Eva’s Crazy Mind

@justmeeva I'll consider myself warned if you want to say more ok? Is there anyone who can verify anything you heard? I know sometimes too we need to consider the source of the rumors - if it's from someone reliable or if they're known to try and start trouble

@mytwistedsoul 

well..~

tw

we talked in one class today, that there’s a possibility for war. that we might be in danger. if trump gets chosen as the president again at least. idk how or why, but we’re a small country so it almost makes sense. i refuse to believe that. but also… it’s been in the news apparently. 

…

@mytwistedsoul 

btw it’s okay if you don’t know what to say. i don’t either. it’s unexpected and bad and- i understand ❤️ i should probably go in a few minutes anyway. 

@justmeeva  I can understand why that would get your mind going with alot of thoughts. Idk - this is my opinion ok? If you look back to when he was in office the first time there were no w*rs. The media said back then when he was first elected that there would be w*r but it didn't happen until he was out of office and the new administration started. The news isn't what it used to be. More often than not they tell half truths or just leave out what doesn't fit the narrative they're telling everyone. I think that there's alot of fear mongering that's going on. That's just my thoughts though :)

@mytwistedsoul 

i don’t know anything about politics, or usa, or him - i’m just thinking about what i heard from my teacher. she said she has heard a lot of news about this situation and there are people to confirm that it’s possible. i really do not know tho. not a clue, about anything.

@justmeeva Yeah unfortunately I don't know for certain either. I do know that there's alot of people that have a great deal of faith in him and I mean millions lol.   If it helps ease your mind alittle - the elections are months away. And maybe with alittle more time we'll all see a clearer picture of what the future might bring

Thank you for talking with me today. You take care ok? 

@mytwistedsoul 

yeah, time will show i guess. 

thank you for listening, and i really mean it ❤️

@justmeeva You're welcome :)

Hey there. okay so I continued reading...and I eventually stopped because I'm on a schedule and realized Im not gonna be able to fit all that in. but I do have a lot to tell you. first of all as I'm sure you know, your not alone when feeling like this. but after "getting to know you" through this, I also realize that even though your not alone...you feel more alone, more unseen, more invisible than anyone in the world. every day seems to be the same. you wake up. tell yourself your going to motivate yourself, then when it comes time to put it into action during school (for me especially after school) you just....CANT DO IT. your mind is all over the place. and even though yk that you probably should take care of your responsibilities, but no matter how much yk you need to do it. no matter how much you try to convince yourself. . . you just cant bring yourself to do it. I really understand.

you seem to be trapped inside your own mind. not gonna lie, that's not your fault. youve been left alone, abandoned and everything along those lines time, and time again. anyone who's had this happen...its kind of expected to be trapped in your own mind. you seem to be beyond depressed right now. it seems like just waking up and making it through the day is the best you can do. I want you to know that this is okay. its okay to not be okay. I want you to know that your not ever really alone. this is a trial that is really hard for you. it would be hard for anyone. you are very strong. you've come this far. why not keep going? I would love to be your friend. and I mean more than commenting once on a post and calling it a day. I mean keep in touch. get to know you. there's a lot to help you with and I would love to be the one to help you. remember, you are loved despite how much you tell yourself that your not. your not alone despite how alone you really feel. and whatever it is....not all of it is your fault. no matter how much you like to blame yourself. your a guilt ridden person. that's what I think is the number one reason why you could care less about yourself. I want you to know its okay to love yourself. once you begin to love yourself (easier said than done) I promise your world will open up in ways you could never have seen from a mile away. I get that people leaving you really does not help your self loathing habit. but I promise right now. you can hold me to it as well. I ain't going nowhere till our tell me to go. :) I'm here for you girlie. I see you. your not as invisible as you think. 

@EmmyMarie06 

wow.. first of all, thank you. i’m surprised and impressed by how you decided to take the time and read the things i’ve written. it’s not a very bright place, is it? i’m sorry about that. you seem like an amazing person, sure i’d like to get to know you too. though i must warn you - i’m a very complicated and confusing person. even i don’t really understand myself sometimes. and i haven’t been that great lately.. i feel like i would start to burden you with all this negativity and darkness i seem to have in me. that’s the only reason i have second thoughts about it all. which doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be worth a try, i guess..? 

@justmeeva    I would love to try. I want you to know that you would not be burdening me at all. I already considered this but I really don't think so. I love to hear about other peoples life issues, and I love to give advice on how to help them. I want to help! I want you to have a friend. :)

ok I have some questions though

first I wanna get to know you!! tell me about yourself!!

second. what Bugs you the most in your life. 

