support you in any way.
Safe hugs are on the way 💛❤️💛
Take good care of yourself this week. You are moving forward in ways you may not even be aware of yet. What an inspiring, heartfelt post!
Thank you for sharing with us. 💛🌻
@Compassionatelistener108
My way of calming myself down when things get chaotic is to either chat with friends or family or watch my favorite cartoons (Ed Edd N Eddy, My Little Pony, Scooby Doo) and that tends to help me take my mind off things and smile. My day was great! I had fun editing a bit and spent some time with some of my online friends.
@CartoonDarling Awesome ideas for self-care :)
@CartoonDarling Hey Toon, me too, but lots of loud musik an bummie shakin too 
@CartoonDarling
Hi,
Simply reading your post made me smile. Cartoons are a good way to put us in an entirely different place. I must admit I watched my fair share of Ed, Ed and Eddie when my son was younger. Actually, we watched most of them (multiple times) and I never grew tired of hearing him laugh.
It sounds like you have a strong support network and take joy in your work as well.
I am thrilled about your weekend. I hope it will continue throughout the week! 💛🌻
@Compassionatelistener108
Last week was really hard. I signed up for online counseling with a therapist remotely. Not in 7cups. but the therapist uses this online platform to make it more affordable, and since I live in Europe it is hard to find a therapist.
A big part of my traumatic experience involves 10 years of cyber and IRL stalking, and last week he hacked into this counseling website and read the communication with my therapist. Since its therapy, its protected by HIPPA, so I reported it to the website, and they refused to accept responsibility. Who does that? We're going to run a mental health website and not put in any protection/ support for a giant threat to a clients mental health?????????
@energeticFarm4649 So sorry to hear this happened/ is happening to you Farm. I myself have an organization of men seeking me. What I do now is I my primary e-mail and alle I operate off of is through Google. I have had to change my e-mail and such a few times as well as quit alle social media. Also I e-mailed the Googlle staff and explained my prediciment, they now protect me beautifully and it's been 1 1/2 years since I have been found.
@Raveninthelabrynth
I cant afford to quit all social media for professional reasons. I did change email, phone and everything before. Google operates one of my email accounts but I cant change it, so I dont know what I can do. And in the past, he has just had direct access to my computer, so he just apparently tracks my activity and finds any site I create an account on that way. And I have had Apple and a security specialist check out my laptop for traces of security breach and they found nothing. In the past he did it through remote access like IT support people do, so that appears to have authorized access but I never gave it on purpose
@energeticFarm4649 Hmm yer a bit out of my knowledge with IT security there, but if you ever need someone to lay in the middle of a field in a ghillie suit covered in horse poop an taking pictures, I'm your girl lol
@energeticFarm4649
I am so sorry that your privacy was indeed violated when you were at your most vulnerable. You do bring up a wonderful point as HIPAA laws may be unclear or behind the times, but most licensed therapists are governed by a professional guidelines and ethical standards through the licensing board.
While he or she may have done their due diligence they are still bound by their particular licensing requirements. If the site cannot accommodate these basic client rights, you may want to take a different route.
As you can tell, I feel very passionate about HIPAA, Privacy, utilization of personal data and the protection of the most vulnerable moments we choose to share.
I hope you can find someone who will support you both emotionally and practically. I am happy you found someone and you are motivated to get help. Perhaps your therapist will be able to suggest a more secure method of communicating so you may continue. There are many options that allow for encryption and far better security.
I wish you the very best and again, I am so sorry that your personal conversations were violated.
Please stay in touch and know we are here to support you 💛
@Compassionatelistener108 HI it's Teresa and now I'm checking in.
It was really nice to read what you wrote on this thread and I also thought it was amazing that we were helping each other in this community. We're struggling, but we've got some kind of strengh to help others at the same time. The fact itself is empowerment I think.
The thing I use to make me relax is hot shower and bath, karaoke, reading some books, playing NIntendo ( Pokemon mainly), and playing with my dog.
I think the heat and the scent can be a good stuff to let us live in present.
Hope everyone in here would have a great rest of the day!☺️💕
@TeresaGreninja91 Sounds like yer on things propper there hon. Enjoy your relaxation time
@TeresaGreninja91
Hi,
I am thrilled to see you become a part of the community. I agree completely with your statement concerning empowerment. I am glad you stated it in such a succinct manner as it really is as simple as it sounds. When we are not alone, we are empowered 🌟
I love the way you take care of yourself. I enjoy the tremendous amount of creativity that people show in the community. I always close my evenings with fresh ideas and respect for those who are so dedicated to their healing as well as supporting others.
