Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have been on one side of it, and in order to resolve it, I had to do a self-reflection, find my faults, and apologize for being the one in the wrong
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
No, I think all the tips listed were very useful, and I think the most important part is always just to listen to what the other side has to say, be in there shoes for a moment and see where they are coming from, and that'll most likely result in a healthy resolution.
@BeautifulMasterpiece
You make a good point about listening to the other side so that they feel heard.
Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, discussed in polite and respectful tones and listened to their side to hear the perspective and acknowledge
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution? No, but I can reiterate that communication is key
@Heather225
1. Yes, of course I've been in conflicts with family and friends alike. I usually solve them by focusing more on feelings the cause of conflict caused than the actual cause. It makes all the parties understand the consequences of what they said/did on others.
2. My tip to solve conflicts is not to blame anyone and insted make people understand the result of their actions so that they see things from not only their perspective but the other person's as well.
@Heather225
Yes I have. I tried to find the common thing between all of us and also be respectful and kind of the other person.
My tip would be to always listen to the other person and to keep in mind that they are going through a battle we don't know nothing about and that's why we should always be kind.
@Heather225
1. I have been present in conflicts that used to take place in my old classes. There was a very toxic person that was trying to create conflicts among classmates of different genders and usually managed to achieve it. It has been a very tricky situation and it really impressed me negatively how a person can affect such a big number of people in a group and make them fight against each other. Approaching the person to talk to them personally didn't really work but I do believe that my strategic was wrong back then as I got upset. Slowly, people started o observe this behavior as well so as a group, we were focusing on learning and when this person was bringing up a topic for us to fight we were changing the topic with the professor and if this person kept interrupting we were asking him politely and professionally to respect the purpose of the subject and that we're there to learn.
2. I have learned that the key is to not engage in fight. Keep calm and be sure about yourself. Talking in a professional way while not losing your politeness makes the person understand that we’re here for a purpose and not for fun, so they eventually follow the group. Changing the topic makes the person understand that hasn’t grabbed the attention and then stops because they see that they can’t achieve their goal to make you upset. Keep positive and bring pleasant topics on surface that will keep things calm. Remember not to fight and have faith that the person will stop. Think positive and positive things will happen!
@SofiaT2000
I think your tip about staying professional is great - it allows people to focus on the issue and hand and avoid getting so emotionally involved they can no longer clearly see the issue.
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? Yes with another listener
How did you resolve it? I tried to explain how I interpreted things and where that did not work I expressed respect for their point of view and opinion and tried to change the topic to one we both agreed on. If that did not work, I made a way to postpone talking about it so both parties can have time to digest and approach with a new attitude.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution? I think agreeing in part is a good step to start a discussion. Then the person feels their view is accepted. Then I can talk about areas where we see things differently.
@soulsings
I think this is a great approach, it's really important to have respect and understanding for each other in order to reach a resolution.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I've been on both sites. I've had people slow me down when I was getting angry and ready to blame or attack someone else. And I've done the same thing for others - getting them to take a step back and understand where things may be coming from.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Acknowledging where the conflict is coming from and validating how both sides are feeling. And focus on solutions rather than just growling about something.
@Skyglider
Thanks for your post. I agree that focussing on solutions is important, I have a friend whose mum always says "solutions not problems!" in pretty much any situation. We used to find it annoying but I now find myself doing it! It's a good way to approach almost any situation.
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I have been involved in conflicts in organisations I have been part of and have found that explaining how I feel and listening to how the other person feels is the best way to resolve conflict, rather than getting other people involved. I have also mediated conflict between other people, by trying to give them the space to listen to each other.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
It's more of an extension of the tips to do with listening rather than a new tip. Listen without thinking about what you're going to say next. It's so easy to not truly listen to what another person is saying because we're focussed on what we want to say to them. This applies to pretty much every conversation, not just conflict resolution!
@Gozzil
That tip was amazing and something I certainly need to try and put into practise more! Actually listening to the person instead of thinking about what you are going to say next would shorten the length of so many arguments! 🙂
1. Have you ever been on either side of the conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I have found myself resolving conflict on 7 Cups as well as at workplaces in the past. Communication is the key more often than not. If you sit down and just talk, there are a lot of misunderstandings that can come out and that can always iron out the situation.
2. Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Keeping everyone involved informed of what's going on might be a great way to make sure no one feels heard.
@anotherfrenchtoastmafiaa
I totally agree keeping everyone informed is a great way to avoid misconceptions and therefore more arguements! 🙂
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I talked with them directly and listened to what they had to say without involving others.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Listen more than speak. Hear their perspective. When you do voice your opinions do so calmly.
