in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{it doesn’t matter how you feel. /directedatme}

_{as long as you put on a smile for the audience.}

_normal.

_{I’m. so exhausted  :')}

_{I went through my dads phone again.}

_{I wish I could express. or just feel.}

_{I’m meant to be mad or hurt or shocked.}

_but.

 _{I don’t care anymore.}

1:01 am.

_{I’m shaking so hard.-}

_{I feel so weak.}

_underwater.

something happened a couple days ago.

_{not going into detail but. I basically started losing my vision I guess. blacking out and lights flashing.,}

_{went numb and I couldn’t move.}

_{some days my knees just. feel like they aren’t there- walking gets hard but I guess this was different.}

_{I’m used to this part tho. all of it- decently often.}

couldn’t type for a while.

_{I can’t feel my fingers- or anything heh :P}

_{my eyes are so tired..-} 

_{I keep almost falling asleep :')}

_{but I can’t sleep. I can- want to and physically need to. but literally endless possibilities. I can’t just sleep in these conditions-..}

_{my dads still talking to one of his girlfriends.}

_{I saw some of his messages with a bunch of girls.}

_{I shouldn’t say anything but. I just don’t get some people. I dunno who’d like-} 

_..

_{I needa stay awake.-}

_{I’m falling asleep- and ik the second I get off of here I’d be dead asleep-}

_{I’m such a heavy sleeper-}

_{I realized smth else today.}

_{I always knew I was lonely. alone. but. not like this.}

_{I just. didn’t think I was so deep nd far from the surface.}

_{people don’t actually understand.}

_{It doesn’t make sense to them.}

_{they can’t begin to imagine. they don’t relate or just understand..at all.}

_{so it’s hard to sympathize.}

_{or empathize.}

_{I don’t blame anyone. or expect anything.}

_{just. I think about every single person I’ve fully talked to about- things- before.}