In the Corner

Genuinely nice aunt did a genuinely not nice thing and convinced grandmother (who is staying over against sister and my wishes xD) to stay till we start traveling on june 7 💀 bye 💀 like my aunt…i love you…but why…i mean cmon- xD

my nets been making me think maybe im not as impatient as mom says xD now this patience is going to be tested for the rest of the week xD

U ever just wake up, process where you are and your existence, and go all “nope” xD yeah i did that today xD just..

*looks at life*

nah goodnight xD 

Im stuck alone at home with grandmother for around 2 hours 🫤

plus i thought i cld retreat into my room but she called me out to the living room so she cn keep an eye on me 😐 what does she think im going to do alone? Smh. Now im ignoring her and wandering around cups uneasily :0 

also we ordered sm stuff online and mom left money incase it comes while she’s out :o if it comes i have to interact with people :0 im already overthinking it

I feel sick…grandmother doesnt get very affected by the heat but sis and i are low heat tolerance…shes making me sit in the (hottt) living room so she can keep an eye on me…my head hurts and im feeling nauseous…its way too hot for this, ****

The package came but it was easier to deal with then i thought…grandmother is praying tho so now ill hv to explain what happened when shes done 💀 wonder if she’ll be mad that i went outside while she was praying?

@unassumingEyes this posted late 💀 anyways grandmother wasnt angry (i think) so that wasnt a disaster

Heads beginning to hurt real bad

@unassumingEyes

I’m so sorry Eyes :( is it the heat…? 😔 hopefully drinking some more water might help? <3 

@LoveMyMoonflowers yeah its the heat

this is so stupid im 16yrs old not 6 i cn be in a room by myself instead of out here in this stupid heat-

ugh-

I want to get up to get water but im also afraid if throwing up- imma try-

@unassumingEyes

:( i was wondering the same thing. i wish she understood that - do you think if you told her about how the heat is affecting you, she would let you go to your room? then again idk if she would, she doesn’t sound like the type to listen or idk… 😔 i’m sorry lovely friend :( 

i hope you'll be able to get that water without anything happening friend, i’m so sorry 😞 

@LoveMyMoonflowers i got the water and mom nd sis came home so i cld go to the cooler room finally 🫠 

Grandmother is like...mom, but old fashioned xD and she still treats me and sis like toddlers its so weird and annoying she tried to convince my sis to let her "bathe her" once like um...sis is 18?? And things like that all the time 🙄

@unassumingEyes

:') how's your headache? 🩵 i hope it’s better friend - now that your in a cooler environment 🩵 

oof. @_@ yeah i read that post in this space… from a while ago, about your sister and about your grandmother… and… that 😭🙄 :') how long will she be staying at your place? 🩵 (no pressure to answer these questions of course lol)

@LoveMyMoonflowers yeah its better 🩷 ty for asking 🩷 

Haha yeah thats my grandmother- 🫠

Yesterday my aunt convinced her to stay till we go for travelling i.e june7 :/ my mom thinks she'll change her mind and leave sooner tho. Idk obv mom knows her better than i do so maybe xD 

Uve got to be *** kidding me what a *** joke

Im drawing okay im *** drawing and sis is doing smth for a competition so she needs to make a video btw she has time till like 6days to submit her video for the competition so she calls me that she needs help and im like gimme a few mins im in the middle of the drawing so mom cms cuase sis needs 3ppl for the video and my sis is like cmon you can draw a little later and im like u cn make the video a little later as well gimme a minute! So after a minute i get up to go help and mom is glaring at me full force like im the most repulsive creature on earth like wtf nd then she starts yelling at me that sis has been calling u for so long (5mins) and yelling watch your tongue (cause i said the video cld wait a minute-) and dont u know she needs to finish this so she can clean up her mess!! And i said she cn clean up her mess and *then* make the video cleaning up isnt dependant on the video and mom *** told me to get lost and told sis she wont help if im there so sis and she went out to make the video but idk what happened sis came back in and shes ignoring me and trying to make the video herself and im just like what the *** just happened i asked for one *** minute and this is moms reactipn

@unassumingEyes now im trynna not to cry bcz of this stupidity i just wanted a minute a *** minute this is so dumb 

And mom tells me- im going to cry atp- she tells me to be patient when she got mad cuz i asked for a minute i dont idek what i did wrong i just asked for a minite

Idk why everything i do is wrong 

Tw id be dead if it werent for dad id be dead by now this isnt general when i was 12 i was falling into that thought i wld hv tried if it werent for dad i wont ever tell mom that but maybe if she knew she'd stop or maybe she'd kick me out 

I shldnt be getting upset over this its just such a dumb thing to yell at me over u know i tried going mute nd she yelled at me so i gave up 

Dad called nd now i dont even wanna talk to him cant act cheerful rn

Imma go... 

I dont wanna go but phones not charged...

