in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
I got in :') I'm not doing anything wrong. I just went on a mindful walk xD and I'm not hurting anyone. by going on a mindful walk :pĀ
I don't know why I just felt like coming on here andĀ wafflingĀ
but I have to put this device away :') before anyone else wakes up.Ā
my dad's not even trying to fix it he's not he keeps saying he'll take it to "the guy" and he doesn't or he says it'll be fixed by tomorrow and it's not and when I find ways to easily reset it because my device is under his apple ID he doesn't listen butĀ
it's okay
anywho
Ill just go. byebye<3
oh also I don't really care who it is but can you please stop sending referrals I don't need them but thankyouš©·
my brother fixed my device. and connected it to the internet and now I just need the apple IDĀ
and this accounts still here :ā) sorryš¤
I need to be forced off of here for long enough to the point where Iām no longer addicted.
Itās only 12am but I think Iām gonna go to sleep
(look at me :> fixing my sleep :>/j)Ā
goodnight<3
*poof*
I almost forgot- never mind Iām back.Ā
my aunt told me ice died of old age
she died of cancer.Ā
actually she didnāt die she was- well itās a complicated medical word I donāt remember but she was basically put on something to kll her and put her out of her suffering (the suffering part is what my uncle said)
they took her to the vet the same day they thought she seemed off and looked sick and they got ultrasounds and she died there.
my uncles going around telling people like "Ah did you know that ice died?" "Yeah yeah she had cancer"Ā
he wants to get another cat. like cope in your own way but really-? for louis. louis didnāt even like ice, I donāt talk about it but every time she saw ice sheād attack her and i actually mean every time she saw her :ā) ice never fought back. sheād just meow and sometimes louis would be chasing her but sometimes heād just hit her and run. ice had marks all over her and under her fur.Ā
my uncle says louis needs a companion. but before when heād attack ice heād say something about louis and his territory and he doesnāt like any other cat in his territoryĀ
but then why would you get another cat then :ā) I donāt know what cancer it was or anything.Ā
my uncle got this carpet thing in front of his garden and itās split with a glass door and it was louis and ice and he made whoever made it make louis smile and he made ice look grumpy and mean.Ā
I donāt want to say that no one cares because you never know and they donāt have to be showing it the way Iād see it but seriously when my uncle told me (after I already knew) he was smiling. my aunt told him not to get a cat but he actually really wants to. literally go ahead and replace her
i mean itās okay he can get a cat he can not care about her death it just makes me sad. ice only trusted a few people to be around her. people get scared but Iām only scared Iāll scare her. sheās was so sweet tho she was never gonna hurt you or anything :ā) she trusted me sometimes, she trusted my aunt completely, she didnāt trust my uncle or their nanny or anyone else
she was a really special cat. I feel like she understood really well, my aunt says anytime she was stressed out or tired sheād be there for her.Ā
I love louis and my uncles nice (he just has clear favorites :p louis loves him so much more than he loves me-) im just sad about iceās death not them
louis is adorable but guilty of hurting his sister :ā) heās been so different now im not gonna go into it right now tho because I have to go
I donāt know if Iāll be able to sleep now but-goodnight- :p<3
*poof*
815720. that was my password :ā) I keep putting it in. I never remembered the numbers I just knew the pattern and like, my fingers got used to typing it in. I remembered it started with 8 and I sort of knew there was a 1 but I wasnāt sure. I was thinking about it so much and trying to think of what word I mightāve made it (from the numbers but not from the letters there it was like. what numbers looked most like the letter idk I just made it up myself tho) or what numbers I mightāve used and for some reason I was so convinced there was a 4 but I know that was my password-. 815720. I feel like if I just waited a little bit for my brain to calm down and- refresh itselfĀ :'P I wouldāve remembered and i wouldnāt have had to lose literally everything *** everything I checked everything I still have some accounts I made from here of course but I checked iCloud and everything and all my photos are gone. photos and videos and everythingĀ :') my notes are gone of course. I had so much on there too. I had this silly contract I made with my brother when we were young it was so formal but funny too, and his signature was there. I had so many petitions airdropped about school , I had these like stupid 4am creations I donāt know what to call them but I actually put time into those. I had poems and so many drawings I was so good at it using just the tools on notes for some reason but on real virtual drawing apps I was horrible. and honestly I donāt even remember I just had a lot and itās all gone and Iām gonna forget more and more so thatās nice. my photos were everything to me tho if you just went across them youād know me more than anyone else does my whole life was there.Ā
