Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #9) Passive-Aggressive Communication
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Healthy communication is key!
Questions:
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
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What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
silent treatment, Subtle insults, Procrastinating on Purpose, Sabotage, Keeping Score of favors.
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life? Sometimes when I get a little irritaed at someone, I walk away and try to ignore the. I give them a silent treatment. This keeps our fued going for a while instead of ending it quickly.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community? It is not kind to our community, spreading negitive influences rather than positive ones.
@explore1000 , true! passive aggression doesn't serve the purpose this community is for.
@explore1000
Selfcare is really important at times when you feel irritated and it might include staying away from everyone. But it really don't count as a silent treatment when you are doing it for yourself and not purposely to hurt someone. Meanwhile the communication gap for that time being might be hard for the other perso and so the least we must do is to leave a gentle message for them that you'll be back soon. :)
@explore1000
Lovely response.
@explore1000
These are great responses! You are correct about the fact that the silent treatment only prolongs the feud instead of repairing the relationship. Also, you brought up a good point that passive-aggressive behavior can lead to an overcast of negative feelings in 7 Cups! Great work!
▪︎What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
~ 1. The silent treatment
2. Subtle insult
3. Procrastinating on Purpose
4. Sabotage
5. Keeping Score
▪︎What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
~ I have experienced all of them in my life, silent treatment and subtle insults by family, Procrastinating on purpose, sabotage and keeping score mostly by school mates and people I used to work with. Also experienced subtle insults on 7 cups. I am also guilty of silent treatment and procrastinating on purpose.
▪︎Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
~ Passive aggression behavior is a form of subtle and covert manipulation, it brings negative vibes. Passive aggression diminishes trust and respect in the community, which makes it harder to work as a team.
@unique73 I relate to your example. Facing passive aggression so much, especially in the immediate environment, often tends to create similar patterns in us too. It's unfortunate but it can always be worked on :)
@unique73
I am really sorry for you also faced a lot of passive agression in your life. Menwhile you are couragious to accpet that you did and you shouldn't be guilty for it as you have now understood the means of it. Besides we all have practiced it once or twice at different senarios in our life. Be now that we know about it I'm sure we'll contribute ourself in order to eradicate it from our society and stand against it by creating awareness to build a better and healthy society. :)
@unique73
I'm so sorry that you went through that, you're really amazing for staying strong
@unique73
I am really sorry that you experienced all this. You are a wonderful person. Just never give up.
@unique73
I can definitely relate to your example! It is difficult to escape from passive-aggressive behavior, since it can be done even at a subconscious level. And you are correct by saying that passive-aggression casts a negative shadow over our community, and the trust and respect will diminish among individuals here on 7 Cups. Thank you for your response!
True. It's hard to work as a team while having these passive aggressive nature
Being silent, subtle insults, sabotaging something that matters to you and acting as if it was unintended, keeping score and getting back at you if the score is less in their favour, avoiding tasks on purpose to show they're in control of your schedule
What is one example of passive-aggressive behaviour you have experienced in your life?
most commonly, I have faced subtle insults and silent treatment.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Instead of resolving things through assertive communication, it keeps the issue going and may even create new issues, especially in the relationship. Ineffective communication in itself has its own set of issues. Passive-aggressive behaviour tends to create an uncomfortable environment and is counterintuitive to high warmth.
@sereneButton43
You are right, communication could be a tool, but if the other person does not want to do it or collaborate, it becomes an uncomfortable environment and in a certain way toxic
@sereneButton43
thank you for posting. Very informative
@Heather225
Feeling bad at any situation is very genuine. But we should practice direct conversation instead of passive – aggressive communication.
The discussion was very practical and below are my responses against the questions respectively
- What are the 5 sign of passive – aggressive communication?
- The silent treatment: Suddenly stopping the conversation with someone intentionally.
- Subtle Insults: Insulting someone in an indirect manner, without being clear of what they exactly meant by their words.
- Procrastinating on purpose: Delaying someone’s request intentionally to make them feel that they aren’t as important as other stuffs are.
- Sabotage: Intentionally creating problems of one to ensure they get stuck and have difficulty in whatever they are doing.
- Keeping score: Keeping the sum of favor one did for you and replying them with exactly the same.
- What is one example of passive – aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
In this situation I used to step forward to initiate a direct communication to bridge up the communication gap and clear the misunderstandings to make things normal asap.
- Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
See you in the next discussion
Spreading love!
Ash. :)
@Ashvillium
It is a good summary, and I understand you perfectly, I know how painful it is to go through that: /,
@Ashvillium
Very true. It creates misunderstanding and creates lot of hurtful feelings for the other.
