in the wonders of my mind💗.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didn’t look like me🧐makes sense doesn’t it😛since there can only be one *me*✨one of a kind now arent I😁/sar. one out of 8118835999✨🌷can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss you’re also one of a kind💖 sorrysorry haha :P🤍im just messing around xD💞also it’s 2am- but shush no snitching🤫I’ll sleep in a while😁when I’m feeling a bit more sane :>😛🩷
wanted to have my own space.💜 for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.💙
to whoever's coming across :'3💜please dont lurk here.🩷 I know anyone can have access to this forum :')💙but please be respectful🩷.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :P💛 y’all get crazy nosy haha- it’s alright.💛nothing too interesting will be here anyway💛if you would like to come in and be supportive it’s completely okie💛but please don’t make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limit💛because I’d still like this to be just my space ^-^💛)
right before I go to sleep there’s always such a realistic vision or kinda. video- that plays in my mind and it always feels so real.
..they wouldn’t let me go home because my dad wouldn’t pick up.
im so tired. I don’t wanna say anything.
anything I say. wont be great. and every time someone asks I just cry so ***.(me-)
im so tired.
10/26. 4/12.
please. I can’t.
I hope the drama gets so bad they actually jump me so I get so severely injured that I’m in a co.ma for the rest of my life.
see? no crisis ***. it’s just a coma.
slee.ping forever and dying aren’t the same.
I swear I hope I di.e.
i hope I d.ie.
today I just. I didn’t "attempt". don’t assume it.
I just walked far past that security guy and waited for the cars so I could start walking.
there were a couple of those white ish buses and one black car.
i was tired. no big deal. I just made my steps smaller. taking my time.
don’t rush. it’s not huge.
and some. I think he was an english teacher. pulled me out the way.
like are you insane? *** manic like bro if I die it’s my fault.-
……
I hope I d.ie.
i hope someone just. gets r.id of me for everyone.
i really
really
wanna
di.e.
do everyone a favor.
you were born to di.e.
it’s pain to pain ofcourse you’re hurting.
you literally don’t matter.
like actually.
not just self hate.
you don’t matter.
youre nothing to no one no one cares.
actually no one cares.
stop trying.
it wont even matter later on.
you can’t change someone for the better. no one cares about that.
if you wanna d.ie go ahead. literally everyone wants you de.ad but theyre not gonna ki.ll you. so go ahead. It’s really not that hard when you think about it. you love making everyone happy go ahead and make them happy.
just. di.e.
@iloveyouxx
*hugs if okay* no nadsies these are meanie thoughts that your brainie wants you to believe. :(
@LoveMyMoonflowers
awe. :')💜hugs are okay.💗but i think yur wrong :')💕or maybe my brainie is just really smart and aware :P💙these are the truest things I’ve said hehe🩷I’m not gonna lie to myself :')💜honestly I don’t like it when people do that. saying things to yurself thatre obviously not true.🤍you can’t deny :'P💕thankyu💓💖I luv yu🩷
@iloveyouxx
it's because you are a colourful hooman bean who can’t really see the colour in herself right now. 💜
@iloveyouxx
:( tbh i think it understandable that you’d believe otherwise. after years and years and years of being hurt, at school, at home, even online (including on cups which includes ni friend hurting you also) you start to believe you deserve it and you start to believe people want you… mmmmm. unalive :( but it not true. you don’t deserve the hurt and idk what exactly happens at school but i know it’s not good 😔 ik people don’t treat you kindly there :( what happens there it not your fault and even though you been going through it for so so long that doesn’t mean you deserve it :') :') :') and nadsies you don’t deserve what happens at home either :(
it’s hard to learn to love yourself and it’s hard to accept that you are lovable and that there are people who actually love you and care about you. after everything you been through nadsies tbh i think your brainie has completely convinced you that no one cares about you and that people want you… mmmm. 😔 ik you probably won’t believe me and even if other people might say it you won’t believe it :( but me thinks you are lovable and you are cared about 💜
(no pressure to reply, im so sorry i took so long to reply)
I’m just gonna. go do math homework.
xD still the most I’ve ever gotten xD🐛🐛🐛🐛💓💖💗🩷💕💕🩷💖🩷💖🩷💖💕💓🩷
i luv my frends🩷 coughcoug-evasoulni-cough-/j/j/j💜
@iloveyouxx
math homework is so ew :( also i’ve run out of hearts again ugh 😭 why 7cups just why
dude nvm, cups is being weird and glitching? like it literally looked like i ran out of hearts and after i post that my upvote shows up? um okay - cups.
