Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #9) Passive-Aggressive Communication
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Healthy communication is key!
Questions:
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Activity: Please reply to 3 of your peers in this thread with encouraging or supportive words!
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@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
-Silent Treatment, Subtle Insults, Procrastinating on Purpose, Sabotage, Keeping Score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
- I have experienced sabotage and keeping score. I have also been guilty of keeping score when I have gotten really mad at someone. I was younger and petty. I have evolved since then, and I have grown into a better person. Instead of being passive-aggressive I voice when I am upset and open that communication.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
- It is damaging to our community because it is supposed to be a Safe space for those seeking help and support. If we are being passive-aggressive with each other, it is no longer safe. The reputation of the community could be tarnished.
@shiningDay80
It is awesome that you voice when you are upset and use open communication! And that is a great point, passive aggression can lead to the reputation of the community becoming tarnished.
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1. The silent treatment
2. Subtle insults
3. Procrastinating on Purpose
4. Sabotage
5. Keeping Score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
Only one? I think the worst has to be sabotage, that can be a really nasty and unkind thing to do. I am not sure that being silent for a while is really passive aggressive behaviour, for me it can just mean I am busy?
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
This topic is one that is quite close to my heart as it can really change a community and create an unwelcome, untrusting and incongruous atmosphere. I am working on my own behaviour as I am more aware of how it can affect others that are in my teams.
Listening - One Step At A Time!
@MistyMagic Great answer! I think you should really share more examples below~
@MistyMagic
I agree. There were times when a subtle sign #4 happened in a room.
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
The five signs of passive-aggressive communication are as follows: the silent treatment, subtle insults, procrastinating on purpose, sabotage, and keeping score.
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
I've experienced each of the signs in some way or another, and have definitely been guilty of one or two in my life. But the two that stand out as most familiar are the silent treatment and subtle insults.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Passive aggressive communication is damaging because it causes distrust and is hurtful towards others. It is also an indirect form of communication, making it difficult to discern the issue that needs to be addressed. When we go about expressing our anger and upset in the form of passive aggressive communication, it detracts from the feedback that we have to provide, and instead provokes others to respond negatively.
@IvyL Totally agree that it makes it harder to figure out what the issue is and tends to provoke a negative response.
@VioletVenom Very good and well organized thoughts!
@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication? Silent treatment, subtle insults, procrastinating on purpose, sabotage, keeping score.
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life? Silent treatment.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community? Passive aggression is damaging to our community because it blocks effective communication.
@bookworm274
Being passive aggressive definitely prevents any effective communication from occurring. In fact, I think it probably obscures more information than it provides clarity.
@bookworm274
Its incredibly difficult when someone is giving you the silent treatment or if you've possibly given it yourself. I'm glad that you can recognise it and turn it into a learning point. I said a similar thing in my post with it being an issue with my best friend and I occasionally doing it.
Great response, you clearly thought about the question 🙂🙂
@bookworm274
Good summary!
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1. Silent Treatment
2. Subtle Insults
3. Procrastinating on Purpose
4. Sabotage
5. Keeping Score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
Procrastinating on purpose
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Passive aggression is so damaging for our community because it is a medium of miscommunication which can further lead to many unnecessary problems and mistrust
@VerseArt
Yeah you are right. It's a medium of miscommunication.
@VerseArt I agree that passive agressiveness simply needs to extra problems! We don't need to create more!
@VerseArt
Agree! This can certainly lead to unnecessary problems and mistrust that could have been avoided!
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1.The silent treatment
2. Subtle insults
3. Procrastinating on Purpose
4. Sabotage
5. Keeping Score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life? I don't know about it except that I am passive aggressive at times. Probably my grandmother is too a little. But I gotta fix myself now.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
It makes it harder to trust on peoples. Their's a negative and draining vibe in it .
@Petrichor2000 Agree it's something that can create distrust while making it difficult to address/resolve without seeming to be overreacting to perceived slights that aren't really there.
@Petrichor2000 I agree that passive agressiveness can be draining. I also probably use that at times, but I try my best to be clear and direct.
@JaimieF
Best of luck Jaimie
@Petrichor2000
Thats true, it creates a negative and draining energy.
