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energeticFarm4649
5,310 M Moving Along
PathStep 708 Compassion hearts85 Forum posts319 Forum upvotes435 Current upvotes435 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2019 Member sinceDecember 9, 2017
Recent forum posts
10 years of breaking free
Trauma Support / by energeticFarm4649
Last post
 December 18th, 2017
...See more So in the past 10 years I've had three male stalkers. Total of 3+ years of my adult life being stalked. But one situation was incredibly damaging. The son of an older mentor who was close with me turned into a lot of drama in his family, and my family, and a lot of crossfire. This was 10 years ago. He could never ask me out or talk to me. All in person encounters were train wrecks, but I tried to make it work. I was under a lot of pressure to try to impress his father. However, then he was controlling. Interfered in my job search at the start of the recession. Spread gossip about me. Isolated me from friends and family. Told my family I was crazy. I had to go to a battered women's shelter to find someone who didn't think I was crazy to understand what was going on. He has then continued to follow me obsessively. This summer he entered my apartment while I was out by climbing onto the balcony and through the open windows. He has tried to prevent me from dating other people or moving on. This was too much, and I feel I have made steps to rebuild my life, gain independence, and break free from the effects of him constantly trying to get into my head. I've experienced loss, betrayal, disappointment. It's been very hard for me to accept that this whole thing just derailed so much of my life. The emotional scars, the damaged family relationships. Now I am on the mend, but it just takes time to heal. I am building the life I want, but it's overwhelming sometimes the amount I have to juggle. I want to have a healthy relationship and someone to share my life with now. Someone may have come along recently, but it's bringing up a lot of triggers, because she is a public figure. Dating her would mean a lot of publicity and pressure, and I'm having a panic attack about it. I need to spend time with her and figure out dating and relationship questions before being confronted with all of that pressure again. I feel like too much pressure on top of the things I juggle in my life would make me crack from the anxiety.
Strained/ tension on longer relationships
Relationship Stress / by energeticFarm4649
Last post
 December 17th, 2017
...See more It seems like some of my oldest friendships have been really strained. Some of them due to politics. One of my closest college friends is going through a divorce after being together for 13 years with two kids. But last week something really bothered me. One college friend who has had emotional/ mental instability, and I have been there to support her. I've known her for 20 years. She was engaged once - though it wasn't a healthy relationship. But he dropped her with no explanation, and she had no closure and acted a little crazy. Went by his place etc. But the group just listened to his excuses and put all the blame on her. It grew to a totally toxic level, and she spent several years in counseling afterward to heal from that. I moved to Seattle for a year and she came the year after me, when I left. I spent hours on the phone listening to her spin in circles about the emotional scars from this situation. She is now happily married with a son who is 5 or 6. But her mental health isn't always there in responding to things in healthy ways. I think she's always been fragile and just needs to be accepted. So this topic was about how nice Trump voters were, and I got the feeling that she just wanted to fit in with people she thought would be nice. But here I am thinking about the situation happening now where women are breaking the silence of situations like the one she experienced. Where the narrative men create is just believed and the women are blamed, and this is done in abuse of power. Like what she experienced. She thinks these people she knows now who appear so nice to her and accept her would have behaved differently in those circumstances, and I know she's wrong. But she started lashing out at me just for trying to talk to her about the logic. I didn't bring up the past situation. She was just lashing out at anyone who questioned her new friends. So it got to the point where she told me her husband told her I was not mentally healthy?? Really? After the hours of emotional support I spent not abandoning her in a dark time. But she thinks that these new friends are nicer, even though they are supporting a group trying to prevent women from being able to complain and speeak up about male power abuse... JUST LIKE WHAT CAUSED HER ALL OF THIS EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS!! Like the fact that I've known her for 20 years means nothing. That new friends who would have abandoned her if they had been there when she went through that are more valuable?? That she needs to protect them and lash out at anyone just so she can feel accepted? Even though I have always accepted her, in highs and lows.
Anxious about finances and stability
Anxiety Support / by energeticFarm4649
Last post
 September 13th, 2021
...See more For two years I have had a lot of problems getting settled and getting an income. A lot of people have gotten in my way and cost my business a lot of money. I thought I had new better and more trustworthy people helping me now, but it feels like the same thing all over again. One guy is supposed to write a business plan for me, and he was supposed to get me something in November so I could secure monthly contracts to start out the year. He is 3 weeks late, even though I have worked on those relationships, and am ready to send them something so I can get the contracts. I notice in the emotional health questionnaire here, it asks ifI lash out at people, and I know I do. My patience and tolerance is so low because people have taken advantage of me, and it has cost me a lot of money. Here I am trying to get something more secure, and I feel like I fixate on things that get stuck. When one thing happens to prevent me from taking the next step as anticipated, I can't even move on and work on anything else productive. I just get stuck on the thing that isn't working and holding me back.
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