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@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter but you can't because you're not sure if you would ever stop

That's the toughest part of it. When you feel like taking it all out of it but there's no way out..

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

@Stormandshelter

TW : Sh

Don't Break My Heart

Sometimes I see the ones who hurt me, in my eyes,

I fear becoming them, beneath my own disguise.

It breaks my heart, please don't break my heart.

Distance myself, so you don't see,

The pieces they left, inside of me,

It breaks my heart, please don't break my heart.

I'm barely alive, breathing each day,

Trying to revive, the fallen day,

It breaks my heart, please don't break my heart.

Sometimes I scream, but no voice comes out,

Sometimes I cry, but only b.lood spills out,

It breaks my heart, please don't break my heart,

Feel I deserved the pain, they were right,

Words of them, haunt me at night,

It breaks my heart, please don't break my heart.

I'm barely alive, breathing each day,

Trying to revive, the fallen day,

It breaks my heart, please don't break my heart.

I see the shadows, touching my heart, so bold

Only to break me apart, leaving me cold,

It breaks my heart, please don't break my heart.

Holding on tight, to what’s left inside,

Fighting the pain, with nowhere to hide,

It breaks my heart, please don't break my heart.

I'm barely alive, breathing each day,

Trying to revive, the fallen day,

It breaks my heart, please don't break my heart.

TW: suicide

When you called me your wife,

I got tears in my eyes,

Never imagined my wedding day,

But it flashed before my eyes.

I loved you in ways I never thought I could,

Didn't need to see you, to love you, understood.

I could feel you through the screen,

Your breath, a song so serene.

Whenever I flinched at night,

I imagined hugging you tight,

Taking the teddy in my arms,

Pretending it was you, through the storms.

You became my comfort person,

Never thought you'd bring the pain,

You took the last hope from me,

Now I can't see any, just rain.

You were my light, my final hope,

Now I'm lost, I can't cope,

In the shadows, I dwell alone,

Without a dawn to call my own.

In the silence, shadows loom,

A heart weighed down by gloom,

Thoughts of ending, whispers call,

A final leap, a tearful fall.

The axe forgets but the tree remembers.

Hey, I'm back.

I'm feeling more alone than I ever did and what can be a better space than this to mention this?

Yesterday was a really rough day for me. Cried all day long. I'm too tired of my physical and mental health issues. My body is so weak that it hurts. It hurts when you want to fix everything but you can't. It hurts when you want to talk to a friend but you're a mess yourself. Only end up making everything worse. It hurts when you're not able to help your family in any way. It hurts when you love people but have no energy to show it. It just hurts when you want to do so much but you can't even sit. It hurts when your parents start to believe you shouldn't do a job because your health would never allow you to and you should get married. It hurts when you know a marriage can't fix you because who would want to bear with a forever sick person hehe.

This year I faced a lot of my fears. I'm actually proud of myself but I'm tired. There are days when I lose hope. There are days where I take myself off this world in my sleep and when I'm traveling on the same roads, those thoughts come across.

It hurts when your love goes so deep that you have to push people away to keep them safe. Make them hate you without wanting to do it.

My therapist is leaving soon and I'm quite emotional. Grateful as well.

She didn't give up on me and that itself means so much that it makes me cry. Bought a diary for her and made two cards yesterday. Hope she likes them. Another therapist will join me next month. I'm just feeling low..started journaling 2 days back. Hoping to keep up with that.

Till then, bye my digital fam. Sometimes you give me some peace because I can't talk to anyone I'm close to. Can't hurt them anymore. ❤️

Some days, all I want is love.

I feel lifeless these days..as if I'm just breathing and still trying really hard to get through. Too tired to say anything to anyone.

Um..updates, I guess.

I had some pretty rough days but I'm trying everyday. I'm carrying a lot of guilt because an argument happened at my home because of my mental health. It sucks really. Not being able to fix yourself right away and troubling everyone..

Either oversharing or remaining quiet. Not being able to figure out how to fix yourself.

It hurts so much when you end up hurting people in some way. The people you love the most. The people who matter to you the most.

Not being able to text/call your people because you feel extremely protective about them and don't want to be around them.

Loving everyone from a distance is so hard and I've been doing it since forever... sometimes it feels like I've been doing the same to me.

Don't even know if someone can relate to me at this point. Honestly, now I just want to make myself silent after making so much effort to speak up. (Tough job haha)

When I speak up, there's a trouble. When I don't, there's a trouble.

I guess writing is the best thing for me... but it just misses a human touch. I miss being human. Yes, these are all parts of being human but I just can't feel anyone around me ....that constant feeling of everyone being tired of you. You getting tired of yourself. Also, being innocent has its own price. People constantly feel you're either hiding something or being cunning... that's the weirdest thing ever that I always faced. Sometimes your love for people is what hurts you the most. Isn't it?

I just don't want to disappoint the people who have put their efforts in me. I hope I never give up. :)

Hello darkness, my old friend ❤️

At least I don't need words to tell you how I feel. You won't blame me for my thoughts. You won't tell me that everything's in my head alone. I don't have words to talk today. Maybe I'll never have them. So, I'd probably hug you and sleep.

@Stormandshelter Hey :) It's nice to see you. It's hard not having words. Sometimes it's as though all the words are there but they just won't come out. Or it just takes more energy than I have to let them out

Hi! Thank you for always responding<3

Yes, true. I think it's also because at some point you get tired of explaining your pain and still receiving the same

@Stormandshelter Omgosh yes. It's really hard finding someone that you can talk with. So many people think you should let it go and move on or they ask aren't you over that yet? Or they give platitudes and say it'll get better. None of that is helpful at all

@mytwistedsoul

True. That can be disheartening and demotivating. I'm trying to process these responses every day but they can take a toll on you. It's easy to say not to think about them if you haven't dealt with mental health issues for so many years..

I'm not saying people don't go through difficult phases but it's a lot more painful when you've been in the same phase for too long

@Stormandshelter We all handle things differently too. Two people can go through similar things but there can be two entirely distractions to it

@mytwistedsoul

You're absolutely right! 

I'm glad we connected though. Even though it's in posts, I appreciate it very much. <3

You're really kind and I hope you treat yourself the same way because you have that love within you.. It can be seen even from a distance. I wish you healing 🌻

@Stormandshelter Autocorrect got me lol. "Two entirely different reactions"