How do you get over someone you thought was "the one"?

I was or Iguess still am in your shoes currently. It's been 2 & 1/2 years since I last spoke to her and not a day goes by where I don't think of her. Some days are better than others and I'm still looking for someone to replace her, if that's possible.

What I can tell you though, is that she is the perfect model for the kind of gal I want to be with. Use him as your model. Everything you loved about him, use to help you find the better guy. Your soulmate will pop into your life when the time is right. We just have to go through some stuff before they come into it.

I want to use him as a model but I know there's never going to be anyone like him. I've been back and forth in states of depression because I really, truly miss him and I still feel like everything was my fault. I just don't know if it's worth it to try and talk to him or even be friends. I'm just scared to put myself back out there.

Iknow that's how you feel but you'll have to trust a strangers word. There is someone that will be better and you'll have strongerfeelings for them then you ever did for him before. I can't say from experience but I can say that for the first time in 3 & 1/2 years, I met someone whom I felt stupidly strong for, and it was the same feeling I had when I was with her in our prime.

Everyone says it and it is true, it just takes time. But for now, give the both of you space and things will fall into place. You need to find out who you are after him and you can't do that if he is actively part of your life. It's okay to think about him. It's okay to feel sad because of what happened. Just don't forget that you were a person before him and he is simply there to enhance your life. Not be your life.

I'm sorry you felt so strongly for him and he did that to you honestly I think all you need is some closure because from what I know you never had any. As plainly as I van say it; shit happens. And sometimes the ones who we thought were going to stay forever leave. It happened to me about a year ago, me and my boyfriend of three years broke up as well. Although I was the one to ultimately do the deed, he had part in the process as well. And it hurt like hell for so long. But what you need to realize is that, as long as your stuck up on him, there is going to be no possible way for you to move on. You have yo accept the fact that it's over, and then go on with your life, not nessesarily looking for someone new, but not shutting out anyone who trys to come near you, and I promise things will fall into place, who knows maybe you and him are meant to be together, sometimes that happens, I know of an older couple who were high school sweethearts, broke up and got married to different people had kids and now surprisingly About 25 years later, they are back together. Life will always make whatever is meant to be happen. You just have to be willing to let it happen. So stop being hung up on him. If you want closure, ask him for it. I'm sure he would be willing. But after that, start living for yourself. And you will be happy.

I feel like I never got closure - I tried to get some last week and I didn't get any. I just don't feel like what he's telling me is the truth. And I truly feel like my ex-roommate had something with my breakup too which makes it hurt even more. I'm trying to accept it but it's just so hard.

@versatileApple4527

Wow, your story relates so much to what I'm going through right now. I've been with my girlfriend for a year. I love her more than anyone that I've ever been with. Her and I had this physical, emotional, and psychological connection that I still have a hard time explaining. Everyone knew that we would end up together. Our connection was undeniable and everyone who saw us together saw that. So when she told me a few weeks back that she didn't love me that way anymore and started going out with another guy almost immediately I was devastated. Hadn't we been talking about a future together just a few weeks prior? Sure, she said the thought of a future together scared her, but it was worth the anxiety because when she looked at me she saw her future. We talked about moving in together, getting married, and I really thought this was the woman I was meant to be with.

So when she broke up me with me I was understandably distraught. I've been very depressed lately. I'm working a job I hate and have little idea on what I want to do with my life. We've always had an open and honest relationship so I told her how depressed I was knowing that she would be there for me just as I've always been there for her, providing unconditional love and support whenever she was upset. Instead of being there for me she said she couldn't help me. My problems were my own. She also no longer saw a future with me and began dating a guy that she had worked with.

I'm still nursing this betrayal a few weeks after the fact. She still wants to be my friend, but I can't bring myself to even consider the matter. How can I? I can't trust her anymore. Everything we shared and experienced together now feels like a lie. All of those loving words we shared while cuddled up in bed have lost all meaning to me. All of the times we talked about our future together now appears to me like a wildly unrealistic fantasy, as if she was simply telling me what I wanted to hear. This is all made worse by the fact that she is so dismissive of my feelings. She's attempting to force a friendship on me as I'm still grieving while also saying I have no right to comment on her choices or be upset by them. How can I be friends with someone who appears so selfish?

I'm sorry to hijack your thread like this, but I had to let this all out. I saw your post and immediately thought, I know how she feels. I don't have any recommendations on how to cope as I'm struggling myself over how to deal with this. I guess all I can say is you're not alone. All of these emotions you're feeling are perfectly natural. It's okay to feel this way. I have no timetable on when you're going to begin to feel better about yourself, but it will happen. Allow yourself this time to grieve though. Losing someone you loved is never easy.