Welcome, again! I hope you have a good week 💛
Hoot an Phoohey Folks!!! I spent way too much time in na cup today.
Much Love to Alle an please do take good care of yourselves.
*Raven gets up an fly's away
Okay....I just had a whole thing typed up and then my internet crashed and I lost my post soooo....lemme try this again!
Basically, today was pretty amazing! Yesterday I got my nails done (you saw that Compassionate, I'll get back to you I swear lol!), and then today I spent the whole day with family! 😁
I had my green nails, my celtic knot necklace from Trinity College in Dublin, my handcarved shamrock bracelet, a black and green dress with shamrocks on it, decorative stickers on my face, and novelty necklaces (basically St. Paddy's Day-ified Mardi Gras beads lol), for the South Side Irish Parade! (seriously, it's awesome and we go every year, check it out: http://www.chicagotribune.com/suburbs/daily-southtown/news/ct-sta-south-side-irish-parade-st-0312-20180311-story.html). Then, like we always do, we went to my aunt's house and spent the day there cuz she lives a block off the parade route. Theeeeen, as we aaalso do every year, we went to Rainbow Cone! (I don't actually like two of the flavors in it, so I always get cookies n cream in a cup cuz that's my favorite lol).
Then we went out for pizza with my mom's parents, and then we finally got home about two hours ago!
Now I've got about an hour and a half to finish a couple assignments, but it should be simple enough 😊
@BeeLeigh
Hi Bee. I have a lovely picture of you "wearing the green", thanks to your descriptive writing. Glad you had a great day! I'll join you for the cookies and cream. And hope the assignments are done and dusted. Love to you my buddy. x
@rozie
Oh my goodness I don
@BeeLeigh
Bee,
What a fun day! Well beyond fun but my big girl vocabulary seems to be still recovering a bit. I have made an executive decision and that would be that I may have gone a bit too far when I decided to simplify my life! I need to get out more.
For the time being I will have to settle for living vicariously through the Wonderful Tales of Bee.
You live everything with such a sense of wonder and excitement. It is the best as I love hearing about your adventures. I just know that great things are out there for you. You have worked so hard and deserve every moment of joy life brings to you.
Lol, I cannot believe you remembered my love of ice cream. I ran by the store to pick some up this evening! I am glad you chose your favorite. I would probably have to try the rainbow at least once.
The parade sounds phenomenal. Perhaps good fortune will allow me to travel that direction one day soon!
Have a terrific night and I hope you have a great week! 💚🍀💚
@Compassionatelistener108
Well get your vicarious reading glasses out, cuz St. Patrick
@BeeLeigh
I just read the article. It is an incredible tradition. Thank you so much for sharing your celebration with us! I am wide awake now and am going to put it on my list of dreams. 🍀🍀🍀🍀
@Compassionatelistener108
Oh it really is!! I
@BeeLeigh lol sounds like fun Bee
@Raveninthelabrynth
Raven, it
@Compassionatelistener108
Been a while. I don't know what to say anymore... I'm going throught a very traumatizing situation at this moment... I just can't take more. Hugs.
@Zombii Hey Zombii I'm sorry your in some doom at the moment, but it sure is good to see you today
is there anything we could do to help?
@Raveninthelabrynth
I don't know Raven. I need a professional and it's really triggering so I'll keep it for me but thank you sweetie.
@Zombii My Pleasure Dear, M always about iffin ye need or wish.
@Zombii
Hi,
I am so sorry this is such a difficult time. I am glad you checked in. If you need to talk, just let me know and I will listen.
It is hard to go through so much pain by yourself. Just remember we are here if you change your mind.
I have a lot of extra special listening time today 💛
Many safe hugs 💖
@Compassionatelistener108
It's really sweetof you to offer, really I could take everything coming to me for help. and hugs
The best way for me to feel better is to watch my favorite shows. I could say reading too but the books I'm reading right now aren't that good haha! Maybe the next ones will be better. We'll see.
@archerzvy
A plan after my own heart 😀. Between Netflix and Hulu I can generally find something to brighten my day. When you have a chance you will have to share your favorites.
I love to read but so much of it is nonfiction these days. I can be such a nerdy girl 🧐🤫
I will have to get some good recommendations from you one day!