and now Iāll have to be yelled at and sent to IT for like every class until my school apps and account and emails and stuff are all set up I think Iāve touched a pencil at home like twice all our work is on our devices my screen time is the highest in school. Iāll always hate how this school works itās so unbelievable like Iāve been to I'm not gonna count but a lot of schools and this one just sucks :ā) like again. all the teachers do is sit on their high chair and tell us to copy off the board, get on with the powerpoint independently you can discuss your answers but if I hear it getting too loud itās a B1 this is your only warning *** *** *** I donāt know what Iām writing down. itās topics we havenāt taken you skip to the next slide and there are the answers. I donāt have anyone to talk to I always get in trouble for things I didnāt do. they target the wrong people. one of my teachers just stayed until November (2 months) and hasnāt been there the entire year so for that class for the rest of the 8 months everyone would just go crazy. our biggest concern is for your safety and well-being part of our job is to protect you but the worst years of my life have been in this school Iāve never been worse and Iāll have to back there after tomorrow and everyoneās all oh are you excited for school no Iām not but seriously everyone Iāve been forced to think about it all day because I had to sit there with 8 people I barely knew other than my family and talk about school. they donāt teach and yeah I want to learn when I think about what Iāve learnt in year8 I think about that one math lesson where- oh wait that was year 7. well I think about that one math lesson 2 years ago when my math teacher back then started talking about cars
its so hard to care because I legit just go in there wanting to run I just want to run itās so horrible being there for meĀ
one time in year7 I was basically just getting bullied and I just walked in the gates and went to second floor and someone said something and when they were gone I ran downstairs and I just ran and I was new ish at the time so someone thought I got lost and told me class was the other way and then they were like wait are you crying and I just ran again and I went to the big staircase and I saw them just standing there looking back at me and it was so crowded I was trying to cover my face I ran down I ran to the gates again and the security guy literally held me back and he almost got distracted enough for me to run out but I was running and he was just holding me back and at first he was like what what happened but eventually he stopped caring and probably thought I was gonna skip and he yelled at me to go to class and I canāt leave without the thing that idk a type of pass I guess itās a long process to get one
i got carried away.
for what literally for what. to lock myself in bathrooms and cry because I donāt want anyone to see me and because I canāt *** take it I canāt stand being there I swear I remember walking back from an assembly last year and my head was just like d.ie just d.ie just *** d.ie just *** d.ie just *** d.ie
im so scared. I wasnāt even this scared before I started typing.Ā
and you know our apartment sent this thing to everyone living here that we need to move out cause (I donāt actually know maybe theyāre selling can you sell an apartment? or maybe theyāre destroying it but that would be random in the middle of like here like what would you replace it with or do you just not-)
and my dad was asking my brother so um..you like this place here? And my brother wasnāt even saying anything he was just like why and he wouldnāt give an answer and I was like why donāt you ask me. and he just looked at me like I was some disgusting sort of person and he aggressively asked me but then I didnāt know what to say.Ā
but later on they were talking about it again. my grandpa wants to move somewhere close to here for the school, and everyone else that knows about it says the same, and my dad says he picked this apartment specifically and all the other apartments are tight and donāt have a good view. my grandpa argues because he says weāre lucky that we live so close to the school and we do itās less than a minute walk away and I am really lucky itās so much easier and calmer. they were arguing about it for a while and I was like or we could just switch schools but seriously whyāre they so obsessed with this school and my grandpa freaked out and he was like "what?! and why! isnāt this school nice and.." and from there he was just muttering but we can just switch to any school and I donāt know how to explain it but the first part of my school so um for example the schools name is icecream and the school Iām in is chocolate icecream but here thereāre so many like strawberry andā¦well this is a wonderful example :> but itās basically the same type of school and everything and itās the same likeā¦itās connected and all the icecream schools have these competitions and stuff and if you were to move to strawberry icecream itād be just the same. I know people from other schools that you know the same thing and it really is just the same. my example sucked but you know.Ā
my dad wants me to sit with them gonna go.
I wanted to sleep early today. thereās nothing I could say thatās anything different I guess. nothing new.Ā
part of all the stuff my brother got on his birthday someone got him like 3 different types of rubikās cubes, I only know how to solve the 3 by 3 ones and the fastest Iāve ever gotten was 19 secondsĀ
but I was just playing with that one because I didnāt have anything else to do :ā) and I didnāt get anything for my birthday which Iām okay with but my brother doesnāt really shareĀ
my dad was asking my brother to help him with something and my brother wasnāt so he came over and was like give it to me just just give it to me and I gave it to him and he literally just threw it on the floor and it broke into a bunch of pieces. I donāt even know like good job do you feel better now? and he kept yelling at both of us to help him but I swear he didnāt ask me it was my brother that he asked and it was my brother that was on his phone and not listening, itās not even my rubikās cube. what was the point of that. if he asked me to help him I swear I wouldāve but he genuinely didnāt. my hearing sucks my memory sucks my ability to process things sucks but he genuinely didnāt ask me. he was looking for a reason to get mad but I didnāt do anything :ā)
my grandpa had surgery. I donāt even get to know anything about it and no oneās gonna tell me anythingĀ
I think my dad left Iām gonna go check- :p