Musings 6

+ : but I biked plenty -- trying to go south east, I reach 'an eastern limit'*, go south which takes me to expectant residential area, keep going south but instead of the expectant 'escarpment'/suburb region I wind up somehow looping back `_` " ._. ? on the opposite side of the road I took to reach that 'eastern limit'.

Makes me hanker to gander at a map sometime.

* the start of hiking trail going south at the base of a bunch of highways going east and an oddly specific sign which I which I'd photographed of ~'$10,000 fine--no driver's ed cars beyond here' . Really ?! =~= like wth ??, is that ageist, classist or some other kind of dumba-- thinly veiled prejudice or snobbery ?

- : how do someone else Spanish speaking kept saying "shark","whale" and me thinking as to whether they're offensively remarking on the weight of the ppl who boarded the bus

..*heard someone else*, not how do else .

For the record my laptop absence issue halted yesterday whence I bought a barely used Apple laptop from my mother

+/-

I found a hat but my brother lost a bike

+

being complemented for my shirt at a thrift store and not being charged extra for something

-

being too anxious or upset and flustered to speak to the kindly attempt at banter whilst in the elevator I came out of

disappointing remarks from a parent

I went to a thrift store hoping to find some headphones, the big 'cushiony' kind even if they have plugs which will well suit the workplace computer. I don't really give an ardent enough compliment to the clerk about my shirt which feels worse esp. since you didn't have to pay extra.

Big cushiony headphones still sought after..

I visit my mother to ask her if my gym bag could be repaired what with it's tears. She says no. I'm on the verge of packing up and she tells me ~'don't get angry' (-_- almost never a good thing if it starts off like that) but she tell's me how that if there's another vaccine mandate to not get another one even if job policy insists on it, that it's better to lose my job. She brings up my dad's apparent lack(?) of a vacccine and how he hasn't gotten sick.

I give a generic ~'I doubt their'll be another mandate and leave' thinking that if I'd taken say ~3 minutes less to pack up I could've averted that.

One of the best thrift stores in the city is that one remote one near where my relatives used to be and it can be a hassle to reach.

Not to sure if I will given yoga intentions tomorrow and Thursday.

Big cushiony headphones with a plug, new gym bag and those twist-tie things for sandwich bags which are uncannily difficult to track down.

I think to myself how while I have the wherewithal for a meager gym bag what doesn't elude me is how one way or another whether by thrift store or Amazon, whether by busing or even I knew how to drive and could embrace the convenience with a vehicle of my own, I'm still the sort to think shopping a tiresome chore, most often.

+: woke from a deep slumber

Stalling non-urgent desires to renew ID and buy headphones due to bedbug prospects >_< x_x

F--g s--ks to be confined on a lovely day to clean. Albeit, the light and heat being present is less of a deterrent than the same d--n confinement in winter

I wonder what neuropsych- affects follow from consuming green tea so soon (less than 2 hrs before) camomile ?, given how caffeine might not go well with something of a relaxant.

Even if it weren't for pornography use I'd still ask that.

At least got new cushioned, plug-in headphones '_' d..hate how on 'bad days' I"m more sensitive to fast food spending

Curse teeth staining from tea.

I think all not water, caloric,even non-alcoholic beverages strain the liver particularly.

I'm at this age where almost everyone around me either seems fairly older and 'over the hill' in the age, like my parent's age, pensioner's age and up or alternatively they're more or less the age of my one sometimes store clerk cousin and younger.

I remind myself that hypothetically in a not too overly dismal future when I'm a 'grey-head' I ought to(?) see as many greybeards around me as well and finally feel like I might relate to others, but I wouldn't hinge too much prospect on that as the continued quasi-brain drain trends of some schlock like trying to retire in Florida or somewhere else in an iffy political and climate change impacted area.

Or maybe the disinterest in ppl will continue in one form or another and such a worry or expectation won't land on me

If things go accordingly tonight I'll suffer with a mask on for hours whilst various cleaning substance fumes subsume me as I'm taking precautions against pests but there's nowhere else to go, let alone safely as the sunsets on this neighborhood.

-_- ._. ..I'm hinging on scattered baking soda all around since (even if time spent applying it didn't bother me) mopping with Pinesol mixtures will leave fumes overnight and I'd need to wake early on to chat with the apartment rep about this. Come morning, apply Pinesol mixes.

