In the Corner
Sometimes, the thoughts in my head repeat over and over and over again until I need to tell them to someone, even if noone's listening. So, this is my little corner to do that. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. Trigger warnings, just incase. And, @LoveMyMoonflowers, @justmeeva @DarkerPlaces and @iloveyouxx are welcome to replies. Not really comfortable with anyone else. Sorry for tagging. Be safe everyone <3
Tw ive never cvt…yet…
i just feel worse nd worse nd this anticipation is increasing but *** i know nothings gonna happen ive been anticipating for 3years
Im spending everyday now in panic and unable to study from like 9am to 6pm and then at 6pm i break my fast with like one date and a little of whats for dinner and then i dont eat till 3am and i sit there till i fall asleep nd do nothing
i do nothing all day
*** thats gotta be a bad sign
Tw lied to my irl life frnd yesterday…nothing big just said nothing happened when she asked whats wrong
its so funny nd painful shes the only one who notices my low moods nd who i want to tell everything
But im scared. Im scared to tell her im not rlly a proper Muslim rn. Im scared to tell her i hv secret frnds online and seek support thru a mental health site. I know she wouldnt get mad, or straight up leave.
but maybe id rather she straight up leave than slowly pull away…
maybe someday ill tell her, maybe someday i wont. I dont know
I feel like if i want to lessen the anger at literally everyone, i should probably try to find what angry-me latches onto and address that when im not angry-me. Or something like that. I dont know how i cn do that irl yet, but i thought, start small with cups friends!
So.
I have literally no idea why angry-me feels mad at @LoveMyMoonflowers sometimes. If i were to guess, flowers, id say its the leaving without a goodbye- but u made that forum thread so i guess thats okay. (And id still love you and wait for you even if theres no goodbye)
@iloveyouxx first of all, angry me is looking for excuses to be angry. Im trynna sort of eradicate the excuses so i get to the bottom of the real problem, or whatever.
Which means, in other words, its not your fault.
But angry me is mad about this- your hiding. You are absolutely entitled to having some space, 100%, and if you dont feel comfortable around us sometimes, thats not your fault either. You can absolutely hide if you need to hide nadia frnd. Thats okay.
But can you clear up somethings? Like whats okay and what isnt? Can i tag you? Can i seek conversation with you, or should i back off? Not knowing makes me fidget, and not being told makes angry-me…angry. I literally still love you and will still love you, and okay-me is not mad. Angry-me is not okay. So its not your fault. I just want to clear it up/genq
Communication is key. Pretending not to get upset over these kind of things could just escalate everything. Thats why im saying this. Not cause i want you upset, or because i cant forgive you
@unassumingEyes
okie🤍first- I wanna say you don’t have to over explain anything heh :P🤍I really understand what you mean and I get why angry-you is angry at it right now💜I’ll answer your questions🩷but I hope it doesn’t make you any angrier >:💙you can always tag me and or seek conversation- I don’t mind at all and it’s completely okay🤍I’m sorry for making angry-you angry and if I honestly made *you* angry that’s okay and I’m really sorry too💜communication is key- and you’re right <3 I don’t know what I can clear up-..(?) but I "hid" for a lot of reasons- that I’m not sure you want to hear in your situation.🩷I don’t know. I don’t know what I need to clear up but I feel like I do need to clear up something. I feel bad but I didn’t think it’d make anyone angry if anything..I’m sorry❤️if there’s something you need me to clear up please ask💜? I wouldn’t like making anything any harder than it already really really is for you >:💙
I wrote this the second I got tagged- but had to go for a really long time- so sorry about that too :P🩷
if I can I’d love to have you get to the bottom of the real problem🩷I want to help🩷however that is💜
@iloveyouxx just seeing you responded settled a sort of calm over me, so thank you ❤️
I need to over-explain everything :p
i think the reason sudden-hiding or leaving bothers me is because i get…attached easily and i hv had frnds who just *poofed* out of my circle- like no warning. Ive gone to school one day and talked to a close friend and went the next day only to be ignored- and that day we were planning to make origami frogs too so i really dont know what happened- and that frnd (?) had been my second friend after moving schools (and the first frnd wasnt great either 😔) so that really hurt. And i had to be in the same class as her for 3 more years as she continued to ignore me :/ it wasnt great. And now i moved countries and im just afraid of losing all my irl friends- and then on cups one friend is seriously tw contemplating and flowers switches between leaving and staying and there was that scare when eva took a break without specifying that one time and uve been hiding for so long and i just got a bit over-whelmed i think. Not knowing where one of u is and if ur gonna be back just kinda hits hard.
