Wanting a boyfriend

@mariainfj Also, something else that is helping me is to think about the person God has in store for me, basically my soulmate/future husband, and thinking where they are, what they might be doing rn, what they might be thinking or feeling. This thought that this person is most definitely out there is so comforting. I love to think of what they'd say if they knew I feel like that. I'm even curious if they feel lonely too - or maybe they feel the exact opossite. He could even have a girlfriend and the largest group of friends, but what comforts me is that this person will still somehow end up with me.

Let me know what you think about my situation, or if you're going through the same or something similar. I'd also like to hear any comforting words, or thoughts you might have - or coping mechanisms for those feelings <3 Wish y'all have a blessed day

@mariainfj Now I thought of a Eurovision song's lyrics that are similar to that thought:

Armenia's song says:

Oh future lover, I hope it all comes naturally I hope our love is quite outside but loud inside... 🙃

Haha, I think I have a new person to start daydreaming of, I'll start daydreaming of my "future lover" :'p

And I'll just get lost in my poetic dreams

@mariainfj

Gosh, I hear your loneliness. It must feel terrible. I know this is something you've dealt with for quite some time now. I want you to know that your feelings are valid and it's completely normal to crave social connection, including in the form of a boyfriend. I'm sorry to hear that your previous relationship ended due to you two being incompatible, that can be difficult and it's okay to grieve that. I hear that this is something you really really want and it's hard to feel so alone, isn't it. You deserve in real life support. You are so kind and caring and funny, you deserve all the support in the world. I know I'm just an internet friend, but I do want you to know that I really value you as a friend. I know that my saying that doesn't fix anything, I just want you to know that I'm here for you. It's really painful when the people we love don't love us back. It can make us feel unlovable when it happens so many times. But I want you to know that no matter what, you are worthy of love. You deserve to be so loved and cared about so much by the people in your life. You deserve to be supported and treated with kindness and respect. I really hear your need for physical touch, that's something that just can't happen over a screen no matter how hard we try, and quality time is so, so important, nothing virtually can replace in-person quality time. It must feel so very lonely and I'm really sorry you're going through this. Again, you deserve people who value you because you are a wonderful person. It must feel frustrating to not have anyone new in your life. You deserve to have people in your life who understand you and value you for who you are, and I'm sorry you don't, that's not fair. You deserve so many amazing friends, too. I'm so glad you recognize your own worth, that's really important and I'm proud of you. I wish you the very best time at summer camp and at your new high school, I really bet there will be someone who you can connect with. This isolation must feel horrible, I'm sorry. You don't deserve to feel left out so much. That's a really icky feeling. I'm so proud of you for pushing through, you're doing amazing. I'm so proud of you. You're doing a great job, really. I'm proud of you for doing all that studying, it's not easy, so good job with that, too. I'm here for you. I'll always be by your side. I hope we stay friends forever. You mean a lot to me and I care about you.

@Fluffysheep8 aww thank you so much for this message fluffy <3 Love you bestie

hello,

i really relate to this post lol. i myself was in an online relationship at one point, they really do suck lmao😂. id never ever do that again. i remember when i had stopped that relationship, i felt very lonely for a long time. it did not seem like i was going to be with anyone irl, as i am very shy myself.

as time grew, i met this very amazing girl. she was pretty and i related to her pretty heavily when we first met—she had never been in a real relationship either and it was very clear we liked each other from the start. we actually ended up dating 10 days after we met, and i say this to both give you advice about God’s plan as well as relationships.

we rushed the relationship way to fast (mainly due to us both being virgins at the time lol) and this caused many issues later down the line that would lead to our inevitable breakup. DO NOT RUSH A RELATIONSHIP. while part of me regrets asking her out that night, part of me also feels like God planned it out just like that. we were in very similar life spots, never had experienced love and we both wanted it. I feel like we were meant to be for that time frame, but not for a long period of time.

