- Forum
- Journals & Diaries
- Eva’s Crazy Mind
Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
my brain’s doing everything to try to convince me i’m in danger. again. i’m not. what is this? it makes me hear noises, it makes me think i see something or- someone- that’s not there. cool~…
tw - bad, unhealthy thinking.
the one, only thing i “liked” about being sick was that i ate basically nothing those two days. two whole days, and i didn’t really feel hunger at all. kinda wish it was always like this.
…….
visiting my fake reality land again tonight. hello, home.
(it’s a bad idea, i know. but.. i need it right now. it’s gonna mess me up even more afterwards but idec. don’t have the time to care. besides, when have i been good at making the right decisions anyway?)
just another proof that maybe, heart should listen to brain this one time. it’s not gonna be quick or easy tho, not at all.
i just figured, maybe it’s not just night when i’m the most productive (or at least more motivated to do something?), maybe it’s just *darkness*. i’m sitting here on my bed, been doing that for at least a few hours now, haven’t even got myself to start with the way overdue homework. it’s so bright and warm and somehow uncomfortable- but thinking about the night when it’s cold but not too cold because i’m under my blanket, the room’s dark and everything’s quiet, no interacting with anyone… it seems to suit me better. which is kind of unfortunate because… sleep. and the amount dark time is decreasing since winter’s soon to end- *panic*
@justmeeva cn u not find a way to make it dark nd comfy in ur room? Like thicker curtains? *hugs if oki*
@unassumingEyes
my mom already says i’m living like a ~caveman~ since i have those *unthick* curtains rolled down most of the time so i doubt she’d let me do anything to block the sun even more :’) oh well. *hugs eyes buddy* <3
@justmeeva
mmm… not vv convincing friend but okay… :') no pressure to say anything friend. 💜 but me a just a tag away if you need me. :')
@LoveMyMoonflowers
i’m sorry i don’t wanna sound rude, i’ll probably get off cups for a little time rn but i think i’ll come back sometime
thank you <3
@justmeeva
okay buddy. 💜 and it’s ok i don’t think you sound rude at all friend. i hope you’ll be safe and try to be gentle with you… :') love you friend 💜
thank you for being you eva. 💜
there were beautiful bright northern lights above my country, above my house, and i managed to miss them.
another really, really realistic dream. i’m honestly not sure whether to call it a dream or a nightmare. but i didn’t want to wake up yet…
i know one thing that might help… but it’s not a good thing. at all.
…
@justmeeva *sits with eva frnd* do u think writing the dream down will help? U dont hv to post it or anything.
@unassumingEyes
i don’t know i want to forget it but i also don’t.. idk idk idk
@justmeeva
eva beaniiee… 🥺 me completely late but me still sending a huggie for you if okie… 😞 how’s you today friend…? 🥺💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers
it’s nonsense and very messy so i don’t expect you to understand.
oh today started amazingly, first the dream, then i was about 10min late to school and omw through the front door i met a teacher who i think suddenly has something against me and that’s bad because i have one very very overdue assignment and one that i’m gonna be late with and now i’m scared to tell her, anyway she said in an annoyed, kind of mad voice “the class has started already” and me being me it made me ✨cry✨ so walking up the stairs i had to calm myself down because who normal person enters the classroom with tears in her eyes right uh so i finally managed to stop the tears and went to class, the classes were okay but now i have the lunch break which i’m gonna spend studying math that i halfway don’t understand ❤️❤️❤️
ooh and the dream almost made me do something dumb but i didn’t which should be good but idk
@justmeeva
awwe something dumb…? 🥺 does you mean not safes buddy…? 😔💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers
idk something not good but i didn’t for whatever reason so it’s not a worry atm (i think.)
@justmeeva
im glad you didn’t friend me would rather you were safe… 🥺
@justmeeva
*huggies if okay* i’m sorry lovely that is a lot 😞 understandable to feel like crying buddy because of the way your teacher behaved ): me don’t think it’s nonsense friend ): me thinks it’s life and it sucks … :/ 💜
😞 im sorry friend im not good at supporting but im still sitting with you lovely… 🥺💕 and sending warm huggies if okay… 💜
@justmeeva
me thinks it’s okie to cry… but oftentimes people around are meanies and they say it’s not okie or they say it’s weird… 😞 and our brains repeat that and tell us the same thing… it’s hard to be gentle with self. me don’t think it’s weird to merely express emotions buddy… :') 💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers
but i’m in school and i don’t have a reason for crying really idk what’s wrong with me
@justmeeva *whispers* *you don’t need a reason to cry*
*you don’t need a reason to feel happy, sad, angry, tired, cuz these are emotions that just are sometimes*
*you don’t need a reason to be you*
*and nobody likes school anyways so i think it wont complain if you cry :p*
*and im like not able to support but i just wanted to put this out there- you dont need a reason. Emotions are just there and thats okay too*
@justmeeva
me would have done the same friend ): me thinks seeing the teachers expression was scary and must have brought back the stress of all the schoolwork 😞 which would be overwhelming. me don’t think you’re crying ‘for no reason’ friend… 🥺 *huggies you*
i swear i can’t have any interaction with any teacher rn because i can’t just start crying like this
i can’t i don’t have anyone i don’t have any friends who could help me i can’t talk to any teachers because i’m at the verge of tears i don’t understand this math i don’t know how to do the overdue stuff i can’t i can’t i can’t