In the Corner
Sometimes, the thoughts in my head repeat over and over and over again until I need to tell them to someone, even if noone's listening. So, this is my little corner to do that. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. Trigger warnings, just incase. And, @LoveMyMoonflowers, @justmeeva @DarkerPlaces and @iloveyouxx are welcome to replies. Not really comfortable with anyone else. Sorry for tagging. Be safe everyone <3
I talked to mom about the cousin situation (i wanted a 2nd opinion, and she was the only one available). Surprisingly she agreed with me- not talking to the boys was just encouraging 7yr old cousin to hold grudges. She said she’d talk to my sister
I just hope my 14yr old cousin wont hold a grudge with me for “siding with them” now, cuz i was in an internal turmoil the whole.time and wld *not* hv picked sides if it wasnt for the fact that my 7yr old cousin was well…7
its not a big deal i know, cousin fights happen, its life. My brain just likes to worry 😁
So, like, they did it again, even tho i explained clearly why it bothered my the first time. Honestly idek why i tried-
Tw i tell them, that time they ignored i had flu for like 4weeks and took my sister to the doctor her first day of flu really upset me. I told them it made me feel ignored. I told them itt was upsetting. What do they do this time? Ive had stomach ache for 5days, and sis got it today, and bam off to the doctor for sis. While telling me i dont hv it that bad. What the fish man
@LoveMyMoonflowers
(And others)
Remember the situation in rainbow room where i filled the form for a mod and noone came?
I talked to a RS today about it and in the end they said:
"Good afternoon, the team is already aware of everything and is working to improve your situation and that of many like you. If you wish or if someone asks you, you can pass this message on to your member friends"
Better than nothing, eh?
@unassumingEyes
i suppose. :') 💙
Tw- nonsense. Absolutely brilliant, useless, nonsense.
As someone with little water, no functioning bathroom for 5-6 days, limited net, gas, electricity bla bla bla, I just wanna say,
Little things do matter.
The sparrows on the roof, the fact that all this effort in the bathroom has been because of three socks, my14yr old cousin making kites at 5am
Life is ***. There’s no denying that. Its a fact. And it isnt easy, I had like one cup of water all day yesterday, the other day i almost fainted, if i wake up at the wrong time i dont get breakfast for hours. So many times i feel too tired to keep going. I just want to stop existing so often now, but I was born in a desert ffs- i know the importance of life. I know the beauty of life. I get we as a people feel like it needs a purpose or smth like that, i know we feel like our existence if useless if we’re not contributing or smth, but maybe our purpose is just to be. Maybe we’re so focused on being good enough, we don't realize how incredible it is to be alive. How our living is enough. The sparrows arent here to keep natures balance or smth- we all poofed out of nowhere, we could all poof into nothing in seconds, we dont know, the trees arent planning to give us *** oxygen, theyre just surviving and we’re getting the oxygen as a bonus, we’re not here to be amazing, we’re not a waste of space if we’re not amazing, we’re alive.
Maybe the reason why so many of us want to di*e, is that we’re supposed to be living this life, instead of just holding it, surviving it. Maybe we dont hv to prove anything, maybe we just have to be, maybe somewhere up there, something is looking at us the way we look at small plants thriving in deserts and is saying, wow. They’re alive despite everything.
The cactus in the desert has thorns. It’s *** only adds to the beauty of it’s life.
None of that means i dont want to stop existing sometimes. None of that means im glad to be here rn. None of that means Im okay. It means i can look at a baby and know i was that once too. It means i can recognise that just as its a miracle how nature survives despite everything, its a miracle im here too. It means i dont like life yet, but I recognise it’s beauty. It is light in the face of tragedy, it is light that leads to tragedy, it is all, it is nothing, it is the universe, it is the lack thereof, it is you
@unassumingEyes
*sirs with eyes buddy quietly, if okay - and offers hugs* 💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers *gentle hugs* hi love
@unassumingEyes
hi eyes 💙
i see the wonderful @justmeeva is here too :0
Cookies are the best :p
*missed u too eva. And flowers and nadia- <3*
@unassumingEyes
i love how eyes still calls me flowers :P
@LoveMyMoonflowers well, its like, the name doesnt matter, but the memories matter, and u matter, and ur memories matter, so the name with ur memories matters, so its flowers for like life i guess lol. Unless u ever want otherwise, heh <3
@unassumingEyes
lol i get that 💙 and nah it’s okay i don’t mind, flowers is cool (: 💙
@LoveMyMoonflowers oki <3 but if u ever change ur mind, thats oki too <3
@unassumingEyes
💙💙💙
U ever just copy smth frm cups, see it in ur copied stuffs, wince and quickly delete it? How on earth does my sis not know about cups yet, im so clumsy xD
@unassumingEyes
oh like copy/pasting? 😅 be careful eyes 💙 don’t want your sister finding out one day :') then again, what do you think would happen if she found out…? /nfta
@LoveMyMoonflowers uhhh tw yelling, threatening to tell mom, idk if she wld or not shes unpredictable like that, probably wld say either i leave cups or she'd tell mom, might get physical if im not careful but-
But...
My sis is...smart. Logically, she shld hv known by now
Which means either she knows and isnt doing smth about it for some unknown reason or...
I cnt even think of the second possibility. She shld know. Its like, her thing xD. It doesnt make sense for her not to know. But it also doesnt make sense for her to just...let me 🤔
I dont know 🤷♀️
@unassumingEyes
*hugs if okie* i’m sorry friend that would be terribly scary and horrible 😞 i’m so sorry she would do that :( especially if she’d get physical? 😞 nuuu friend she doesn’t seem like a vv nice sister. :/ 💙 i wish some hoomans were more gentle. 💙
i hope she doesn’t know but if she does and isn’t doing anything about it - maybe she just doesn’t care? do you use cups in a private tab? 💙 or is all the cups stuff in your history? :o
@LoveMyMoonflowers private tab. Thats also why i hv trouble reporting stuffs- taking a screenshot is a risk xD
And shes not a v nice sis but shes not a v bad sis. Like she cares, but shes more...idk. shes a mystery. Shes just...different. and smtimes its not a very nice different
@unassumingEyes
awwe that must be stressful :') i hope you can get your own phone soon. 💙
i understand that 💙 she may have her nice, caring moments buddy but that doesn’t justify her treating you unkindly and… worse, even. 😞
Its like im in a good mood and a bad mood
Tw urges are urging lol
@unassumingEyes
oh noes friend 😞
@LoveMyMoonflowers its ok frnd. I think im floating rn- but that also means im not..emotional? So i wont give in. Its easier not to, when u dont hv the panic yelling at u in full volume xD. Now its whispering to me, and im ignoring it xD
@unassumingEyes
ah okay buddy i think i understand that 💙 i hope the urges don’t get worse but if they do i hope you’ll be able to fight them. :') 💙 you’ve got this
