@mytwistedsoul

aww *sends hugs if okay* 💙 i hope things get better.

i've found comfort with being bored. i've found comfort in being in my own head. comfort in doing nothing. but yk.... every now and then i do become busy watching kids come and go here. 

@amiableBunny4016 Thank you 💙  sending some hugs back to you 💙 I can relate to that. Can you read books on your phone? Or play games?

Do many people come and go?

@mytwistedsoul

honestly, i have lost all the energy to do anything.

i either get given medication and fall asleep, watch children come and go and observe someone's behaviour or attempt to do some school work. or or... listen to the group chat filled with my bullies talk *** about me....

@amiableBunny4016 That sucks and sounds horrible 😞 of course they never fail to send school work. There's a lot of toxicity in those rooms. It spills out into the threads sometimes 😐 I can't believe they let it go on. I'm really sorry they're talking bad about you. That's really lousy. Maybe don't watch it? Although I can sort of understand about knowing your enemies 

@mytwistedsoul

na. honestly, its just a laugh for me. i find it entertaining watching people letting out their petty insecurities on me. half of what they say doesnt make sense. its quiet funny. eh, honestly im used to everything. 

i think im happy.... weirdly. i dont know what it is..... but for the first time recently..... i've been feeling more relaxed and content. even if its boring and strange in here...

@amiableBunny4016 I get what you mean - you can kind of get used to anything if you're exposed to it enough. I just wish people didn't get their jollies out of abusing other people 😞 It really says a lot about the kind of people they are 

Feeling relaxed is a good thing that's for sure. You've been under alot of stress the past couple of months with everything that was going on at home. And even though it's a hospital - it's relatively a safe space

some days i wondered.... what my life was for... for suffering? for screaming? for crying? for living in this ***? and even to breathe, was to suffocate. to live, was to die. and every day washed into another, the months bleed like a wound that refused to heal and years passed by like ships in the river. Everyday felt like just another disaster, another traumatic day, another traumatic moment, another day that i realised what i mistake i was or to ponder on the past. and perhaps, keep my gaurd up and fend for myself was all i could do, because who knew what part of me someone could rip apart today? what part of my personality might offend someone today? i put every ounce of my energy into loving people who could never love me back. Put every inch of perfectionism inside of me, yelled every curse word there was to say , let people strangle and gaurd my heart until it it bled so thoroughly. I squeezed every bit of me there was to exist, just to impress the least and the most. dad beat mom when i was a baby. she hit me when i made mistakes. he used to throw things across a room and yell. my life yet another story half written. just another human, who was never treated like one. a punching bag. a monster. a slave. i never learnt to keep my head held high. i never learnt how to love myself, i only learnt how to stop loving myself. in a world turned upside down, how could i survive? i regret some things i did, but for the most.... i dont. I was a child clueless of what the world could throw at me, and whatever it throwed at me, i endured. I survived. I wasn't perfect....I barely ever found the right people, I had scars and bruises, and times of pain. it was never meant to be a perfect life....i guess..... it was just meant to be that way. and it hurts, i know that. it was a rocky and *** life...... but at least i made it.

........i dont even know anymore

its been a traumatic few months..... :')

@amiableBunny4016 It has 😞

@mytwistedsoul

💙

"I'm the unluckiest mother in the world" - my mom

Your actually lucky mom. Your lucky I kept silent. Your lucky I didn't say anything. Your lucky I was on your side. 

I was the unlucky daughter. 

the amount of abuse i get on my L account is so tiring to deal with....

@amiableBunny4016  That's some of the reason I don't have that account anymore 😕 I'm sorry you're dealing with this too 💙

@mytwistedsoul

and every time i tell myself "its okay" , "this happens to everyone, its not only you" or "that member was just having a bad day".......but then it happens again and again and again.... and its tiring. 

@amiableBunny4016  It is and you end up feeling worse than when you started

@mytwistedsoul

:/ yeah. idk. i just end up feeling like *** and crying for no reason. 

