Building Self-Esteem Series: Learning from Others
Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Thank you for participating in the Building Self-esteem series. This week we have an exciting post! We have two community users who you may have interacted with/seen who are sharing their own experiences with building their self-esteem. Thank you to @pandanfe and @Kristynsmama for contributing to this post and sharing their experiences.
The following are their reflections:
At what point did you start this journey and what steps did you take early on?
Pandanfe: I’ve been an early meditation practitioner. So, self-esteem was always a part of my lifestyle. Maybe if it wasn’t for early meditation, I wouldn't have these things like self-love, self-esteem.
Kristynsmama: I actually started this journey to better self esteem in high school. (Secondary school for some). The most important step that I took early on was seeking the support of a licensed and qualified therapist. She taught me a lot of skills that I could use at home such as positive affirmations and gratitude.
What challenges did you face and how did you overcome them?
Pandanfe: Sometimes challenges could be that some other people are trying to give their unnecessary opinions without base which could lead to self-doubt. And me being a non-social human makes it harder. But when I analyze the situation properly, I can make better decisions.
Kristynsmama: My biggest challenge by far was my negative self talk. Every time I said something negative to myself I had to try to undo it. It seemed like I was trying to undo negative self talk on a daily basis!
What are your tips for people who want to have better self-esteem?
Pandanfe:
- Knowing that you need no validation from others if you trust the process
- Self-love is really important because if you’re treating yourself better, no one else is gonna treat you the wrong way
- Keeping healthy boundaries is really important
- And learning detachment from toxicity is must
Kristynsmama: There is a book that was very helpful to me by Rhonda Britten. It’s called Change your Life in 30 Days. In that book, I learned that my self confidence is very much like a muscle. When you go to the gym and exercise regularly, you get stronger. Confidence and self esteem is the same way. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. And if you don’t use it, you lose it!
How can I build self-esteem when I don’t like myself?
Pandanfe: Then practicing self-love first is recommended.
Kristynsmama: The opposite of hate is love. Practicing self love was the only solution to my self hatred.
How do I develop self-respect for myself when I find it hard to respect myself?
Pandanfe: In this case it’s better to acknowledge what is that thing about you, that’s not letting you keep yourself at a higher position. Once you acknowledge it, it’s better to work on the root cause of low esteem. Pro tips towards self esteem: Learn to cultivate self esteem through small steps like self-care, putting boundaries, starting to open up, mastering the technique of detachment etc. In case you wanna check how I developed more self-love you can do so by reading this post. 🔗
Kristynsmama: Viewing yourself with respect and love IS a choice. You can choose to view yourself with love and respect or you can choose not to. The one thing I learned though is that the more I choose the hatred path, the more I remain a victim of my own low self esteem. Pro tips towards self esteem: Learn to cultivate self esteem through small random acts of kindness. When you are thinking of ways you can be of service to someone else, you don’t spend as much time trash talking yourself. In case you wanna check how random acts of kindness have changed my life, check out this post 🔗
When we look at both the reflections, we find some similarities in their journeys and some room for different approaches to building self-esteem. Both Pandan and Kristy started their journeys to better self-esteem early on, facing challenges like negativity and self-doubt. They overcame them through various methods, including seeking professional help, positive self-talk, and self-love practices.
Pandanfe emphasizes:
- Self-love and trust in the process
- Healthy boundaries and detachment from negativity
- Small steps like self-care and opening-up
Kristynsmama highlights:
- Self-respect as a choice and the power of positivity
- Building self-esteem like a muscle through consistent effort
- Random acts of kindness to shift focus and boost confidence
Both agree that self-love is crucial and offer resources for further exploration. Remember, building self-esteem is a journey, start small, be kind to yourself, and celebrate progress!
Tasks for this week
- After reading both Pandanfe and Kristynsmama’s shares, Whose experience feels more relatable to you in your own journey? Are there any specific tips or techniques shared by either Pandan or Kristy that you'd like to try or incorporate into your own efforts?
- (Optional) Do you have any specific questions for Pandan or Kristy? (You can ask them to elaborate on their techniques or something they mentioned that you are curious about). Please ask questions relevant to their building self-esteem journey.
Tagging everyone who signed up!
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@Pandanfe & @Kristynsmama Thank you both so much for sharing your experiences and journey. ♡ @Hope I can definitely relate to both Panda and Kristy in more ways than one. What I loved most is while they both had different experiences, when it came down to how to build self esteem... they both gave the same answer. It comes to show just how important self love is! I am so glad we had these 2 amazing people to reiterate just how important it truly is! ♡ Thank you both for that! I'm taking this that I need to do something kind for me now. :)
@YourCaringConfidant @Hope
I didn’t even put it together that it boiled down to the same answer for both of us! Has self love been the answer for building self esteem for you?
