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In the Corner
Sometimes, the thoughts in my head repeat over and over and over again until I need to tell them to someone, even if noone's listening. So, this is my little corner to do that. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. Trigger warnings, just incase. And, @LoveMyMoonflowers, @justmeeva @DarkerPlaces and @iloveyouxx are welcome to replies. Not really comfortable with anyone else. Sorry for tagging. Be safe everyone <3
@unassumingEyes forgot that was also a swear word. Um i meant the fire 👀
Lol lights off! Electricity gone! Welcome to darkness! Hahah im probably in crisis rn bruh
Is 9am and im supposed to be studying but its dark now and id rather-
lets not finish that thought
its 9am and mom will be home soon
Theres like one person in tcr and i feel bad for them but i m so not in the mood to be fun lol
Im sick yay stomach problems now i get to hv tons of medicine and if it gets work get a drip 🥳🥳🥳/sar
Ipad is 11% and i dont hv the electricity to charge it
i shld prob save the battery i hv but im selfish and lonely nd not leaving cups
Still dont hv electricity mom thinks itll be gone all day dk why
:000
Our water source depends on electricity and electricity off ❤️
Its expected to cm back on in an hour or so lets see :0
Today, my cousin (14 male) asked his mom for smth to eat and she kept giving him options. The more she offered the more agitated he got, who knows why. My mom called him and gave him some puffs, biscuits etc and he walked away smiling
For one moment today I loved my mom.
I dont know what his parents are doing wrong tbh but i can see it's something that's making him act out like that and that something always seems to be counter attacked by my parents somehow
Life is so weird. People are so complicated
@justmeeva
To be honest, there’s something about you that’s just so relatable
To be honest, I see so much about you that’s celebratable
But I’m tired of living in a world full of empty words
So I’ll let the walls down, I’ll ease my guards
I love that you always have something to say
Cause somehow, having you talk takes the thoughts away
I love that you’ve always been so welcoming
Even when you there was chaos incoming
I love that you listen so well
I love how you make my heart swell
Yeah I’m positively seething
Cause of how hard it is, being
But I’ve got you around with me
Your support makes me feel ready
And I get that the thoughts hurt
But I see your true worth
And it aches to see your pain
To struggle to believe in being okay
But my recent emoji is a chair
Cause right now, we’re both here
And we’re warriors, when we shouldn’t have to fight
But you’re my strength, your support is my might
And none of it is really fair
But though it hurts, I’m so glad you’re here
@unassumingEyes
awwee eyess smhh 🥺 that’s some serious talent you have, i love this so so so much 🤧🩷 you are absolutely amazingg *gives a biggg longgg hug if oke* 🫂💕
@unassumingEyes
love you moreeee ❤️ thank you so much 💕
Tw honestly my low moods are increasing ( i have no idea why- ) and im getting thoughts despite never hving rlly wanted to- u know.
Honestly, if I didnt believe in an after life i’d probably have done it by now. Which is kinda scary
so i cant rlly say “i dont wanna do it at all” etc, even tho i dont know why i wanna do it, but i know one thing for sure
As long as im in my relatives house, I wont do it. There are kids here, man. Im not that messed up. Not gonna happen.
When i move to my own home? Well…idk. Because, i dont want to do it- to some extent. I think I want to run away more. I think I want to restart more, not end it. I dont know. But I know how people- how people are affected by a close one doing it.
and i know that if i did it noone on here would ever know
thats why i say for certain I wont do it. Wanna? Kind of tho idk why. Will do it? No, no for sure
But I might run. I can feel it in my blood that I want to run, I really really want to run
But i never do anything without plans A,B and C. Cups was actually plan B, when another “chat with a listener” thing stopped working. Cups was a good plan, i think. I’ll always plan. If I run, it’’ll be planned. That I can swear.
(well…i almost never do anything without a plan. I dont plan holding my- i cnt seem to say it nowadays but yea. Also wanted to do that last night but mom was there. Bummer. Probably good, actually, but uk. Bummer.)
