Ni's Little Solace
Not sure why I am creating this thread exactly, and I'm doing this so late at night as well :') I just felt... like I should do this haha. I do have a one line a day thread although I... don't think I have felt so free over there to write as much as I wished. So I thought maybe... I should just make another thread, a diary perhaps.. where I can really be myself.. and maybe post pictures and quotes, literary quotes maybe... and poems.. specifically haiku hehe. Also vents.. thoughts and maybe letters :')
Replies are welcome as well <3 although please remember to stay respectful and kind.
*sending lots of love and hugs because why not*
***.
yesterday they were making jokes about *** and i was just sitting there quietly like…..
lmao. people are.. interesting.
some people don’t *** care.
i just realised this wouldn’t count as yesterday because it’s 4 am so the next days begun lmao 🙄
it’s 4 am, the time my thoughts start to go literally all over the place, and my emotions are all over the place. when im wide awake
@LoveMyMoonflowers It's been kind of a stressful day for you 😞 what if you laid down and closed your eyes and listen to some soft music?
@mytwistedsoul no it’s ok.
hmm yeah i do like to listen to soft music sometimes but can’t right now. um. i have to be able to hear other stuff to be a lil alert 💜 hope that makes sense..
@LoveMyMoonflowers It makes perfect sense. I'm sorry you have to be alert like that Moon 😞 It sucks that there always has to be vigilance
@mytwistedsoul hey 💜 it’s okay. you don’t gotta worry about me too much. it’s nothing too bad, im ok
@LoveMyMoonflowers I'm glad you're ok 💙 it would be nice if we could just relax and sleep. Peaceful and quietly. 8 hours. Can you imagine?
@mytwistedsoul 💜 mhm.
lol i slept lots yesterday.
it must be almost 9 over there. did you eat something soul? 💜 i hope your day was ok.
i feel lil switchy
💀
😂 did my brain js say “oh crappo wappo”
cats fighting outside.
it's really weird, i haven’t heard this in a while. either that or i haven’t been paying attention
breathe.
just…. breathe.
@LoveMyMoonflowers
*sprinkle sleepy for Nii 🌙🥧☺*
@VictoriaLove7 thank you 🌈🧸
Im sorry ni
@DarkerPlaces hey rome 💜 *sits with you*
you don’t have to be sorry about anything okay buddy? *hugs if okay* 💜
(friend check our talkie corner i left a small note. <3)
Hugs
@DarkerPlaces *hugs* 💜
i can’t be what people want and expect me to be.
they’re happier that way, but i don’t know how to do it.
@LoveMyMoonflowers
Nii 🌙🥧🥺 doesn't have to please others, Nii 🌙🥧 be anything you want to be \(^-^)/
@VictoriaLove7
💜
anymore.
i think… i did something stupid and now im scared.
@_@
@LoveMyMoonflowers *sits with you* 💙 Do you want to talk about it? No pressure of course. No judgement either 💙
@mytwistedsoul i think i overshared about something on here awhile ago, but idk. And ik anybody can lurk and read my stuff.
@LoveMyMoonflowers You can always flag it and mark it as other and explain why you'd like it removed - idk if that helps or not
@mytwistedsoul yeah i might some of it is in white text though so i gotta copy/paste it to read it lol too lazy to do that right now.
<3 thanks soul.
how are things with you friend? how’s life? (No pressure) 💙
@LoveMyMoonflowers You're welcome 💙
I'm alright I guess. Thank you for asking. Listening to a thunderstorm right now.
How are you?
Actually if I'm honest idk how I am 😅
Sad - just - sad
@mytwistedsoul *hugs Soul tight* 💜
I'm going to be honest too 💜 you have sounded sad to me… 🥺 Idk just a feeling that you’ve been sad, i guess. i'm so sorry 😔 i know there’s a lot of things going on. I probably don’t understand all of it but i know life is really hard and exhausting, at times. Maybe even all the time honestly. there’s always something isn’t there… And the sadness lingers with us. or we might just not know, or be unsure.
I have been a bit worried about you friend. :') *sitting with you* 💜
hey 💜 i hope i didn’t say too much or misunderstand. thinking about you.
<3
@LoveMyMoonflowers Not at all Moon Pie 💙 Just got side tracked
@mytwistedsoul that's okay.
💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers It's funny how we can pick up on emotions even in what we type. It's not just me and the things I. dealing with that make me sad. What you wrote about how life is hard and exhausting. I know you're dealing with things too Moon. It comes at random times doesn't it? The weight of everything. The weight of growing up - the weight of the future. Just the weight of being. I've been worried about you a little too tbh. And Bunny and Eva ( I'm hoping I'm reading things wrong there) and ILy
@mytwistedsoul Yeah 💜 it is a bit strange.
i think i know what you mean… (or maybe i don’t and just went off on some direction.)
we do deal with our own things, we have our own lives, our own stories, demons, things that haunt us and stay with us. things from childhood thst is basically the foundation for everything that happens later. Idk what it’s like being an adult. i’ve just been on this earth, for 14 almost 15 years. but i know that things that have happened seem to stay with us, in the form of depression, anxiety, and others. we have…. own everything. and it’s hard to understand oneself sometimes.
but when you have a friend.. and you meet them, and slowly a friendship begins to bloom, and they just kind of become a piece of you in a way. it’s hard letting people in, it might hurt even. It’s hard saying goodbye, letting people go, letting family go, letting go people who weren’t bio family but felt like real family. And it hard and does hurt to see people get hurt, and they’re not doing ok. really not okay - people we have become attached to and we have been loving and caring about them. It’s kind of like a piece of us hurting and sad. and we are just there far away and can’t do much about it.