I'm really glad you posted this and it's nice knowing that im not alone. I feel the exact same way. It feels like everything in our relationship was a lie at least for the last few months of it. And since this relationship happened while I was in college people ask me what my favorite memory of college is and I can't think of everything because he was there through all of it. I want to try and be friends but it's the hardest thing in the world right now. I don't know if he wants to be friends because if he did I feel like he would at least try to talk to me. I just want to tell him how I feel and get some closure. I also get hit with depressive moods now and then because something reminds me of us and I get really upset. I talked to him a few weeks ago and he said "you just need to get over it because I stand by my decision even though I ended up hurting you in the process". That really hurt because I don't think he understands the magnitude to which I've been hurt. Like I don't trust guys anymore because I don't want hurt like this again.

That's the problem for me too. She doesn't understand how much this hurts me. Her dismissiveness is another knife in the heart. I've told her that everything now feels like a lie, but she dismissed that too. It's hard to have any closure when the other person refuses to acknowledge how badly they hurt you. It's like they want to avoid any notion of guilt.

Please don't pay you ex any mind when he says just get over it. You need time to deal with this. This isn't something that you can simply shrug off and walk away from. I agree too that's its difficult to trust another person now. In the back of my mind all I can think of is, are they going to do the same as she did? I'm trying not to let this fear color any future attraction or relationship I may have. It's not easy, but we can't let the fear control us.

Exactly. I just can't forget and get over a three year relationship in the blink of an eye.I just want to be able to trust people again and not worry about getting hurt. That breakup was the worst thing I've ever gone through in my life so far. Like he just moved into his own apartment and that's been eating at me because that could've been me with him. People keep telling me different things, but I want the truth from him. And the worst part? The day of the breakup, before he left, he kissed me and told me he loved me. That hurt the most.

Yep, that's how it is with my ex too. She keeps going on and on about how much she loves me yet those words are agonizing to hear from her. They don't mean anything coming from her anymore. What hurts the most too is that she has already moved on and is dating someone else. I can't deal with that fact right now. It was immediately after we broke up too.

I'm so sorry you're going through this too right now. Emotional pain like this is unbearable. I keep trying to focus my attention elsewhere, but that's difficult when all I can think of is her.

I try to put him out of my mind, but so many things remind me of him - songs, pictures, tv shows, movies, stupid little things. It triggers me and a lot of times, there's no way to avoid it. I've tried to have civil conversations with him but I end up getting angry because of how he responds. And I only communicate via text with him because I have time to think about what to say. I hope things get better for you.

@versatileApple4527 I know the pain you're feeling. Trust me when I say you may not get closure from him that you want. Use his dismissive tone toward you as closure if you need to. How can someone who loved us so much hurt us so bad and seem to not care? Communication with him only extends the healing process. Take it one day at a time and try not to text him. Only time will heal your heart.

Thank you for these replies!! It comforts me that I'm not alone T_T

I am a guy and I'm currently in the exact same situation, except my relationship was 7 yrs and we have a 2 yr old boy. I'm going to say this in the most caring way I can because I feel your pain. I'm not trying to be vague, or mean, or anything I swear to u. Just be glad you are able to cut all ties and move on sooner rather than later. Just be glad you are not forced to continue dealing with the person on a steady basis in order to see your child. Just be glad you don't have to go to bed at night feeling like u are being replaced as a parent and having him/her rub in your face that they have a new bf/gf and they are getting the time with Ur child that u should be getting. I thought I was miserable and depressed when we split up the 1st time before we had our son 4 yrs ago, this is a whole new level of misery that I can't even begin to figure out for myself how to deal with. Having to control myself every day and stop myself from going to her house and beating the hell out of her bf bcuz he continues to run his mouth about how he's his new dad and this n that and she just let's him say it. In short, just be glad you are not me right now.

I am very sorry to hear your story. It must have been tough for you, to keep on being strong just for your child. I hope you can stay as strong.

@whatgoesaround954

I'm so sorry. I'm not a parent myself and I can't relate, but you seem like such a strong and caring person. I hope one day this all works out and you can be completely happy with your child :)