Tw
another rant
Kinda wish smone came on at cups at this time but as long as yalls are getting sm sleep its ok🤷🏻♀️
this actually feels kinda big reveal, like the breath thing, cuz i never told anyone. Its not a big deal tho
there’s a voice in my head I call mother
my actual mother is called a native word for mother. The voice in my head is literally called, in english, “mother”
Mother is a gentle voice that gives me advice or affection when I cnt go to my mom for it. I dont` know what mother is, i dont think its a system, i dont hv any other of the stuff google describes lol, definitely no memory gaps etc, i dont think mother fronts or anything.
She’s just there.
It’s weird, because mother is me but mother isnt me, you know? She’s well, the motherly parts of me, merged into one voice. When im helping a friend, or on here, and feel over whelmed, mother is at the back of my head, whispering soothing stuffs and advice on how to help.
Mother came when I was 12. Alot happened when I was twelve (TW):
- Dad got covid and fainted in the bathroom. (We called an ambulance, i thought he was unaliving)
- the sense of anticipation started
- my friends and i had several fights
- my grandfather went to hospital and had a (big TW) gun, my father had to talk him into putting it down through the phone in front of me (i may talk more of that smtime)
- when my dad got better and cld stop quarantining, everyone hugged him- but my mom didnt let me “because i was dirty and needed to bath first”
- I cheated in my exams
- I got obsessed with fanfiction
- Mother became.
So….yeah. That was a rough year-. And now, I have mother! Oof
Mother uh, she’s quieter nowadays. Idk why. It isnt rlly helping the loneliness. But she isnt gone so yay?
This feels so weird. I-
yeah
@justmeeva it’s only been a while but i missed you 🥺❤️ mornings are so hard :’( hru eva?
@unassumingEyes
awe it felt like quite some time since i last talked to you too :0 i’m okayish. *hugs if oke* 💕
*doesnt study*
tehehehe
my datesheet arrived bruh i need to study 😂😭
@unassumingEyes
go studyyy *throws a fortune cookie that says that today will be a good study day* :p
@justmeeva aww <3 5 more minutes lol
smtimes i feel motivated…then my sis enters the room and i dont wanna study anymore :p
@unassumingEyes
mhm, still tired but it’s kind of an everymorning thing now so it’s fine (:
did eyes buddy? :0
@justmeeva i slept too much :0 i was sick so mom let me sleep till late. Now im trynna find the motivation to move and study lol
*shoo tiredness* i hate being tired, lol. It’s so…tiring heh. Im glad u slept tho :0
@unassumingEyes
*gives motivation (as if i would have much to share lmao)*
@justmeeva lol thanks <3 imma try to study but dont be surprised to see me back on cups :p
did u know Mother (in my head) can also scold me :p its more gentle than my actual mom, but she’s telling me to study nevertheless hehe
imma listen before my actual mom realizes im not studying :p
tc eva <3 thanks for taking sm of the loneliness away :p ❤️
@unassumingEyes
i has to go to school but i’ll ttyl oke? best of luck with studyinggg 💕
Tw
no srsly im gonna write abit more bout the freezing myself thing so tw
I don't rlly know where to start
But everytime I bath, there’s a longing in my heart
When I close the tap, an I’m met by cold
Oh, I feel so terrified, and oh, I feel so bold
Cause there’s a part of me that just wants to be frozen
There’s a part of me that sees that time as golden
Two steps away, a towel, a promise of warmth
Two steps away and I can’t seem to walk forth
There’s shivers in my body but all my mind can say,
”This is what you long for, you deserve it anyway”
I’m shaking to get out, my cough’s getting worse
”Tell me why you belong in this universe,
Tell me why you deserve the heat you think you crave,
Tell me why you don’t deserve an icy grave”
Tell me why I don’t
Tell me what I want
A battle between heat and cold
Feel like rotten mold
And only two regrets,
That I go back to warmth so quick,
and my ashamed breaths
@unassumingEyes @justmeeva
*sits with eyes buddy and evabuddybean* <3
@unassumingEyes @LoveMyMoonflowers
i gtg prepare for class, but i’ll check on you 2 once i can alright? love you vv much 💕