PL 101: Systems vs. Goals (Discussion 4)

I quite enjoyed reading the post and watching the video, both were very informative. I have never been one for setting goals, perhaps because I never found them to be too effective, and I think the ideas expressed here sum up the reasons why quite nicely. Goals can be a great way to assess our progress towards building necessary skills, habits, and behaviors ("systems," to use the word from the post), but our focus should be on gaining and honing those skills, habits, and behaviors.

What is a key system that you need to set up in your life to help you succeed?
A key system that I need to set up in my life to help me succeed is organization, with regards to my work and responsibilities.

What are 3 behaviors you can implement to help you gradually grow that new system in your life?
▶︎ Create and complete tasks on a to-do list
▶︎ Focus on creating specific time slots to attend to each task
▶︎ Eliminate distractions from my workspace

Ivy 🐑 Through the Fire, You will Prevail

@IvyL

Hey! Your post already seems very organised. 😄 All the best! 🙋‍♀️

@GlenM

What is a key system that you need to set up in your life to help you succeed? What are 3 behaviors you can implement to help you gradually grow that new system in your life?

Key System - I do not set goals I really do not I use to set and plan and do list and cross them off and do pros and cons which are actually good and Journal etc even tho all this can wear a person out by putting pressure on ourselves.. but key things would be just do what I can and do it to the best of my ability and not sweat the small things and work on things that interest me and make me feel good about me and what I can do to help others to feel better about thier self which is why I am here in the leadership program.

3 Behaviors

1. Relax - Relax the mind and let go of worry and overthinking, relax the tensed up body muscles which I am bad about .

2. Stop Judging myself and Others- I am not young like everyone else here . I am not smart enough to be someone with badges or roles or I am not who they are . I am not really worthy of being with some people . They wont like me , They will laugh ar me...... STOP Judging me and them because this is what I am doing along with the first one Relax and stop worrying. I am good enough for ME!!

3. Balance- Balance my real life from The 7cups life-- How much time should I be on the site . How much time should I be in the listener support room , how much time should I be out in the member rooms. how much time ..... stop being a clock watcher !! Balance things out to where I am not stessing and worying about where I should be and need to be ... Put my Real life First.

@Tyedyedbutterfly65

Hey! I relate to you a lot and I need to work on similar things. I hope you see progress. All the best! 😄

@Grace8402 Thank you for sharing .. I am always gonna be a work on progress I believe we are all the same with being a work in progress right lol...... I am almost 55 years old but I do believe I can work and change some things about myself or improve..

@Tyedyedbutterfly65

That is so awesome! And yes, we are all work in progress! ❤

@Grace8402 For sure !! thank you .

@Tyedyedbutterfly65

I think I would have a lot to learn from you. Looking forward to interacting with you in this community. I was about to PM this but couldn't so I replied to you here. Have a great day/night! 😊

@Grace8402

So sorry i do not know why you would not be able to message me unless you are under age 18 ?

@Tyedyedbutterfly65

Oh yes, I am under 18. Will be 18bin a few months. 😆

I had to chime in to Point two . That really reminds me of saying I heard recently. . " The best is the best for you " kep that in mind. @Tyedyedbutterfly65

@Goldenbutterflyofhope OKay thank you !!

@GlenM

What is a key system that you need to set up in your life to help you succeed?

I

@GlenM I am not sure what is happening but the post are not showing up until like days and weeks later Glen I check my notifcations everyday and watch for post and just seen this one pop up today . so very sorry....

Tye

@Tyedyedbutterfly65

Same here, Tyed. I just saw this today.

@PeaceLoveandPaws Thank you for also sharing this and letting me know I am not alone on this lol..

@Tyedyedbutterfly65 I think you're okay. Looking at the forum, a lot of posts were created as placeholders on 6/29, and they're being edited with details and announced on a flow basis as the course progresses.

@QuietMagic Thank you so much for replying !!

@Tyedyedbutterfly65

@GlenM

If I'm honest, currently many of my personal systems are disintegrating, and I feel like right now the best thing is for me to let that happen and not be too impatient.

An analogy might be a person with a stomach virus having no appetite. Even if the general wisdom were typically, "it's good to eat healthy food", some instinct kicks in that intuits "right now something special is happening where I shouldn't make myself eat". There's a kind of passivity or yielding that feels appropriate whereas trying to force things or instigate change has a sort of feeling of self-violence to it.

I see my personal systems as being sort of like hermit crab shells that aren't permanent... where it's okay/normal for me to sometimes not have a system, not know what I'm doing, and live in ambiguity. I don't feel comfortable thinking of the in-between gaps as inferior when they're part of the process. Things sort of pop in and out of existence, and sometimes there are spaces where nothing really exists. (Of course, if I start feeling a lot of anxiety and that motivates/inspires/energizes me to create systems to fill the void, that's part of the process too.)