@LoveMyMoonflowers
aaynabbwngabahaajjajajjjjjehsjwnajajw cups w7wjwjoss smhhhhhhh- it gets so confusing😭
math homework really is ew >:🤍it’s so hard too T^T💙I finished the 90 question one but every wednesday we get math hw so right after I finished that we got like a 60 qs one TvT💜and we have pt tests and our end on year grades depend on sum other tests and the pt test and I got a 10/26 in one of them so I need to do really good in the pt😭yeah I’m not making it to year9✨🩷
🪂
✨🕳️✨-
@iloveyouxx
it really does. one day i was like *smh cups* the entire time i was cupsing that day because the site was just being weird in so many different ways lmao.
jesus christ that is too much homework. 60 questions - *math* questions - is already very bad :/ but 90 questions? yeah no that’s not fun :/
for me i was actually good at math for a few years until i got to year 9 math. and now it’s just hard and it just sucks
i still haven’t finished today's math homework D: D: D:
@LoveMyMoonflowers
*smh*
😭😭😭😭not fun😭😭lol what do you mean I love it😭😭😭😭😭🩷I kinda- strongly dislike :D💜my math teacher :D🩷
huh how TvT🤍I’ve always sucked at math🐛🐛🐛🐛✨💜I was just good at everything in late primary but ni😭💙I needa tell yu a story I just remembered😭💜
su. this was year1 right😭I remember that it was year1 becos of the teachers there🩷su this was a completely other school and there we had the same teacher and substitute teacher for every single subject right :P🩷so we were taking really simple math and idk how this came up but- I remember this so well idk why-💜it was a math test and we were taking really really simple math and one question musta said "work out: 0+1" becos at the time we were still learning what the numbers even were-
the seating plan was basically- like tables making the shape of a half square around the class-? idk. and our teachers were there becos at the time questions during a test were allowed. and I remember raising my hand for every single one of them :D every single one :D and basically I got to that "work out: 0+1"😭and the sub teacher basically repeated it to me literally- and I asked what 0 was- and ni :’)💜the way she almost lost it-😭I feel so bad what-😭like she put her hands on her hair and she was like its zero but she was yelling :D I wasn’t scared or anything I was such a dumb child😭and the teacher was calming the sub teacher down and at this point they were just telling me the answers cos they got sick of me-
……..
im too smartttt :D🧠🫠🩷
D: D: D: alsu can I ask what year9 math is like TvT💙my brothers in year10 and it’s so hard for him and he’s having mock exams soon D:💜
ni..if yu need anything in math :D🩷I’m the persun to ask okay?😎😛💕
@iloveyouxx
i actually take forever to reply to things :( *ugh ni why just why* 😭
i’m homeschooled so i have a math teacher and don’t at the same time? lol that doesn’t make sense :P it’s more like… i have pre-recorded lessons that i watch online - so i kinda have a video tutor - and then i have to do the homework and assignments and read my textbooks. but my video tutors for math in 4th grade, 5th grade, 6th grade and 7th grade (years 5, 6, 7 and 8) were pretty good. so idk i think because they explained things so well i could wrap my brain around math. even when i didn’t pay attention much sometimes and i was just distracted lmao, i could wrap my brain around the math (*most of the time* - so - there were times that didn’t fit into that *most of the time* :D)
yay story time with nadia 💜 and i’m sorry i literally ranted way too much about my schoolybobs life and math 😭 i’m so sorry 😭
idk why that made me laugh but it was cute and precious somehow at the same time 🥺 i don’t think your teacher yelling at you was right though friend :( i mean, it’s year 1, these are little teeny tiny kids your talking about. i don’t think you were dumb 💜 academics doesn’t necessarily determine/define intelligence. 💜 it’s okay 💜 and you were little too, when i was little i had such i hard time writing the number 8. i would just put two circles on top of each other because i was a literal genius 😎✨ /lh and /jk lol i’m not a genius :P
