in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
right before I go to sleep thereās always such a realistic vision or kinda. video- that plays in my mind and it always feels so real.Ā
..they wouldnāt let me go home because my dad wouldnāt pick up.
im so tired. I donāt wanna say anything.Ā
anything I say. wont be great. and every time someone asks I just cry so ***.(me-)
im so tired.
10/26. 4/12.Ā
please. I canāt.Ā
I hope the drama gets so bad they actually jump me so I get so severely injured that Iām in a co.ma for the rest of my life.
see? no crisis ***. itās just a coma.Ā
slee.ping forever and dying arenāt the same.Ā
I swear I hope I di.e.
i hope I d.ie.
today I just. I didnāt "attempt". donāt assume it.Ā
I just walked far past that security guy and waited for the cars so I could start walking.Ā
there were a couple of those white ish buses and one black car.
i was tired. no big deal. I just made my steps smaller. taking my time.Ā
donāt rush. itās not huge.
and some. I think he was an english teacher. pulled me out the way.Ā
like are you insane? *** manic like bro if I die itās my fault.-
ā¦ā¦
I hope I d.ie.
i hope someone just. gets r.id of me for everyone.
i reallyĀ
really
wanna
di.e.
do everyone a favor.
you were born to di.e.Ā
itās pain to pain ofcourse youāre hurting.Ā
you literally donāt matter.Ā
like actually.Ā
not just self hate.Ā
you donāt matter.
youre nothing to no one no one cares.
actually no one cares.
stop trying.Ā
it wont even matter later on.
you canāt change someone for the better. no one cares about that.
if you wanna d.ie go ahead. literally everyone wants you de.ad but theyre not gonna ki.ll you. so go ahead. Itās really not that hard when you think about it. you love making everyone happy go ahead and make them happy.
just. di.e.
@iloveyouxx
*hugs if okay* no nadsies these are meanie thoughts that your brainie wants you to believe. :(Ā
@LoveMyMoonflowers
awe.Ā :')šhugs are okay.šbut i think yur wrongĀ :')šor maybe my brainie is just really smart and aware :Pšthese are the truest things Iāve said heheš©·Iām not gonna lie to myselfĀ :')šhonestly I donāt like it when people do that. saying things to yurself thatre obviously not true.š¤you canāt denyĀ :'PšthankyuššI luv yuš©·
@iloveyouxx
it's because you are a colourful hooman bean who canāt really see the colour in herself right now. šĀ
@iloveyouxx
:( tbh i think it understandable that youād believe otherwise. after years and years and years of being hurt, at school, at home, even online (including on cups which includes ni friend hurting you also) you start to believe you deserve it and you start to believe people want youā¦ mmmmm. unalive :( but it not true. you donāt deserve the hurt and idk what exactly happens at school but i know itās not good š ik people donāt treat you kindly there :( what happens there it not your fault and even though you been going through it for so so long that doesnāt mean you deserve it :') :') :') and nadsies you donāt deserve what happens at home either :(Ā
itās hard to learn to love yourself and itās hard to accept that you are lovable and that there are people who actually love you and care about you. after everything you been through nadsies tbh i think your brainie has completely convinced you that no one cares about you and that people want youā¦ mmmm. š ik you probably wonāt believe me and even if other people might say it you wonāt believe it :( but me thinks you are lovable and you are cared about šĀ
(no pressure to reply, im so sorry i took so long to reply)Ā
Iām just gonna. go do math homework.
xD still the most Iāve ever gotten xDšššššššš©·ššš©·šš©·šš©·šššš©·
i luv my frendsš©· coughcoug-evasoulni-cough-/j/j/jš
@iloveyouxx
math homework is so ew :( also iāve run out of hearts again ugh š why 7cups just whyĀ
dude nvm, cups is being weird and glitching? like it literally looked like i ran out of hearts and after i post that my upvote shows up? um okay - cups.Ā
@LoveMyMoonflowers
aaynabbwngabahaajjajajjjjjehsjwnajajw cups w7wjwjoss smhhhhhhh- it gets so confusingš
math homework really is ew >:š¤itās so hard too T^TšI finished the 90 question one but every wednesday we get math hw so right after I finished that we got like a 60 qs one TvTšand we have pt tests and our end on year grades depend on sum other tests and the pt test and I got a 10/26 in one of them so I need to do really good in the ptšyeah Iām not making it to year9āØš©·
Ā Ā šŖ
āØš³ļøāØ-
@iloveyouxx
it really does. one day i was like *smh cups* the entire time i was cupsing that day because the site was just being weird in so many different ways lmao.Ā
jesus christ that is too much homework. 60 questions - *math* questions - is already very bad :/ but 90 questions? yeah no thatās not fun :/Ā
for me i was actually good at math for a few years until i got to year 9 math. and now itās just hard and it just sucksĀ
i still havenāt finished today's math homework D: D: D:Ā
@LoveMyMoonflowers
*smh*
ššššnot funššlol what do you mean I love itšššššš©·I kinda- strongly dislike :Dšmy math teacher :Dš©·
huh how TvTš¤Iāve always sucked at mathššššāØšI was just good at everything in late primary but niššI needa tell yu a story I just rememberedšš
su. this was year1 rightšI remember that it was year1 becos of the teachers thereš©·su this was a completely other school and there we had the same teacher and substitute teacher for every single subject right :Pš©·so we were taking really simple math and idk how this came up but- I remember this so well idk why-šit was a math test and we were taking really really simple math and one question musta said "work out: 0+1" becos at the time we were still learning what the numbers even were-
the seating plan was basically- like tables making the shape of a half square around the class-? idk. and our teachers were there becos at the time questions during a test were allowed. and I remember raising my hand for every single one of them :D every single one :D and basically I got to that "work out: 0+1"šand the sub teacher basically repeated it to me literally- and I asked what 0 was- and ni :ā)šthe way she almost lost it-šI feel so bad what-šlike she put her hands on her hair and she was like its zero but she was yelling :D I wasnāt scared or anything I was such a dumb childšand the teacher was calming the sub teacher down and at this point they were just telling me the answers cos they got sick of me-
ā¦ā¦..