This is where God ties into this story and my advice about God. Trust him. Yea, maybe my ex and i didnt work out like we wanted to (life is not typically that easy), but it taught both of us so much about love and ourselves as individuals. God wanted us both to grow using each other as a support system. He knew we were not going to work out, but he wanted to give us a lesson. i truly truly feel like we were meant to be, but only for that time period.

for when the time comes and you meet that person with the “spark,” so not let your emotions get in the way of thinking critically about the love. this is where you do not want to attach urself to someone just because they gave you attention. ask yourself:

-do they treat me with kindness and respect

-what do we have in common

-what do we not have in common

-where do we “spark”

-why do i find myself attracted to whom

-can i see myself dating them

where you go from there is up to you as an individual

and this is where my relationship advice comes in. just because you are with someone and you love them does not mean that they are 100% the one. you need to make sure to periodically check in with yourself and ask:

-am i happy with the relationship

-am i happy with whom i love

-whats a good aspect of “us”

-whats something “we” need to work on

-do i feel true to myself with this person

-are they happy with the relationship (be careful with this one, as you do not want to overwork yourself just to make someone else feel happiness)

this is important because you need to be happy with yourself and the relationship at hand. if you are not happy then it is not worth it. your happiness is the biggest factor in your relationship imo…if you are no longer enjoying it, probably not worth it

love is very weird and ive noticed it comes at the weirdest times, but there is nothing like it. God has a plan for you, do not fret. Your patience will be rewarded some day.

Best of luck,

slixy

@slixy Thank you so much for your response, this was the kind of message I needed! I love how we both relate to how things were before, I identified so much with the first paragraph 😅. I love how things turned for you, that you ended up finding someone (regardless of how it ended up), it gives me hope about me too :') I can see how God worked in your life with this story - it seems like this love was definitely a lesson and all that hurt that might came from it definitely has to be a blessing and protection from God. I know that love can be complicated and it can end up badly, but what I want to clarify is that I'm not expecting of anything perfect to come along - neither do I particularly rush a relationship. I'm not expecting to find the "one" and I'm don't wanna date "to marry" or with some end goal as a lot of people, especially of my faith do, even if it doesn't completely match with my faith I think that I have a fair explanation of this. It's not like I date "for fun" but I just want to date and find someone to be in a relationship with just because I love them, for who they are and for how I feel when I'm around them - I just want some company, I just want to experience it all - how it is to be loved back in the same way and to go on cute dates and be physically affectionate with someone. Just how it is to have someone. I'm not expecting it to be perfect and I don't mind if it ends, even if it ends badly - I just want to experience it xD. Actually, I can't see how there's something that can go so wrong. I think that all this time of being alone and being taught of all that "hurt" I have a heart of steel and nothing can touch me or hurt me, mostly because my heart is rooted in Jesus and I don't think that can change. I like your advice and those questions you suggested that I ask myself, I think these are very important and I really will take that time of self-reflection, journaling and prayer once I get in a relationship. I can't wait for that to happen, I'm even excited for the heartbreak that may come along tbh :') I miss feeling something and having something happening in my life. I'm just gonna keep trusting God's timing and also just thinking that the time will come soon when I'll go to new places and meet new people and possibly a good boyfriend :'). I'm just trying to enjoy my life alone with what I have and make all the necessary preparations and changes and spiritual growth - it will come :') Either way I'm very young (only 14) and I still have time for it to come.

Thank you again,

Maria

@mariainfj I feel exactly the same. I'm 20 and I've never had a relationship, I'm not looking to marry I just really really want to feel love, even if it ends in a breakup. It was nice to read your post because I haven't met a lot of people my age who will voice the same concerns. I've tried to talk to my friends about it and they say, believe me, you're not missing out on anything, my ex boyfriend was horrible he was the worst. Or they say, take this time to focus on you. Maybe people in your life have tried to say similar things to you but I don't like hearing these "tips" from people who have had the chance already. I want to experience it all for myself. I've become an extremely independent person, I've had several years where I got used to being alone, even away from friends, and I do enjoy my company but I'm more than ready to share my life with another person.

