Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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@Heather225
Me and my mother fight constantly, we are starting to fix this by listening to eachothers perspectives. My tip for solving conflict is to find the vocal point
Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I am sure everyone has been in a conflict situation at some point in their life. I had a conflict recently in work where a group of us were given a task to do. Myself and one other were both leaders so naturally we both wanted to take charge of the task but it was obvious this was not going to be the case. He wanted to do things his way which I did not agree with nor he with how I wanted to do it. After a few hours we went for a coffee and discussed the situation. I listened to what he had to say and to the points he wanted to make. I didn’t agree with a lot of them but I did not express this. After he finished I then put my points and ideas forward. We went back an forth for 20mins then we agreed to go with 2 ideas from us both. The issue was resolved and the task completed to a high standard. Sitting down and talking about this with the person defiantly help the situation
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I think you folks have listed pretty much everything that I could think off. I am sure as time goes on I will come up with a new tips of my own
@Fergie12299 Great answer !
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I once had a co-worker who would take my employees away from their assigned duties and put them to work on her projects without asking me. I reminded her that she needed to get my approval first but did it again anyways. An argument broke out between her and I and my boss had to step in….the next day we were in the HR department to resolve the conflict:
We first had to write down our specific concerns
We each took our turn discussing the problem
We then had to write down alternative solutions
We each took turns discussing possible solutions
Each of our bosses then reviewed the notes and made a decision from our possible solutions
We then signed the agreed upon final solution
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Resist the need to be right
Agree to disagree with respect for each others view points
Be mindful of cultural boundaries and belief systems
Accountability: own your portion of the conflict/issue
Re-examine your thoughts and behavioral styles surrounding the conflict
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Being an older sister, I experienced a variety of conflicts throughout my life, especially while growing up. We would resolve our problems through. Being responsible for one's assumptions and finding common ground have been extrememly useful as forms of healthy conflict resolution between my little sitser and I.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Taking a step back for space (to breathe and calm the nervous system) and to find perspective is incredibly important in helathy conflict-resolution. By giving that space and taking the time, one could avoid unhealthy coinflict sparked by emotion.While stepping back is highlighted in this post, if eel the added information of the calming nervous system and being aware of the ebb and flow of emotions and thought trains is vital to include.
@warmLove3625 yeah, I agree on this that stepping back and calming down is important, still I get anxious about time kind of "what if I am too late", and I find stepping back to just calm might be not possible, it does require some effort to make it real, that's just by my experience.
@Heather225
1) Yes I sometimes get into those situations at school, I would resolve it by trying to speak in a non-judgemental way so they both feel they can trust me and talk about how the conflict started and how they can not let this happen again.
2) I think you have mentioned everything and can't think of anything else
@Heather225
1. Yes, I have been in several conflicts before. I slowly listened to the person without saying a word and waited for them till they finished telling their side of the story then I though about it all and finally spoke my side
2. My tip is: Try your best to put yourself in that person's shoes because you'll simply never understand how they feel except you try imagining how you'd feel if roles were reversed and then you might find out that it went wrong at some point or you'll feel like their feelings make so much sense now to you so you'd be capable of understanding what they're saying way more
@generousBreeze169 I have a question: even trying my best with putting in their shoes, I might not ever understand what they feel, because I still use it how I would feel it, what if I'd feel in a different way than the person feels now?
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes. I had to establish firm boundaries while being compassionate.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Bring compassion to the conversations.
@competentParadise6344 How did compassion help you in resolving conflict?
@windSpirit
great question. It shows that I am not trying to attach blames
@competentParadise6344
I love to you mention compassion. Can you elaborate on what you mean by establishing firm boundaries?
@competentParadise6344
I like your choice to have firm boundary yet compassion, sometimes, putting up a boundary can be in an agressive way, so it's a good way to find a balance like that!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I've been on a side of conflict resolution and usually on oppressed one. I tried to say what I feel by I-statements. I did listen but wasn't patient enough. I also tried to express my feelings in more professional way. I often resolved it by stepping back just to avoid to escalate it.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I'd recommend be more patient and be more aware that everyone are different people with their views and sometimes views can be contradictory but it still should be possible to find common ground. Well, and no one should be blamed or accused in something.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have, I resolved it by PM the person directly involved and working to keep a supportive professional relationship with each other and to help reduce the chance of conflict arising again in the future by understanding what happened, why and what we can do to improve our situation.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
To listen and understand the situation, to be open minded in their responses and to try to remember the common goal to lift each other up without bringing others down.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of the conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I have. I usually opt for a 'be clear' strategy, as I have observed that most conflicts worsen due to miscommunication and misunderstanding.
2.) Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
My tip for conflict resolution is that when the other person refuses to see your point of view and becomes aggressive, stand your ground but slowly back out of the conversation as well, in case it leads to emotional, verbal or physical abuse.