@Kristynsmama Honestly, mine is a mixture of self ♡ and just being sick and tired of the bs. One day, I just "grew up" and got tired of it and knew I had to make changes. I knew I had to let go of the bs in the past that I had no control of and release the control others had on me because it wasn't doing me any good. That's the easiest way I can put it without going on and on.
@YourCaringConfidant
Reading the series of "Building Self-Esteem" is already one kind thing you're doing to yourself 💛 Every small steps towards kindness counts (both towards yourself and others). I hope you've a joyful journey to self-esteem as it never ends. I hope you enjoy each process towards feeling more confident of yourself.
@Hope
Whose experience feels more relatable? Neither, I am unable to relate to people even when we have commonalities. Self-love is foreign to me. I have no connection to this part of myself anymore.
@Gettingbettertoday
Self-love could be foreign to some people. Besides self-love, there's also much more to building self-esteem. Which one do you prefer mostly?
@pandanfe
self-esteem since it relates to my abilities.
@Gettingbettertoday
i actually relate to this because when I first started my journey of improving self esteem, self love and self esteem was foreign to me too.
After reading both Pandan's and Km's share I found both relatable, helpful and different in equally important ways. I'm closer to Pandan in that I'm a long term meditator and especially liked their bullet point list and Km's included very vital points as well.
@communicativePond1728
No matter what techniques you use, I hope your journey is always memorable and that you could also inspire others. If you don't mind me asking, how's the journey to self-esteem going for you? If there's any technique that you would like to share with us, please feel free to do so. It would be appreciated 💛
@pandanfe it's going great. There's so many tools and skills picked up and evolved the last few decades that it's hard to know where to start when sharing. Making learning, research and growth a consistent part of my life and weaving every aspect together, keeping things new and fresh daily as I become bored so easily and then weaving everything back together when I need to learn something new is maybe one of the most central skills or tools for me.
@communicativePond1728
learning, adapting and evolving is such a great concept when it comes to acquiring anything. tbh we learn freestyle more than to follow a certain rules and guidelines. We come out more stronger everytime we fall as well.
@pandanfe we totes do come out stronger. And more courageous and wise. Even if we lose sight of our purpose or become lost and stuck in the mire, we can fall back on the basics like literature, helpers and peppermint nanaimo bars to pull through.
@communicativePond1728
hehehe now i'm craving chocolates XD and that's very true that literature helps a lot. i just don't like if sometimes i'm feeling down and doing nothing but just scrolling through youtube videos. But since it's temporary, it's not a huge deal. I just don't wanna get stuck into anything unhealthy as a coping mechanism. Besides, for me as a basics, getting a nice deep sleep always works.
I found i could relate with Kristy alot. Often I do a lot of negative self talk and seem to have to “undo” it as she said. And I mean to try that book she has suggested. It seems promising,
@unassumingEyes
i definitely spent a lot of time trying to undo the negative self talk. My brain was like a chatterbox of negativity. It takes time, but I am definitely proof that it can be done! You’ve got this!
Both had things I could relate to. I'm not very social. Lack self love and have a lot of negative self talk just to name a few
Questions - Time is an issue for me most days. How do you find time for self care? I have trust issues. How did you start to trust the process? I used to open up more but something happened that showed me it wasn't safe to do so. How can I start to trust again enough to do that? Does self care = self love?
When trying to stop negative talk - When did you start to believe the positive self talk? Do you have suggestions for self love? What is the easiest/best way to start?
There's no obligation to answer these of course :) Thank you both for sharing your journeys and time with everyone
@Kristynsmama @Pandanfe
@mytwistedsoul
Questions - Time is an issue for me most days. How do you find time for self care? In the early days of my journey when it was all still foreign to me, I actually had to schedule it on my calendar. My calendar was color coded and I wrote all of my different types of commitments in different colors. Self care was written in my favorite color. The key to this is to follow through and don’t let anything else take over self care time. I learned to make it a priority by scheduling my self care time on the first of the month for the entire month before I scheduled anything else for the month.
I have trust issues. How did you start to trust the process? I used to open up more but something happened that showed me it wasn't safe to do so. How can I start to trust again enough to do that?
Trusting again after we have been hurt is always difficult. Usually it was other people that hurt me and I was able to still trust myself.
