Building Self-Esteem Series: Self-Love letters
Hi everyone! Thank you for following our series and working on your relationship with yourself. I know it is quite the challenge but it's a big effort and a big reward exchange! The world treats us differently when we learn our worth and insist on upholding our standards.
These past 8 weeks we have been laying down the foundations on which we can stand and start to take more direct steps towards building our self-esteem. This specific exercise can feel challenging but if you have been following the series and have put in the foundational work then I believe you have what it takes to show yourself some wholehearted love and compassion. Even if this is the first post you come across, give it a shot! You may be surprised by this one.
Today we will be writing self-love letters!
It is a letter that you write to yourself, usually addressing yourself as you are a separate being. It will make sense in a bit!
Try to create a relaxed environment. Smell something calming, and make a soothing beverage. Try to find a private place and keep the tissue paper ready for the upcoming tears. It is perfectly normal to find yourself crying.
Talk to yourself as you would talk to someone you love wholeheartedly. Think of yourself as this dearest friend who you know intimately and want the best for. Here are a few things you can talk about:
- Note down how proud you are of all the work you have done. All the progress you have made.
- Highlight all the ways you are growing as a person or how life has improved
- Give reassurance for all the worries you hold. For example ‘I know you are worried that you will fail at X but remember when you thought the same about Y and that worked out Silly!’
- You can use any tone you like but it should be compassionate.
- Apologize to yourself for all the wrong you have done
- The letter can be pages long or a paragraph long. It can typed or written.
Example of how it can look like:
Dearest Me,
You work so hard, even when you feel unseen. I'm sorry for the harsh words I've thrown your way, for neglecting your needs. Remember how worried you were about moving to a new city? We faced it together, and just like with starting that new hobby, you came out the other side, braver and wiser. I know you have doubts and anxieties, especially about finding a stable job. But listen to me – you've overcome so much already. You have the strength, the resilience, and the kindness to navigate this too. Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember that laugh you have, the way it lights up your eyes? And your kindness, the one that extends even to strangers? Today, I want to celebrate those things. You are worthy of love, even from yourself. Maybe especially from yourself.
Your loving self,
(Your name)
Activity
Write a letter to yourself following the above instructions. Once done, read it and come back to this post. Answer the questions:
- How did writing the letter make you feel?
- How was the overall writing experience for you?
You are not expected to share your letter with us. If you are participating with a listener account, please be mindful of listener account boundaries when answering these questions. You can keep the answers general.
I encourage you to schedule the letter as a future email to yourself using email's scheduling service. It can be a nice gift for you from you! You are also encouraged to write one letter every day for 7 days. Somedays it will be a page, other days 3 lines and that’s okay. Whatever you write, you can keep scheduling for a future date. It can be a nice exchange of sending and receiving letters for yourself.
Dear Prof
I am aware that you don't know where to start about all your emotions and feelings, but this letter is meant to show love to yourself.
With the ongoing mental and emotional challenges you have been going through, I know it hasn't been easy showing the love you deserve for yourself. I am not here to judge nor blame you but I am here to let you know that I love you and care about you so much. Things might not be going the way you desire, wish, or dream but you're still a wonderful and amazing person.
I am proud to let you know that everything you ever prayed for has happened the way you wanted it to happen, but because of the ongoing challenges you have struggled to see that. I am aware of the journey you still want to take and it's not an easy one, but I know you will conquer and be successful in the change you want to see.
I want to encourage you to hang in there and keep fighting to see it happen, eventually, you'll get there.
- How did writing the letter make you feel?
I felt encouraged. It was nice to put to words some of my feelings. It helped to clarify my thoughts.
- How was the overall writing experience for you?
It was a little of a struggle. Hard to think of what to say. Then I just wrote down some passing thoughts as an outline. That helped. I'm glad I did it.
it felt a little bit awkward to write the letter at first. i didn't know what i wanted to talk about or what i would say to myself. it took quite a bit of effort to be vulnerable and give myself the love i deserve. being told all those compassionate words felt a bit foreign and i realised i want to love myself better, be self compassionate often. i felt peaceful and calm after writing the letter.
@Hope
How did writing the letter make you feel?
Writing the letter made me feel upset because I had to think about all the mistakes I have made, but it was good to reflect on the positive things I have achieved because I don't focus on that enough.
How was the overall writing experience for you?
It was a good experience to do overall because I can use it as a tool to look back on when I am feeling low.
@Hope
How did writing the letter make you feel?
Writing the letter made me feel upset because I had to think about all the mistakes I have made, but it was good to reflect on the positive things I have achieved because I don't focus on that enough.
How was the overall writing experience for you?
It was a good experience to do overall because I can use it as a tool to look back on when I am feeling low.
Write a letter to yourself following the above instructions. Once done, read it and come back to this post. Answer the questions:
How did writing the letter make you feel?
I was melancholic at first, and then I felt uplifted and inspired.
How was the overall writing experience for you?
It was an amazing experience and especially more satisfying by physically putting a pen to paper. I will practise it more. This activity taught me to be my own friend and to be more mindful with how I talk to myself.
@Hope
How did writing the letter make you feel?
I was really confused at first and I didn't know what to write. But I figured out something to say after a long time. And I think it made me feel really emotional. It was hard to write. But I do feel a little bit better afterwards, kinda like a relieved feeling. I got something off my chest.
How was the overall writing experience for you?
It's not easy to write myself a letter a compassionate letter when I'm not usually so compassionate with myself. But yeah, I did it. I think it's been worth the effort because I feel a bit relieved now. I do hope I'm able to be around till the future date for when I've schedule sent the email. I wonder what reading it will be like
@Hope
I want to get to this point! That means I have to start at the beginning of this course. Is there a way for me to work through this, considering that the group has already completed your course? I never considered how difficult this area is for me to thoughtfully consider and address.
@4Jasmine
Hi Jasmine! The series is available for everyone to complete at their own pace. The only difference is that now there is no badge attached to it. You can take your time and do post by post. All posts are linked here.
@Hope
That's great. I don't need a badge to benefit from the course. Thanks for letting me know.
@HopeEverything sort of poured out all at once so the letter in a way helped me let go of a few things I ve been holding onto for a while. It was a great experience
@Hope
It did feel kind of emotional but I did feel more of a connection and awareness of myself