Graciously, this isn't my scenario

https://www.reddit.com/r/TerrifyingAsFuck/comments/13lx99k/pest_control_said_its_the_worst_bedbug/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

__

For the record, I got my one other ID renewed

I don't know why I'm saying nor know how it can happen but I rue the day when baking soda becomes expensive. Such a reliable chemical cleaning agent.

Oliver Queen/the Green arrow is one of my fave DC heroes, in terms of his personality and the stories which can come from it. Speaking as someone who mainly became familiar with the character via 'Justice league unlimited' rather than the now winding down CW-verse which is winding down.

- : ._. *sigh* I feel like I disappointed my sibling in explaining to him how I've yet to install the emulator Wii. This after how I shifted my TV related shelf overnight due to cleaning intentions.

This. Still.

Controlled drop into pornography done

Moving onto eating since I'm over it.

___

When it comes to things I'm jealous of women for, or of, it's how they nearly always seem sssooo much better at socializing in a way which is not only less likely to be crass but less (overtly) competitive which makes such a difference developmentally.

Adjacent to an inability to connect to ppl, is how it might be valid to say that my clinging for pornography is a leftover from old undercurrents of endorsing male achievement and competitiveness not the least 'to be good enough' to be around certain circles of ppl and the females in them.

I choose to fall again.

Will my sister arrive ?. Will I have the drive to clean ?. Will the weather not be a wetter kind ?. Will it rain ?, will it shine ?.

>_< I'm due to wake up late, with an impulse to shower maybe and with one heck of hang-up, headache or paranoia.

'As usual' the root cause is friendlessness and this f--g site is f--g dismal at filling that void with non-'lonely brown guy' listeners

choose to fall again.

Will my sister arrive ?. Will I have the drive to clean ?. Will the weather not be a wetter kind ?. Will it rain ?, will it shine ?.

Can I f--g finally install my game console, please ?!?!. I'm hedging on it as being a part of subsiding pornography fixation even if the reality might be only less than partially pan out that way !.

I almost feel like contacting someone from 'taskrabbit' specifically for that !

>_< I'm due to wake up late, with an impulse to shower maybe and with one heck of hang-up, headache or paranoia.

This is going to be the sort of night where I'll sleep afraid of consequent nightmares

Will go to dollar store come tomorrow for batteries for Wii remote *sigh*

That last point clicks differently when you factor the consistent but the near day and night timezone differences you can expect if say most seeking help are from the Anglophonic nations..

I'll only say ibid

`_` This was not ironically fun but self-serious and cool. Easy to follow despite how irl YGO became so convoluted after ~'08: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLHPeh4YtMs

>:I If ppl who are listeners or not actually f--g take a look at my profile and esp. if they're led here they've no f--g excuse to ask ~' is this guy new here ?, is he new to mental health services ?' if they actually f--g think or know about the member levels and the lengths of these journals.

Yogurt, ice cream and crash of despair it is...here's to trying to clean.

Big fear of missing out on precious warmth and brilliance or risk of high indoor humidity which won't be relieved by open windows on an intensely rainy day whilst again marred in cleaning agent fumes in a place for which the weather might confine me even in broad daylight ?.

I woke before ~10 without going through a nightmare even I dozed off near 4. Nothing stupid so far.

Don't even know how to pump gas or put the key into ignition but I have a f--g crazed impulse to eventually at least attempt driving school with 'success' being an afterthought.

It's lyrics can be about intrapersonal struggle and not only giant robot fighting

https://youtu.be/uZkUDcmhSDc

I still remember watching this video not long after it came out https://youtu.be/m6gJX5so65c?t=73 and now one of the earliest events of the decade, adjacent to the lockdowns is already getting a movie..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmr8YmwnZ3w

.. should I be saying ~'we're doing this too fast ?' or 'but we don't even have zeitgeist yet ?

I'm wondering that if I need to call for a driving service in an emergency would Uber Black always be safer than mere Uber ?.

Worrying about the impact on what meager 'sleep pattern' I have on my skin and appearance long term.

From the latter part of a 'Kidology' video about celebrity surrogate pregnancies, which I'm not up to finding and inputting a timestamped link for at the moment. Nifty 'adjustment' to a famous (Gloria Steinem (?)) quip.