Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Answer 1: I had been in a conflict resolution situation and what I did was leave the place of the situation for some time without saying anything because when a person is angry, he/she is likely to say something that he/she regret later. This act diffused the tension and gave both of us the time to think through the situation.
Answer 2: My tip for the conflict-resolution is to leave the place for some time without saying anything. Let the situation cool down. Instead of continuing arguing, a person could show some patience and leave the place so that they get the time to think through the situation.
@Zarram77
You are correct about the space, however, I know some people can be difficult, like holding on to the pain and thinking the other person should apologise and vice versa. Now, the scary thing with that point is that if the two parties are thinking like that, then we will all be back to square one.
Conflicts do occur from time to time. We have to be ready to solve them and make sure that everyone is feel heard and calm. I always try to help my team find compromise when there is a disagreement. I try to stay calm and try to find a solution step-by-step. If someone lets a conflict or a problem fester, there is a high risk of the problem escalating and even affecting the whole team. So what I do is usually to let both sides explain their thoughts and the benefits they see in their own method. Then I help them to work together and see each other's perspectives. I always make sure to remind them that we are all working toward the same goal and should collaborate in the best way possible. My tip is to always act fast before you let the conflict fester and get out of control. I know people can be upset sometimes, but we need to teach them to acknowledge their emotions and express them.
@ASilentBunny
Yes, you are correct, but you know some people need a cool off first. Now this depends on the individual.
@ASilentBunny
You make a really good point. It is best to resolve any potential problems right away before they lead to something worse.
@Heather225
1) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have and will be for the better part of my life in this conflict. it keeps getting more and more difficult as time passes its between my mother and wife. They are both saying the same thing in a different way that the other person does not agree with .So i still between them and take the points of one party to other and present it well so that they can understand and vice versa. it has worked for me.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution? Patiently listen to the issue and make sure that if you are giving a resolution it has to the idea of one of the agressors.
@Heather225
Yes, for me I have to think of what I have to say carefully to the individual. I have to make sure I am in the right-thinking space. I know you shouldn't approach the person if the hurtful feelings are still attached because what can happen is that you can say something out of context.
@KBeauty12
Well put, and highly agree!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
On here, no. Outside of here, of course. I rely heavily on the "ask questions" tip.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
No, I think they're all good. But I really put a lot of emphasis on the ask questions portion. It's so important to be able to understand what the other person is thinking so you can resolve issues.
@Heather225 1. Yes, I have. I try to mediate both parties towards a mutual goal in resolving the issue.
My tip for conflict resolution is to listen carefully and look at the objective truth of the situation rationally and not only act with emotion.
@Heather225
1. I rarely take sides in conflict, if ever. I'm more often the mediator than the initiator. The first thing I do is attempt to deescalate the situation; if there's any shouting, I get them to stop that. If there's any blame-shifting, I point that out. Usually people can resolve issues on their own when they acknowledge that they need to respect the other and have a clear problem outlined for them.
2. One of my main strategies I learned from the book Thank You For Arguing: always speaking in the future tense, which is the only tense aimed at solving the problem. The past tense assigns blame, the present deals with who's right and who's wrong, but the future is about solving the problem. It's fine to clear up the situation using the past and present tense, but anything beyond that must be avoided at all cost, otherwise the situation is guaranteed to escalate.
@Elise849
I love the future aspect of problem solving you brought up. I'll have to add that book to my reading list. Thank you.
@Heather225
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
This happens a lot with some people in my life, and I've come to love the saying, "Agree to disagree". I don't want to change the way they think, and I have my own set of beliefs, which are sometimes up for change depending on the topic, but agreeing to disagree has helped me to accept their perspective more and not walk out of the conversation negatively.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
No, but these tips are fantastic, and thank Tazzie for the original post, and Thanks Heather for putting it into this course. It's helpful to say the least.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I think most people have been part of some type of conflict situation. When I've been the one feeling offended I've had to stop and take the time to see the other person's point of view before jumping to conclusions. At that same point I have been on the receiving end where someone has taken something I said out of context. In that situation I allowed the other person in to understand what I was trying to say in order to move on.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Conflicts generally involve a lot of emotions from both sides. Sometimes the other side is not as receptive but as long as one person keeps a level head and works towards some common ground then things will usually work out.
@AuroraBriarRose0
Finding common ground Is a very important part to fix a problem with another. Person.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I was able to express my opinion and belief
about the issue and convinced the person that there were no ill intentions
about my actions that were taken offense to. I used my communication skills to
calm down the other side so that they were able to listen to my side of the
story, but I also explained to the person that I understood their concerns.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to
facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Often during conflict people can get heated in the
moment and say things that they regret. They should be able to apologize when
they say things or behave inappropriately.