***

For the sake of answering the question , a system that I might set up in the future if it feels right is a routine for daily exercise. Habitual actions supporting that might include: 1) eating additional smaller meals throughout the day, 2) setting an alarm to go to sleep by a certain time, and 3) drinking a certain amount of water per day.

@GlenM

What is a key system that you need to set up in your life to help you succeed?

A key system is to be able to do things in a gradual, consistent matter. As an example, setting a routine to be applied before I go to bed instead of just doing "whatsoever" every night.

What are 3 behaviors you can implement to help you gradually grow that new system in your life?

1. Practice for 30 minutes to one hour caligraphy everyday. It will help me work with my anxiety, and develop skills of patience (I just started this hobby, so it may take some time to be good at it hence why I mentioned patience) which will come in handy in situations of conflict, and distress.

2. As I mentioned before, setting up a routine before I go to bed. This will help me to have a better night's sleep. If I'm well rested, I'll be able to complete the tasks ahead of me.

3. Speak for a few minutes on the phone with a friend. As a person who's not comfortable with speaking in general, I could start speaking just for a few minutes with someone I trust. Slowly, as I feel better and identify which kind of topics I can speak through, I can start calling other friends, and so on. This will develop a sense of confidence when talking with other people, including strangers. Communication skills are essential, and can be applicable with everything.

What is a key system that you need to set up in your life to help you succeed?

my goal in life is to live a "Lotus Life" . the lotus flower blooms through the mud. This blooming symbolizes how we are able to get through all the obstacles we deal with in life to rise above (the mud) into full bloom. This brings me to practice the key system of being consciously aware every moment of every situation that disturbs me in some way and to get out of that .

What are 3 behaviors you can implement to help you gradually grow that new system in your life?

1) Self Love n self care are important to keep motivated in a healthy way and to do my best

2)practicing meditation -- that provides the source of all that awareness and to sail thru tough moments. I try to make it a part of my routine life

3)living in a sense of gratitude- thats another routine practice i try to follow . It helps me cope with any extreme situations in a better way , being thankful n hopeful

@GlenM

What is the key system that you need to set up in your life to help you succeed?

The key system that I really want to continue working on is structuring an overall healthier lifestyle -- specifically managing a better sleep schedule. When I am really immersed in work, I tend to cut into my sleep schedule to "make more time to get things done". And by doing this, I am not getting enough sleep each night which can have a cumulative impact on cognitive ability, physical stamina. and overall emotional wellness.

3 Behaviors to implement:

1.Work on going to bed and waking up at a consistent time that allows me to get 8 hours of sleep each day.

2. Stopping all work by 6:00 p.m. so that I can make dinner, clean up and have time to relax before bed.

3. Developing a bedtime routine to include putting down my phone, turning off the laptop and reading something just for fun!

@KindnessMatters2020

Great ideas, I especially like the stopping at 6pm.

@GlenM

Hey, y'all! Hope you all are doing good!

Loved the video on system vs goals and the idea around it. I have tried to develop that mindset and I think it is really helpful!

What is a key system that you need to set up in your life to help you succeed? What are 3 behaviours you can implement to help you gradually grow that new system in your life?

I need to set up a system to be able to journal whenever possible and meditate regularly. I have a lot of things going on for me and sometimes I get stressed about the future and forget to be present. And I find journalling a good way to let it out. I think I need to do it whenever my mind gets cloudy. Stress usually hampers my efficiency and productivity so, I think this is a way to help me succeed.

I think that mindfulness, being able to slow down and reminding myself about how much meditation helps me would gradually help instil this system in my life.

Looking forward to the next discussion!

@Grace8402 I strongly relate to stressing about the future rather than being in the present and in the now. I'd love to try journaling too as this seems like a great idea. Mindfulness would help me too!

@KristinHelps
I hope it works for you! I'm still working on it! We'll get better with time! 😄

@GlenM

What is a key system that you need to set up in your life to help you succeed? A key system that I need to set up in my life to help me succeed would be very similar to the one mentioned in the article. I would like to be a journalist or something in the writing profession when I am older so my key system could be writing daily in order to practice writing.

What are 3 behaviors you can implement to help you gradually grow that new system in your life?

1- allow myself to write every day for however long I feel comfortbale with that day (depending on energy and self care) - don't force myself to write for longer than I feel I can.

2- don't focus on the number of words (something I constantly do!) but focus on just writing something.

3- look back at my progress on a weekly/monthly basis to see how far I've come.

@bookworm274 I really like how your system as well as daily goals and steps helps you develop your passion of writing. I also like that your last behavior is reflection - I think that's very important for growth as well.

@bookworm274

It's so wonderful to see the passion you have got for writing and I am really sure that you will get through it and be an amazing writer. All the best!

@GlenM

Key System: A system of pacing myself - something I've started doing for a while now that helps not only ground myself but lead myself with acceptance.

Behaviors:

1) Acceptance - which is the end result of this system but also the primary behavior needed to kick it off. Accepting things like I have my own struggles but can pace myself and do things at my own pace is a key.