Mom nd sis laughing nd joking with dad this is so stupid imsomad

Theres no electricty or light, its super hot (again. Does the world want me to faint? Why do i keep getting stuck in the heat?) and i cn onky be on the tablet fr a bit cus we hv to save the battery

Plus grandmither is tryin to get us sll tombath in the dark

bye

@unassumingEyes also theres a thunderstorm

@unassumingEyes also theres a thunderstorm

Electricty is back 

@unassumingEyes

that's good 🩵

(You’re the person they say loves me the most 

this is the most love i get, then?) 

Tw exclamation marks

Why! Wont it! Let me! Connect! To! A listener! 

Sr is empty forums are empty listeners arent responding

Well that didnt help

@unassumingEyes not like that theyre a nice listner just didnt change much

Listener said to talk to mom bout how i feel…hah..

advice i always give frnds is to write a note bout how they feel and leave it on their parents bed…i was never able to do this myself tho. I cant- 

it wont work

she’ll just yell

idk what im scared of. She’s yelling already. 

I dont- 

She wants me to apologize. Shes sitting right there and she wants me to open my mouth and say “im sorry” two *** words to lessen (never end) the tension between us. Two words.

I cant. 

If i wrote her a note it would say…

Today we woke up, had breakfast, and you somehow mustered enough resentment so early in the morning to tell me you aren't on “talking terms” with me. The reason being because I took an extra minute to draw before helping sis with her video. For your sale, ill assume i “rudely” took an extra minute to draw. Truthfully, all i said was that the video could wait for a few minutes, but let’s call that rude. Now, you must feel proud of yourself for not talking to me. You must think you are teaching me a lesson. 

The thing is, I have learnt my lesson, albeit a different one than you want me to. And i have learnt it well. 

On my birthday, (and dad’s birthday), or rather on that night, i got irritated with my sister because she was being irritating. Normal sibling banter. You could have told her off for annoying me or just kept silent. You didn't need to intervene.

Instead, you told me I should have been more patient.

There was nothing said to sis for irritating me, even though she’s 18 years old. But I was wrong for being irritated. Does that really seem logical? 

But thats nothing. That night, i made a plan. I decided on an experiment. A little test. You seem constantly bothered by what i say. So if i were to avoid speaking unless when absolutely necessary, you should have been pleased. 

On I believe May 28, i put the experiment in motion. I did all my “jobs” that day- dusted, made your and sister’s beds and threw out the trash- on time. And I didnt speak to you unless you asked me anything. I didnt even speak to sis. 

And you didnt notice. And you still got mad at me for something that day.

It wasn’t what I said, or say, then, that upsets you, nor me being “lazy” when it comes to my jobs. I just existed that day, and it was too upsetting for you.

Now, in your anger, you are not talking to me, and you have announced it. But you see, you didnt need to tell me. I would have noticed either way. I’d already noticed you weren’t talking to me, unlike how you didn’t notice that I wasn’t talking to you for a whole day. Your most talkative child was silent one day, and you never noticed, and you never cared. You were silent less than half a day, and I noticed, before you told me, because I am not you and I am not your daughter in all the ways that matter. 

As I write this, you are leaving to pick sis up. You tell me grandmother’s phone is available if i need to call, or apologize. I don’t respond, just raise my eyebrows.

I am not apologizing. I am not even crying. Again you think you are teaching me a lesson, but I had already learnt my lesson the day I was silent, and you were still mad: 

Nothing I do will be enough. 

So I have given up, or I am trying to give up, on you, on your love, on your lack of constant anger. Tell yourself what you will, I don’t care anymore. You think you are not a bad parent because many other south asian parents are like this, because your own mom is like this. Just because something is common doesn’t mean it is right. You will never be satisfied with me, because I am not my sister, or another, younger version of her. I do not resent her for this. I try not to resent myself the way you do. 

This note will change nothing but make you angrier, so I will not show you. 

And I want to add, I do not remember everything of May 30 and 31. I was not mentally there at all. I was a living zombie in the wake of the revelation that even silent, even obedient. I am not enough for you. Only on June 1 did I come back to life. I was a living zombie for two days, pf which I have little memory. 

And you never noticed. 

@unassumingEyes huh. Apparently i had a lot to say? It actually made me feel a bit better typing all that out. But i wont show her, obviously.

and i wont apologize, which will just make the following days harder. She calls it my ego and pride. I dont care what it is. I can apologize to cups friends, to dad, to sis, to irl friends. I cant to her. How is that my fault, then? 

Im really really not ok

Moms back after picking sis up. I expected more drama but shes currently occupied.

God willing, she'll forget she was ever mad. Thats the only way this nonsense will end

Ok but my anxiety levels are through the roof 

Sis waslike "u two arent talking to each other?" And mom started on a  rant  bout how im too proud to apologize to my own mother etc so im like what did i even do and she started going on bout how i wqs rude to her because she was calling me for the video thing right so im like i didnt say anything to u i was talking to sis the whole time i didnt even hear u call me once but shes not listening nd still mad at me and waiting for an apology she isnt going to get like if there was a misunderstanding why do i gotta be the "bigger person" and apologize? Even when dads there he makes me apologize when mom misunderstands smth like hows it my fault? If its a misunderstanding everyone shld move on without apologies cause its noones fault but nop. Everytime mom misunderstands smth and i explain how it actually was she gets mad and wants me to apologize