The only thing left is memories (Ape's diary, no peaking)
Tw; domestic, sexual abuse, PTSD, (possible Schizophrenia, DID) social anxiety, family stress.
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Hi buddies. Hugs for you all. This is my diary. No reply please. Love you.
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"When I stand before thee at the end of the day'thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healings."
—Tagore's 《Stray Birds》
Jester is crying again, tho its mildnight so mom is taking care of her.
Finally I am clam...
I'm a big big girl, in a big big world.
It's not a big big thing if you leaves me.
But I do do feel.
That I do do will, miss you much.
Missed you much
I can see the first leaf felling.
Its all yellow band nice.
Its very cold outside.
Like the way I'm feeling inside.
I'm a big big girl in a big big world.
Its not a big big thing if you leave me.
But i do do feel.
That i do do will, miss you much, missed you much.
My arms still hurts
Realizing just now that my spelling for peeeking was peaking😱
Ughhhhhh aren't your brain suppose to be working out logic not turning everything in to a muddy paddle?
I decided, after cousin comed over . i hate social.
Its st upid and childishthinking it will turns out ok. Nothing will. I don't deserve to be here on this planet at all.
Seeming like all that ppl do is making things even more confusing
Pain stroke unlike the way i once known. The lane I travel , was that without an end. I did try. I try so hard to figure things out. It didn't work. Nothing did. All those blames
Maybe, just maybe. Oneday things will turne out and my mind will be in state of orderly conditions. Maybe someday soon, I will finally make peace with my old self.
Just maybe...
Hope is always with us. But deliverance will only arrive when we believe in life.
They are fighting again...just one of my awesome day I guess
lol today was weird. First i got up at 2 am and is still bouncing. Literally since jester refused to sleep. Than, mom sent us to our uncle's house since she got errands this morning. It was.... Ok, so that was quite an adventure. I was triggered, but unlike before, i didn't freak out (its an improvement) however I relapsed, not in sh. But in violence. Lol loathing myself and is v disappointed with myself rn.
Mom added to the list of werid stuff by buying me somenew clothes. Its 2 size too big (fites me like an elephant skin)and definitely not my favorite type. But she hadn't brought anything for me for a long time. So I will simply tell her i like it and put on a show.
Am feeling guilty since i felt no enthusiasm to got my studies done and am definitely spending tooo much time on cups...
Sliiy day