@Petrichor2000 - good answer!
@Petrichor2000
Great Answer!
@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1) The silent treatment - stopping speaking or responding to someone
2) Subtle insults - e.g. back-handed jokes that undermine confidence
3) Procrastinating on purpose - self-explanatory
4) Sabotage - deliberately messing up something or making mistakes to hurt someone else
5) Keeping score - keeping track of harms/slights done and taking revenge
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
In high school, I was in a class where I was seated near two girls with whom I had previously been in romantic relationships. One day they were joking (pretty loudly and within earshot of me) about being able to connect with one another and be good friends because they had the shared experience of having been hurt/scarred/wounded by dating me.
It was confusing because I wasn't sure how serious they were, and if they were serious they didn't really make it easy for me to do anything about it without seeming like I was intruding into someone else's conversation. So, the situation sort of felt like it was set up in a way that had no purpose except to make me suffer.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
These behaviors make it hard to resolve conflict because the other person isn't sure whether a conflict exists or not or whether the other person wants to talk about it. Procrastinating on purpose and sabotage also hurt the community directly by undercutting work that is being done to try to help members/listeners.
@QuietMagic I'm so sorry you experienced that in high school. :( It can be so rough! But what a great turnaround in relating passive-agressiveness to how it affects our community! <3 You did a great job!
@CompassionateDreamer8522 Aw, thank you! 
@QuietMagic very good point - passive-aggressive behaviour does make it hard to resolve a conflict.
@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
Silent treatment
Subtle insults
Procrastinating on purpose
Sabotage
Scorekeeper
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
One of my friends growing up gave me the silent treatment. It ended our friendship, and I now realize looking back on 7th grade me, that it was due to another friend telling her she couldn't be friends with me AND her.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
These all sub-vert confidence, and do damage to our high-warmth, high-expectation community. There's no room in this community for that.
@CompassionateDreamer8522 I agree. There is no room in this community for passive-agressive communication. I'm sorry others have used the silent treatment on you.
@CompassionateDreamer8522
I agree, it does damage our high-expectation, high warmth community, and we can't have that negative energy present in our community!
@CompassionateDreamer8522
that good example you shared of silent treatment how it ended the friendship.
Questions:
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1. silent treatment,
2. subtle insult,
3. procrastinating on purpose,
4. sabotage,
5. keeping score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
my mother loved to use the silent treatment
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
it's unclear and often harmful communication
@JaimieF
I agree that passive aggression is unclear and often harmful communication.
@JaimieF
Dear Jaimie.
What a very touching share - It is so difficult for a young child to understand what is going on when an adult does something like this, and it can be hard to get over that sort of treatment, even after that child reaches adulthood and realises that just about all parents can make really stupid and hurtful parenting mistakes. Sometimes an adult is silent to their child because they are upset and want to calm down before they speak, or if they don't know what to say that will do any good, but doing it as punishment can really confuse and even panic a child, and having that done regularly must have felt so lonely and frustrating. Getting the silent treatment from a parent as a child can sometimes lead to silence itself becoming a trigger later for the adult - failure to get a reply within a reasonable time during a conversation can lead to jumping to negative conclusions and can bring about panic symptoms like increased heart rate. If that sort of thing happens it can take quite a while and quite a lot of positive self-talk and trust to get to a stage in relationships with partners and friends where silences during times together are comfortable Thanks so much for your courage and generosity sharing this.
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1. The Silent Treatment
2. Subtle Insults
3.Procrastinating on purpose
4. Sabotage
5. Keeping Score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behaviour you have experienced in your life?
I've experienced from sabotage. When I was arranging a show for our school, then someone else comes over and asked me if she can join, I absolutely said yes. So she started to change and lead the show, try to replace me. And I couldn't bear that so I quit at last. However, my teacher found me and she solved all of the mess, asked me to go back.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Passive aggression not only lets people down, but it also creates a strong barrier between us. It ruins the trust and peaceful environment in our community. It misleads people, and drag us so much.
@Irena0225
I'm sorry you had such a negative experience involving sabotage in the past, being treated with passive aggressive communication is never nice, and like you said, it definitely creates a strong barrier between members of a community!