im too smartttt :Dš§ š« š©·
D: D: D: alsu can I ask what year9 math is like TvTšmy brothers in year10 and itās so hard for him and heās having mock exams soon D:š
ni..if yu need anything in math :Dš©·Iām the persun to ask okay?ššš
@iloveyouxx
i actually take forever to reply to things :( *ugh ni why just why* šĀ
iām homeschooled so i have a math teacher and donāt at the same time? lol that doesnāt make sense :P itās more likeā¦ i have pre-recorded lessons that i watch online - so i kinda have a video tutor - and then i have to do the homework and assignments and read my textbooks. but my video tutors for math in 4th grade, 5th grade, 6th grade and 7th grade (years 5, 6, 7 and 8) were pretty good. so idk i think because they explained things so well i could wrap my brain around math. even when i didnāt pay attention much sometimes and i was just distracted lmao, i could wrap my brain around the math (*most of the time* - so - there were times that didnāt fit into that *most of the time* :D)Ā
yay story time with nadia š and iām sorry i literally ranted way too much about my schoolybobs life and math š iām so sorry šĀ
idk why that made me laugh but it was cute and precious somehow at the same time š„ŗ i donāt think your teacher yelling at you was right though friend :( i mean, itās year 1, these are little teeny tiny kids your talking about. i donāt think you were dumb š academics doesnāt necessarily determine/define intelligence. š itās okay š and you were little too, when i was little i had such i hard time writing the number 8. i would just put two circles on top of each other because i was a literal genius šāØ /lh and /jk lol iām not a genius :PĀ
um - tbh i think she should have a been a little more patient with you. you. were. a. freaking. child. she could have said āzero is the number before oneā and if you asked what one was, she could have taken some time to explain things because 1) itās year 1 and you said you all were still learning the numbers at the time and 2) asking questions/getting questions answered were allowed š sometimes i feel like there are so many teachers out there who donāt even love kids, or teens, or whoever theyāre teaching š and they donāt even love teaching. :') :') i wish there were more patient, understanding teachers š i donāt think you were or are dumb at all friend. these teachers, and other kids, and justā¦ peopleā¦ have made you feel that way and after so many years of it all, the thought has kinda solidified in your mind :( orā¦ maybe what i said didnāt make any sense and i misunderstood you. if i did - iām very sorry š *big hugs for you if okay*Ā
um - iām not sure how to describe it :P itās hard for me š my curriculum might be different from yours but for me year 9 math includes a lot of basic algebra :( some basic geometry and idkā¦ āØ math āØ iām not good at explaining things in general, but iām even worse when it comes to trying to explain math-related stuff šš the curriculum my parents have chosen for me for the past several years is american and ik that's definitely different from the british curriculum (iām sorry if i misunderstood you again - ni friend kinda thought/guesses that nadsey friend's curriculum is the british one š)Ā
idk if your brother is nice or not so iām not sending any luck to him lol until ik whetherā¦ mmm. :') :')Ā
and if you need anything in math, iām the person to ask, too š„ŗ (omgeee kidding lol š¤£)Ā
she asked why I got pulled out by our lead teacher with the worst girl in that group involved. which- long story short-apparently I said "why do you wear so much makeup are you like insecure?" and apparently I also announced that girls BMI to everyone- which- I donāt even know her bmi how would I know that-
Iām not mad. my lead teacher obviously believed me but she pretended to not know what to believe and all that.Ā
the girl got called out in the first place becos a primary student witnessed her mocking me or sumthing. and she admitted to that but just changed the story so she got a b3 sanction anyway.
the fake crying-
the fake victim voice and act-Ā
i :ā)
not worth it.