@EmmyMarie06 

hmm that question is way more difficult than it should be hehe. my name’s eva, i’m 14,.. *has to think 15 minutes to come up with anything else* *searches google for guiding questions* *answers “idk” to every one of them* yeah i think ‘a 14 year old eva’ is all i am as it turns out. 

what bugs me the most? ~me, myself and i~. my self-esteem isn’t very high…. at all. :D

@justmeeva

there's gotta be more to you than that. interests? what kind of movies to you like. do you like anime? (I do hehe) idk. do you draw? read? idk just tell me things you like! and I'm 17 btw lol. 

also makes sense. what don't you like about yourself?

@EmmyMarie06 

honestly, i don’t think there’s much i’m interested in at all right now. sure, i like music, but who doesn’t? i don’t watch movies that much (don’t really have the time), not that into anime, can’t draw, reading - only if it’s a very good book that fits(?) me which has happened.. about once in my life. i used to crochet but i lost interest in it after a while. i used to like arts and crafts of all sort, and i guess i still kinda do, but i don’t have the time or motivation or “crave” to do that anymore. hehe

what don’t i like about myself? well~ anything, really. i can’t think of a single thing i like about myself. i actually tried once, not even kidding, i spent actual 30 minutes trying to find anything i like about myself but *nothing*. 😬

i’m numb and lost touch with reality again. again. 

that means all my words are meaningless. whatever i say, it’s not coming from the heart. it doesn’t have any emotion behind it. which doesn’t mean i don’t mean it, just- idk. 

well girlie. we are gonna have to find things you like about yourself. honestly I think the way to begin is pick up a new hobby of some kind. I'm not telling you that you need to, but getting involved is a great way not only to build self esteem and confidence but it will also become something you like about yourself! 

your a really kind person. you can hand that to yourself at least. 

@EmmyMarie06 

maybe you’re right. i just don’t seem to have the time, or energy (?) right now, as i’m busy with school a lot, most of my time, and when i get the chance - i tend to just rest. relax. forget the stress. hehe~

@justmeeva  oh yea I totally get it. I REALLY do. only reason why I'm not "involved" is cause my fam is always broke, and I don't talk to my dad, and he would make the final decision as for yes or no. most likely no though

but hey. It could be as simple as a club. 

@EmmyMarie06 

oh i don’t really do people either right now. not in real life. not yet. 

also, it’s nighttime for me now which means that my responses might be shorter and/or seem colder, if that happens, i’m sorry. my mind’s just kind of negative, hopeless and impossible at nights. i’ll just post some ~thoughts~ that don’t need responses, just to get them out of my head. just so you know <3

@justmeeva  okay sounds good. where you from then? I'm from America. 

@EmmyMarie06 

from a small unknown european country called estonia. (:

@EmmyMarie06 

i have to go, i’m very sorry. take care, and thank you 🩷

““we better really enjoy this summer then” that one boy in our class said. those words still haunt me. won’t let me forget them.”

@justmeeva @iloveyouxx *gives another hug before going to study* 

*hugs for flowers if online/seeing this*

*tc <3*

@unassumingEyes

tag got nommed :0 *gives late tight hugs back* <33

you can have a different life. all you need is a book. 

i was just gonna come here to post about this weird feeling of hope that randomly struck me..

and on my way to this forum, i saw something again 

so nvm (:

@justmeeva

awwe nu :')🩷 im sorry frend.. >: wanna talk about what yous saw ? :c /nft at all tho.💜

also do you mind me replying ? :0 it’s just that now that I’ve talked here i get notifications from this forum :o but if you’d prefer it if I deleted them and kept this as your space that’s okie.💞

@iloveyouxx 

no, it’s fine. i’m not even sure if i can talk about it.. at all, so it’s fine.

tbh, idek. now i want to make this clear - it is absolutely nothing personal or anything. i appreciate you so much, i really really do. lol i wrote stuff over and over again for like 10 minutes, everything i write just sounds personal or wrong or offensive. i don’t mind you responding, but i won’t expect you to run to me every time i say something. you’re free to read and respond, but don’t make it your duty. you can try removing the tick from “subscribe to this thread”, maybe that’ll help removing the notifications? you can try it if the notifications start annoying you too much. not saying you have to do that, but you can. 

yeah even this which i managed to put together sounds so wrong and bad. i’m really sorry about that. i don’t know what to say, or how to say it. i’ll just shut up. 

i love you 🩷

@justmeeva that happens alot 😔 hope and then smth happens 😔 we’re here if u wanna talk bout it <3

is it normal that i can feel my heart breaking..? like actually, literally, physically feel it breaking..?

…

i’ll just.. i’ll bbl. 

@justmeeva

*sits with evabuddybeanie if okay* 🥺

it's almost like a nightmare. my solution? music. full volume, so i won't have to hear it all. 

might go for a day or a few again. lol, “again”. might, not for sure, but might. hmm..

i made up my mind. i’m pretty sure. no big deal, just a few days. 

12am. time to start with homework. 

thank you mother for so kindly reminding me that it’s a bit late ❤️ /sar 

she made herself sound like the victim again, as if it affected her in any way. motivation go poof. thanks a lot. 

nearly 2am. see you.. later.