@Ashvillium
your posts are always a delight to read Ash :)
@Heather225
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life? I think I have experienced several, one of them was with an ex-boyfriend about 5 years ago. He was a very shy type of person, but sometimes he would savote me or say things that seemed quite innocent but were actually very hurtful, he kept many feelings and when I asked him what happened he did not answer me and that stressed me a lot because he did all the time the victim without me doing anything, he made me the law of ice and things like that. It was really a difficult thing to deal with. The last one... I think that can affect us a lot, for me it is like being violent in secret or something like that, I think that these types of actions and attitudes affect a lot over time, it is very painful to go through that, because you do not understand what is happening and you You feel guilty all the time, this can affect a lot, I really think it is very painful, and it should not be done. I think we should self-analyze and discard any sign of passive aggressiveness in case we have it, because for the other person it could be too painful and stressful
@Crystaldancer
I agree with you. Passive agrression could interfere one's day today activities. I'm really sorry you had to go through all that, i can understand how you might have felt. I've faced such situations with my friends as well.
But you know what, you've learnt and survived those situation with courage and that's a great thing plus you will never think of doing anything as such to anyone else which makes you even more special 
@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1- The silent treatment
2- Subtle insult
3- Procrastinating on purpose
4- Sabotage
5- Keeping score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
As far as i could recall, I have witnessed almost all of these behaviors except sabotage from many people. As for myself I think I'm having a bit of procrastination, but that I must say is not on purpose. Sometimes it's because I'm actually busy when they ask me for something or sometimes when they keep asking me for stuff while knowing I'm focusing on something else. (This actually happens with my family :) when they ask me to do stuff at the wrong time :D ) However, when I actually get time I do look at what they want and help them with it.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
I think it's damaging for the community, because it doesn't give a clear vision about what the other person exactly means, and it doesn't help in fixing anyone's problem either if they have. Instead if we were clear with our communication, then it would be easier for the other person to understand. Just as the person who tells this is clear, the person who is at the receiving end should also be open and willing to receive whatever the other person has to say.
@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
-
The Silent Treatment- Not speaking deliberately after an argument.
-
The Subtle Insults- It confuses people and undermines their confidence.
-
Procrastinating on purpose- usually as a power move to show the control.
-
Sabotage- purposely messing with people and their things.
-
Keeping Score- keeping track of all the favors.
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
I have experienced #1 Silent treatment from a friend recently. He purposely did not talk to me as a punishment.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Direct communication is lost and people tend to ruminate sometimes. It also impacts the efficiency of a person if that person is hurt. Things might pile up and affect the mental health of either party.
@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1. The silent treatment
2. Subtle insults
3. Procrastinating on purpose
4. Sabotage
5. Keeping score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
I was given subtle insults when I did a job well. It was very painful.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Passive aggression is highly damaging to our community as it spreads misinformation and hatred.
@caringHope1976
indeed, it creates a negative community filled with misinformation and hatred.
@Heather225
The 5 signs:
1. The silent treatment
2. Subtle insults
3. Procrastinating on Purpose
4. Sabotage (deliberately messing something up)
5. Keeping Score (People who keep track of favors)
The subtle insults are something that I have faced. It infuriated me that people came to talk to me only to be passive-aggressive. Why waste your time being negative when you can be positive? What's the point of bringing negativity? At first, I used to look down on myself and blame myself for what others said to me. Sometimes, especially after repetition, I would think it is true. As I grew as a person I realized that who I am is based on my own opinions and not someone else's. I fall into their trap if I let their passive-aggressive behavior get the best of me. I realized distance and creating boundaries is the best way to deal with the situation! Passive-aggressive behavior can be so damaging because the individual doing the behavior and the individual receiving the behavior both know the true intentions. It ends up creating a toxic environment and hostility between individuals.
@TheGoodHeartedBuddy
creating boundaries and setting realistic expectations are great help
@TheGoodHeartedBuddy
That's a really good point, passive-aggressive behaviour can become so toxic and hostile, and really create tension between people which would have a terrible effect on the community around us.
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
The 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication are: the silent treatment, subtle insults, procrastinating on purpose, sabotage, and keeping score.
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
There have been many classmates in my school, especially with group projects, who have procrastinated on purpose because they want to display a hierarchical advantage over others in certain situations. Sometimes, this behavior appears to come out of random, and I've never truly understood the reason for it. This could have possibly been triggered by a sense of competition based on intelligence, since many students like to portray how "smart" they are, especially in front of their peers.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Passive aggression is especially damaging to our community because it can affect the amount of trust and support that users have for one another. This community is built based on compassion and reliability, so passive aggression can dramatically affect relationships among individuals and among the community as a whole.
@Nerdtastic01
yes, that's true, if we cannot upkeep the compassion, trust and reliability and use passive-aggressive behaviours, we will certainly destroy the flow of the community.
@Nerdtastic01
I really like your point about trust and reliability, and it is definitely vital to maintaining a healthy growth community on 7 Cups. Passive aggressive behaviour can really affect the levels of trust and would have a big impact on the community.