um - tbh i think she should have a been a little more patient with you. you. were. a. freaking. child. she could have said “zero is the number before one” and if you asked what one was, she could have taken some time to explain things because 1) it’s year 1 and you said you all were still learning the numbers at the time and 2) asking questions/getting questions answered were allowed 💜 sometimes i feel like there are so many teachers out there who don’t even love kids, or teens, or whoever they’re teaching 💜 and they don’t even love teaching. :') :') i wish there were more patient, understanding teachers 💜 i don’t think you were or are dumb at all friend. these teachers, and other kids, and just… people… have made you feel that way and after so many years of it all, the thought has kinda solidified in your mind :( or… maybe what i said didn’t make any sense and i misunderstood you. if i did - i’m very sorry 💜 *big hugs for you if okay*
um - i’m not sure how to describe it :P it’s hard for me 😅 my curriculum might be different from yours but for me year 9 math includes a lot of basic algebra :( some basic geometry and idk… ✨ math ✨ i’m not good at explaining things in general, but i’m even worse when it comes to trying to explain math-related stuff 😭😅 the curriculum my parents have chosen for me for the past several years is american and ik that's definitely different from the british curriculum (i’m sorry if i misunderstood you again - ni friend kinda thought/guesses that nadsey friend's curriculum is the british one 💜)
idk if your brother is nice or not so i’m not sending any luck to him lol until ik whether… mmm. :') :')
and if you need anything in math, i’m the person to ask, too 🥺 (omgeee kidding lol 🤣)
@LoveMyMoonflowers
:0 D: I was going back and forth checking if the reply popped up and I’m late smh- I didn’t get notified at all😭💜
>: are yu scared of me😭😭it’s okayy😭😭💕💕I’m not mad😭😭💜I’m later probably-
I wish I was homeschooled :'P💜but I knuw it probably has its own struggles🩷this reminds me of the fact my old math teacher from last year (but only every like tuesday I think🤍) has a yutube channel hehe xD💜ouuh that makes sense all my teachers suck sm :P💙no offense.🩷but all they do is sit on their high chair with their computer and they tell us to copy off the board- we basically teach ourselves and anything yu do wrong they just..gosh :') they just go wild. and yeah.🤍teachers here suck at teachering🤍I think it’s also yur huge big brain power🐛🐛🐛🐛🧠🧠⚡️⚡️🩷yur literally so smart :P🧠🧠🧠🐛🐛🐛🐛✨that yur brain doesn’t fit in yur head🐛🐛✨✨🧠🧠🧠⚡️⚡️⚡️💖becos it’s too big :P✨🧠💖and if sum teacher just aren’t the best at teachering that’s not anyone but their fault :P💜
…lol do yu hate me😭/lh I was scrolling up our whole convo to see where yu ranted too much xD T^T🩷calm down hehe yur okie💕💗/lh yeeyyyy storytime hehe xD💗💓
I was 5 hehe :PxD💜I also had an example in a science qs and it included a spider and I asked what a spider was T^T💙
omigod what :0 I did that😭bruh my brother kept trying to teach me as in like so slowly like first draw an S..continue the line upward..connect it to that line..- and I’d make the weirdest shapes😭I learnt it so late-
shushssuhshsh yu so are a genius :3✨🩷💕/lh
nunu yur right- god stop doubting yurself luvly🩷all my teachers are literally- not even obsessed- just addicted to making kids lives as miserable as there’s when they were that age😭people make jokes about the arabic teachers being in toxic relationships and all that- and one day I have no idea how- my arabic teacher was so smiley and nice (it was so temporary but issokie :P🩷) and everyone was saying she musta divorced her toxic husband😭?-
actually tho our teachers are so bad TvT💙1 minute late standards card☠️it’s a complicated system💜I only have 2 male teachers which in term1 it was none and they’re literally so- bleh- my english teacher is nice ish but he targets me a ton and literally today😭he was talking and idk what he said cos I was distracted but he said "because I know some of you don’t have the best eyesight *stares at me for a minute straight*" like wow okay😭😭wow😭🩷becos I sit closest to the digital and normal board but I always have to zoom in and take pictures becos I can’t see what’s written ever :')🩷I don’t hate him thu cos he’s actually good ish at teaching💜my geography teacher is just a nightmare and my math teacher is so bad I’m sorry but I kinda hate her T^T? I have too many teachers for this-🤍
hugs are okay💖squeezies yu tight💓