Wishing you all the best at your new school and in your life

@gecko1287 Exactly, I feel the same. For a long time I thought that I was okay and independent just by loving myself and creating that general awareness of my worth and I thought I had everything done and was ready dor a relationship. However, now that I’m growing in my faith I realize that this is not enough and I need to be secure in God too - I am, but there still are a lot of things I have to work in, a lot of spiritual growth I have to go through - maybe I’m not 100% ready yet but I just rest in knowing that God knows when it is the best time, and when I will be in the right spot to have someone else in my life

I relate to you soo much, I'm also 20. And i also feel this way. And i believe in God's timing. It feel a little comforting to know that i can find people here whom i can relate.

Me too girly

Gentle reminder that I’m here for you and I care about you and I love you and I’m so proud of you ❤️

@Fluffysheep8 aww I love you fluffy 💗

I want to unfold my history here hahah. My circle start to talk about bf when I was 10. They said boys approach them

bla3 and I think that must be nice, to be chosen and to be liked by guy. I want that too, so my queen *** go approach a cute boy and ask him to be my bf. He said ok. He told his friends that I like him and want to be his gf. I feel embarrassed. We don’t like each other I just curious about the gf bf relationship and nah nothing fun it seems (at that time)

And then when I was 14 I get along with my classmates and he gave me a keychain and that made me daydream about him a lot. But he gets along with lots of girls too and I realized im not that special to him. At the same time I get along with lots of guy classmates that now when I think of it back, some of them do actually tried to flirt with me but I never realized it until like 10 years later lol bcz we’re good friend and I don’t really saw him more than just funny friend.

When I turned 16, I moved to other school. Everyone is new, I’m very much not confident with myself (tbh I actually hate myself at this time and do self harm alot, skipping school, abusing drugs, I don’t even have any friend in this new school its depressing). I was a school representative to other school for physics festival. I met a cute guy who wants to know me. This is the first time a guy approach me and interested in me so I say okey lets know each other. We texted for several days and I don’t feel the chemistry but the feeling of being chosen is kinda special. We went for bowling and he brought his friend with a date (basically a double date). I cant fit in. Idk what normal people talk about when hang out. Just listen to them all and smile. After that date the cute guy text me he said we’re not compatible. I forgot how I manage that. But I went to MySpace to stalk him and look at his friend list. One of th

has similar music taste with me. I approach him.

Okey so we’re very much get along online. We both wikipedia nerds. He has lots of interesting facts that I really enjoy. We decide to met. And hm he’s not good looking but he cares about me. After several date and everyday texts, he became my boyfriend. I’m not sure who propose who but we kinda similar in how we both socially awkward.

Then I turned 18, I went to university for my diploma oversea. We went LDR. When i was in uni, I was alone most of the time in my depressive emo phase. One of my classmate was concern with how I always alone and he followed me around knowing I already have bf but he said he didn’t like seeing me alone so he will always be by my side. He helped me a lot, very kind, one of the kindest guy I ever known. I don’t want to cheat to my bf at that time so I decide to ask for break up as I cant do LDR, it’s too far to meet and we just teen at that time. Me and that ex still friend until now (he already have two sons by the time I write this).

I get along with this kind classmate of mine very well. We’re two nerds too, watched too many anime together, doing crazy things together, I’d say he’s my soulmate. We become a couple somehow (he asked me first but I reject him as I wasn’t ready, and then when I was ready I asked him to be my bf and he agreed. I’m quite a control freak I guess).

Diploma for 3 years, I went back to my hometown and his hometown isn’t too far from mine. We knew each others family, he attend all my family events, my family knows him and love him cz hes very kind to my mother. (My mother love gardening and he’s a horticulture student at that time so they get along well) We were together since I was 18 to 26. When I was 24 I went to continue for my degree at another state. He continued his degree in other state. Another LDR but we always made effort to see each other. Video call each other etc.