(Idk if it’s like this for you, or others but this is my experience.. <3)
…And you’re absolutely right honestly, it really does come at random times. The weight, i mean. It’s kind of weird.. :') i mean lots of things are weird to me. Idk how to explain it
Well… you just asked. so i suppose that should count hehe 💜 But other than that no not really. but it’s okay. Idk what i want - peace? Just peace, maybe. I think.. no. not think. well, actually, when i wrote that post I was just thinking about my home life. CW religion - I’ve grown up in a christian household. it’s been really.. confusing, at times. Since i was little. I’ve learnt what i should be, what i’m supposed to be. And i’m not really any of that. …Lots of confused, angry, guilty, sick emotions when I think about my home life and the religion tbh. sigh. i think I’m bitter about some things and hate myself for it..
well anyways… sorry lol 💜 Wrote an essay (again).
Lots of love to you soul. the question made me cry lol, not really sad tears tho i guess. <3 Idk. *sends sleepy beams* I hope you’ll get some rest tonight. <3
Jesus christ of nazareth…. the size. *Smh Moon Pie* (I like this nickname so much. lol. it makes me feel like some superhero sometimes.)
@LoveMyMoonflowers These collapsing replies is crazy. It's like playing hide and go seek with messages *smh*
Omgosh yeah it is hard to understand yourself sometimes. Especially when it feels like there's always something coming at you. There's always a dumpster fire to put out. You've already figured that out even without being an adult
Yes that is alot of it - it leaves you feeling helpless and frustrating when there's nothing we can really do to help. It is very hard to let go. Especially when it was so hard to trust them and let them in to being with
Peace. That's usually what I think too. I just want to feel at peace with myself and the past - just with things
Ah yeah religion does kind of complicate things that's for sure. Each one is different too. And then there's the versions of bibles. One has an angry god and then there's another with a forgiving god. I have alot of questions and confusion about it myself. Try not to hate yourself - I think it's understandable and normal to be bitter about things. If there is a god I think he would understand that feeling of bitterness
You know what I think? I think you should just be you. You don't need to fit into anyone's idea or box of who they think you should be. It would be alot harder though with living at home though 😔
I did get some rest - thank you for the sleepy beams 💙 I hope you were able to get some rest too
Lots of love to you too Moon Pie 💙
@mytwistedsoul 🙄 well that's one thing that's already in our list of stupid things.
exactly. dumpster fires. i'm not going to lie though sometimes i just don’t do anything about it, and let it burn. a lot of the time actually.
yeah exactly… definitely really helpless, and frustrated. And it really makes you think about how disgusting and unfair the world can be. how disgusting and unfair it is. Idk maybe that’s what people mean sometimes, when they say they don’t want to be a burden? we worry about our friends. but when we do worry about them, it's not really them being burdens. It's just that, over time, we got to know them slowly and we became friends, we slowly let them in and it feels impossible to let go now. i think… it's natural to worry about them and care, and feel helpless and frustrated when we can’t do anything about some things. maybe there's a difference between caring and seeing someone as a burden/bother? idk. this got me thinking about that lol i think there probably is a difference
yeah. it would be nice, if events that happened would just be events and wouldn't become a piece of us, affecting us throughout life in different forms. peace would be nice. peace with everything. 💜
but… i don’t think i meant peace in life tbh. when i said that. idk if that makes sense. in all honesty i don’t even know if lasting peace exists. maybe we can get peace a little, temporarily, little bits and pieces and fragments of it. i don’t know.
yeah, versions/translations can be influenced a lot by what the translators believe sometimes. like they interpret things in a certain way and one denomination will be happy about it and agree - while another denomination is unhappy about it and disagrees.
i understand the confusion 💜 a lot of questions arise too tbh. isn't it kind of weird how some people use certain verses to justify some things they do, to others? the way i'm saying it is really vague but i hope you know what i mean…
if there is a god… i'm kind of hoping it isn't the one i've learnt about. the one i've learnt about is pretty terrifying when i think about it tbh. sigh.
it's okay soul. 💜 i'm grateful, to have people on here at least who are okay with me being myself. i can be pretty weird lol. i am weird. but i'm grateful you don’t judge me and there are others here who don’t judge me, it does mean a lot to me. 💜 thank you.
i'm really glad you got some rest! that made me smile. i got a bit of rest too, thank you. 💜
thanks for talking to me soul. 💜 it's always good to talk to you. i appreciate you.
- 🌙 Moon 🌸