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FangsInsanity
8,182 M Moving Along 8
PathStep 336 Compassion hearts825 Forum posts211 Forum upvotes427 Current upvotes427 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2020 Member sinceJanuary 29, 2018
Bio
Hello. I am a 23 year old pansexual trans male.
If you want to call me something other than Fang then the name is Damon.
Recent forum posts
What's Been Going On Since My Absence
Trauma Support / by FangsInsanity
Last post
 June 16th, 2018
...See more I haven't been as active on here as I used to be. Anyway, I was doing really well lately. I was the happiest I had been in years. The thing is suddenly I've been struck again by my depression, and my anxiety is going really high too. I don't know why. Well, I might... See, I attempted to do it. I attempted to do the thing that has been bothering me these past few months. It wasn't really my idea, to begin with. It was completely random and spontaneous. I was freaking out. I couldn't stop hyperventilating. I realize now I might have been having a panic attack again. I'm never aware when it's happening. It doesn't occur to me. Anyway, my boyfriend tells me to calm down which is the worst advice ever. lol He told me to breathe. I did that, and somehow at the end that was the thing that calmed me down. I actually began to feel ready to do stuff. It didn't work out, but we'll try again. After that day, at first, I felt calm, no anxiety whatsoever. Now, it's hitting me at an extreme. I'm wondering if it's a late reaction to it and knowing that we're going to try again. It seems unlikely when I'm okay with it now. I'm also wondering why my depression suddenly hit again. I also find it funny to have a panic attack in relation to something that wasn't really caused by anything. I don't connect my trauma to my previous not wanting to up the intimacy. I know it can't be my trauma because when I finally got over it, that was still an issue. I just don't see how my thinking of all the worst possible outcomes would happen if I did it could cause that severe of a reaction. Our minds are funny that way.
Figuring Out The Issue
Trauma Support / by FangsInsanity
Last post
 April 27th, 2018
...See more Okay, okay, okay. I figured out what is wrong with me, I think. I've been wondering what is holding me back from taking initiative, and I used to blame my past for that. I thought about it a lot last night, and I realized it's not my past it's like my brain. I have this tendency to believe the worst things in life will happen to me. So, I realized that the things stopping me from taking initiative are that I believe these terrible things will spawn from this one event. I need to break those thoughts. I know there's like methods of replacing negatives with positives, and some might even say fake it till you make it. I don't know if that is really a way to do things. You guys have any suggestions? I know I need to break this habit because now I'm having extreme anxiety and panic, and I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't fix this.
Road Block
Trauma Support / by FangsInsanity
Last post
 April 27th, 2018
...See more This whole time I've been trying to get myself over things, and it had finally worked. I felt mostly normal, and I believed I could take the next step. Then this weekend happened. My boyfriend wants to get more intimate, and he got stuff for that, and I was scared. I tried to reassure myself that I've been terrified before, but that it always worked out. We got back to the house, and things were happening, but when he went in for a kiss at the one point my brain assumed something else was about to go down, and I went into a panic, and I was trying to defend myself. This worries me about the future. If I can't stop that...what will happen?
Getting Closer
Trauma Support / by FangsInsanity
Last post
 April 9th, 2018
...See more Oh, my gosh. For a while, I've been trying to achieve things in relationships, but I'm an awkward jellybean. Anyway, I came here to fix that, and I thought it could work, but nothing has become of it yet. Yesterday though was something, I think. In my relationships, I find it hard to do things for people. I can't reciprocate what they are doing, and I can't take initiative. So, my boyfriend asked me some questions yesterday that I used to find hard to answer, and I finally answered them. He did a thing and then asked me to do the same. It wasn't anything major, but after I did it, I found doing things to be a lot easier than they used to be. I think I'm getting closer to being able to be in what society would define as a "normal" relationship.
You'll Never Amount to Anything
Trauma Support / by FangsInsanity
Last post
 April 6th, 2018
...See more I know that things that happen in the past can cause severe problems, and some of those are things like low self-esteem, or you end up insulting yourself a lot because you can't believe anything good about yourself because everything else you did was something you did wrong, or at least that's what your brain would have you believe. Anyway, I sometimes think that maybe my low self-esteem comes from the way I am treated by my family. For instance, I was pursuing a degree in culinary until I figured it wasn't something I really wanted to do, and my boyfriend came through and convinced me to change majors. He told me to pursue a writing degree since it was something I enjoy. So I did that, and somehow at least my grandma thinks I'm just copying whatever he does. Because of this, she keeps insulting me. Yesterday, I was talking about writing, and she said that I was a fuck-up like my boyfriend. I didn't really have anything to say to that other than no. Then I was informed by my father that most likely I'll never get a book out because it's not that simple. Then I got informed that I'd be without any money, and then I'd find myself in my grave still promising God, of all people, that I'd get that book out. No wonder I always feel so terrible towards my writing, and then someone comes along and is like "This is amazing." and I'm always surprised, or I just don't believe them.
What Have I Done...*slight trigger?*
Depression Support / by FangsInsanity
Last post
 April 4th, 2018
...See more Normally, my depression is very minimal. There's only certain things that set it off severely. Today...well more like last night I angered someone really bad. This is the one person I love above anyone else. He's angry because people aren't reliable, my inability to communicate with others, and some other things. He keeps yelling at me, and saying cruel shit. I'm really fucking done today, and I kind of want to drop fucking dead. I'm sorry about that. lol Today is not a good day. Usually these things are dropped by morning, he's still going...
Just stuff...I guess
Trauma Support / by FangsInsanity
Last post
 April 8th, 2018
...See more I came here to get help with my issues with stuff. This site has been very helpful for that. There's only one issue that still remains even now. I can't go forward in the intimacy that my partner wants. I want to, kind of, but I fear that. I have these fears that he will abandon me after he gets what he wants because people do that, I fear that I will push myself too far again for I did that once, but I didn't understand what I had done then I thought everything was fine, and I fear basic things like becoming pregnant or whatever. lol Uh anyway...everything else is great...haha.
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