…huh howd yu- howd yu know lmaoo TvT🩷actually that’s su impressive what did I say :0💜yus I’m in the british curriculum💜I think it depends on the school but I’ve been to both🩷it really is so different :')💙do yu take indices :0🤍standard form🤍? uhhhmm what do I take- idk- bidmas XDD💖nvm I don’t focus-🩷
nuu he’s not hehe no luck to him :'P🎉✨
😭🤣nouuu yur smarttt i literally wrote in the last test on the easiest question it was like "work out: y^2+y^2+y^2" and I wrote "y^6"😭😭😭😭a lot of people made that mistake but it was "3y^2"😭
I would totally ask yu🤓✨🩷
@iloveyouxx
i think cups only notifies us of the most recent tags in threads. i wish they didn’t do that :( i wish they would notify us of every tag, things would be so much easier when it comes to replying and posting then. 💜
aww no i’m not scared of you 💜 dw friend 💜 and i didn’t think you would be mad 💜 i just said i thought i was late because i saw it a little more than 10 minutes after it was posted lol - i was kinda doing a few things at once including cupsing - i thought i was late but that’s just me. i was like wow ni you saw it late 😱 how could you 😱 and then i took ~20 minutes or so to respond. and now i’m sitting here wondering… how is seeing a reply ten minutes later late? 🤔 it depends on the situation i guess. 💜
it’s basically like… home life and school life - they’re one and the same. which can be a good thing in some ways and a bad thing in other ways - it really depends on the person/situation though. 💜 some homes are safer than others :') …i used to have a friend here who was homeschooled like me. at the time (i was 13 then) i liked being homeschooled so that’s what i told her 💜 but she said she wasn’t quite fond of it all. :') so i guess whether it’s good or not so good, it depends on the person and the situation. (i haven’t heard from this friend since october of last year btw :( it’s scary, idk what might have happened to her. i really miss her... 💜)
i’m sorry all your teachers suck :( from what you’ve written i can tell your school life definitely isn’t that fun. 😔 i’m v sorry nadsey beanie :( *big hugs* 💜 it’s also silly and mean of your classmates/other kids to assume things and make jokes about teachers' personal lives :/ i guess people will be people, kids will be kids. there are meanie mcbeanie students everywhere and i suppose meanie mcbeanie teachers are in great abundance too - but i wish there were more teachers who actually cared. 💜 *massive comfy hugs for you* :')
i don’t hate you smh 🥺 *more hugs for you* /gen 💜 i just thought i ranted too much lol 🤷🏻♀️ *calms down* 💜
awww. for some reason i just melted when i read that lol. why is that so freaking cute 🥺💜 tbh i don’t like spiders :/ they be scary 😓 the way they crawly wawly. also i’m not kidding here lmao but when i wrote “i don’t like spiders” i just touched my neck just to make sure one wasn’t crawling on me and judging me silently lol 😭
your v sweet 💜 me thinks it hard not to doubt self often times but thank you for being so kind and reassuring nadsies 💜
i wish i could give you a real hug :( it makes me sad that you have such meanie mcbeanie teachers and the students at your school are another story. :') 😔 you wrote to me that your school life is not good at all - you wrote that yesterday i mean :( but i think i actually genuinely understand what you mean now :/
um well - i knew because you say “year” instead of “grade” so… i kind of concluded that your in the british one. 💜 i feel so dumb now lol 😅 but i seriously have no idea what indices or standard form or bidmas are. :') *confuzzled*
he’s not getting any luck from me then :') (your brother sounds meanie also 😔)
lol it might be a better idea to ask a calculator or google or an AI - instead of me. 😅💜
she asked why I got pulled out by our lead teacher with the worst girl in that group involved. which- long story short-apparently I said "why do you wear so much makeup are you like insecure?" and apparently I also announced that girls BMI to everyone- which- I don’t even know her bmi how would I know that-
I’m not mad. my lead teacher obviously believed me but she pretended to not know what to believe and all that.
the girl got called out in the first place becos a primary student witnessed her mocking me or sumthing. and she admitted to that but just changed the story so she got a b3 sanction anyway.
the fake crying-
the fake victim voice and act-
i :’)
not worth it.