Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
because last time i seriously thought about doing it, i left the letter for too late and i wouldn’t have gotten to finish it in time.
@justmeeva Is this the type of letter that I think it might be? You don't have to answer of course. Maybe it's just me that my mind always jumps to that one "specific" thing
@mytwistedsoul
maybe
@justmeeva I - well - tbh I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to reply to this. On one hand I understand because sometimes the pain and hurt is just too much to bear. But on the other hand I'd like to plead with you to change your mind. Is there anything that would make things better for you?
@mytwistedsoul
mm, not really tbh. it’s been on my mind for a long long time now. but it’s not your fault, or anyone from cups, or anyone at all, i think. maybe mine, and life’s.
also nfta, even i don’t know what i’d reply. :’) <3
@justmeeva Please feel free to tell me to mind my own business ok? I don't mean to pry and I don't want to trigger you or anything. From a lot of what I've read here and there. With the fear and the nightmares and bad memories - you have trauma yeah? You've never told anyone? I don't know what you went through - I don't need to. But I'm so sorry that those things happened to you and I'm so sorry that you're dealing with the aftermath 💙
@mytwistedsoul
honestly, i don’t even know at this point. i wouldn’t call anything i’ve gone through trauma, it seems like over exaggerating. i’ve gone through loss, loss-loss and just having people gone from my life, but calling it trauma seems invalid to me. like it’s nothing big or traumatic enough to count as trauma. there’s nothing specific, i guess. as much or little as i’ve researched or read about ptsd, i seem to have a lot of similarities in the coping and avoiding and triggering and everything, but i won’t self diagnose obviously. i don’t know. i’m really confused myself.
but yeah, i’ve kind of made up my mind i guess. but i don’t want you to worry or think about it. no need to add any stress or worry to your life <3 and, thank you for being here <3 /gen
@justmeeva Loss can be traumatic though. If it was sudden or unexpected. Even if the person was sick for a while and you knew the outcome. The loss of a pet or even a job can be traumatic. The definition of trauma is "the lasting emotional response that results from living through a distressing event". Some people just handle things differently. They cope better - probably because they have supportive family and friends they can talk to. Guess I just wanted you to know that 💙
You're welcome and Thank You for talking with me about this