in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
right before I go to sleep thereās always such a realistic vision or kinda. video- that plays in my mind and it always feels so real.Ā
..they wouldnāt let me go home because my dad wouldnāt pick up.
im so tired. I donāt wanna say anything.Ā
anything I say. wont be great. and every time someone asks I just cry so ***.(me-)
im so tired.
10/26. 4/12.Ā
please. I canāt.Ā
I hope the drama gets so bad they actually jump me so I get so severely injured that Iām in a co.ma for the rest of my life.
see? no crisis ***. itās just a coma.Ā
slee.ping forever and dying arenāt the same.Ā
I swear I hope I di.e.
i hope I d.ie.
today I just. I didnāt "attempt". donāt assume it.Ā
I just walked far past that security guy and waited for the cars so I could start walking.Ā
there were a couple of those white ish buses and one black car.
i was tired. no big deal. I just made my steps smaller. taking my time.Ā
donāt rush. itās not huge.
and some. I think he was an english teacher. pulled me out the way.Ā
like are you insane? *** manic like bro if I die itās my fault.-
ā¦ā¦
I hope I d.ie.
i hope someone just. gets r.id of me for everyone.
i reallyĀ
really
wanna
di.e.
do everyone a favor.
you were born to di.e.Ā
itās pain to pain ofcourse youāre hurting.Ā
you literally donāt matter.Ā
like actually.Ā
not just self hate.Ā
you donāt matter.
youre nothing to no one no one cares.
actually no one cares.
stop trying.Ā
it wont even matter later on.
you canāt change someone for the better. no one cares about that.
if you wanna d.ie go ahead. literally everyone wants you de.ad but theyre not gonna ki.ll you. so go ahead. Itās really not that hard when you think about it. you love making everyone happy go ahead and make them happy.
just. di.e.
@iloveyouxx
*hugs if okay* no nadsies these are meanie thoughts that your brainie wants you to believe. :(Ā
@LoveMyMoonflowers
awe.Ā :')šhugs are okay.šbut i think yur wrongĀ :')šor maybe my brainie is just really smart and aware :Pšthese are the truest things Iāve said heheš©·Iām not gonna lie to myselfĀ :')šhonestly I donāt like it when people do that. saying things to yurself thatre obviously not true.š¤you canāt denyĀ :'PšthankyuššI luv yuš©·
@iloveyouxx
it's because you are a colourful hooman bean who canāt really see the colour in herself right now. šĀ
@iloveyouxx
:( tbh i think it understandable that youād believe otherwise. after years and years and years of being hurt, at school, at home, even online (including on cups which includes ni friend hurting you also) you start to believe you deserve it and you start to believe people want youā¦ mmmmm. unalive :( but it not true. you donāt deserve the hurt and idk what exactly happens at school but i know itās not good š ik people donāt treat you kindly there :( what happens there it not your fault and even though you been going through it for so so long that doesnāt mean you deserve it :') :') :') and nadsies you donāt deserve what happens at home either :(Ā
itās hard to learn to love yourself and itās hard to accept that you are lovable and that there are people who actually love you and care about you. after everything you been through nadsies tbh i think your brainie has completely convinced you that no one cares about you and that people want youā¦ mmmm. š ik you probably wonāt believe me and even if other people might say it you wonāt believe it :( but me thinks you are lovable and you are cared about šĀ
(no pressure to reply, im so sorry i took so long to reply)Ā
Iām just gonna. go do math homework.
xD still the most Iāve ever gotten xDšššššššš©·ššš©·šš©·šš©·šššš©·
i luv my frendsš©· coughcoug-evasoulni-cough-/j/j/jš
@iloveyouxx
math homework is so ew :( also iāve run out of hearts again ugh š why 7cups just whyĀ
she asked why I got pulled out by our lead teacher with the worst girl in that group involved. which- long story short-apparently I said "why do you wear so much makeup are you like insecure?" and apparently I also announced that girls BMI to everyone- which- I donāt even know her bmi how would I know that-
Iām not mad. my lead teacher obviously believed me but she pretended to not know what to believe and all that.Ā
the girl got called out in the first place becos a primary student witnessed her mocking me or sumthing. and she admitted to that but just changed the story so she got a b3 sanction anyway.
the fake crying-
the fake victim voice and act-Ā
i :ā)
not worth it.