How do you get over someone you thought was "the one"?

I was or Iguess still am in your shoes currently. It's been 2 & 1/2 years since I last spoke to her and not a day goes by where I don't think of her. Some days are better than others and I'm still looking for someone to replace her, if that's possible.

What I can tell you though, is that she is the perfect model for the kind of gal I want to be with. Use him as your model. Everything you loved about him, use to help you find the better guy. Your soulmate will pop into your life when the time is right. We just have to go through some stuff before they come into it.

I'm sorry you felt so strongly for him and he did that to you honestly I think all you need is some closure because from what I know you never had any. As plainly as I van say it; shit happens. And sometimes the ones who we thought were going to stay forever leave. It happened to me about a year ago, me and my boyfriend of three years broke up as well. Although I was the one to ultimately do the deed, he had part in the process as well. And it hurt like hell for so long. But what you need to realize is that, as long as your stuck up on him, there is going to be no possible way for you to move on. You have yo accept the fact that it's over, and then go on with your life, not nessesarily looking for someone new, but not shutting out anyone who trys to come near you, and I promise things will fall into place, who knows maybe you and him are meant to be together, sometimes that happens, I know of an older couple who were high school sweethearts, broke up and got married to different people had kids and now surprisingly About 25 years later, they are back together. Life will always make whatever is meant to be happen. You just have to be willing to let it happen. So stop being hung up on him. If you want closure, ask him for it. I'm sure he would be willing. But after that, start living for yourself. And you will be happy.

Wow, your story relates so much to what I'm going through right now. I've been with my girlfriend for a year. I love her more than anyone that I've ever been with. Her and I had this physical, emotional, and psychological connection that I still have a hard time explaining. Everyone knew that we would end up together. Our connection was undeniable and everyone who saw us together saw that. So when she told me a few weeks back that she didn't love me that way anymore and started going out with another guy almost immediately I was devastated. Hadn't we been talking about a future together just a few weeks prior? Sure, she said the thought of a future together scared her, but it was worth the anxiety because when she looked at me she saw her future. We talked about moving in together, getting married, and I really thought this was the woman I was meant to be with.

So when she broke up me with me I was understandably distraught. I've been very depressed lately. I'm working a job I hate and have little idea on what I want to do with my life. We've always had an open and honest relationship so I told her how depressed I was knowing that she would be there for me just as I've always been there for her, providing unconditional love and support whenever she was upset. Instead of being there for me she said she couldn't help me. My problems were my own. She also no longer saw a future with me and began dating a guy that she had worked with.

I'm still nursing this betrayal a few weeks after the fact. She still wants to be my friend, but I can't bring myself to even consider the matter. How can I? I can't trust her anymore. Everything we shared and experienced together now feels like a lie. All of those loving words we shared while cuddled up in bed have lost all meaning to me. All of the times we talked about our future together now appears to me like a wildly unrealistic fantasy, as if she was simply telling me what I wanted to hear. This is all made worse by the fact that she is so dismissive of my feelings. She's attempting to force a friendship on me as I'm still grieving while also saying I have no right to comment on her choices or be upset by them. How can I be friends with someone who appears so selfish?

I'm sorry to hijack your thread like this, but I had to let this all out. I saw your post and immediately thought, I know how she feels. I don't have any recommendations on how to cope as I'm struggling myself over how to deal with this. I guess all I can say is you're not alone. All of these emotions you're feeling are perfectly natural. It's okay to feel this way. I have no timetable on when you're going to begin to feel better about yourself, but it will happen. Allow yourself this time to grieve though. Losing someone you loved is never easy.

I am a guy and I'm currently in the exact same situation, except my relationship was 7 yrs and we have a 2 yr old boy. I'm going to say this in the most caring way I can because I feel your pain. I'm not trying to be vague, or mean, or anything I swear to u. Just be glad you are able to cut all ties and move on sooner rather than later. Just be glad you are not forced to continue dealing with the person on a steady basis in order to see your child. Just be glad you don't have to go to bed at night feeling like u are being replaced as a parent and having him/her rub in your face that they have a new bf/gf and they are getting the time with Ur child that u should be getting. I thought I was miserable and depressed when we split up the 1st time before we had our son 4 yrs ago, this is a whole new level of misery that I can't even begin to figure out for myself how to deal with. Having to control myself every day and stop myself from going to her house and beating the hell out of her bf bcuz he continues to run his mouth about how he's his new dad and this n that and she just let's him say it. In short, just be glad you are not me right now.