I dont hv anymore questions. I wont ask why ur hiding (altho ur welcome to share)
i think i just needed to confess that i was bothered :p
*almost starts over explaining again*
*realizes i wrote a big enough para*
*stops* xD
@unassumingEyes
omg- what the fluff :'3🤍that’s a lot eyes..D: I think I understand even more now :')🩷I think anyone would be overwhelmed/hurt/angry- and I get attached easily too tbh :P🤍I always have but this really is a lot eyes💜I’m reallyreally sorry💜about all of it and me adding onto it too💙
lol you don’t have to put a tw in front of the word contemplating :PP or if you put that cos you were about to talk about cups frens you don’t have to either haha :P xD💕
xD you’re free to say what you wanna say xD but if it’s about the fact it’s not my fault and all that I get it lol xD thankyou💞
@unassumingEyes
i’m sorry friend… 😞 tbh i’m not sure why i left without a goodbye. i just felt silent. i felt like i couldn’t say anything and at the same time didn’t want to say anything. i just left… in silence and i hoped i wouldn’t be back, which is what i always hope whenever i take a break of sorts :') a lot of things were going on in my mind at the time. i guess i still have a lot on my mind now, too, but im not sure how to talk about it, really.
im really so sorry if it hurt you friend 💜 i absolutely didn’t mean to hurt you 😞 or anyone here :') but it’s super understandable and valid to feel angry or to feel hurt 💙 to feel whatever you’re feeling now and whatever you felt in that moment. 💜 im sorry :') *hugs eyes buddy if okay* i appreciate you for writing this post and tagging me and nadia friend 💙 we love you too eyes, so much. i’m so sorry if i haven’t made that… very clear before, eyes buddy. :') that i love you and that you do mean lots to me. 💜 big hugs for you, if okay 💙 you deserve all the hugs.
@iloveyouxx @justmeeva
i just want to say i’m sorry for not being active in the corner too… and not very active in our private talkie spaces either. i know that if someone doesn’t respond to a tag after a long while and they’re still active on cups in other threads it can feel like they’re ignoring you and it really honestly hurts 😞 and i’m so so so sorry, genuinely sorry, if i made you all feel this way. 😞💜
i promise i’m not trying to ignore anyone… :') lately it’s been hard trying to keep up in forum-land, i haven’t been very right mentally/emotionally to reply either, i feel like sometimes when we have lots to reply to it can feel like we don’t have the energy to reply. but if i hurt you all, that shouldn’t be an excuse 😞 im very sorry…
lots of hugs for you three if okay… 💙
@LoveMyMoonflowers *hugs tight* its not your fault. I love you very very much. And its oki if u dont hv the energy to respond sometimes ❤️
@unassumingEyes
*huggle wuggles vv tight* mmm no friend it is my fault….. i’m sorry. 😞 vvv sorry. 💙
@LoveMyMoonflowers oki, so it was a tiny 🤏 bit not nice to have u poof without warning, yes, but u made the whole goodbye forum thingy now to keep us updated, which means ur trying, which means its oki ❤️
@unassumingEyes
me thinks me understand because me would feel not vvv nice if eyes buddy poofed without warning or eva bean poofed without warning or nadia bean… 😞 so yeah me thinks me understand friend…. :')
thank you <3 your so sweet. 🥺 love you friend 💙
@unassumingEyes
*agrees in the background* :3💞💞
@iloveyouxx
*huggieee attackkkk for nadiaaaa if okiieee*
@LoveMyMoonflowers
its v okiee💕*gentlie huggie-attacs yous backk* :3💕💕🤗
@iloveyouxx
“gentlie huggie attacs yous back”? /lh 💕 omg i’m literally smiling so much lol fr and i’ve melted 🥺 why’s that so cute 🥺 everything you say and the way you say it is so freaking cutu nadia beanie 🥺💜 *huggle wuggles you vvvv tight and sends loads of luv and good vibes for you* 💕