@amiableBunny4016 Oh 😞 Maybe stop for awhile?  You don't need that kind of hurt on top of everything else. It's great you're trying to help people but don't jeopardize your mental health 

@mytwistedsoul

i dont know. i'll think about it i guess... hopefully it will get better a bit..... oof.

@amiableBunny4016 Yeah you can find good people to listen to. And even get return people. Those are nice to have because even if they're having a bad day they're not trying to destroy anyone with it

@mytwistedsoul

yeah no.... i spoke to people who had gone through abuse similar to mine... there are nice people out there. :') 

*** wrong account....*** ***....

@amiableBunny4016 you can flag them and get them deleted that way no one can put the two together

I used to do that too 😝

@mytwistedsoul

this proves i am just half asleep at this point

@amiableBunny4016 It's probably late where you are 💙 Maybe close your eyes and get some rest? 

@mytwistedsoul

its 8:40pm its not too late. but idk... meds probably making me tired. i think i might just linger here for a while, and then fall asleep..... safe. its weird how i can say that after a long time.... i dont have to sleep in the fear of someone hurting me

@amiableBunny4016 I thought it was later. I'm glad you can say that Bunny 💙 I'm glad that you can sleep safely and not have to worry or be afraid that someone could hurt you. I hope you never have to feel that fear again 💙

getting called useless and disrespectful by a stranger who barely knows me and barely spoke to me says alot....

been listening to this song non stop.... idek why...

Lights Are On - Tom Rosanthel

some days its hard to breathe. or wake up. or be alive. because you realise, everything you loved has been taken away from you.

no more family. no more happiness. no more nothing.

i wonder where that man went...probably to prison.

those painkillers dont work....

i'm gonna doze of to sleep... cya all soon. bye bye. <3 

@amiableBunny4016 

@mytwistedsoul

thinking of you too friend.

Bunny :)

@selflessSpruce1515

oh my gosh 🥺 sprucaaa 💜 i've missed you so much. its so lovely to see you friend 💖 *hugs you if okay* aaaaa!!! i'm so happy! 💛 its been forever friend, since you move to oldie side me and you dont talk much but its so special to see you again friend 💜 i hope life is treating you well, if not then I hope things get better soon friend 🥺 you always be my best friend and you are never forgotten! 💛 how have you been doing? 💖p.s its so kind of you to bump into my forum and say hello, your so sweet! 💜 xD 

Bunny :)

@amiableBunny4016

bunnyyyyyyyy 💖 i missed you tooooooooo!! ive been trying to be a lil more active since i moved over to the oldie side, but academia won over my attention since its i just completed my freshman year of college (which was really rough in the spring semester, but i made it through!) :') life has honestly been a rollercoaster for the past few months, but the days are getting a little bit easier to handle now that it is summer break for me ❤️

it means so much that you remember me after all this time though 🥺 i really miss you so so so much, you were one of moi dearest friensies during the last few months i was on the teenie side and i was thinking about you a lot while i was away ❤️ but im back now (and hopefully i will still be able to come on even when school starts up again, but we will see how things go) and if you ever need to talk about anything and need a listening ear, im here for you ❤️❤️

*hugssss for you if its okie* 🤗❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

sprucaaa 💖 aww, don't worry. I understand academia can take over life a little bit, i'm  super duper proud of you and yayy! well done for finishing freshman year!  I know life is busy friend 💖 i'm glad you made it through friend and its so so so lovely to see you! i hope summer break gives you a bit of a good rest and things calm down a little 💖 xD.

bunny kinda got caught up in life lol. its been a traumatic few months but i'm making it through. its been a little more busy recently 💖 you always be in my thoughts and i hope life is going okay (i know it can be stressful friend!) 

not trueee! i miss you moreee 💖 i'm so blessed to have you in my life friend and i'm so so happy to see you. aww, teenie side misses you lots friend and we wishing you all the best friend, you were such a caring hooman and my brain still hasn't accepted you've moved up to adult side 😭 you so sweet, i'm always here to talk to and your always welcome to post in this space.  you is such a lovely hooman! 💖

*huggles and cuddles for you if okay* 💖💐

i dont know why... but my oversleeping is making me scared.