Building Self-Esteem Series: Learning from Others
Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Thank you for participating in the Building Self-esteem series. This week we have an exciting post! We have two community users who you may have interacted with/seen who are sharing their own experiences with building their self-esteem. Thank you to @pandanfe and @Kristynsmama for contributing to this post and sharing their experiences.
The following are their reflections:
At what point did you start this journey and what steps did you take early on?
Pandanfe: I’ve been an early meditation practitioner. So, self-esteem was always a part of my lifestyle. Maybe if it wasn’t for early meditation, I wouldn't have these things like self-love, self-esteem.
Kristynsmama: I actually started this journey to better self esteem in high school. (Secondary school for some). The most important step that I took early on was seeking the support of a licensed and qualified therapist. She taught me a lot of skills that I could use at home such as positive affirmations and gratitude.
What challenges did you face and how did you overcome them?
Pandanfe: Sometimes challenges could be that some other people are trying to give their unnecessary opinions without base which could lead to self-doubt. And me being a non-social human makes it harder. But when I analyze the situation properly, I can make better decisions.
Kristynsmama: My biggest challenge by far was my negative self talk. Every time I said something negative to myself I had to try to undo it. It seemed like I was trying to undo negative self talk on a daily basis!
What are your tips for people who want to have better self-esteem?
Pandanfe:
- Knowing that you need no validation from others if you trust the process
- Self-love is really important because if you’re treating yourself better, no one else is gonna treat you the wrong way
- Keeping healthy boundaries is really important
- And learning detachment from toxicity is must
Kristynsmama: There is a book that was very helpful to me by Rhonda Britten. It’s called Change your Life in 30 Days. In that book, I learned that my self confidence is very much like a muscle. When you go to the gym and exercise regularly, you get stronger. Confidence and self esteem is the same way. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. And if you don’t use it, you lose it!
How can I build self-esteem when I don’t like myself?
Pandanfe: Then practicing self-love first is recommended.
Kristynsmama: The opposite of hate is love. Practicing self love was the only solution to my self hatred.
How do I develop self-respect for myself when I find it hard to respect myself?
Pandanfe: In this case it’s better to acknowledge what is that thing about you, that’s not letting you keep yourself at a higher position. Once you acknowledge it, it’s better to work on the root cause of low esteem. Pro tips towards self esteem: Learn to cultivate self esteem through small steps like self-care, putting boundaries, starting to open up, mastering the technique of detachment etc. In case you wanna check how I developed more self-love you can do so by reading this post. 🔗
Kristynsmama: Viewing yourself with respect and love IS a choice. You can choose to view yourself with love and respect or you can choose not to. The one thing I learned though is that the more I choose the hatred path, the more I remain a victim of my own low self esteem. Pro tips towards self esteem: Learn to cultivate self esteem through small random acts of kindness. When you are thinking of ways you can be of service to someone else, you don’t spend as much time trash talking yourself. In case you wanna check how random acts of kindness have changed my life, check out this post 🔗
When we look at both the reflections, we find some similarities in their journeys and some room for different approaches to building self-esteem. Both Pandan and Kristy started their journeys to better self-esteem early on, facing challenges like negativity and self-doubt. They overcame them through various methods, including seeking professional help, positive self-talk, and self-love practices.
Pandanfe emphasizes:
- Self-love and trust in the process
- Healthy boundaries and detachment from negativity
- Small steps like self-care and opening-up
Kristynsmama highlights:
- Self-respect as a choice and the power of positivity
- Building self-esteem like a muscle through consistent effort
- Random acts of kindness to shift focus and boost confidence
Both agree that self-love is crucial and offer resources for further exploration. Remember, building self-esteem is a journey, start small, be kind to yourself, and celebrate progress!
Tasks for this week
- After reading both Pandanfe and Kristynsmama’s shares, Whose experience feels more relatable to you in your own journey? Are there any specific tips or techniques shared by either Pandan or Kristy that you'd like to try or incorporate into your own efforts?
- (Optional) Do you have any specific questions for Pandan or Kristy? (You can ask them to elaborate on their techniques or something they mentioned that you are curious about). Please ask questions relevant to their building self-esteem journey.
@Hope
I didn't face and relate to both's start of journey and challenges they have overcome, but I did relate more to @Pandanfe when it comes to the tips to have better self-esteem and how to develop self-respect when one has a hard time doing it that she gave based on her experience. I would also happen to share the same sentiment and learning if I were asked. However, @Kristynsmama tips for better self-esteem and how to develop self-respect are exactly what I would incorporate to solidify my self-esteem.
For close reference I just copy pasted:
Pandanfe emphasizes:
- Self-love and trust in the process
- Healthy boundaries and detachment from negativity
- Small steps like self-care and opening-up
Kristynsmama highlights:
- Self-respect as a choice and the power of positivity
- Building self-esteem like a muscle through consistent effort
- Random acts of kindness to shift focus and boost confidence
@Ubebe
i love that you were able to take something away from each perspective and see how it applies to you and your life.