also me has little question for nadia beanie 😅 me noticed you has a little diary space now 💜 and me thinks that’s good because we all need a safe comfy corner where we can be ourselves and talkie 💕 and have friendos peeking in and talkie-ing 💕 me wanted to ask if it okie if ni friend peekss there and maybe say hi now and then and leave a huggie for you 💜 because nadia friend said something in main postie and now me wondering if replies from friends are okie? :o me just asking no pressure to answer though friend 💜 i hope this wasn’t uncomfyy or awkward or anything 😅 agh i’m so weird lol
@LoveMyMoonflowers
yous don’t know how many time I had to rewrite this-T^T🤍smhsmh cups being a meanie :'3🩷sorry for keeping yous waiting for so long💜
question :0🤍I like questions :P💜when they’re not math related D:🤍hehe my diary space just stresses me out xD💙but yus I agree💕nifren is v welcome to be in the space and talk about anything/just leave a hi ofc💜but but is you sure you want to get notified there :')🩷it’s not always ✨positively positive✨ :'3💜and yus my main post is confuzzling hehe- but see nibean also has a VIP pass and is vv welcome anytime for any reasun xD💞only vvvv special hoomansouls get a VIP pass💕💕you’re not weird D:💙sometimes I wish you could see you from my eyes/view🩷cos there yous one of the sweetiest and kindest and strongest hoomanbeans ever knuwn :P💖
but yus fren I’d love to see you in my space💞with the VIP pass xD😛💕💕🐢
@iloveyouxx
(Agh forums being forums… they be so mean ☹️)
Awww just Nadia beanie being the bestest Nadia in this entire world 🥺💜 why you so sweet. Fr lol 😭 thankies for the VIP pass :P awww. <3
also friend… mmm. Me not sure if nadia friend has peeked in yet in my diary thread :o (if you have, that okieee friend, my lovely friends are vvvvv welcome there 🥺 they make it a warmer, kinder, more comfyy space always) but my diary thread mmm it’s not always v positive lol 😅 and yk what…? That’s okay. <3 me knows some friends on here and they have diary spaces as well. And it’s not always bright and sunshine-y and that’s… life. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine and that’s okay <3 it’s okay not to be okay. 🥺💜 Nadia friend is free to be herself in her corner, you is allowed to express yourself freely and if that means talkie-ing about the not-so-okiee things sometimes, that’s okie. 🥺💜
I love you so much friend. 💜 *Huggles youuuu* thank you for being you <3
@LoveMyMoonflowers
(onu D: they really do >:🤍!)
as an amazing cups frendo once said :3 the best people bring out the best in me💗(yus :o💕talking about youu niibeann💜yous the best🥺💓)
ofcofc😁only the specialist of the special souls get one remember xD💖this is random but every time I type "xD" it automatically switches to "daddy" T^T like :')🤍I’ve typed "xD" a lot but it still does that :PP🤍
ou nu I’ve seen it before hehe- I think main post said something like replies are okies just not regular replies(?) or maybe that was another post :P🤍cos I remember nibeanie saying that in a post🩷but whatever it was made me click on it :o I just clicked on the lil 2 arrows that lead you to the last page- it was like 80 something at the time ;-; xD💕I don’t remember anything from it tho >: maybe a gif/photo by sunniebean? or maybe that was on the first page :P💜
awwweeee🥺💜yous so sweettt <33🥺💕💕nadiafriends corner messes with brain :P💙idk how something that’s meant to be comfy becomes stressful heh :'3💜
see- now *thats* illegal😛🩷I’ll always love you more frend💜and smhsmh nibeann :P🤍yous the most appreciate-able hoomanbean I knuw :'P only I get to over appreciate other hoomanbeans xD💕you’re so sweet tho🥺💗you remind me of something good about me almost every second :')💜one day I’ll dedicate a whollee day to appreciating you xD and there’ll be soooo much love you’ll get overwhelmed by it all xD💖
Tw Exam tomorrow :p
note to self- dont hv a panic attack at the exam centre
(seriously, dont)
@unassumingEyes
*cheers you on from a distance*🎉🎉💖🎉🥖🥖🎉
@iloveyouxx *is afraid from a distance*/hj