2) Self-care - I think we all need a break from time to time. This is not always intended to be a break filled with television but might be more of resting up, pausing and reflecting on our progress etc.

3) Learning - learning outwardly is always one of my goals, I commit to reading more, trying to attend courses of wide varieties, but also, learning about oneself is very important - we need to identify our limitations, our strengths and the middle ground of coping and how we can improve it all - an important thing to keep the pacing system working.

Thought I share my opinions on this. I am leaning more towards con when setting up a mentality. Not saying that it is bad totally. But perhaps the suggestion may work for one, but not all.

For me, somehow no matter how I setup something, be it a goal or system. It tends to develop into something very unhealthy. Well it may say that it could be a mental or behavioral issue on how oneself manages it.

But no matter how hard that I try to push for something, i.e. health, fitness, diet, lifestyle, work, task, habits, etc. I tend to push/strive for something either unrealistic, perfectionist, must be "correct", best of it, extremeist, and it tends to usually slide off from my original intended wishes or outtakes from it.

So take for examples, i.e. journaling, meditation, mindfullness, or even exercises. I tend to push towards one end that usually end up tormenting to myself, sometimes even self-hurt physically or mentally without being aware. - Worst is when I am aware but still continue to do so. Because it aint right to "stop" or "change", and the inability to stop continues.

Hence something suppose-ingly to be helping oneself can turn ugly into a self-damaging lifestyle.

--------

That's my thoughts. No right nor wrong on the options suggested.

@mikenai That makes sense, sort of like if you commit to a goal/system, then it leads to imposing a lot of strict expectations on yourself that feel like they create significant stress/anxiety. So in practice, for yourself, you've found it feels more self-compassionate to leave certain things loose/open rather than trying to control them by setting up goals, routines, systems, etc. (Let me know if I'm misunderstanding.)

@QuietMagic

That makes sense, sort of like if you commit to a goal/system, then it leads to imposing a lot of strict expectations on yourself that feel like they create significant stress/anxiety. So in practice, for yourself, you've found it feels more self-compassionate to leave certain things loose/open rather than trying to control them by setting up goals, routines, systems, etc. (Let me know if I'm misunderstanding.)

Shocked, you managed to shorten my thoughts.

You got it actually. Basically its a set of rules/guidelines that is set by oneself.

However how oneself govern/manage it is another issue to be taken care of.

*** It may sound like lazing or opportunity to "goof" off, but being able to strive both together as a balance might make one soul way more stronger.

*** Why so many stars? Because I rethought and felt that situation actually depends. Some depends on it to motivate/push/achieve towards a certain desire, in this case goal/lifestyle, if not otherwise they may just lax back. While some takes things to extremes and yea. End of the day, being cautious and mindful perhaps might turn up even way better? Perhaps its really to each of their own experiences. Only the daring and ability to experiment will find out.

@mikenai

I like what you've suggested of each person trusting their own experience and figuring out what works for them. Some people might find systems helpful to stay motivated/organized. Some people might feel it's a bit overbearing or doesn't mix well with perfectionistic tendencies in themselves. Maybe someone could go back and forth between the two, or use systems for some things but not others... yay for freedom and experimentation.

I'm personally reading this thread as, "If you're in a context where you want to manage something or work toward a specific result, consider creating stable/sustainable systems or processes that'll indirectly create the result you want." If you're not in that sort of context, the suggestion might not apply.

@QuietMagic

It takes kind of great strength to manage though I say.

Thank you for helping me to break it clearer and sharing on its application on a better level.

@GlenM

A key system that I need to set up in my life to help me succeed is being proud of my accomplishments and the progress I have made. Often times I bursh off my own accomplsihments and progress instead of properly supporting and encouraging myself.

Three behaviors that I can implement to help me gradually grow this new system of mine into my life are keeping track of all of my accomplsihments by writing that down so that I can visualize my progress, rewarding myself for acknowledging my accomplishments and progress, and, finally, telling myself at least once a day that it is alright to take time out of my day to think about my accomplishments and progress because it is not at all selfish to do so, rather, it is something to be proud of.

@GlenM

What is a key system that you need to set up in your life to help you succeed?

A key system for me is having a routine or plan that I can modify as needed but it takes away the scary thing of having to design a day from scratch each day. Plus when I wake up I do not have to wrestle with the thoughts of what I am going to do next. I just start my routine.

What are 3 behaviors you can implement to help you gradually grow that new system in your life?

Refraining from expressing anger because it makes me feel terrible and sidelines me from following my plan for the day.

Seeing what I am doing right and how I am accomplishing my goals rather than criticizing or judging myself; Be my own supporter.

See the other person's needs - not just my own - and find a way so everyone gets some of what they need including me. Often when I help another person that helps me build my self-esteem and confidence so I can be the change not just talk and plan it.

All the best🌷