Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
gecko1287
1 309 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts73 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes30 Current upvotes30 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceMay 21, 2023
Recent forum posts
Body Image is Impossible
Eating Disorder Support / by gecko1287
Last post
 June 3rd, 2023
...See more I'm in recovery and I've done a great job of reducing the physical binge eating habits and I have an objectively healthy relationship with food, I don't restrict anything anymore and I'm great at everything in moderation. What I really struggle with is my body image. In healing my relationship with food, I gained a lot of weight, and my relationship to my body somehow got even worse. I'm in a debilitating depression and I have trouble going outside and I procrastinate all my responsibilities. My body image is a mess. How did you guys actually come to love or accept your bodies? I am working so hard to do it but it feels impossible.
A man will only keep a women in his life if he's physically attracted
Relationship Stress / by gecko1287
Last post
 July 3rd, 2023
...See more 1) If a man doesn't find a woman attractive, he simply won't see a place for her in his life unless she has connections to a woman he does find attractive. 2) If he finds a woman somewhat attractive, he might pursue a friendship of some kind, or something very touch and go, and he'll keep her in his life in the off chance he can't do better than her, or for occasional emotional support/to inflate his ego. 3) Then, there's his relationship with the woman he just finds physically attractive. He will maintain private connections with a woman he's strongly physically attracted to, for sex, but if he doesn't think she's good enough to be associated with him for whatever reason, he won't pursue a public relationship, even though there is significant physical attraction. 4) With a woman he genuinely thinks is good enough for him, to be his romantic partner, ironically, he will refrain from asking her to sleep with him. Because men only sleep with women they are willing to lose. And he will be doing the most work to get her to choose him; initiating conversation, asking to see her, trying to be the person he thinks she'd want. Men don't ask questions to women because they're interested in our lives, they ask us questions when they think it will help position them as a potential partner to us. I'm a 20 year old girl and I've had lots of interactions with men, but I've never come anywhere near a relationship. I hope I'm wrong and men are actually capable of the love I see in movies and tv, but time and time again I'm passed up for more attractive women and I've begun to see some repeat behaviors in the ways they treat me and other women. Social media, dating apps, and hookup culture definitely exacerbate men's misogynistic and objectifying treatment of women, and among guys my age it has only gotten worse as I've gotten older. I really hope that it's something they'll grow out of. If I'm totally wrong about the ways these guys see women please tell me that. I want to be wrong. But I'm sick of having my heart broken by men who treat me exclusively like a maybe, like a second option.
Men are the source of my body image issues
Eating Disorder Support / by gecko1287
Last post
 May 24th, 2023
...See more I have BED and I've recently been seeing a new dietician. In her opinion, I'm killing it, but its hard for me to enjoy the success because I put on weight in the process of changing my eating habits. She went to school, she has a degree and I don't, and every session I try to trust in her advice and I always follow it but gaining weight has really ruined my mental health. I've been isolating from others, I do not leave my room unless I have to. I've always been a bigger girl, I'm in college and I'm the biggest of my friends by far. I want to be loved and chosen by a guy just as much as all my friends do, were college girls god d a m m i t, and they're chosen by guys all the time but I'm often ignored at best, berated at the worst. It drives me to obsess about my body and all I ever care about is how to get smaller. I ask this: Do I have to cut guys out of my life, and give up on the idea of being chosen by a guy I like, to be able to accept my larger body? I only want to be smaller for men. So if I don't allow myself to care about them, I could just exist and be in my larger body without the real emotional turmoil I experience every day because of it? I don't know if I could control my thought patterns like that even if it were the answer. I'm really sad that I feel I don't have as much as a right to a relationship as these thinner girls do, but they get the guy every time, it seems. Sometimes I feel like college is made for tiny girls. I'm upset that this is where I've landed but it's where I've landed. Like its boys or my mental health, not both. If you read through all that you're a real one, and please let me know if you deal with the same stuff. It's not easy being a big girl.
What are 20 yr olds supposed to think about?
20 & Over Community / by gecko1287
Last post
 June 11th, 2023
...See more I am a girl in college, I turned 20 yesterday. I spend too much time worrying about when I will finally get to be with someone. I've had short periods of time where I'll be talking to a guy I'm interested in, but they always choose some other girl over me. She's always thinner and shorter than I am, I'm definitely a larger woman than they want me to be, I guess. This has happened to me so many times over that my body image has basically fallen into the gutter. I can't even blame them for that; physical attraction isn't something any of us can control. Alone in my room, I like my body. I think I look cuddly and cute, with my squishy stomach and back rolls. Boys do not agree. They don't want someone with the audacity to take up so much space, maybe. And it has been crushing me. All I think about now is how much I want to be smaller, thinner, to take up less of that space, and my binge eating disorder has gotten so much worse this year because I keep getting larger. I'm extremely confident in my personality; I'm empathetic, kind, fun to be around, and some of my friends even seem to find me funny. I would make an incredible girlfriend. But I've really begun to obsess over this stuff, if I'm being honest. At any given moment, if I had to share what I was thinking about, I would be either thinking about the most recent guy that passed me up for the petite girl this semester and how I wish I could've been skinny and tiny enough for him, or I am thinking about how much I hate my body and wish I was skinnier. I do my best to recognize my privilege when I get caught up thinking about this, because I'm lucky to get to get a higher education and I am lucky to have female friends I can trust and rely on. But truly this is all my brain will think about, I get caught in these obsessive thought cycles, and I try to tell myself that other people have real struggles they're dealing with and it doesn't help stop the obsessive thoughts at all, really. Grass is always greener, I suppose. If you read all of that, why thank you, I hope you can't relate but if you can, I'm sorry. I would like to know, what am I supposed* to be thinking about? I figure I can stop obsessing over boys and how big I am if I find something else to think about. But what the h e l l are the rest of you guys thinking about all day long? I could use some inspiration. Thanks for your attention
ADHD and Binge Eating Disorder
ADHD Support / by gecko1287
Last post
 July 18th, 2023
...See more I have Binge Eating Disorder and ADHD, and bOYYYYY do these two really bring out the worst in one another I took Vyvanse for a year, it's the newest amphetamine they prescribe for ADHD and the FDA approved it for BED (Binge Eating Disorder) in 2015 so I thought it would be really helpful to me. Honestly though I am so terrified of the long term effects of taking these amphetamines, it scared the *** out of me and I stopped taking it. And now I cannot remember if I was doing better then or now. At first it was pretty awesome but I think the effects didn't hit as hard over time and I was very nervous to up the dosage because I was so uncomfortable taking any medication in the first place. I think it's also an ego thing, I'm a little embarrassed to say. I just hate the idea that I might "need" any substance to function. I would like to think I'm in control, even though both of my mental illnesses are characterized by a lack of control over basic tasks, so go figure. I know I'm not special, and that others struggle with the same wacky combo. I feel you and I hope we can figure it out, because it really sucks sometimes and for me personally I am worried my symptoms have gotten worse.
Search more from @gecko1287
Talk to an expert therapist
Hello there, I'm Graham, and I'm thrilled to be a therapist within the warm...
Talk to Graham Now
Badges & Awards
11 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor First Compassion Helpful heart Bundled Teammate Forum Friend
Report an issue