My hands cramping and i need to practice (maths) but my sis wont ler me write cause she says then itll cramp too much and i wont be able to write tomorrow
*screams into the void*
@unassumingEyes
onu D: why’s your hand cramping D:
smh now you got granny hands too/j/j😛
slowly retiring../j👵
hm can you practice when your hands better >:🩷? cos maybe yous sisters right :') it could get worse >:💜
@iloveyouxx
My hands cramping cuz i wrote maths all day yesterday with only one break :p in hindsightthat was dumb xD
*glares at slowly retiring body* can u be slower? Maybe retire 60, 70yrs later xD
Im doing objective qs and theorems in my head rn...after that, better or not im writing. How else m i supposed to prep *maths* 👀
@unassumingEyes
😭eyes😭you’re *always* studying :') I can’t sit down in the same place and study for 15 minutes or id honestly just lose it :P maybe you’re the reason you’re body’s slowly retiring xD👵😛
nah it wanted to be special and retire before everyone else T^T xD
erm- what’s that :'D theorems ? T^T I’m not that smart if that’s actually a thing :PP🧠that noni thing made me lose braincells xD
can’t you use the notes app ? or anything similar :P or google some test/practice/example questions for your unit :0 just some suggestions if they’re possible :0💜
@iloveyouxx
theorems is a thing yes. Very sad xD
Do not determine ur intelligence on the basis of math. Everyone is dumb at some point in maths xD
Lazy body retiring early *grumbles*/jk
I zone out when studying a l o t except for maths. I cld do maths for days if it wasnt for my retiring body xD
(Legit what was i expecting when i hvnt even been eating right ofc my body is retiring 🤦♀️)
@unassumingEyes
ou it is xD?
dang it why’s that so true :') xD especially algebra T^T I ✨hate✨algebra T^T
what the fluff D: are you like magical D: I zone out so much in math- I zone out in math more than any other subject :P how do you study so much like other way T^T like yeah pressure and all ofc but even when I’m reallyreally pressured I have horrible attention span and can’t sit for 10 minutes and study T^T🩷/lh
D: yous haven’t been eating right >:💜?
su first we realize that your granny hands are retiring from all the studying and now granny body is retiring cos of poor diet :')💙
why hasn’t eyesbuddy been looking after self >:💕?
@unassumingEyes @iloveyouxx
*cheers for eyes buddy with nadia bean*
Now my sis is glaring at me for taking a break like huh
Girl
You wont let me write so-
What do u want me to do???
@unassumingEyes
what T^T you wanted to prep and study and she wouldn’t let you :') your fam confuzles me- :P🤍
@iloveyouxx
My fam very confusing yes xD
They be like study then i study and they be like "ur always sitting in that corner. Why dont u leave that corner. Go play with ur cousins. Be productive. Do some exercise"
...when do i study then-?
Thing is they dont want me to study, they want me to get marks xD
But i need to either study or cheat so here i am trynna study xD
@unassumingEyes @iloveyouxx
smh 😭 *takes you and nadia and brings you to my planet* now we can live here, without any meanies or exams or studying or parents who are obsessed with grades ✨
ice cream for you both ✨
@LoveMyMoonflowers i hvnt had ice cream for so long yayyyy xD
U wldnt wanna live with me tho o.0
@unassumingEyes
what’s your favourite flavour? i think nadsey bean has like… several ice cream flavours :P that’s what she said one time i think :P but makes sense because how can you choose 1 ice cream flavour over all the other ones? makes sense to like several equally 🤔 ice cream is elite ✨
what do you mean o.0 🤔 you wouldn’t wanna live with me 😁
@LoveMyMoonflowers favourite is chocolate and vanilla mix 😁 very nice... now i want it xD
Issok theres 3 of us. If flowers and eyes are upset nadia cn help if eyes and nadia are upset flowers cn help if flowers and nadia are upset eyes cn help etc xD
If all are upset ice cream cn help 👍👍👍