Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #6) How to Accept Feedback

@Daf8

I agree that hearing feedback can sometimes make us feel angry because of our high self-esteem. But watching the video really helps to acknowledge that others don't have bad intentions and they only want to help us improve our skills. So at the end of the day it's good to have somebody pointing out exactly where you need to work on :)

@herealways27

I agree! As long as it's done with warmth, consideration and kindness, it's a chance to improve! Thank you for your thoughtful message! You are amazing

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video? The last few times I've received feedback, it has been a positive experience. I'm new to a role and I expect feedback since I am still learning. The person who is training me wants me to do well in my role and I know they are giving suggestions for improvement. There are times when feedback stings because I may have felt I'd done my best. For me, asking clarifying questions or asking for examples of best practices goes a long way in showing my willingness to accept feedback. So, keeping in mind that I want to do the best job and my trainer wants me to do the best job is helpful because it is a shared goal.

@PeaceLoveandPaws

Yesss!! Having the same goals helps a lot when it comes to receiving feedback. I haven't thought about it like that!

Yes! It is a shared goal, and the people giving you feedback want the best for you :)

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?: When I think about the most recent feedback I received( which was a few weeks ago), I was at first shocked, angry, sad and I really got offended. I felt and reacted that way because I though I did nothing wrong and I felt attacked. However, I gradually came to accept what I did wrong. So what would I do differently after the video- I will listen carefully as the feedback helps and not see it as a form of criticism.

@azuladragon34

You are so right about this! I think if we can avoid feeling offended, we can hear the feedback and use it for improvement. That is a great point :)

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

The most recent negative feedback, made me wonder of it was right, and i felt misundrestood and hurt. I felt that way because those were not my intentions. After watching video, i think i would not have acted in denial but stepped away and have been more receptive and appreciate them for the feedabck which helped me realise that i was not clear in my communication and need to work on it

@blissart

Totally get it, I was in the same way where I felt like I wasn't being helpful too. But you've tried your best, don't doubt yourself.

@blissart

I really admire how you were able to rethink the process of receiving feedback! Good work :)

@blissart

it good of you to see what you need to work on. Keep up the good work.

@Heather225

Most recent feedback I received: someone gave me feedback on a book that Im writing.

How did I react: I reacted pretty much how the video said. I said thank you to them, because they took the time to read the chapter that I showed them and then asked them how they thought I could improve on it. A couple of days later, I showed it to them again and they said that they liked it a lot more than the original.

How did I feel: I felt a bit upset and deflated, writing a book can be really hard and takes a lot of time to do so it made me wonder if I should just give up on the idea because I felt as though I wasnt getting it right.

Why: I reacted this way because I wanted to let them know that I appreciated it and I also wanted to know why they thought it could be improved and what I had done wrong. I felt this way because Ive been writing this book for a very long time and I have edited it a lot, changed plot lines, how its laid out etc so after doing all that work it felt a bit discouraging to hear there were parts that still werent up to standard (although I know this completely normal as books take time!)

What would I do differently: I dont think Id do anything differently. I listened to their feedback, I thanked them for reading it, I asked how I could improve and I showed them my work again after I edited it. I feel like you cant really change youre automatic feelings for something but you can change how you react. I wouldnt tell myself to not feel upset next time because I feel its a normal thing. However, what I would do is tell myself (after the initial feeling) to feel proud of what they also praised and that its okay to feel upset but to test out what they say and see what works best, you may be surprised that you actually love it! Id also tell myself that it shows how much they care for me (as long as its constructive feedback) because it takes a real friend/someone who cares about you to help you grow and improve, anyone can say that youre doing great, it takes thought to find the things to improve and help someone.

@bookworm27

Really deep words here. I agree!

@bookworm274

That's the thing about receiving feedback. It does not always have to have a negative tone to it. It can help us grow. I'm glad you were able to take it, make the adequate changes, and they noticed the improvement. That's awesome.

@Heather225

How did you react?

I thanked them for pointing out my mistake and spending time to correct me.

How did you feel?

I felt quite grateful to them for giving me feedback. They pointed out something that I never noticed before and if they hadn't pointed out, i perhaps might never have learnt it.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

I dont believe that anyone is really perfect, we all have a lot to learn. There is always enough room for improvement. All feedbacks are important and helps us to learn and grow.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Next time I get a feedback, the first thing I would do is to take a deep breath and see myself seperate from my work.

@positivePumpkin22 I love what you've said that everyone has room for improvement. I find it exciting to imagine that things are deep and rich enough that no matter where I'm at, there are going to be new innovations, insights, and enhancements/optimizations waiting to be discovered.