While reading all comments I realized that there are people going through the same thing, and although it assures me I'm not alone, sadly it feels otherwise. Last year I had a virtual long distance relationship even though initially it was just for language-exchange practice. The first time I stumbled upon his page I was rolling from laughter seeing he had a strange, pervy sense of humor that he can easily pull off, so I just left a comment saying thank you for the good read. I wasnt expecting any response after that. But then he did. From then on we chatted for days and in a couple of months, fell hard for each other. We were so madly attracted to one another that he flew all the way across the globe to see me. For a month he was here it was perfect. He was exactly what he was online, no pretensions, no awkward moments unless we suddenly spoke in our language out of excitement. xD We both cried when I had to send him off. 4 months after the grand meet-up he broke up with me. He realized he couldn't afford to come back here after losing his potential business. He became weak. He lost all interest and told me now's the time to get serious with his life coz when we were dating, he told me abt his diploma and plans to finish it soon but gets distracted with me so he puts his life on hold. I was devastated. Ive never felt soooo much pain in my life at that moment. We made plans, talked about moving in together, travel, have a house built on top of a mountain or something. Although he cried too, I knew he felt relieved. He said the pressure was too high. Got scared that if he does come back, it wouldn't be the same anymore. After that I lost who I was. I had a hard time sleeping, eating, in fact day after day was torture to get on my feet. Fast forward to 3 months he suddenly messaged me. Wants to be friends and told me he never removed the bracelet I gave him. Thats when I realized although I still love him, he could never be happy with me coz he isn't happy with himself. He needs me to fill his emptiness. I was that when we were together. But he threw all that away and now remembers me coz he feels down and alone. I cut all ties after that. I slowly picked myself up from guilt and depression, enrolled in a Jap class and now in a university where Im finishing my degree. On the 26th marks a year without him. I still miss him, but I'm better. And yes there will be moments that memories of him choke you, but it doesnt hurt to the extent that I feel my heart pass out. So to everyone who's going through a difficult time, know that only you can heal yourself. Do something that you love. Be surrounded by amazing people. Learn to share that love you have to more productive things. You cant stop loving a person, but you can always start loving yourself. So embrace the change, the hurt, the fear and gradually you will discover a lot of good things in life. I dont think I'll ever be in love like that again. I dont date randomly when I know its a waste of time. But im ready to take a chance IF and only I feel there's potential or a real connection. Bitter truth though, you will never find a person like him/her again. Hopefully, its because someone better is out there and rightfully for you. So now just focus on yourself and maybe, just maaayybe you can get back on track.

@marilynandbob23

Thank you so much. I am going through this very thing right now, having the most important person in my world calling it quits after 5 years. Your words help with the pain that I am still going through after one month, I know that I need to work on myself as she has begun to work on herself, but I still hold the hope that once we are both better, we may find a way back to each other. but knowing that even if we don't, I will be ok, and ready for the next adventure of my life.

@MasterWolverine

Ohmygawd the first month is definitely the hardest xD I feel you, mister. And I'm sorry to hear the 5 years you spent together had to end like that. But saying you'll be ok is different from doing something ok. You have to free your thoughts from the attachment you had with her by exploring new things. And more importantly, cry when you feel like it xD Sounds weird but it helps your heart empty itself from all the hurt you've been carrying. May you find sunshine in the days (more like weeks) to come ^_^

@shypotatoes23. Wow, you are an incredibly strong person, I read your post and felt the pain, sounds like you had a very difficult decision to make, relationships can be very difficult to work at and they all need work from both people, sometimes I wonder the secret to true happiness in an exclusive relationship, but I know as I get older what I don't want. Hold out for the person who respects you, treats you like a diamond and most of all loves you with all their heart! Never settle, I have learned that, after 2 failed marriages .

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this - not feeling like you have the real answer to why something like this has happened not only makes it worse I feel, but also makes it so much harder to move on?

I'm going through the same thing atm. My ex boyfriend and I spent 3 years together in school then broke up when we both went to university. Two years ago we met up again at our 10 year school reunion and the feelings all came flooding back - since then he has maintained that I am 'the one' and that he wants to eventually start a family etc...

Three weeks ago he broke up with me completely out of the blue. His 'reasoning' being that he was afraid he might hurt me and that his anxiety meant that he couldn't cope with someone else being dependent upon him to ensure they were happy. He says he still loves me and wants me in his life, but I know that if that were to happen then the attraction that is there would be too much to ignore.

Worst of all is that he hasn't been in touch at all since the day it all happened.

I think sometimes you have to realize that there is no way to convince someone that they should be with you. The heart can't be stolen it only goes where it wants. Likelihood is that in the months/years to come he may realize what a big mistake he has made. I think the hard bit is just being able to convince yourself that you should move on in the meantime and not wait for him - this is what I'm having trouble doing at the moment.

@1stworldview147. Awesome post and great advice!

@versatileApple4527 These things never absolve quickly, it takes a lot of time and throwing yourself into activities you wouldnt noramlly do to help keep your mind away from it. Its also important to keep friends and family close and accept support when you need it.

@versatileApple4527

It is so hard to move on from someone you believe was the one. I had to do that more than two years ago and it took almost two years to get through it. Now I realise that despite believeing he loved me just as much as I loved him, I always loved him more than he loved me. It's painful to know but it was something I had to realise. It was very hard but now I'm hopeful that it's possible to find "the one" again, who actually loves me back. His actions showed he never really loved me and the person I loved is no longer there now as he's completely changed in personality and morals. Not many people like him anymore actually because he's changed so much and for the worst. It's hard at the time but you may find it was something that should've happened and you're glad it happened so you could spend time finding someone worth your time.