While reading all comments I realized that there are people going through the same thing, and although it assures me I'm not alone, sadly it feels otherwise. Last year I had a virtual long distance relationship even though initially it was just for language-exchange practice. The first time I stumbled upon his page I was rolling from laughter seeing he had a strange, pervy sense of humor that he can easily pull off, so I just left a comment saying thank you for the good read. I wasnt expecting any response after that. But then he did. From then on we chatted for days and in a couple of months, fell hard for each other. We were so madly attracted to one another that he flew all the way across the globe to see me. For a month he was here it was perfect. He was exactly what he was online, no pretensions, no awkward moments unless we suddenly spoke in our language out of excitement. xD We both cried when I had to send him off. 4 months after the grand meet-up he broke up with me. He realized he couldn't afford to come back here after losing his potential business. He became weak. He lost all interest and told me now's the time to get serious with his life coz when we were dating, he told me abt his diploma and plans to finish it soon but gets distracted with me so he puts his life on hold. I was devastated. Ive never felt soooo much pain in my life at that moment. We made plans, talked about moving in together, travel, have a house built on top of a mountain or something. Although he cried too, I knew he felt relieved. He said the pressure was too high. Got scared that if he does come back, it wouldn't be the same anymore. After that I lost who I was. I had a hard time sleeping, eating, in fact day after day was torture to get on my feet. Fast forward to 3 months he suddenly messaged me. Wants to be friends and told me he never removed the bracelet I gave him. Thats when I realized although I still love him, he could never be happy with me coz he isn't happy with himself. He needs me to fill his emptiness. I was that when we were together. But he threw all that away and now remembers me coz he feels down and alone. I cut all ties after that. I slowly picked myself up from guilt and depression, enrolled in a Jap class and now in a university where Im finishing my degree. On the 26th marks a year without him. I still miss him, but I'm better. And yes there will be moments that memories of him choke you, but it doesnt hurt to the extent that I feel my heart pass out. So to everyone who's going through a difficult time, know that only you can heal yourself. Do something that you love. Be surrounded by amazing people. Learn to share that love you have to more productive things. You cant stop loving a person, but you can always start loving yourself. So embrace the change, the hurt, the fear and gradually you will discover a lot of good things in life. I dont think I'll ever be in love like that again. I dont date randomly when I know its a waste of time. But im ready to take a chance IF and only I feel there's potential or a real connection. Bitter truth though, you will never find a person like him/her again. Hopefully, its because someone better is out there and rightfully for you. So now just focus on yourself and maybe, just maaayybe you can get back on track.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this - not feeling like you have the real answer to why something like this has happened not only makes it worse I feel, but also makes it so much harder to move on?

I'm going through the same thing atm. My ex boyfriend and I spent 3 years together in school then broke up when we both went to university. Two years ago we met up again at our 10 year school reunion and the feelings all came flooding back - since then he has maintained that I am 'the one' and that he wants to eventually start a family etc...

Three weeks ago he broke up with me completely out of the blue. His 'reasoning' being that he was afraid he might hurt me and that his anxiety meant that he couldn't cope with someone else being dependent upon him to ensure they were happy. He says he still loves me and wants me in his life, but I know that if that were to happen then the attraction that is there would be too much to ignore.

Worst of all is that he hasn't been in touch at all since the day it all happened.

I think sometimes you have to realize that there is no way to convince someone that they should be with you. The heart can't be stolen it only goes where it wants. Likelihood is that in the months/years to come he may realize what a big mistake he has made. I think the hard bit is just being able to convince yourself that you should move on in the meantime and not wait for him - this is what I'm having trouble doing at the moment.

@versatileApple4527 These things never absolve quickly, it takes a lot of time and throwing yourself into activities you wouldnt noramlly do to help keep your mind away from it. Its also important to keep friends and family close and accept support when you need it.

@versatileApple4527

It is so hard to move on from someone you believe was the one. I had to do that more than two years ago and it took almost two years to get through it. Now I realise that despite believeing he loved me just as much as I loved him, I always loved him more than he loved me. It's painful to know but it was something I had to realise. It was very hard but now I'm hopeful that it's possible to find "the one" again, who actually loves me back. His actions showed he never really loved me and the person I loved is no longer there now as he's completely changed in personality and morals. Not many people like him anymore actually because he's changed so much and for the worst. It's hard at the time but you may find it was something that should've happened and you're glad it happened so you could spend time finding someone worth your time.

My Boyfriend broke up with me last Thursday. He says he needs space and going thru changes in his life. For him it's too much stress, he finally sold his house he shared with his ex wife, she moved away and he got an apartment. Him and his wife were being divorce for a while but they still had the house together, because it was easier financially.

Now that things are falling into place and he is finally on his own, we can be together.

I'm so depressed, I miss him terribly even he has his issues. He is bipolar and has his mood swings and gets stress out for little things that are not a big deal.

I know that the rational thing to do would be, just to leave him alone and carry on, but I can't. We were good together, we never had a dull moment, time with him was timeless, and full of joy and happiness. I miss him, I don't know how I'm going to get over this

Experience the same thing. Although it's not my first breakup, this time, it's the worst. I thought he's the one. We used to argue and quarrel a lot because we are very different in terms of habits, lifestyle, preferences etc. I work so hard to keep improving myself as a person and work so hard to improve the relationship. He agreed to work with me to improve the relationship. And I thought all went well even through we still do have some minor arguments. He was deploy to US to work for two years and I am here in Singapore. Thought that by trusting and communication, we can keep this going. Really all went well and we are still happily talking. A minor disagreement triggered him to break off with me. He said he's been thinking for quite a long time and he can't see our future. He can't see me as his the woman he wants to spend his life me. He no longer have the motivation and passion to improve the relationship. I was crushed. Prior to this, I've made plans to go over to the US for a few months on 2018. It is my dream. I work 2 jobs just to prepared for my dream trip and all are gone.

I lost the best guy I ever met. I'm in the worst period of my life now. No words can describe what I am go through right now