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I received feedback regarding my job! Whenever I get feedback, I usually feel really anxious and I feel as though someone has confronted me with something. In my heart I know that it's not the way that they meant, but I take it that way. I know I can improve on this by understanding that feedback is out of love and consideration for me, not out of malicious intent.

@smolecho

I've struggled with taking feedback the wrong way as well. Sometimes, it's not easy to receive it if it comes off as negative.

@smolecho

Sometimes we can take things the wrong ways when people have the best intentions for us.

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I loved that video. It reminded me and consolidated my learning. Feedback can be hard to accept. There are many types of feedback and sometimes graciously acknowledging what was said can be a good approach. I think that often feedback and constructive criticism are confused by some people. I already follow those tips and I do find they work for the most part.

Listening - One Step At A Time!

@Heather225

How did I react?

-I was open-minded. Ive learned from years of experience not to take feedback personally. It is almost always constructive and not ill-mannered

How did you feel?

-I wasnt ecstatic about it, but I was glad they told me what I wanted to work on.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

-Because I used to take it personal, so I have flashbacks of negative feedback I have received and how it made me feel.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

- Now that I am older and more receptive, I will continue to take feedback with grace and remember it is to better myself at all my crafts.

@shiningDay80

It's great to know that you know to take feedback with grace! Nice post!

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

The most recent feedback received made me feel wholesome and profound. It was also constructive as well. I think it was profound because having little feedback and not reading minds means that I do not 100% know how others perceive me.

Thankfully, I have some parameters now.

Something I could do differently? Not much. The video did a good job at summarizing: staying calm, listening, being receptive, appreciative and ask for follow-up. I might not be as forward in asking for follow-up because it depends on the specific environment you are in.

@SynSavory That makes sense--I have a similar feeling sometimes that I'm relieved to know what other people are thinking as opposed to it being a mystery where I'm unsure how my actions are being received.

@Heather225

How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I think I was a little sad at the beginning, but instead of reacting right away, I took some time for myself to think more about it and reflect on it. I think I felt much better about it after that and was thankful for the feedback. So I took the feedback well and talked to them more about the ways I can do better. I don't think I would have done anything differently but it was a really good video!

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
I recently received some feedback in the form of a rejection when asked for a letter of recommendation. It was upsetting because I had thought that I had put a lot of effort into the class, and also due to the cold professional tone of the response. It also left me wondering where I had been lacking as a student, and where it fit in with my engagement and performance in the classroom recently, and after some hours reflecting and thinking, I was able to come to a conclusion that I think explains why I may have been rejected and where and how I can do better as a student. After watching the video, I think I will try to ask how I can improve while receiving feedback, as that is a response that I have not practiced much yet.

@Heather225

I have some clients at work who can be a bit angry/belligerent when they find a problem with something, which can cause some frustration/anxiety at times.

What my coworkers and I usually try to do is talk internally and manage our own feelings before responding. Sometimes we'll give each other support/reassurance (e.g. that we are okay, hard-working, valuable people). Other times, we'll try to defuse our own frustration or lighten the mood by approaching the situation with a sense of humor.

When responding to the actual issue itself, some things we try to do are:

• Pretend that the client has expressed their concern in a mature way, even if they haven't--i.e. just focus on the core problem that they're complaining about.
• Try not to take what they've said too personally
• Respond in a neutral/professional tone
• Acknowledge the underlying concern and its legitimacy
• Take action to resolve the issue (including sometimes putting preventative measures in place to catch/avoid future issues of a similar nature)
• Try to keep the client informed every step of the way (i.e. provide regular status updates on what we're doing to address their issue and when we expect it to be resolved)

Something that was mentioned in the video that I already do sometimes but would feel comfortable doing more of is thanking the other person for pointing out the issue.

@QuietMagic Restructuring/reordering my response to fit into the 4-part format expected in the original post and in the Course 2 completion form. Changes/new responses are in red.

1) Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react?

I have some clients at work who can be a bit angry/belligerent when they find a problem with something.

What my coworkers and I usually try to do is talk internally and manage our own feelings before responding. Sometimes we'll give each other support/reassurance (e.g. that we are okay, hard-working, valuable people). Other times, we'll try to defuse our own frustration or lighten the mood by approaching the situation with a sense of humor.

When responding to the actual issue itself, some things we try to do are:

• Pretend that the client has expressed their concern in a mature way, even if they haven't--i.e. just focus on the core problem that they're complaining about.
• Try not to take what they've said too personally
• Respond in a neutral/professional tone
• Acknowledge the underlying concern and its legitimacy
• Take action to resolve the issue (including sometimes putting preventative measures in place to catch/avoid future issues of a similar nature)
• Try to keep the client informed every step of the way (i.e. provide regular status updates on what we're doing to address their issue and when we expect it to be resolved)

2) Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you feel?