My Boyfriend broke up with me last Thursday. He says he needs space and going thru changes in his life. For him it's too much stress, he finally sold his house he shared with his ex wife, she moved away and he got an apartment. Him and his wife were being divorce for a while but they still had the house together, because it was easier financially.

Now that things are falling into place and he is finally on his own, we can be together.

I'm so depressed, I miss him terribly even he has his issues. He is bipolar and has his mood swings and gets stress out for little things that are not a big deal.

I know that the rational thing to do would be, just to leave him alone and carry on, but I can't. We were good together, we never had a dull moment, time with him was timeless, and full of joy and happiness. I miss him, I don't know how I'm going to get over this

@brokenheart7 I wish someone understood me and cared for me as much as you do for your ex.

Experience the same thing. Although it's not my first breakup, this time, it's the worst. I thought he's the one. We used to argue and quarrel a lot because we are very different in terms of habits, lifestyle, preferences etc. I work so hard to keep improving myself as a person and work so hard to improve the relationship. He agreed to work with me to improve the relationship. And I thought all went well even through we still do have some minor arguments. He was deploy to US to work for two years and I am here in Singapore. Thought that by trusting and communication, we can keep this going. Really all went well and we are still happily talking. A minor disagreement triggered him to break off with me. He said he's been thinking for quite a long time and he can't see our future. He can't see me as his the woman he wants to spend his life me. He no longer have the motivation and passion to improve the relationship. I was crushed. Prior to this, I've made plans to go over to the US for a few months on 2018. It is my dream. I work 2 jobs just to prepared for my dream trip and all are gone.

I lost the best guy I ever met. I'm in the worst period of my life now. No words can describe what I am go through right now

I am sorry everyone here is going through relationship break -ups. To be in a relationship is hard! I have been married almost 12 yrs. That has really been difficult. Everyone brings their own baggage, sometimes you don't realize what kind of baggage is too much, my husband has many undiagnosed issues that are getting worse and the older I get the more I can't deal with them, I have my own stuff, like anxiety, panic attacks and depression, I take meds to keep it from controlling my life, but he doesn't think he has any problems. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier to not be in this relationship, I guess what I am trying to say is , I guess love is blind and in the beginning easy, but eventually it gets harder, and being with a mentally healthy person can be a difference between a good relationship or a rocky one. Sorry for the rambling. Wishing you all the best! Hugs for everyone hurting!

@jr5o I'm sorry to hear that. I guess, breaking up before and after marriage has its own different. Seriously, i do not if I have the capacity to love again. Hearing stories of failed marriage and relationship from my mum scares me. I beginning to fear relationships/ marriage.

He claimed that he still loves me but could not go on anymore. I doesn't want a breakup and he offered the last option : let both of us have a one month cool down period to re-evaluation our relationship again but hoesntly, I know that he will not change his mind. The result will be the same after the one month. He texted me a happy Valentine's Day and when I wished him as well, we didn't contact each other. I'm puzzled.

I've quitted my job, cause anyway, I wasn't happy working there and now with this incident, I doesn't have any motivation to work there anymore. I even took a weeks leave to grieve. Moreover, I asked my mum to took leave to accompany me at home. I felt so weak, immature and unprofessional.

my cousins and friends are happily married and I am really wondering what's wrong with my life. Why are there so many failures and obstacles in my life :(

@Reliablemango123. Yes you are so right marriage and before marriage break ups have their own problems, but because you aren't in a relationship, doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you, sometimes it takes a while to find someone who really cares and loves for who you are, there is never a perfect mate, just gotta decide what kind of faults you can tolerate and what you won't.

@jr5o Thanks for the reply. For now, I don't dare to habour any thoughts of finding another who truly loves me etc. I am so afraid of being hurt again. This failure hits me the hardest and I'm still grieving as this happens only a week ago. It's too sudden and unexpected for me to accept it.

I guess, the first thing I have to do while recovering is to become a even better person myself. To be more caring, understanding, consider person.

@versatileApple4527

I'm sorry to hear about the breakup <3 :( You're not alone! I'm also sorry that you struggle with anxiety - anxiety can really be a pain in the butt and makes things more difficult. Have the two of you spoken since the break up?

@powerspellI I m going through something very simliar. this sounds to good tom be true,

You are not the only one been through this shit, sometimes, I just wonder what did I do to deserve these pains, but shits happens, I am sorry, I have no advice and I am even seeking advice right now.

I am in love with a person, that's all, I love this man, no matter he is my boyfriend or ex-boyfriend or roommate, I don't care, I just love him, even he said he didn't have any feelings for me now, so what, can I stop loving him, NO, i cannot control myself, I love him, I still love him, that's the worst thing.

I don't know how to be myself again, and I just decided to left, everyone said time can heal, I want to believe it.