Does self care = self love? This is an excellent question and I think everyone’s definition of self love is different. For me, self care and self love aren’t necessarily interchangeable meaning that aren’t really the same thing. But self care is a part of my definition of self love.
When trying to stop negative talk - When did you start to believe the positive self talk?
it took quite a while for me to believe the positive self talk. Maybe even years. Every day since I was 16, I have written down 5 things that I am grateful for. I literally have a bookcase of journals. When I read that book Change your Life in 30 Days by Rhonda Britten, she talked about writing down daily acknowledgements too- acknowledging myself for things that I’m proud of myself for doing. In that book, I learned that gratitudes are for things outside of yourself, and acknowledgments are for things within yourself. So I added that to my daily routine with the gratitudes along with setting an intention for the day. During that time in my life, my intention was usually something along the lines of, “Today I’m willing to practice talking kindly to myself,” or “Today I’m willing to practice loving myself.” Using the word “practice,” when setting my intentions gave me permission to NOT be perfect.
Do you have suggestions for self love? What is the easiest/best way to start? See above question.
@mytwistedsoul
Sometimes making time for ourselves either we're busy or not is really hard. We're so coped up with other stuffs that we fail to make time. If you're someone who's not so busy but can't make time for yourself, it's best if you would make self-care your priority. but, if you're someone who's busy and can't make time for yourself, just know that every moment (basically all the time) you're with yourself, there's always this minor things that you can do for yourself. For example, make sure to not burnout when you're working, never miss foods and hydration, wherever you're there's no excuse to breaking your healthy boundaries, tolerate no disrespect from anyone. Besides this, making time for yourself is all about giving yourself first priority. Have you heard the quote that if you love someone, you're never thaaaaaaaat busy to not be able to make time for them? same applies to ourselves as well. Treat yourself the way you would have treated someone you love real hard. I personally don't have self-care routine (except for sometimes i try night or morning skincare), it's just every moment i'm with myself, i try to be nice to me. Everytime i'm with myself, that is time that i'm caring myself. either it is by giving myself fresh time in nature or taking small breaks when i'm working.
And about trusting the process, not gonna lie, some self-care could sound silly sometimes but once you start to see the result, you'll start to trust the process. Since you've trust issue already, I know it's gonna be hard to trust the process, but keeping little hope and keep practicing what you're practicing and tracking it down helps a lot. Trusting again is a huge deal but small steps like opening up helps too. When you start to open up, it don't have to anything huge you're sharing. It could just start from the basic like "i actually went to dance class today. i'm not at all good with it but i'm trying." Here sharing about you going to dance class isn't a threat in anyway. So maybe start opening up with harmless stuffs.
Self-care and self-love may or may not be same thing depending on person. Personally for me, it's interrelated. If i love myself, i'll care for myself too. But in other scenario, i may not love myself and still care about myself (doing exercise, healthy diets) due to other societal pressure. Or I may even love myself, wanna do what i love to do, wanna treat myself better but i just am not able to because i may fail to prioritize myself, or got the habit of procrastination or anything like that.
Personally what i feel is a good way to start self loving is loving yourself the way you would have loved the one you fell in love hard. If i got to complete my college assignment and still wanna go to concert, what would i have advice the one i love? Would I let them just go to the concert and get scolding the next day or ask them to first complete assignment and go or don't go to concert at all? But self-loving could be different for everyone and so does their path. What works best for me, may not work the right way for others too.
TLTR: take small steps to achieve big
@pandanfe @Kristynsmama
Thank you both so much for your replies. Reading both of them helped me realize a few things. There are things that need more work and some that I don't do at all. Even a few things I'm doing a little better with than I thought
You both gave some ideas. To phrase things a certain way - "being willing to practice" takes away some of the pressure if it doesn't go as planned
That self care can come in as moments. It doesn't necessarily have to be in chunks of time. It could be 5 minutes of sitting in the sun or just taking time to drink water
I need to do better with my boundaries
I need to work on gratitude. It's not that I'm ungrateful but I don't acknowledge my gratitude as often as I should. I can do better - baby steps :)
*I bookmarked this page lol - in case I need reminders :)
@mytwistedsoul
We cheer for you! you can do it 💛
@pandanfe Thank you! 😊
@mytwistedsoul
@mytwistedsoul. This is awesome! I’m so glad you had some realizations. So what I hear you saying is that today you are willing to practice acknowledging your gratitude and you are willing to practice setting healthy boundaries. Please feel free to pm me and let me know how your intention goes today! This is such a great example of how important our words are. Everything about our day can be different if we do these things. It takes a lot of practice and patience, but it certainly changed who I am! Tomorrow you can set the same intention or change it to something else that pertains to you.