Receiving feedback from this client which can cause some frustration/anxiety at times, because sometimes their expectations are overly demanding/unreasonable and they sometimes present it in a personal way that portrays us as irresponsible human beings on a global level.

3) Think about the most recent feedback you received: Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Expressed in #2: their feedback tends to be presented in the form of a personal attack and their suggestions aren't always realistic or practically feasible.

4) Think about the most recent feedback you received: What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Something that was mentioned in the video that I already do sometimes but would feel comfortable doing more of is thanking the other person for pointing out the issue. Other than that, I believe the way I'm currently handling their feedback is appropriate and works well both on a practical and emotional level.

How did you react?

I thanked them for providing me the feedback and worked on it.

How did you feel?

I felt good because someone out there took their time out to make sure I understood my flaws and provided a way of being better to me. I felt grateful.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

I felt this way because I myself strive every day to become a better person and if someone helps me to do it. I know that I am not alone in the process which is amazing at the end of the day.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I will now know how important its impact is and how to properly take it.

@VerseArt

That's a really positive response to feedback and I love to hear it!

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

In the most recent feedback, I listened to it carefully. To decipher and understand how genuine the feedback is, so that I can reflect on it to improve my growth. I was a defensive after listening to the feedback, however I tried to change my actions accordingly. Something I would do differently after watching thevideo is ask to set up a schedule/plan for a change and better outcome.

Think about the most recent feedback you received: It was by my grandmother that I look terrible. Actually I was awake the previous night so she was right.

How did you react? I accepted and said that I will try sleeping early.

How did you feel? Awkward

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? I think because I was reading the book secretly and didn't expect anyone to know I pulled an all nighter.

What would you do differently after having watched the video? I would now accept it happily and try not to be up late.

@Petrichor2000

so relate, I'm a night owl too

@Heather225

The most recent feedback I received was slightly hard to accept but I was open minded about it and took it in a good stride. Initially, it did leave me slightly disturbed but then I did understand that they had good intentions in mind. It would have helped if they presented the feedback in a better way. I did discuss with them how I could improve, overall the feedback was taken in a positive manner.

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I know I have a hard time accepting feedback. The one that I'm remembering right now is when here on 7 Cups, I was leading a Sharing Circle and then was given some feedback on how to improve. I requested it! Because I am trying to be better with feedback. But despite asking for it and knowing what to expect, I still felt bad. I feel sad that I made mistakes and fear that another person in the community may have had a negative experience due to something I did or didn't do. I think I react this way because of how much I care about the work I do. I don't know if the video has led me to want to do anything differently. I agree with the points in the video. It's just that, regardless of what I think, my emotions do their own thing.

How did you react?

I reacted calmly and quietly, even though I feel so uncomfortable. I don't know where to leave my arms, so I just squeeze my hands together. And try my best to listen.

How did you feel?

I feel so uncomfortable, but I know it's for my own good. So I had to stay there being embarrassed.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Because I'm not good enough or let's say I ignored this part for a long time. Then someone came out and reminded me, in a not very comforting way, but it is useful. So I would like to suffer from all these emotions and see how can I do to improve, so that next time I won't receive feedbacks like this again.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I would ask for more feedbacks, more detailed feedback. Everyone should be more confident, you're getting this kind of feedback, not because you're bad, but because you have places to grow, and you deserve better. Don't be afraid, we'll keep going and keep growing. The person who gave me that advice thought that I'll just leave and never come back again to try, but I didn't. I gave it another try and now I'm improving day by day.

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

How did you react? It was hard for me to hear the feedback! I tried to remain calm, but I am very high-strung and it can be hard for me to not be defensive.

How did you feel? I felt defensive and offended.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? Sometimes, it's hard for me to understand how my actions affect other people. I have to understand that what I say and do can impact how another person is feeling.

What would you do differently after having watched the video? After watching the video, I want to try and think about my actions before I act. I want to also try and be calmer about all aspects in life!

@Heather225 Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react?
I thought the feedback was helpful, and gave me tips and strategies for dealing with this situation next time.
How did you feel? I felt empowered by having tools to help me re-route the conversation.
Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? My feedback wasn't percieved as a "negative" to me, but a learning experience, so I felt like I learned more, hence feeling more empowered.
What would you do differently after having watched the video? I don't think I would have done anything differently. :)

@CompassionateDreamer8522

That is an awesome way to react to feedback! I also love your statement about feeling empowered having the tools to help you.

@CompassionateDreamer8522

Great job! Feedback is always helpful, whether it is positive or constructive.