I want to unfold my history here hahah. My circle start to talk about bf when I was 10. They said boys approach them
bla3 and I think that must be nice, to be chosen and to be liked by guy. I want that too, so my queen *** go approach a cute boy and ask him to be my bf. He said ok. He told his friends that I like him and want to be his gf. I feel embarrassed. We donāt like each other I just curious about the gf bf relationship and nah nothing fun it seems (at that time)
And then when I was 14 I get along with my classmates and he gave me a keychain and that made me daydream about him a lot. But he gets along with lots of girls too and I realized im not that special to him. At the same time I get along with lots of guy classmates that now when I think of it back, some of them do actually tried to flirt with me but I never realized it until like 10 years later lol bcz weāre good friend and I donāt really saw him more than just funny friend.
When I turned 16, I moved to other school. Everyone is new, Iām very much not confident with myself (tbh I actually hate myself at this time and do self harm alot, skipping school, abusing drugs, I donāt even have any friend in this new school its depressing). I was a school representative to other school for physics festival. I met a cute guy who wants to know me. This is the first time a guy approach me and interested in me so I say okey lets know each other. We texted for several days and I donāt feel the chemistry but the feeling of being chosen is kinda special. We went for bowling and he brought his friend with a date (basically a double date). I cant fit in. Idk what normal people talk about when hang out. Just listen to them all and smile. After that date the cute guy text me he said weāre not compatible. I forgot how I manage that. But I went to MySpace to stalk him and look at his friend list. One of th
has similar music taste with me. I approach him.
Okey so weāre very much get along online. We both wikipedia nerds. He has lots of interesting facts that I really enjoy. We decide to met. And hm heās not good looking but he cares about me. After several date and everyday texts, he became my boyfriend. Iām not sure who propose who but we kinda similar in how we both socially awkward.
Then I turned 18, I went to university for my diploma oversea. We went LDR. When i was in uni, I was alone most of the time in my depressive emo phase. One of my classmate was concern with how I always alone and he followed me around knowing I already have bf but he said he didnāt like seeing me alone so he will always be by my side. He helped me a lot, very kind, one of the kindest guy I ever known. I donāt want to cheat to my bf at that time so I decide to ask for break up as I cant do LDR, itās too far to meet and we just teen at that time. Me and that ex still friend until now (he already have two sons by the time I write this).
I get along with this kind classmate of mine very well. Weāre two nerds too, watched too many anime together, doing crazy things together, Iād say heās my soulmate. We become a couple somehow (he asked me first but I reject him as I wasnāt ready, and then when I was ready I asked him to be my bf and he agreed. Iām quite a control freak I guess).
Diploma for 3 years, I went back to my hometown and his hometown isnāt too far from mine. We knew each others family, he attend all my family events, my family knows him and love him cz hes very kind to my mother. (My mother love gardening and heās a horticulture student at that time so they get along well) We were together since I was 18 to 26. When I was 24 I went to continue for my degree at another state. He continued his degree in other state. Another LDR but we always made effort to see each other. Video call each other etc.
My degree is in medical field. Started at 24 and two years into it I get busy and not have much energy for the relationship. I asked for break up. He accepted it bcz he can feel how I get distant and he respect me for that. We still friend after that and he still cares about me as friend. I get along with one of my male classmate and somehow I get addicted to him. He has a bar boy vibe, aloof and emotional but never shows it, sweet and melancholy, comes from a broken family. I feel the urge to care about him and love him. I never feel this way to any boys. Iād say heās my first love.
And also my first heartbreak. If you see the pattern, I never had a heartbreak. I always be the one that quit a relationship and pursue a new one. I pursue this guy very hard, I put him first before me, I sacrifice alot, he loves me too but somehow I donāt thing itās enough so I keep on chasing him cz I really want his love. He become my bf, then we broke up, then we made up, then we broke up. Its a freaking toxic relationship. I lost myself. I learned a lot out of that relationship. Btw heās 5 years younger than me how crazy to think that back. I was on off with him since I was 27 to 30, graduated as Doctor at 29. We both work at different states.
I need ALOT of attention and our schedule as doctors doesnāt fit. I mostly work at day and rest at night, while he worked from evening to night and back from work heāll straight went to sleep. We keep on fighting and we only met once since we graduated. We botu cant handle the relationship anymore. He break up with me (for countless times) and blocked me everywhere. Usually if we broke up Iāll be the one repairing for everything bcz I really want him. But this time I just accept weāre not meant to be together.
I was 30 when we break up. I went to dating apps to fill my time. I had bf most of the time so I guess Iāll just find one as I was single. But my standards are high this time- being in a toxic relationship really teach you to be careful of who you fallen for. I lost myself, I build a new me. Someone that is completely different than before. My first and 2nd exes that are still my friends at that time doesnāt know me anymore- they all said i was different. I donāt care. Iām more vulnerable, more emotional, I used to be so heartless and factual, but heartbreak teaches me about love and being soft. Anyway, dating app. I matched with several guys. I fell in love online with a guy. He was emotionally available, very responsive, good listener, always make time to text contact me. My love language is quality time and words of affirmation, which he excels both. We decide to meet. When we meet, I realize I donāt like him bcz he smoke, he doesnāt smell good, he spend too much time living in social media and posted too much/overshare his life online (he recorded our first date and post it online, and also claimed me as his gf when it was only first date). He gifts me with thoughtful gifts when we met. After the date I donāt text him much and I posted him a gift to reply his last gift and with it I attached a letter telling him I donāt think weāre compatible. He agreed.
Next I matched with another guy. We texted, and he was quite sweet. Heās very honest, and heās seriously wants a wife. We matched on March. After several texts, he asked me to be his wife. I agreed cz I initially doesnāt really take it seriously but he said lets know each other and then decide. We first met in April. He loves me, obsess with me, and I love him too. I love loving him he makes me feel safe and loved. He would do anything to me. Itās quite an LDR relationship but he always make an effort to see me, we catch flights, catch ferry to see each other (I lived on an island while he lives at the mainland). We met each other family on May. We get engaged on July. We get married on December :)
Currently Iām 31, pregnant with our first child. I was still a virgin when we married. I live with him now. Weāre basically inseparable. I never being loved this much, and heās my biggest supporter, the love of my life.
I know this is too long hahah. Just want you to know that if you want to be in a relationship, go for it. Be open, be vulnerable. Dating apps is a good place to know people. Know what you want in relationship. Your needs. The advices on previous posts are true- dont lose yourself while chasing someone.
Most of guys that I mentioned in this post married already. Except the one that I considered as my soulmate. Iām wishing the best for him. After Iām married I rarely contact any guys anymore. I donāt spend much time on phone either- I spend all my time with my husband cz Iām very very clingy one >.<
Youre 14 which is still young. Iām wishing you the best in your life! Someday your love one will come but you have to look for them too! May you find the love that you want ā¤ļø