Eva’s Crazy Mind

@justmeeva

Sitting here quietly… me so sorry me wasn’t there last night friend. 😞 i wish i was… i wish. 😞💜 *offering a million… no… a billion giant huggie wuggies just for you* 💜 Ni friend kept you in her thoughts. and me still keeping you in my thoughts okie? me loves you so so so so so much friend 💜 Me not sure what’s happening in your world now, exactly… 😞 but me knows you’ve been hurting and struggling vv much lately and life’s been a big meanie and it’s been hard… 😞💜 sitting with you friend 💜 i just hope your safe now.

hope your safe… 

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

it’s ok, it’s not your fault. *hugs*..

21. march. exactly a year ago, i still had my best friend. 

god i’m crying in the bathroom, away from my mom’s eyes, again..

everything’s only getting worse yesterday and today are the worst days of my entire 14 years of life

i managed to get in trouble today, that’s great

i lied and said that i ate anything today, i’m surprised she believed that

my *** boot broke, that’s how lucky i am

i’m crying nonstop and if i do that enough, it’ll soon be obvious i had cried and once i have to get to the car to drive home with my mom, i’m gonna have to figure out how to explain it

people are leaving

i just realised, exactly a year ago i lost my best friend, and now i’m.. well, she’ll be back, but still.. losing, another best friend. the *** coincidence. 

i had to fake a smile all day long, force myself to laugh sometimes

my brain told me to smile and hide everything, but my heart wanted me to cry. my eyes wanted to tear up and beg for help but it didn’t happen. 

does anyone have any more bad news? today seems to be a great day for them

i’m so *** done, all i thought about today was- …

and you know it’s bad when it’s not just a one-time mood, when it doesn’t go away. 

not okay rn. 

i’m so *** up. 

whats goin on girlie?

@EmmyMarie06 

everythingg :D

my class needs a reality check so *** bad. they complain about literally everything. if only they knew that ‘our english teacher being “weird”’ (there’s nothing *** wrong with her) isn’t the biggest problem in the world. 

gtg now. 

big tw. 

supposedly, a girl in 7th grade, a grade below me, cvt herself. in school. she’s the sister of my classmate so i know her a bit, we don’t talk tho. the thing that throws me off is that almost everyone in my class jokes and laughs about it. i am so close to screaming and telling them that if someone *** cuts themselves in school, they’re doing really *** you know. i wanna go to her and talk to her and hug her, but we don’t know each other much, and a few girls are already with her. i didn’t see anything, just heard that it happened. idk what to do, if anything. everyone was just happy that they got to be on their *** phones because our teacher rushed to the girl. i can’t help but hate my classmates for the way they are right now. stupid. no sense of empathy. 

@justmeeva some people are ridiculous 😔 My own sister's response to a girl who did that upsets me sometimes...although it was not nearly so bad. You're classmates have issues...Im glad that girl had some friends and the teacher there 😞

can’t believe i’m doing this. going to a party with my mom and her friend. “there are others your age too” she said. that’s what i’m scared about. this is such a terrible idea. ironically, i have to pray that it won’t be great and won’t become a good memory. it better be as boring and eventless as possible. “uhh, it’s a party eva? boring and eventless?” yes. boring and eventless. 

oh and we’re already 45 min late :D

anyway, wish me luck. boring and eventless. 

it was not, in fact, boring nor eventless. 

and don’t get me wrong now, there was no drama or anything, it was just.. i liked it more than i should have. 

especially the last half, it was cool. and awesome, and wholesome. i felt all the feelings i’m supposed to avoid. it’s gonna pay me back tho. one day. and ohh when that happens..

well ***. 

my mom sent me a video of that party. how am i supposed to forget and let go of it now? i loved it so much. ***. *** *** ***. guess i’ll just let it destroy me more then. yay..

those absolutely heartbreaking scenarios again. they feel so real..

..

so many changes of emotions, so quickly, sometimes multiple at once- man i can’t do emotions. 

ohh siblings really know how to test your *** limits don’t they. 

@justmeeva yes, they do

@justmeeva

yep. 

if music didn’t exist, idk what i would’ve done. 

how am i supposed to get better, if literally my whole life is school? all my free time goes to studying or homework or stress. weekends aren’t any different from weekdays. you’d think that at least i’m doing great in school then, right? somehow, no.