in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{It's 4am again. we're traveling again in 9 days}

_{TW I know I never go these in but idk what to say :')} 

_{I sleepwalk really often. and I've moved chairs around and set the microwave on and I've vomited in my sleep before I don't know if that's normal. but I was 9 when that happened.} 

_{and last night- or morning I think I slept at... 7/8. I woke up on a different bed and all my clothes had orange stains on them. vibrant 'sharp'. and my dad found orange stains on the carpets. and I only actually thought about the stains on my clothes then and I tried getting them off before he noticed and got so much more angry. and he didn't somehow he just kept yelling and cursing but that's it.} 

_{and since then I keep trying to figure out what happened. because I don't have anything that shade of orange or just orange at all. I went through everything mine or not accessible or not. there's that square thing you put your cups on. I just googled it they're called coasters-. and there's dish soap. and then I realized that's fully yellow and no where near what I was looking for. and I saw a bottle and it was orange wrong shade but orange. and the actual thing inside tho was fully clear.}

_{i don't know where my dad got it from but he started yelling at me and saying that I was eating mangos like seriously it's just so stupid atp. we don't even have mangos. I'm not just gonna pull them outta my pocket like it's nothing and walk around the house eating them. if he was gonna make a dumb accusation he could've said I was drinking or something but where am I gonna get mangos from. ofc where am I gonna get drugs from too but it'd make more sense if he accused me of that instead. he thought I was capping last year}

_{I'm gonna sleep I've been trying so hard but to and idk why. I'm kinda scared but the quest that can hashish is... something I won't think about}

_{somethings happening to the phone I think :') but nvm found it🩷}

_{and it’s just so much and I can’t even talk about it I couldn’t} 

_{I really don’t expect a lot but why can’t someone just be a proper *** friend and not make me feel like im reliving smth I don’t wanna think about.} 

_{someone isn’t targeted at like everyone just one person but idk what to say}

_{:’) why do they keep switching accs I swear I’m not that stupid}

_{1:30 am which isn’t that bad. honestly it’s not bad at all but I’m mentioning that because dads still not back :’) he went out with his friend. "with his friend"}

_{my face swelled up. or most of my face.}