@Kristynsmama I actually managed two days in a row of acknowledging my gratitude but didn't have much opportunity to to work on boundaries yet :)
@Hope
Thank you for sharing these insightful reflections on building self-esteem from @Pandanfe and @Kristynsmama
Both Pandanfe and Kristynsmama offer valuable perspectives on building self-esteem. Pandanfe's emphasis on self-love and detachment from negativity resonates with me, while Kristy's analogy of building self-esteem like a muscle is intriguing.
To @Pandanfe : How do you think societal pressures impact self-esteem, and how do you navigate them?
To @Kristynsmama : How do you stay consistent in self-love during tough times, and what advice would you offer others in similar situations?
@WeEarth Good questions! :)
@mytwistedsoul
@WeEarth 
@WeEarth
Oh these are fantastic questions. Definitely thought provoking:
How do you stay consistent in self-love during tough times? For me it is a daily choice no matter how hard things are. Just like the muscle analogy. Practice makes perfect, well not really perfect, but practice makes it easier.
and what advice would you offer others in similar situations? Well first of all, as you know, I can’t really give advice. But if I could offer one suggestion it would be to keep trying no matter how hard it gets. There’s an old saying if “This too shall pass.” And it really did pass for me. It just took a long time and a lot of work!
@Kristynsmama
Whoa, thank you Kristy for sharing your insights.💓
@WeEarth
How do you think societal pressures impact self-esteem, and how do you navigate them?
>> I feel like if we're under pressure, we may start to self-doubt and consider it to be wrong idea and not do what we really wanna do which could also lead to losing confidence. The only way for me to overcome it is that I try to listen to everyone, analyze the situations and the ideas related to it from everyone, that's how i build confidence on what i'm doing is right or wrong. How do you deal with societal pressure?
After reading both Pandanfe and Kristynsmama’s shares, Whose experience feels more relatable to you in your own journey? Are there any specific tips or techniques shared by either Pandan or Kristy that you'd like to try or incorporate into your own efforts?
I relate to both, though I especially related to Pandanfe's struggles with self-doubt and talking about cultivating self-esteem with small steps like self-care, putting boundaries, starting to open up, mastering the technique of detachment. Small acts of kindness are something I value too. I think I'd like to figure out how to detach from toxicity and focus on self-care so I have something to give.
(Optional) Do you have any specific questions for Pandan or Kristy? (You can ask them to elaborate on their techniques or something they mentioned that you are curious about). Please ask questions relevant to their building self-esteem journey.
I'm curious how meditation helps build self-esteem. My understanding was that it's mostly about getting a break from your thoughts.
@Zeraphim
meditation is a good tool also and it’s definitely one that I have in my back pocket. There are a lot of really great guided meditations on you tube specifically for self esteem and confidence that I have found beneficial also!
@Zeraphim
Meditation basically makes you super calm and all... So you don't have to deal with negative thoughts about yourself. It builds confidence, you can observe your thoughts better. So mindfulness is also small step towards building self-esteem.
Hi everyone!
@Hope
I relate to both Pandan and Kristy I understood not long ago that I didn't need validation from others, I seeked happiness from others but after lot of suffering and sadness I learned to detach from toxic relations and not tolerate people to hurt me I can control deciding their behaviors won't affect me.
I was very strict, mean to myself and had negative self-talk often tooking myself down it was like trowing stones at me. Years later (recently) I realized how it is a non sense this "self-flagellation" thinking if I don't accept people to hurt me why I hurt myself ?? I started to be kind to myself, try everyday to push negativity away. This awareness made me interested about how cultivating mindfulness, I'm a newbie in this domain and still have lot to learn.
I started to exercice last year doing fitness and yoga it really makes me feel good physicaly and mentaly.
I cannot say I love myself yet, everything is far to be perfect in my life but since I started to be kind to myself I have for sure a better self-esteem now and I will try to continue to improve it.
@FleurdeNeige
i love that you have started to exercise and that made you feel better about yourself. I don’t think that most people can say they love themselves 100% perfectly. I truly believe that learning to love ourselves is a journey, not a destination just like life itself.
@FleurdeNeige
I agree, loving yourself is a whole journey. There would be tough times and better days, but you don't stop loving the one you love even in their hard time right?
I'm really glad to hear that you're taking steps towards self-love and you've done good progress so far. Stay motivated 💛