@Ubebe
Since you didn't face and relate to both of us, i'm really curious to hear your journey to building self-esteem (that is if you don't mind sharing 💛)
@pandanfe
It was at the point in my life where I've been crying every day for months, and I'm really hurt, but I don't know why it pains me a lot when it was not that deep when things happened (interactions with people). I realized I was not the best version of myself, and I barely have memories where I'm happy. It took a lot of self-reflection and journals to find that there's a lot to heal. One challenge with which I'm still dealing is my anxiety. It's honestly a hard combo when you're an introvert and have social anxiety. I believe, and I saw progress, that dealing with my anxiety can help me improve my self-esteem. My mind is not that foggy compared to before, and other people's presence doesn't scare me anymore. I also spend some time just observing people and how they carry themselves. I research, understand the meaning behind it, and try to apply what I learn from it. I've gained back a little of my self-esteem, and hopefully more will come.
@Ubebe
You've come very far with practicing to build self-esteem. And indeed there's more to come. Deep understanding and learning from it is a good approach to tackling any traits. I hope you get over your anxiety too 💛
Thank you both, @Pandanfe & @Kristynsmama for sharing your experiences from your journey. You both kind of make me hopeful that this is something everyone, even I, can succeed at.
After reading both stories, I feel like I can relate to different parts of each story. For me, therapy is also a crucial part. Without it, I wouldn't have even realized that my mind was constantly busy trash talking myself. Still, despite spending years on therapy already, I feel like I've still got a long way to go.
What Kristynsmama shared about the daily negative self-talk really sounds like what I'm doing regularly. It's like battling yourself on a daily basis.
@Kristynsmama May I ask you what helped you to undo the negative self talk you were facing each day?
@cautiousVixen
You're right. Everyone including you can build self-esteem. It may take small to long time depending on different person. there would be good and bad days that you'll have to face, but never never never lose hope. Because eventually someday you'll be able to bring out that hidden part of you that'll respect you no matter what 💛
@cautiousVixen. I have not forgotten about responding to your post. I want to give it the thought and attention it deserves. But I do want to say that yes, absolutely, there is hope…. Even for you. I am not the same person I was 20 years ago. And improved self esteem is one of the biggest changes I’ve made in my life! I will answer your question about what has helped me by the end of the day.
@cautiousVixen
i did a lot of affirmations and acknowledgments of myself. I also did a lot of counter journaling. I would divide my paper in half. On the left side I would write down a negative thought. And I on the right side, I would write down the opposite or what I wanted to believe. I would read it over and over again and everytime I read the positive I would finish it with, @I know this to be true.”
@Hope
- After reading both Pandanfe and Kristynsmama’s shares, Whose experience feels more relatable to you in your own journey? Are there any specific tips or techniques shared by either Pandan or Kristy that you'd like to try or incorporate into your own efforts?
i think kristynsmama's experience feels more relatable to me. i am thinking of trying out the keeping healthy boundaries technique that pandanfe shared.
@Hope
After reading both Pandanfe and Kristynsmama’s shares, Whose experience feels more relatable to you in your own journey? Are there any specific tips or techniques shared by either Pandan or Kristy that you'd like to try or incorporate into your own efforts?
I felt that I related more to Pandanfe in my journey. This is due to their mention of having self-doubt and working on detaching from toxicity. I know these are areas that have come up again and again for me to work on. I would like to incorporate Pandanfe's insight into discovering root causes and Kristynsmama's encouragement of exercising confidence and self-esteem as I would greatly benefit. Thank you both for sharing with us all!
i related to both of their experiences a little bit but i feel my journey has been more like kristy's. she describes some of the techniques that i am practicing right now. she talks about replacing our negative thoughts with a positive one and i would like to ask her did she ever feel overwhelmed by the quantity of her negative thoughts ?
i am trying to talk to myself with self compassion and somedays i feel that i have too much negativity and it is very hard to persist. @Kristynsmama
i read @pandanfe 's post about a month of self love acts and i liked it very much and i am thinking of doing something similar for myself.
honestly, reading both of their experiences felt reassuring, that building self esteem is achievable and has been done by people like me.
@orangish
thank you so much for your response. I absolutely was overwhelmed with the number of negative thoughts that I had running through my head, especially early on. The more I worked on it, the less overwhelming it was. One thing that help d me with the feeling of being overwhelmed was deep breathing when I felt anxious.
thank you for the tip. i definitely plan on persisting as long as it takes.
@orangish. Just remember to take things one step at a time. That helped me too when I felt overwhelmed.
@Hope
Self love and self respect are very important parts of self-care!
@Hope
I used to be full of self-esteem, self-love, and trust. Life sent me a bunch of difficult curve balls, and in all the turmoil, I lost myself. I'm working towards getting back to my positive, loving, caring self. I'm already starting to move in the right direction. Focusing on others is a great way to do this. Caring about others is a wonderful thing!😊
I feel like I can relate to both shares. Thank you @Pandanfe and @Kristynsmama for sharing!
Right now I'm working on building self care habits and challenging my negative thoughts. It was good to hear both shares for me. :)
@IchooseLife79 You got this 💕 We're here to support you if you need any sort of motivation and guidance. Also don't forget to share your journey with us <3
@Hope
I relate to Pandanfe in that my journey started with meditation. I visited a psychologist at school but at the time I wasn't open to receiving her advice, it wasn't my option to see her. I also struggle with people's opinions, but nowadays it bothers me more than impacts me because I know most of the time they don't know half of the story and that's why they're so quick to judge. My mistake was to believe them. I believe we all do need validation, that's what listeners here do, validate our emotions. What we should be careful with is where is this validation coming from, if it's my long-life therapist I value it but if it's a colleague from work with whom I barely speak I don't care too much, unless it's pertinent professional advice.
