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- in the wonders of my mindš.
in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
I got my brother's phone again. but he didn't really give it to me this time :') idk if I should feel bad
TW I know I never go these in but idk what to say :')Ā
I sleepwalk really often. and I've moved chairs around and set the microwave on and I've vomited in my sleep before I don't know if that's normal. but I was 9 when that happened.Ā
and last night- or morning I think I slept at... 7/8. I woke up on a different bed and all my clothes had orange stains on them. vibrant 'sharp'. and my dad found orange stains on the carpets. and I only actually thought about the stains on my clothes then and I tried getting them off before he noticed and got so much more angry. and he didn't somehow he just kept yelling and cursing but that's it.Ā
and since then I keep trying to figure out what happened. because I don't have anything that shade of orange or just orange at all. I went through everything mine or not accessible or not. there's that square thing you put your cups on. I just googled it they're called coasters-. and there's dish soap. and then I realized that's fully yellow and no where near what I was looking for. and I saw a bottle and it was orange wrong shade but orange. and the actual thing inside tho was fully clear.
i don't know where my dad got it from but he started yelling at me and saying that I was eating mangos like seriously it's just so stupid atp. we don't even have mangos. I'm not just gonna pull them outta my pocket like it's nothing and walk around the house eating them. if he was gonna make a dumb accusation he could've said I was drinking or something but where am I gonna get mangos from. ofc where am I gonna get drugs from too but it'd make more sense if he accused me of that instead. he thought I was capping last year
I'm gonna sleep I've been trying so hard but to and idk why. I'm kinda scared but the quest that can hashish is... something I won't think about
worst that can happen * omg-
I had a picture of a good night cat but idk where that went
I really donāt expect a lot but why canāt someone just be a proper *** friend and not make me feel like im reliving smth I donāt wanna think about.Ā
someone isnāt targeted at like everyone just one person but idk what to say
1:30 am which isnāt that bad. honestly itās not bad at all but Iām mentioning that because dads still not back :ā) he went out with his friend. "with his friend"
@iloveyouxx
š³
Your face?... That doesn't sound good. What's going on?!
@slowdecline48
oh lol XD my eyes swell up really often and my aunt says itās an allergy but I donāt think so. and my face was red and puffy that day because thereās this thing that youāre not meant to put on your skin :ā) so I put it on my skin. not to give any ideas tho. tw itās just satisfying to hurt myself I thinkĀ ļ»æ
@iloveyouxx Hurting oneself is not helpful. Not to anyone, really.
Even so, I'm slightly relieved...at first I thought your dad or brother was practicing domestic backhand on the regular.
@slowdecline48
no I know :ā) it doesnāt do anythingĀ
oh no my dad wasnāt there that day and he still does as long as Iām still breathing. my brother does too but Iām not scared of him- thanks for being here slowš¤
I donāt care about myself really but the only reason Iām not like decomposing is because I try and look good for others literally.Ā
I spend 1265 everyā¦3? weeks on my hair. because my stylist said my hair was "too curly" and I needed to get it done more often so it would look perfect. her words. I donāt think silk straight hair is perfect or curly hair is bad but like :ā) but then again I feel bad because I have like 3 people working on my hair and theyāre obviously tired I donāt expect them to admire my natural hair and itās only expensive because of my hair texture :ā) and I remember one of them got mad at me because I paid the normal amount and she hadnāt seen my hair texture before then she started *** talking in another language but yk. itās fine.Ā
my skin canāt be fixed tho so I donāt try. it just breaks every while and goes away somehow. and I remember in covid when we had to wear masks I was 8 and the mask made my skin so irritated and messed up so my dad took me to a doctor and she said I was naturally born with really sensitive skin. I give up on my skin I donāt even touch it :ā)
and I remember this one girl in my arabic class at the beginning of the year was just fully analyzing me then went "youāre really really pretty actually but you just needā¦"
that same girl would always say something like "why donāt you have friends like you can literally make friends so easy youāre really pretty and and" I interrupted her there idk what she was gonna sayā ļøactually I was trying to interrupt her the whole time. and it was annoying me so much because she started trying to give me a 101 how to make friends for beginners/nsrs and sheād say things like "okay okay just listen to me go up to a girl and compliment her and.." like wtf if I could make friends I would. I know I sound mean but that was end of term 2 and now sheās just like everyone else :ā) and I didnāt think sheād change but she did like every single other new student.Ā
my dad hasnāt stayed this late since our grandparents came and itās 2am
my grandma woke up and I told her my dads not back yet and she just asked about my brother-
my aunts famousā ļø
sheās on google and thereās full wikipedias and "people also ask"s and videos and quotesĀ
I feel so stupid because :ā) most of my familyās famous. really famous and itās kinda weird walking with them because we could go to a mall or something and people would run up to us and kids hug the family member depends and Iām just :ā)Ā
Iām gonna count.Ā
so my aunts famous my uncle my second uncle my 3 cousins (one of them not that much but still widely known) my second aunt and oh wait more cousins :ā) Iām gonna stop also Iām not counting that. but the aunt I was talking about is really really widely known and sheās been on tv and in interviews and people trying to talk to her etc. and one of my cousins is younger than meā ļøbut sheās in ads and sheās won so many medals in gymnastics competitions and sheās in videos etc. theyāre all for different reasons. my uncles a doctor and thereās a Wikipedia on him and the name is "the best ent doctor in (country)". btw I tried looking up the best ent doctor in that country and it doesnāt actually show him it just shows like a list of people from before so donāt try that :p. my other uncle owns a big business. my second aunt and her daughter (my cousin) are really big on social media. my other cousins been in competitionsĀ
if it counts as anything the hair salon I go to makes content and after they dry out my hair they usually start videoing the back and like pulling it apart I guess to show how bad the before wasā ļøthen theyād finish it and do the second part and I guess show how good it is now and likeā ļøit counts as something rightā ļø
I remember my bio caused so much drama before when I removed someone. and I put the user of a cups friend that left in the place so I could always remember it. and idek I guess they checked the list every single day or smth but they started talking about me and going "I donāt know why she cares about me anymore she removed me from my bio so idk why sheād care" ā¦ā ļøI donāt atp Iām so done. I just didnāt consider them my friend anymore. they were the first person I removed. and they treated me like a pawn they never cared either is it that hard to just be a decent person and notĀ
Iām pretty sure I added everyone I knew there. even if we had like 5 convos. I hadnāt updated that in months :ā)
my bio is still shorter than some people but I still reached the limit :ā) and I tried to add a small sentence saying I did and my whole cups got messed up