My degree is in medical field. Started at 24 and two years into it I get busy and not have much energy for the relationship. I asked for break up. He accepted it bcz he can feel how I get distant and he respect me for that. We still friend after that and he still cares about me as friend. I get along with one of my male classmate and somehow I get addicted to him. He has a bar boy vibe, aloof and emotional but never shows it, sweet and melancholy, comes from a broken family. I feel the urge to care about him and love him. I never feel this way to any boys. I’d say he’s my first love.

And also my first heartbreak. If you see the pattern, I never had a heartbreak. I always be the one that quit a relationship and pursue a new one. I pursue this guy very hard, I put him first before me, I sacrifice alot, he loves me too but somehow I don’t thing it’s enough so I keep on chasing him cz I really want his love. He become my bf, then we broke up, then we made up, then we broke up. Its a freaking toxic relationship. I lost myself. I learned a lot out of that relationship. Btw he’s 5 years younger than me how crazy to think that back. I was on off with him since I was 27 to 30, graduated as Doctor at 29. We both work at different states.

I need ALOT of attention and our schedule as doctors doesn’t fit. I mostly work at day and rest at night, while he worked from evening to night and back from work he’ll straight went to sleep. We keep on fighting and we only met once since we graduated. We botu cant handle the relationship anymore. He break up with me (for countless times) and blocked me everywhere. Usually if we broke up I’ll be the one repairing for everything bcz I really want him. But this time I just accept we’re not meant to be together.

I was 30 when we break up. I went to dating apps to fill my time. I had bf most of the time so I guess I’ll just find one as I was single. But my standards are high this time- being in a toxic relationship really teach you to be careful of who you fallen for. I lost myself, I build a new me. Someone that is completely different than before. My first and 2nd exes that are still my friends at that time doesn’t know me anymore- they all said i was different. I don’t care. I’m more vulnerable, more emotional, I used to be so heartless and factual, but heartbreak teaches me about love and being soft. Anyway, dating app. I matched with several guys. I fell in love online with a guy. He was emotionally available, very responsive, good listener, always make time to text contact me. My love language is quality time and words of affirmation, which he excels both. We decide to meet. When we meet, I realize I don’t like him bcz he smoke, he doesn’t smell good, he spend too much time living in social media and posted too much/overshare his life online (he recorded our first date and post it online, and also claimed me as his gf when it was only first date). He gifts me with thoughtful gifts when we met. After the date I don’t text him much and I posted him a gift to reply his last gift and with it I attached a letter telling him I don’t think we’re compatible. He agreed.

Next I matched with another guy. We texted, and he was quite sweet. He’s very honest, and he’s seriously wants a wife. We matched on March. After several texts, he asked me to be his wife. I agreed cz I initially doesn’t really take it seriously but he said lets know each other and then decide. We first met in April. He loves me, obsess with me, and I love him too. I love loving him he makes me feel safe and loved. He would do anything to me. It’s quite an LDR relationship but he always make an effort to see me, we catch flights, catch ferry to see each other (I lived on an island while he lives at the mainland). We met each other family on May. We get engaged on July. We get married on December :)

Currently I’m 31, pregnant with our first child. I was still a virgin when we married. I live with him now. We’re basically inseparable. I never being loved this much, and he’s my biggest supporter, the love of my life.

I know this is too long hahah. Just want you to know that if you want to be in a relationship, go for it. Be open, be vulnerable. Dating apps is a good place to know people. Know what you want in relationship. Your needs. The advices on previous posts are true- dont lose yourself while chasing someone.

Most of guys that I mentioned in this post married already. Except the one that I considered as my soulmate. I’m wishing the best for him. After I’m married I rarely contact any guys anymore. I don’t spend much time on phone either- I spend all my time with my husband cz I’m very very clingy one >.<

Youre 14 which is still young. I’m wishing you the best in your life! Someday your love one will come but you have to look for them too! May you find the love that you want ❤️