some days i wondered.... what my life was for... for suffering? for screaming? for crying? for living in this ***? and even to breathe, was to suffocate. to live, was to die. and every day washed into another, the months bleed like a wound that refused to heal and years passed by like ships in the river. Everyday felt like just another disaster, another traumatic day, another traumatic moment, another day that i realised what i mistake i was or to ponder on the past. and perhaps, keep my gaurd up and fend for myself was all i could do, because who knew what part of me someone could rip apart today? what part of my personality might offend someone today? i put every ounce of my energy into loving people who could never love me back. Put every inch of perfectionism inside of me, yelled every curse word there was to say , let people strangle and gaurd my heart until it it bled so thoroughly. I squeezed every bit of me there was to exist, just to impress the least and the most. dad beat mom when i was a baby. she hit me when i made mistakes. he used to throw things across a room and yell. my life yet another story half written. just another human, who was never treated like one. a punching bag. a monster. a slave. i never learnt to keep my head held high. i never learnt how to love myself, i only learnt how to stop loving myself. in a world turned upside down, how could i survive? i regret some things i did, but for the most.... i dont. I was a child clueless of what the world could throw at me, and whatever it throwed at me, i endured. I survived. I wasn't perfect....I barely ever found the right people, I had scars and bruises, and times of pain. it was never meant to be a perfect life....i guess..... it was just meant to be that way. and it hurts, i know that. it was a rocky and *** life...... but at least i made it.

........i dont even know anymore

its been a traumatic few months..... :')

"I'm the unluckiest mother in the world" - my mom

Your actually lucky mom. Your lucky I kept silent. Your lucky I didn't say anything. Your lucky I was on your side. 

I was the unlucky daughter. 

been listening to this song non stop.... idek why...

Lights Are On - Tom Rosanthel

some days its hard to breathe. or wake up. or be alive. because you realise, everything you loved has been taken away from you.

no more family. no more happiness. no more nothing.

i wonder where that man went...probably to prison.